Defining Your Self Esteem or How to Change our Self-Image

Our life choices

Many of us were brought up with a form of brainwashing, by literally changing the structure of one’s brain, and creating strong neural pathways so that one thinks in a patterned way.

Picture a little child’s brain as a virgin jungle of trees and flowers.

When the child has a thought, it is like moving way through new territory, leaving behind a few footprints and a few broken twigs.

As he or she slowly matures, every time the same path  is taken, that faint path becomes a little more pronounced and easier to take, until it becomes a well-worn track, and eventually a road, and finally a regular highway, along which thoughts effortlessly zoom.

This is an analogy of what actually happens to the structure of one’s brain, while learning, and developing. The great tragedy, however, is that most of us have suffered unhealthy childhood brainwashing, brought on by immature parents and teachers, who were influenced themselves by the organizations determined to maintain their power.
Think of your un-favorite politician, or criminal banker, and how they influenced you - by whatever means possible - to maintain their lifestyle, until they were too gross in their behaviour.

It need not be as awful as direct abuse, more so a deceptive or one sided minimizing of your life value. While theirs is un-fairly maximized, as the notion of fairness is often applied in their favour - think of your telcos or internet providers 'fair use criteria.'

What feels true to us largely depends on what we have told ourselves over and over. If we have allowed years of programing our minds to accept something as truth, reaching the point where we accept the exact opposite as true takes a little maturity.

Each time we tell ourselves something, or accept as truth something someone else says about us, it is like putting a weight on one side of a balance.
  If at any time you  berate oneself with such putdowns as “I’m an idiot!” “I’m a useless waste of space!” “I can never do anything right!” “Everyone hates me!” or similar, be aware these are someone else's statements for you.
These are control and abusive mechanisms designed to limit you, and a possible true assessment of escape or the situation.
A standard KGB, prison, or female (especially) abusers - technique, to get you to meekly comply.

This degenerates into a deeply engrained habit, as strong and cruel as heroin addiction, and is designed as such.

Letting other people’s opinion – or whether they ever get around to expressing any good opinion they have of you – determine your self-esteem or your emotional well-being or your motivation, is on par with relinquishing control over your own life and destiny and signing it over to a snake or scorpion.

The difference is you can make new neural paths, and repair the damage easily. 

 

•  If you use an alias or nickname in emails, you might change it to something that builds your self-esteem. If you use nicknames or pet names with some of your friends, you might also seek a name that uplifts you.

• If you use computer passwords, you might say to yourself,  'I can do all things through Christ', while typing the first letter of each word. ICDATTC then becomes the new password.   If you are not a Christian, choose a Mnemonic (letters as a reminder of a phrase), that help you create the identity to help you.      Think of one now, and apply it - if you are really stuck - study some of Jim Rohn's works, and pick a quote to reuse for you.      No one negative could guess such an apparently random string of letters, and to remember it by rehearsing in your mind that positive declaration every time you use it is very very powerful.  

• Change your screensaver picture to some scenery in nature you would like to identify with - no words - this saves the attempted minimizing by 'the great unwashed'. Do the same for your phone, or pen, or bookmark.

• Perhaps you could put a little heart somewhere, or on your key ring, to remind you how much you are loved by God or the gods. Read the silver spoon post.

• If you are able to, dress a little better, better than normal, choose a new style or an accessory or two.  

• If possible clean your shoes or footwear daily, the psychology of this is very important  Kits from amazon.

• If is safe take a different physical path or roadway on your daily travels - it is often that the new environment, brings freshness to our perception.

• Choose a mentor, someone to copy their working habits -  whether it be your favourite entrepreneur a world away, or a successful aunt or distant cousin.

• Remember no one is perfect in every single aspect of life, and you can learn from the good and bad aspects of people to support your change for the better.

• Therefore, start to be pleasant to your daily contacts - be polite, and courteous- watch others and learn their techniques - be aware of the predators though.

• If you can manage caring for it - get a pet - one at a time, and involve yourself in its development as well. Pet ideas from amazon.

• Bring new people into your life, visit new online groups, begin and follow though on a new hobby. Hobby ideas from amazon. The previous associates you have, will either evolve with you, or leave; - freeing you up for a successful life. 

•  Hold your posture well. Learn Reiki, or the Alexander technique. Yoga is good - an older male teacher is best to get you started.

A few Christian verses for you

•     Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death . . .

•     Proverbs 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

•     Matthew 12:36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every  careless word they have spoken.

•     Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

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Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Watch Out for the Past! It seems to be a never ending struggle of What next? or What now?

A spiral path to where?

Many people have an anticipation of -"What next! or What now!" or in colloquial terms  'Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop'.

This negative expectancy and fear of the future is built on their observations, accurate as they are,

 

And coming from a fear and belief that our lives seem to go from one struggle to another.

• This is a learnt reaction to parental, religious - particularly Christian - or an abuser's, manipulations.

Somehow we naturally seem to believe that the past is somehow true in the here and now. For example, it seems logical that if money was lost in an investment in the past, or a stupid mistake caused us to loose money in then, that is evidence that we are stupid and unlucky now.
Rather than evidence of a need to change out our internal dialogue, and our actions that led us to that place.

Most have been taught that we are vulnerable to doing something in the present or future that will replicate the losses of the past. And any manipulator will try and use this invocation to control us.

To be successful in adapting to the world, we must find a way to stop living through the past as a determinant of our present or future.

You have probably heard of the book 'The Power of Now' which says that living in the present moment is the best way to live.
This doesn’t mean you forget your past. Of course, you want the wisdom of your past without the pain and suffering of the past.
And this doesn’t just mean your past when you were a child, with  either its security or insecurities.

The idea here is to let go of the struggle and painful aspects of the memories of the past.

One of the best books to help is 'The Path of Least Resistance' by Robert Fritz - buy it and read it each year.

You can start this process as well, by tuning in to the uncomfortable feelings and saying to yourself, 'that was me then, I've learnt now that ......'

When you are in touch with and remain connected with your inner soul presence of love, light and goodness that lives in your core, you will find that natural laws will bring more goodness, love and peace to your life.

That may seem like a bold statement, but not when you realize that the only reason you wouldn’t have all goodness, love and peace is because you are in resistance to it at some level.

 

The Secret - Think about how your day and life, is one story connected to another story. 

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Successes of the Tarot in finding my new life path, and a new relationship partner.

 Fairy princess spells, and a new life.

Tarot Spells - Fact Or Fiction ?  Spells, meditation, affirmations, and expectation.

Does the reading of the Tarot help in any way to predict your success in life or romance?

Well surprisingly it does have a positive effect. Should you read upon it, then dismiss it, probably not much.

Yet to clear the mind of the daily pressures with a desire to find an answer, a good reading will bring you to considering a changed pathway.

As you have the symbols brought to you; if they are re-associated or linked with a past known event or impression - then your mind and consideration is brought to a future expectation. One would hope you will put the effort in to progressively adapt yourself, to bring that expectation to some sort of reality.
Thus the secrets are revealed. Read the paragraph above again, and take notes to establish the simple methods of success.

Meditative commands or interceptions, work because of the way you have been taught as a child in school - similar methods of a perceived authority figure, quietness,(isolation from distractions), exposure, linking, absorption, then reconsideration.

Another word form the same process is a spell. They are extremely powerful because of the above, should you consider their frame. They are one easy way of helping you on the way to a life you desire.

Sometimes, even if you do not see or show what you really feel, the universe always knows and it only presents you what it knows is best for you. If you view life like this, you will be able to handle any event or 'issue.'


  Can you get your ex back with the Tarot? On one hand it is possible to get an ex back with the help of a love spell, however, there are certain catches to it.

• The first possibility is for you to get exactly what you want; this is the most ideal possibility that any person can dream of.

• The second possibility is for you to not get what you want because this is not exactly what has to happen for you.

• And thirdly, there is also a chance that a completely different person will come into your life.

This is actually a good thing most of the time because the universe has already determined that you have asked for someone not suitable for you, and thus has found the one who is.

It is important that should you do these powerful love spells, you keep an objective and open mind about it so that you will not miss what the universe is actually trying to tell you. And be open to all three possibilities.


Some of the things you learn in schooling or church are of little use to you now - but remember the method they used, and use it for yourself to get what you want.


Again meditative commands or interceptions, work because of the way you have been taught as a child in school - similar methods of a perceived authority figure, quietness,(isolation from distractions), exposure, linking, absorption, then reconsideration.

As you have the symbols brought to you; if they are re-associated or linked with a past known event or impression - then your mind and consideration is brought to a future expectation. 

One would hope you will put the effort in to progressively adapt yourself, to bring that expectation to some sort of reality.
Thus the secrets are revealed.


The Tarot helps - use it; - used as it is meant to be, it is another tool in your magic chest for getting what you want in life. It does make it easier for you.



Live Tarot readers for you today.


Desktop Tarot, books, cards and more - for you and your friends.



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Affirmations alone don’t work ! Harmful and self defeating reactions are more likely.

Spinning the world, or is it?

Many people who have watched "The Secret" DVD, listened to the CDs or read the same book have experienced trying to make the Law of Attraction work for them, only to be disappointed.

And it will not work for them, apart from losing weight financially.(Money out of their pocket.)

They'll feel good about themselves initially, then bored, and then frustrated/disappointed or accepting of their 'status quo.'

Affirmations alone do not work in the way you hope, in any of the usual forms marketed to you.
There are several other components to the answer or our solution.

I first learned about the power of affirmations and visualization techniques and the laws of attraction/association over 30 years ago - also having been exposed to it years prior to that as a child.

The affirmation process is based on the following concept: thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, actions create habits, habits create beliefs, belief systems create human identities, and your human identities create your reality.

This, like everything in the media, or even science - is only a part aspect or even half truth. The realities are either often unknown by the author or 'expert', or not a popular proposal.

As an adult I've embraced the whole concept, and spent time, effort, and money studying this subject, in an attempt to create the reality I wanted.

The majority of the self-improvement courses, books, and tapes taught me various methods of how to visualize and affirm what I wanted to create.

And again, using a good system, in a working manner will get you results.

Many of these techniques are touched on, sadly in a simplistic form, in "The Secret" materials.

It has been a great and valuable presentation, - as it has given a lot of people hope, a few a new direction in their life, and inspired a few more to begin to learn.

For me, I've meditated and visualized hundreds of positive affirmations daily. I've listened to hours upon hours of my own voice affirming what I wanted on an endless loop.

 I did mirror affirmations several times a day. I told myself that saying or thinking something negative was worse than saying a four-letter word. AFFIRMATIONS SHOULD'VE WORKED, 
but they weren’t working for me. I felt that disappointment., then the failure within - because I didn't at that stage understand why they weren’t working for me.

It became painfully evident that affirmations, alone, were disappointingly ineffective at creating the reality I wanted. Of course this is the polite version of that statement - really my first thoughts were rather uncomplimentary.


Sadly, this is one of the true secrets - relying on verbalization's alone to do the work you are meant to do actively, is unhelpful, and very very unhealthy. 

Almost like the magic pill - good short term, better than the other options, yet needs to be followed up with your own activity as a new healthy pattern.

You must see this reality: - success is a fun yet challenging path at times.

 In order for the affirmations, alone, concept to work you must have had a life with-

• functional role models, and have been 100% free of , or
• devoid of physical, sexual, or 
• all verbal abuse. 

Your mind would have to be a clean slate… free of all past pain, loss, and any dysfunctional experiences.

A great aspiration - yet for the absolute majority of people, probably not  100% real.

Unfortunately many of the self-help gurus don’t teach you to clean the slate of your mind first.
Driven by their own self-importance, they instead, teach that you can cover positive affirmations over a dysfunctional past and still create the reality you want.

As I discovered, the “keep going/pile it on top” theory, alone, will not work. It is better than the negative controlling offerings of others, yet brings little measurable change long-term.

It will not work alone, it only creates a cognitive dissonance leaving you stuck in place, buying even more of their products to stay emotionally up.

The average person’s mind is cluttered with contradictory information, courtesy of their past or present, and enhanced by the media.

 This restricts the input of positive new affirmations because of the Law of the Universe that states: 

"Nothing changes until IT becomes what it is."

Another secret here - change the outside a little, or your response to the outside - to change within, and your results long-term. (it need not cost a lot - and it is better so.)

You will only start to create long term positive change in your life when you learn how to clean the slate of your mind, and make the habit to keep it going like that.
That is the great thing about good meditation training.


It has been said that doing affirmations without cleaning your mind… is like putting on a clean white top or shirt before taking a shower!
Everyone sees how good and clean you look, yet the shirt or top soon becomes dirty, and quicker than before.

***Questions, are significantly better than self-affirmations*** Try it for a few weeks - make a poster on your wall/fridge/food cupboard/mirror- or somewhere you see it a few times a day - and where the 'great unwashed' will not demean you for it; firstly of a self statement you want, and then next time try a questioning statement -in a possibility manner- for a few weeks.



'The Secret'-at the amazon shop.



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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 8 - naturally successful in love and life.

Beautiful within.

Part 8, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

 Step 8: The being of a better you, bringing to you better friends.


By now, you will have experienced some positive results, as you have followed the instructions and worked each lesson in order.

Whether the results are a feeling in yourself or some reaction in others, you know this is working for you.



Your efforts are proving to be  worthwhile. You are becoming more lovable.

We have brought out the potential that is already within you. Though it was hidden for a time, your new efforts have brought it into the open. And allowed you to grow.


With this awakening, you have probably seen the error in some of the ways you related to others, and the effects that has had.
And, importantly you have also seen the things that you were doing right.

Today, you are far more into the good than you were when you began this course.

 Progress, and success - is a matter of building the good and eliminating the unhelpful.


By improving your inner self, your outside world changes, as does your assessment of it.

It would be nice if the outside world would change first, - yet even though it may - long-term results for you will come as well, from your changes.

There is a Universal principle known as the 'Law of Attraction'. Under various names, it's been known since the time of the ancients.
Even though a simplistic approach, (and only part of what is needed)- it states that your world in a reflection of yourself. "Like attracts like." "Water seeks its own level." "Birds of a feather flock together...." etc....

In terms of relationships, it includes all the people in your life. They are also a reflection of your behaviour and that you acknowledge is acceptable.

A better you means better friendships, and relationships, be it work,business, church, mosque, family or romance.

Think of how you gravitate to the same people, places and things. And how there is a sense of comfort or ease in some familiar way. As you change yourself, so you change the things to which you gravitate to, and are at ease with. Improve yourself and the good gets better, while the bad is replaced, or fades away.

We could have given you a course only limited to love spells and psychology tricks. Or encouraged you to move to another country, city ,or place, or religion or belief system.

These would have brought results for sure, yet the constant factor is YOU.

When you allow the power within you to flow, - you make the changes that lead to enduring results, and get the true results you want. 

In seven days, you have taken the steps to discover your lovability. It is growing, and though you have only been at it for a week, the process is going well. Keep going, it will become natural to you, and help you in any situation.


 1:

 Exercise: Look over the results your lists from each of your previous exercises. Do you see a relationship between them?
Do you see that the conclusions of one list might agree with some of the other lists? This is a clue for you to combine and coordinate your efforts. Put them all together to develop your future plan of action. Put all the papers together, and away privately.
And now start the plans this minute, and continue tomorrow, and the next day, and keep going - no matter of the temptations/coercions to go back to the old ways.

This is the Secret of successful people. You must apply it - the results will please you beyond your expectations.


2:

Meditation: Imagine yourself at the center of your world. See the connections between yourself and the people, places and things you experience. Ponder what they say of you. Know that the message is getting more and more positive because you have started the process of growth. Think of how you are lovable and so will attract love.

Go back through the previous meditations and write down a week as a daily plan of which one to do that day:- then follow that plan. Soon they will become automatic responses to events - and this will change everything for the better for you.


3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly see the profiles/people that you would not want to allow in your life now. Don't worry about the seemingly good ones today - time for that soon enough.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am lovable and deserve to be treated with love, kindness and caring. 
I know that every day, I become more lovable.



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 9 tomorrow...



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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 7 - musings of luck, fate, karma, and wyrd.

Gifts of the universe

Part 7, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 7: The philosophy of Wyrd, in arranging the paths of your  destiny and relationships

Wyrd - an old word with a meaning of :- to come to pass, to become, or to be due - as in the actions undertaken give the valued results.


It is often compared to fortune, or luck; and explained away as fate, karma, or destiny.


Much as you work to attract relationships, there are times when it may seem that an outside power is intervening, and seems to block you.
On the other hand, if you allow it, and release your previous resistance -it may send you to a specific place or people.

While you might just be attributing your lack of success to an outside force, it could also be the work of that force known as Wyrd, - you have brought it to yourself.
It is now time to bring the good you want to you.


Wyrd is a great ally. If we can perceive its intent, we can allow it to work for us, or keep it from working against us. To look inside yourself is to see the way of Wyrd, and direct its' path.

Runes,  Tarot,  self hypnosis, and other techniques also work well in revealing Wyrd’s work.

Along with holding your place, Wyrd may also work to prepare you for a future event. It may bring to you specific persons, places and things whose role is to prepare you for the future. They are temporary situations serving as teachers and testing grounds, if you will. They may last a few hours or a few years.

Wyrd will bring you to your highest good if you work with it, bringing you that which is yours to experience and enjoy.
This is especially true in relationships. It can bring you many satisfying temporary friendships along the way, and lead you to enduring relationships with friends and companions.


 1:

 Exercise: Take out the yesterday’s list you made. Go over it carefully, and compare the standards for your own behavior with those you apply to others.
Do you expect more from others than yourself, or do you set a high standard for yourself while setting a too relaxed one for others?
Do you need to raise some standards, or change some others?

Use this exercise to see the contrast between expectations of yourself and of others. It will help you review your standards and, if necessary, make changes.

This exercise should make very clear the difference between how you treat yourself and how you treat others.

2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself in a small boat in a river, heading downstream. The current is strong in the middle and weaker near the shores. You can let it propel you swiftly, or you can steer slowly nearer the shore. The closer to the middle you ride, the more the river is in control of your trip.
When you drift to the sides, you have control, but you move too slowly. Knowing this, you use the river to move you where you want to go. You use the swifter middle current when you need it, moving to the sides when you need to control the steering.. Because the current changes gradually, you can move closer or further. Your ability improves, and you begin to enjoy the trip.

            Now imagine that this is the River of Wyrd/fate or destiny - It will take you to your destination safely as you skillfully negotiate the currents and the river. See yourself using the river’s power when you can, and at other times using your own steering skills. Safely navigate the River, you are the one in control.
Come back to the present reality, and remember the trip throughout the day.


3:

Begin to believe your changes and actions are bringing you results.

The Secret: This inner thought will allow you to notice more readily the good opportunities, and you are developing the easy confidence to move towards them for you.


Thought for the Day: Let the Wyrd work for me. It brings me better relationships and more happy experiences. I work with Wyrd, and I learn to make it work for me. 
(You can substitute Karma, Fate, destiny, etc. for Wyrd.)



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 8 tomorrow...


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photo courtesy Eric Rolph at English Wikipedia commons

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 6 - your own standards.

You determine who you want.

Part 6, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 6: Don't Settle,


People do not usually review their personal standards. Standards are usually learned in childhood, become ingrained, and then are put aside.
It benefits us to review our standards from time to time. We need to know our own limits for determining the good and bad, or what we think good, and bad , are  for us.

Everyone needs a good set of standards. The problem is that while everybody has their own standards, some peoples’ standards appear somewhat low.

The secret of healthiness is setting the standards high without being inaccessible for you.
You need to determine what is acceptable and what is not.
You do need to set a standard that includes both high ideals and a lower limit. “This low and no lower!”

This is especially important for relationships. You need to consciously review your standards when it comes to acquaintances, friends and lovers.

You need to think over what you will and will not do, in your dealings with others.

Likewise, you need to establish what you will and will not tolerate from others.

Becoming lovable does not make you an open door to all who come.
You ultimately have the responsibility of choosing those who you will let into your personal life.

There is a desperate tendency among those who have been alone a long time.
They so want companionship that they jump on the first thing to come along. And with a rational companion of the same understanding - go for it; - this how friendships start.

Others keep every opportunity at arms length or further, in a state of fear.

Whether you are very lonely or not, you must put discretion first. You want what is good for you, and you should not settle for less. Compromise means you are losing out as well as the other party, and again if it is a happy mutual understanding to solve a situation, it may be good. It usually means the proposer of the compromise wants it more their way.

Stick to your standards. At the same time, do not become severe. Give people a chance to show you who they are.
Go back and read Becoming a better leader as a secret to getting what you want in life.

Everyone has shortcomings, and a severe set of standards will refuse most of mankind! Your standards can be firm, but not super rigid. Interestingly, good people are able to be guided.


The Secret: You will find that most of the people attracted to you have similar standards. People radiate toward those most like themselves.

There may be  many people whose behavior is not up to your standards. Let them live their own way, at a distance from you. Say NO to those who are wrong for you - especially say this to yourself. And develop the friendly warmth to say YES to those who are good for you.


1:

Exercise: On one half of a piece of paper, write a list five things you are willing to do. They should be examples of the lowest you will go. These are the low end of your standards.

Below them, list five things that are the higher standard. These are the kind of higher things that are always acceptable. and which cause no discomfort.

Now, on the other half of the paper, write five things you would never tolerate in another person. These are things which you find repugnant, and would never accept.
Below them, list five things that you welcome in others. These are good things that are always acceptable.

Take no more than ten minutes to make these lists. When finished, put the list away in a private place, and forget about it until tomorrow.


2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself surrounded by a circle of light. This barrier burns bright, protecting you. Only those who are good for you may pass. Those who are wrong are kept away.
Realize that this barrier represents your standards. See it if you wish, as your personal magnetic field, or aura. The light works for you, drawing the good and repelling the bad. Imagine that it really does just that.
Bring yourself back to the world around you.

Repeat this meditation once in the morning, then once again at night. Giving the previous meditations a rest.

3:

Added Exercises: If you think you have trouble standing up to people, develop assertiveness. You can find books to help, Amazon, Fishpond, Beanbone, or Biblio- are good online bookshops to get these books from.

Or take an assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
 

If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 7 tomorrow...



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photo courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 5 - you being noticed

Being noticed for being you - like Mairani

Part 5, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 5: People are noticing the changes in you.

You are probably feeling some results. It will be becoming more apparent to you that YOU are lovable. And you will be able to have the relationships you choose.
You are already making progress, and only four lessons have elapsed, - but you have done the hardest thing.
You have faced the problem taken some direct action, and made the conscious choice for progress, and that is what leads to success.

Though some notable results take time and effort, there are; lots of smaller things that come soon.You will begin to pick up on how other people show that they sense a change.

They may say something like -

• "Is that a new haircut?"
• "Did you buy a new tie?"
• "I’ve never seen you in that blouse before..."
• "Are you wearing a new perfume?"
• They may comment on your clothing, hairstyle, cologne, or other item of your appearance.

It may sound strange to you, since your hairstyle, clothing and perfume might not have radically changed.

What is happening is that people are noticing the positive change, as in how you are viewing yourself; thence the way you are now presenting yourself to the world, in you.

It is not the response itself, although that is rewarding in itself - but the fact that it is positive, that counts.

By the way, the best reply is one that acknowledges their compliment. Just smile and gently reply, "Thank you."

Once you get results, it is important to remember force pushes people away, ease draws them close, we are after long term results here.


The Secret:-Do not take these small results as a green light to push things. Remain at ease. Be content to focus the work on yourself. Let the people continue to come to you, for the moment.


1:


Meditation:  Keeping with the first three days meditation (keep doing them). Number 4 will be sorted now.
See yourself radiating positive energy. Imagine that the energy brightens you. It reaches out and touches others. You see that those who have a similar, bright energy are drawn to you.They come to you at a safe casual even pace. Because you have a similar energy, they are drawn to you, and you to them. They are attractive to you, as you are attractive to them. See yourself attracting the people who are good for you, as you are good for them. Enjoy this feeling, and that as it flows both out and in, you feel better and you are more and more lovable.

Relax, and slowly come back to the real world - rest a short while, and carry on your day with the new found brightness, and the easy freedom you have.

 2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) Keep it private.
When you begin the day, write down from two to five types of relationships
that concern you. No more.First, list the ones you have that you want to improve. Next, list the ones that you do not have, but that you want.
This part of the exercise should taken no more than five minutes.
 Put it in a safe place and forget about it.

At the end of the day, allow 30 minutes and take out the list. Look it over.
Which one of the categories can be started soonest, or which are you most likely to succeed quickly. Which are the hardest? Arrange the list, rewriting it, starting with the easiest and closest and ending with the most difficult and last. This provides you with a strategy. You begin with the easiest objectives and work your way to the more difficult ones. You do not need to finish one 100% before starting another.

The whole list, and the philosophy of change is the important thing. However, the greatest effort ought to be on those which are most important to you, and which are within your reach now.Put the papers away privately for the day.

 3:


Go to a park, or environment where there are people and it is safe for you, preferably where you will see different people-(even a shopping mall), and say hello or greet a few new people, maybe a positive compliment, and move on -this is still not the time for involvement.We are again just observing peoples reactions to a growing you.


 4:

Go to a different dating website link- Allow yourself 30 minutes on a timer: -- choose one website from the links below,-- and using what you read there; hand write - not type- not enter in the computer; hand write with a pen - on a piece of paper - (there are psychological reasons, that will help you for doing it this way); your own dating profile, using the lessons learned from the previous 4 lessons. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am radiant with a burst of new, bright energy that shines its light on all. I am starting to attract those who are good for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 6 tomorrow...


Recommend links to help you.

Spiritual click- meet your soulmate 

Meet your golf mate today - dating and companions




Meet like minded Christians to date and chat  




New dating friends from around the world




pic courtesy of pdp.net

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 4 -growing the beauty within.

Positively in love and growing within.

Part 4, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 4: Unlovable to Lovable

As you have been following directions, you will feel more confident today.

You have taken some positive steps to unlock the lovability within you. You are working with the exercises,doing the meditations and using the daily thoughts.

At the very least, you're beginning to feel that you have the potential to be lovable, that you maybe thought was hidden from you.

As we saw yesterday, gross or crude behavior can repel people, as unkempt hygiene or dress will sadly often do.

What we need to recognize today is that anyone can become lovable. No matter how badly a person felt, behaved or carried themselves yesterday, you or they can always start the process of change right now.

The ability to become more lovable is a thing of today, not yesterday, or even last week.

Again, keep in mind that appearances are a small part of it. The real work is inside you. It is the work that only you can do.

            Your progress will undoubtedly reveal things that need change. Success often shows you the thoughts and habits which no longer need to have a place in your life. Most can be handled pretty easily.

            The way to overcome old problems is this:

            1) Recognize the problem, or the negative results of your action.

            2) Replace the response, or behaviour with something more positive.

            3) Stop doing the dumb things! (With very ingrained habits, stopping may be  gradual.)

            4) Notice the rewards or relieving feelings from the change.(measure them).

             And mix up actions 2 and 3, to ensure the success stays with you


           It may seem impossible or too hard at first.Some things will require more effort.


 The Secret:-Different actions and responses from what you have done before, will give you the different results.



 Your growing lovability will begin to show. Results may be so gradual that you do not recognize them right away. However, you'll begin to notice that people are friendlier, and that you are meeting new people. You will find improvements in your relationships with others, be they co-workers, neighbors, relatives, or friends.

**There will be a handful of unpleasant toads who remain as they were. They may be grudging acquaintances, unfriendly types or rivals.
 Do not let their attitude upset you. They have decided to be that way. Nothing that you or anybody else does would ever change them.

Let them live their life, and create a distance, either mentally as an observer in their life, or leave.

Focus on the people who are friendly, helpful and kind. It is easier and more productive to focus on people who like you than waste effort trying to change people who are hostile.

Put the most emphasis on the people who are themselves likeable and who treat you kindly.




1:

Meditation: Keeping with the previous three days meditation (keep doing them). Begin this daily meditation - choose say a different time;- Imagine yourself weighed down by heavy burdens. These may be a lot of full sacks, luggage, or backpacks and gear. Feel yourself slowly unloading these burdens, one by one. Feel them fall away from you, and Imagine the sound as they hit the ground behind you. Leave them there for a minute, and Now imagine that they all disappear, or vanish - leaving you standing there free and unburdened.
Take a few minutes, breathe evenly and calmly, and savor that feeling of lightness.

            Next, image yourself filling with good energy. Imagine that this energy can flow freely because it is no longer blocked by the weighted baggage. You are now in the free flow of the brilliant, friendly, happy energy -you own. Enjoy this feeling, and that as it flows, you feel better and you are more and more lovable. Relax, and slowly come back to the real world -rest a short while, and carry on your day with the new found brightness, and the easy freedom you have.

You'll only need to this particular meditation here, 2 or 3 times - to get it working for you.



2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) Take out the list you made yesterday, and look it over. Look at your assets.
Ask yourself these questions:

• Can you enhance them? 

• Can you use them to develop other strengths?

•  Now look at the other side of the list.  

• Can any of your strengths be applied to offset these shortcomings?

• Are there other ways to shrink the things you feel might be unpleasant about yourself?

• Look to see how you can capitalize on your strengths, build new ones, and minimize or eliminate your shortcomings. 

• From this, make a few brief (one to four words only) notes , about how you could possibly increase your strengths and diminish any weaknesses.

Do nothing just now, read over it once more only, and put the papers away privately for the day.


3:

Go to a park, or environment where there are people and it is safe for you, say hello or greet a few new people, maybe a positive compliment, and move on -this is not the time for involvement.
We are just observing peoples reactions to a growing you.



4:

Go to a different dating website link- Allow yourself 30 minutes on a timer: -- a website is below,-- and see how many of the profiles mention their life crisis's or problems. And how many of those ones say how they handled it, and how they approach life now.
Hint; there won't be too many, just take note of how the ones who have dealt with it now state their general approach to life.
**Stay very far away from the ones still in crisis, or with no new approaches; it will only cost you.
Sign out.

Thought for the Day:
Any un-loveliness fades away! And I am more lovable every day!

 PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.


Part 5 tomorrow..

Recommend links to help you.
Spiritual click- meet your soulmate 

Again - check these girls techniques to learn.


pic courtesy of public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 3 - on being attractive to others

Some ideals are constant- the art of manners.

Part 3, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 3: Lovable Habits

Your inner development works best when supported by outer actions.
Actions are seen as a reflection of yourself, which of course they are.
What you do sadly tells people much about who you are. “Actions speak louder than words.”
As always actions have a more positive effect than talk.

 As you develop into a more lovable person on an inner level, so your habits should reflect this. There is much to be said in how an individual treats others. We are drawn to people who are thoughtful and considerate. On the other hand, we are repelled by those who are rude and selfish. This isn't to say that all mannerly people are attractive. Those who are not genuine are as noxious as rude persons, but in other ways.

• Your mission is to be genuine. Like attracts like, as a comfort factor mostly. 

• If you fall into the trap of being pretentious, you will pretty well attract people of a similar nature.

• If you are genuine, you will attract people who are honest and forthright.

• It is not enough to adopt a set of habits just to look good. You do need to back them up with the right attitudes.

Many of us have known someone whose behavior was exceptionally crude. It may have been their language, demeanor or lack of awareness, and response. You avoid including them. He or she may be a good person, but their behavior offends people.

The antidote is to develop the kind of behavior that people find acceptable. It is easier than you may think. The best remedy is basic manners.

• Make sure “Please” and “Thank You” are part of your everyday vocabulary.
   
• Minimize the use of swearing and vulgar references.
   
• Show consideration for those around you.
   
• Avoid doing things that might make them uncomfortable.
   
• Learn to be tolerant of the shortcomings of others without being a doormat.
   
• Use good, basic table manners when eating. Few people want to eat in the company of a slob.   (You don't need to know how to use all the extra forks at a fancy dinner, just be pleasant.)

 The Secret:- People who behave better will find themselves welcome in more places.

As you begin to develop your lovability, work to develop lovable habits. They can be the difference between companionship and loneliness.


1:

Meditation: Keeping with the previous two days meditation (keep doing them). Begin this daily thought - choose say a different time initially - lunchtime maybe -Imagine yourself going forth in the world and being welcomed everywhere. See yourself being met favorably. Imagine being invited to places that you have always admired, be they real or fictional. See your own courtesy being well-met. Know that within you, you are lovable and welcome. Know that this energy works through you See it really showing in the way you treat others.



2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.)Take a piece of paper. Two columns. On one side, write down five things about yourself that you think people would find endearing. On the other, write five things which people might find uncomfortable about you. Take only five minutes to do this. When finished, put it away. Forget about it until tomorrow.




3: 

Special Exercise: If you have a tendency toward profanity, make a “cuss jar.” Try very hard not to use foul language Every time you and use a vulgar word, put money in the cuss jar. A dollar should be okay. By making yourself pay, you get added incentive to avoid using profanity. this will help minimize your use of it. When finished, donate the money to a good cause.-Say; The Earth Forest Program.

4: 

Go back to yesterday’s exercise: Allow yourself half an hour for this revision.Take out this list.
Look over it today, and see which of the things that you decided needing improvement, and the whys.

What little things have you done since you last saw this list, that have started you on the way to your desire? Did your activities work? Why or how can you do them differently to work for you? Write it all down, and what you can do in the next day or so to move on - on this piece of paper or an attached sheet.Put it away in a private space.
We will come back to this one tomorrow, as you see the progress as you improve and develop your strengths.

4:

Go to Amazon or Fishpond books and find a book on social graces and manners:- early 1900-1950's may be your best help - a link is below - and read and observe without desire or criticism -how people in previous ages have dealt with it. The library may be a good place too.

Thought for the Day: Everything I think, do and say is a reflection of myself.
 With the help of my God/s, I am really getting better and better.

 PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.


Part 4 tomorrow..


Recommend links to help you.

◊ Books and goodies - from Amazon
 

◊ Rare books and more from Fishpond  bookshop
 

Again - check these girls techniques to learn.


pic courtesy of  https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HawardenCameron.jpg-Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons