A Cult of just one! The covert abuser. - Protecting yourself against manipulation - Part 1 of 5.

The Cult of one.

Many people get involved in groups or relationships because of unresolved issues of the past. 
Which is only natural, as that is our primary learning method. A carryover of security seeking from our youth.
-----Often at times recreating a familiar, unresolved scene with newer characters later in life.

In this context - people who do this without much work and knowledge of the dynamics of manipulation, will be helpless to their natural inclinations and will possibly respond just as they did within the original settings.  

Time for that to change for you.

To escape the Influence, coercion, and manipulation.

Ignoring the many opportunists - particularly those we call criminals, who find ways of making themselves 'indispensable' during someone’s hour of need. Most people who find themselves in abusive situations will only occasionally get there by accident. 

• They either accepted or tolerated the behaviours
• the initial payoff was an ideal or necessity at the time 
• the promises of the future matched their dream or perceived ideal
• they had yet to learn the deceit of others
• they had yet to acknowledge their own equal rights - to themselves
• they have yet to learn how to communicate their needs without threatening the (immature) abuser
• they pretended to ignore or accept the excuses for the 'red flags.'

Cults can be large or small, and most generally have a guru that controls individuals or small groups of individuals. Sometimes a one-on-one manipulative relationship between two individuals shows all the same dynamics of a large cult.  Sadly, this can also occur when one leaves an abusive setting, be it work, religion, or relationship. When attempting to find support after leaving an abusive setting or circumstance, a person is very likely to encounter others who have the negative effects of abuse themselves. You must be careful to avoid getting caught up long term in a new cult relationship with other survivors, counselors, or other well-meaning people who do not have expertise in recovery from manipulation and abuse. Look for possibility people who are able to move forward without the emotions of fear/hate/anxiety.

A one-on-one cult is really a deliberately manipulative and exploitative intimate relationship between two persons, often involving abuse of the subordinate partner; commonly psychological, and emotional, many times physical - if not direct blows, health and stress induced trauma.

In the one-on-one cult, which we call a relationship, there is a significant power imbalance between the two participants. The stronger uses his (or her) influence to control, manipulate, abuse, and exploit the other.

The relationship may even be more intense than participation in a group cult since all the attention and abuse is focused on one person, often with more damaging consequences. Many marriages or domestic relationships where there is spousal abuse may be this way. If not, the habitual controller, will strip or demean the initially better person, so that they can have some power, - these people do leave clues -

• if their last partner committed suicide or developed nutritional health problems
• started drinking or started taking drugs or started gambling
• they've had a succession of people just up and leave them
• they talk badly about others
• they talk badly about their partner or previous life associates
• they favour their - particularly - horse, over people contact
• their children or parent/s are criminals

Do NOT get into a long term association with these people - they are repeat offenders, and you will never be safe. Quietly, and quickly fade away from their lives. Find someone else.

Other one-on-one cults may be found in bad boss/employee situations, in Christian churches, in therapist/client relationships, in prison officer/prisoner or interrogator/suspect situations, and in teacher/student environments.
Watch for the guru effect, especially from either;- a well presented, or poorly presented extreme.

The most common techniques used include - 

• isolation and the provocation of fear; 
• alternating kindness and threat to produce disequilibrium; 
• the induction of guilt, 
• or self-blame, 
• the creation of a dependency, 
• and enforced learned helplessness - as a way of survival.

The degree to which these features are present in a relationship affects the intensity of control and allows the relationship to be labeled one-sided or abusive.
 The similarities between 1- devotion, and 2- the traumatic bonding that occurs between battered individuals and their abusers are striking. 

An abused partner is usually made to, or influenced to submit to the following types of behaviors:

• early verbal and/or physical dominance
• sexual restriction as a tool, or sexual over domination
• isolation/imprisonment
• fear arousal and maintenance
• guilt induction expressions of love (for example - dependent on the number or frequency of chocolate bars given.)
• enforced loyalty to the controller
• promotion of powerlessness and helplessness
• expressions of jealousy
• hope-instilling behaviors
• required secrecy

 
The graphic below, shows their overall plan for you.

Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book -"..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  

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Assertiveness training,& stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

 

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Manipulators use manipulation because it works - Resisting it. 9 Easy techniques to get your life back.

Fun or control?

To Resist or Leave? A good question.     When you feel like you are caught in a web of manipulation, your immediate goal is to stop being a compliant player in your controller's life game.
Whether this is a relationship, a nuisance neighbour, your supervisor, a government agency, Christian guru, work mates, or landlady, or a relative.

In the interests of your personal safety - you must be prepared. Do not be so vocal in your approach, as the other or others will quickly turn to violence, either physical or legal. Re-read The Miss Battles article, then come back here.

It is easy to win, as these people are always focused primarily on the short term - do think of them as a corrupt politician - and you will succeed.

Mostly their behaviour patterns come from a false sense of entitlement, combined with fears of maintaining or not their security - usually social image.
Once you are rested and in a better position, you can assist their change - whether it is as a payback or revenge, or a supportive repatterning.

The initial focus needs to be on you establishing some modicum of control over your life.

 There are two approaches to this goal: Resistance and/or Distance (either psychologically, or physical space, by leaving the relationship altogether).

A very easy, non threatening way is to insert a period of time between the manipulator’s request or demand and your response. Even a few minutes for a start - gives you a little power.
The 'graspers' of the world are not used to this, so have a valid excuse for a few minutes only first off. Then lengthen the gap as the days go on, and more requests come through.

Resist the urge to tell them off, or tell them to f*** off, as valid as that is - I've found it best to keep that until after you are safe, and away from them. As their social value as they perceive it - is their main Achilles heel - we can deal with them later, with that in mind.

Resistance

 

When you resist manipulative pressure successfully, you shift the power balance in the relationship. Most manipulators, are indeed passive/aggressive behaviour types. If not plain aggressive.
You are better than that, and you will pretend you are a resistance fighter in the war.  
Do not shoot them, or kill them - you will get in trouble - we have better ideas to resolve it - read on.
 Be aware that this shift in the power equation will alter the relationship and the behavior of both parties involved. Do not be afraid of this change, you'll get plenty of facial grimaces, poor verbalizations, cold shoulders etc...

You must keep your eye on the prize - you, and the value you have for society, and you. You can, and must re-claim your freedom, autonomy, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These inconsequentials have tried to use you as a stepping stone to look good.

Since you are going to, and will, initiate the changes and will hold your ground, the manipulator can choose either to adapt to your lead (behaviour modification) - or else remain stuck in a strategy that no longer works, at least as far as the relationship with you is concerned.

And many manipulative personalities simply do not and will not change, apart from finding another fresh target....

For such individuals, manipulation of others is their SOP - standard operating plan - their perfect way of functioning. ..

Remember, manipulators use manipulation because it works.

 

Stop helping them, you are allowed to look after yourself.

 

Distance yourself.

There are worse consequences than leaving or losing a relationship altogether. Certainly losing yourself for years, in the fog of manipulation - losing sight of who you are and what you really value, need and believe is the worst thing - and indeed the precursor of many a depression.

Remaining a partner in this manipulation, diminishing your self-respect or integrity, and losing your self-esteem is absolutely not on - and the inconsequentials will have started this process from the beginning.

Finally – and this is important – if your willingness to be manipulated costs you a relationship, That may be a good thing here.

Nine easy ways to Resist Manipulation

1- Take a little time.

Once you start to build in time to think about your options, your sense of control will increase day by day. You are not asking permission, you are just finishing something for you first. Again, the graspers, entitled, and pseudo-rich will not be used to this, so start small.

2- The Broken Record

A brief why is good, though as a statement;- do not have a conversation with the manipulator about why you need time, or what you are going to think over.
Acknowledge that you hear and understand the manipulator, but repeat your statement of  "I'll be there in a minute/hour..." just like a broken record.

3- Desensitizing Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

These have been their weapons of control, and they will get worse as the intensity in their mind increases. Lay off the alcohol, THC, etc for yourself; - go for a walk, read a comic book, think of your new future.
To resist manipulation effectively, you must learn to tolerate these possibly foreign and uncomfortable feelings.

4- Security

Start to develop your independence - especially food choices, clothing, haircuts, and income or money.

5- Labeling the Manipulation

Educate yourself, read the Lazy lawyer article, and know what is really going on. Do shut your mouth though, confrontation when they feel entitled will not be in your best interests. They will lie, deceive, and poison etc etc.

6- Disabling the Manipulation

To disable a manipulation, you need to state that you understand the manipulator’s goal, but that the manipulative tactic she is choosing to use will not work to accomplish that goal, and we should to come up with a better plan.

7-Setting Your Terms

It is not all about pleasing them, as much as they are used to this. Respectfully, start to take a few minutes a day for your own sanity.

8- Compromising & Negotiating

A manipulator is only interested in serving her own interests and her own ends. Left to his or her own devices, she will never be looking out for what you need or desire. And they will say you have to compromise, while he or she has no intention of doing so. It is now time for you to stand up for yourself a little, and/or get in an authority in their world to tell them to give you some slack.

9- Plan your Future.

These people do change, it needs you and all others in their life to stop responding in the ways you have done before, and needs at least one or two major consecutive negative emotional catastrophes at the same time as you being strong.

Consequently, you are better off to limit your exposure to these people - and significantly distance yourself, while you develop your inner sense of self.


Important; - A partnership is a healthy co-operation on meeting each of your respective needs and preferences, having talked about it equitably beforehand.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...


Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

I'm so Stressed out, What am I doing wrong? 10 real life tips to make it easier.

A warrior in the world

Stress as we often know it. is the internal 'war' of opposing desires and expectations.

Usually; - the expectations or ambitions we have for ourselves, as opposed to those same demands 'society' has for us.

Society as such, considers itself more important than me and you, and attempts to influence you through manipulation in the form of advertising, whether it be with TV shows behaviorally, or directly with advertisements saying 'borrow this money from us now to feel better, or buy this now to feel better.'

Sadly, if they cannot influence you, they do influence your surrounding human co-inhabitants of life - (who will not be on the same path towards success as you.)

By you recognizing stress within yourself - you must for a start congratulate yourself for being so aware, then begin to ease the biochemical toxins it is creating within you, as you work on plans for the life you desire for your self.

To help you manage stress; begin to think of your body as a machine with a good supply of energy which needs regular care, and maintenance to function well.

With that in mind here are 10 simple tips:

1. Be conscious of your food intake. Limit the chocolate, the flour/sugar/fat combinations (biscuits, cakes, crackers, breads etc). Reduce your white rice, noodle, or packeted foods. Start to learn what a balanced nutritious diet is, and support your physique with regularly spaced eating times.

2. Sleep when stressed is either an escape or seems like a waste of time. Change your thinking a little.
Treat, and think of sleep as a chance to refresh your physical body - to repair the cells if you like.
Establish somewhere safe to sleep, keep it and your bedding clean - without residual chemical odours, and try for fresh air, if you are able and it is safe leave a skylight or window open - locked, and consider sleeping in a space with growing non-allergenic plants.
Turn the TV, radio off - no subliminal all night tapes, if you need a light on, put it several meters or yards away - low down.
Be a little comfortable, warm, and clean if you can as well.
Do sleep away from power lines, and cables, and radio antennas.

3. Engage in regular light to moderate exercise, even walking round in a specified number of circles in your flat or house is a start. A daily 1 mile or 1km walk if safe is even better - can you walk partway to work?

4. Set a priority or two in your daily tasks and concentrate on essentials for you, as well as obviously working for your boss or controller authority -  rather than feeling that you have to do every single thing.

5. There are 24 hours in our day, and you are allowed to work as long as you like, or engage an assistant. Think outside the 'normal' pattern.

6. If a task seems too hard, or too big, break it down into small steps or small goals and focus on achieving the first step or goal before moving on to the next one. (Do the thinking and acting privately, and announce your results and the important part they play in the organizations goals publicly.)

7. Take some time each day, and a special time once a week to relax. The daily time will be better for you if it is some meditation - not TV, magazines, or pub or bar time.
The Christian's have it partly right with the sabbath - it is meant as your duty day to the church establishment, and a specific indoctrination (schooling) time. But - you now think of it as your day to engage in your rest, planning, hobbies, self care etc.

8. Remember the biochemical idea, medically it is very accurate; - so lay off the coffee, alcohol, nicotine, THC, or other drugs, whether they are to relax or stimulate you. Develop a new pattern of only three drinks a night for example, then two drinks next week, then one drink, then one a week.
You will find some new and supportive friends with this thinking, and free up money and time to make the situation easier.

9. Be careful who you listen to, they all have their own desires. agendas, and issues, - often it is better to select parts of each person's ideas, than their whole philosophy. Government agencies, or employees, are not there to help you, government funded ones may give you a better (50/50) chance of success.

10. Hide some resources away privately and safely - if it is money, make sure it is tax paid, and you hide two or three copies of the receipts in two or three different places and/or upload them somewhere private and safe - say DriveHQ - (the employees of the revenue office will falsify the truth at any chance they have). Grow even a little of of your own food, even one herb plant is a good start.
Make sure only you know, this will give you a sense of power and control over your life, and relieve the stress.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

My Self Esteem,- Daily Habits and thought patterns of failure or success.

Casting of the spells maiden

Rituals or habits do define you. Many times we have seemingly woken up from a slumber, and found ourselves in a place we never thought we would be, whether it is a dead end job, bad relationship or bad place, the resulting thought is the same. How did this happen to me? Or how can I get out of this?
There must be more!    Apart from the ever increasing noise from the mass media, which encourages cognitive dissonance - a not happy with this - so buy this mentality.

The changing of our thought patterns to that of possibility thinking, is hopefully the initiative and an answer.

It is one of the answers - read below to find the rest of the habits that are guaranteed to change your life as you know it today-

• Change something and get different results. – It is better to change your reaction, or really response to events to get a different result. If you are making a cake, the end enjoyment comes from the ingredients you put in, and how you deal with them. Take one thing in your day, and come up with a different approach, and apply it for a week every day, and see what begins to happen.

• Waiting for the right time is good if you are prepared. –Don't wait to win the lottery, you might, yet you might starve in the meantime. Start learning the paths of success, and prepare yourself - someone said - for life's great adventure. Most of the time you must dare to jump when you have the opening or chance. If really feel that you want to start with some paid education - Udemy online  is a good place.

• Your planning and focus are on the way. – Planning is easy; just as you plan your clothes dressing before going out, formulate a pattern that works for you - it can just be a 60-second process.  Here is an idea:- Every night, think about three  things that you want to accomplish tomorrow, write down how long they will take, what prep will help, and write them down.  When you wake up in the morning look over the list, and then take the first step.  If you find yourself being lured to do something that’s not on that short list of three things, bring yourself back and focus. It is your list, and your life.

• Accept necessary risks. – Avoid unnecessary risks, they a huge waste of time. Yet living is about learning as you go, you can make adjustments and carry on with your life, looking back and congratulating yourself on handling that.

• The rejections of yesterday were learning experiences of the world yesterday. –Believing that you CAN is important, and this is what any domestic abuser will try to change. You learnt to walk or move, so you can learn to be in a better place for yourself. Yesterdays rejections means the other person or circumstance didn't suit us at the time.  It means we have more time to improve ourselves – to perfect our approach, and to build upon our ideas or skills.

• Take responsibility. – Not any or every event in your life is your fault, but they are all your responsibility.  Positively taking some responsibility for your situation, and mostly for your path forward can change everything.  Leave the unchangeable past/people behind you as you allow yourself to focus on the present moment.  Negatively blaming someone else, or some other past circumstance, will keep the blamer in that place. 

• Perfect is good. – Every one of us can be a perfectionist about something.  Learn to work out when your desire to make something perfect is advancing you, or preventing you from achieving what you ultimately want. It is better to say, this needs to last for 2/5/20 or 50 years, so you can move on to something else.

• Look for the truth. – Personal transformation and growth can be remarkably rewarding, but only when the process of change is based on your honesty and truth, as you see it.  When you’re not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life, it leads to anger and frustration with one party or the other.

• Be alert to new ideas and perspectives. – To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers.  You can listen to others, learn from them, and successfully work with them even though you may not agree with every opinion they have.

• Avoid negative people who try to cover you with garbage. – It’s a lot easier for many to be negative than positive –and a lot easier to be critical than consider a possibility.  When you’re embarking on a new venture,your old associates may be happy enough in their pond, so instead of listening to the critics that will try to contain you, spend time talking to some of people in this world who are willing to support your efforts and acknowledge your potential, respectfully.

• Come up with a different story. – Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you that often anyhow, if they are it will be helpful to avoid their control.  You do hopefully evaluate yourself by telling yourself a story inside of your head.  Create a positive or different narrative about your life that includes only the circumstances that matter. Look for a good mentor to copy their techniques. Jim Rohn, Les Brown, and Morgana Rae are good ones to start with. (Some links below)

• Evaluate reality –  Remind yourself that not everything is meant to be, and you can accept this. Only 1 in 300 people are worth your long term association, and the other 299 are in the world too, do not expect them to act or think like you - they wont.

• Expect things to be fun, not easy. – Easy things are good, a flow of, or pattern of results that go your way is the better aim. Many an old alcoholic woman, or grumpy old man are still waiting and expecting the easy life.

• Help others, a little too. –At some stage you may like the help they return you, it is a lot better than them not helping or cutting you down. Watch out for the 'sociopaths' or sharks and con-men and women. So give a little and get a fair exchange, or move on.

• Take small steps each day. – It is far more productive to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a giant leap only to stumble and fall and never get up again.  The path to every goal requires a number of small steps.  Figure out where you want to go, take a step, and keep on going, then keep on going again.  Reasonable honest effort and persistence with adapting approaches is the answer.

Easy Exercises to get the results.

• 1--Choose one area in your life that you want to improve, and then in private, and then put the writings only where you know: get a nice leather journal from Amazon;

• 2--Write down the specific details about your current circumstances.  (What’s bothering you?  What’s wrong?  What do you want to change? Focus on the what - not the Who.)

• 3--Write down your answer to this question: What maybe are the daily actions that have contributed to your current circumstances?  (What might you be doing that contributes to the situation you’re in?)

• 4--Write down the specific details about your ideal circumstances.  (What would make you happy?  

• 5--What does your ideal situation look like?

• 6--Write down your answer to this question:  What is the next one thing that will get you from where you are to where you want to be?  (Think about it.  What small, daily steps will help you move forward?)

• 7--Start now, it can be a phone call or two, a notebook, or one exercise.

• 8--Put the list/s away for the week, and tomorrow do the next step

• 9--Each lunchtime meditate or visualize your ideal for a few minutes, keep doing one or maybe two new things to get you closer to your goal. Keep it quiet- 'zip the lips' as a friend says.

• 10--Each and every night, think about three things that you want to accomplish tomorrow, write down how long they will take, what prep will help, and write them down.  When you wake up in the morning look over the list, and then take the first step.  If you find yourself being lured to do something that’s not on that short list of three things, bring yourself back and focus. It is your list, and your life.

• 11--Appreciate the change in you, and your life as it develops.

• 12--At the end of the 7 days, take out your list, and rewrite a new one, based on that one, get ready for a fun week next week.

• 13--Do it again this week, and so on - the results for you will be very good, very quickly - so long as you keep going with possibility thinking and adaption - guaranteed.

• 14-- Look back each 4 weeks to see where you have come, and what you can do to get closer to that pot of gold at the end of your rainbow.

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








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Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

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 pic courtesy of bare maidens

Dealing with the real estate agent, realtor, the lazy lawyer, or any manipulative person.

Which witch has the power?

Manipulative People. How to Deal with Them?

 

Manipulative people try not to be obvious in their mannerisms, which is part of their learnt deception.

 Whether, they are a difficult marriage partner, bad spouse, or one of the aforementioned, and notably government licensed people, their modus operandi and intent is the same.

They win by either taking from you what is yours, or minimizing its or your life value, and you lose.
In essence, a type of rape - using subterfuge to deceive you for their advantage.

We have come out on top several times, and it is a great feeling, even after that, they've generally pulled the inform the police card - a good reason for you to stay clean.

It takes effort, and time out of your life to deal with these people, and that fulfills their desire of self importance (a personality type - so do beware - this is a significant red flag).

When someone is openly assertive in outlining the requirements, you find it a lot easier to agree on a mutually beneficial outcome.

These other people are afraid of losing the advantage, something like the weak bully, so they will use the lies, half truths, and other mechanisms to trick you.

• A question disguised as a statement 
• Making a personal statement, and pretending it is someone else's
• Guilt trips
• Confrontational statements
• The "silent treatment"
• The "no way out" question
• Lies

1. A question disguised as a statement
Manipulative people hate asking questions because it means they may lose control. So they will use a directive question.
Examples:
"I am wondering why you..."
"Perhaps you could..."
"I wish you could..for us/me"
"I suppose you are going to..."

How to deal with it:
When dealing with manipulative people, answer questions only, not directives. Try to recognize the difference. You must learn to not get deceived by these.
Usually by saying "I can't look at this right now," or "I have to be somewhere in a minute, I'll catch up with you later" will defeat their objective.

2. Making a personal statement and pretending it's someone else's
This allows manipulative people to put the blame on someone else, therefore not taking responsibility for his or her opinion.
Examples:
"We were wondering if you..."
"They said you..."
"She thought you..."
"Everyone thinks you..."

How to deal with it:
Ask who is "we", "they", or "someone" and ask what the manipulator thinks is a solution. Then ignore whatever they have said - saying "I'll have to get some second opinions."

3. Guilt Trips
Manipulative people use statements to make you feel guilty about doing or not doing something. You don't expect it and it blinds your ordinarily good judgment.
Examples:
"I don't you care if...."
"If you loved me..."
"Everyone knows that..."
"Every decent person would..."
"I just knew you would say that!"
"Can't you take a joke?"
"You could never do..."
"I thought that's what you wanted"

How to deal with it:
Recognize the manipulative statement. If you can, reduce your exposure to the statement because they are trying to get it to stick to you. Whenever you hear it, just say "No", then "No", then "No" thanks.

4. Confrontational Statements:
 Those statements are used to put you on the defensive. If you play the manipulator's game, you will end up in a fight without knowing how it started.
Examples:
"Why do you always..."
"Do you expect me to..."
"I can't believe you would..."
"I thought we were going to..."
"Why should I have to..."
"I've been told that..."
"How could you..."
"Why don't you..."
"Did you hear me?"
"Well, does that mean that I have to..."
"I thought you..."
"Don't you think you (we) should..."
"Are you telling me..."
"I thought we agreed..."

How to deal with it:
Let things slide. Don't respond to their bad behavior, or demean yourself by apologizing.
You can choose not to fight by using one of the following replies:
"I'll have to think about that"
"We can talk later."
"I prefer it like that"
"I need to check with..."
"You're right" (and drop the subject)

5. The "Silent Treatment"
Manipulative people may stop talking to you altogether and want to find out how long it will take before you crack. This is a standard sales technique, and taken to its extreme is how they get control.

How to deal with it:
Simply say "Let me know when you feel like talking" and nothing else. Act like it is no big deal. Get busy with something else and put a smile on your face. If you crack now, they'll use this tactic again and again. Be aware that sometimes people need time to think things out, especially when they are angry. Mostly they will say, "I need some time out."

6. The "No Way Out" question
You are being asked a question and you think you are given a choice, but the answer has already been decided by the manipulator. The question shouldn't be the time of the appointment, but whether you want an appointment at all. After such a question, there is a pregnant pause and, since you are programmed to respond to a conversational pause by offering to help, you jump in and do whatever the manipulator wants you to do.
Examples:
"Would you like an appointment at 6:15 or 6:30?"
"Do you want the red one or the blue one?"
"Don't you think that...?"
"Aren't you happy that..."
"Have you stopped beating your wife?"

How to deal with it:
Be prepared to use one of those replies:
"I'll let you know"
"I'll have to think about that"
"No thanks"
"I disagree, I think you are mistaken/wrong"
"Sorry, I'm not interested"


7. Lies
- They add unnecessary details to an explanation.
- When you ask for an explanation or a clarification, they pause, or pretend not to know something,  even though they should know the answer.
- Hands to the face, twirling a pen, or in their pockets.
- They may be laughing nervously.
- They are not looking at you while speaking, or look at you too intensely.
- They will change the topic of the conversation.
- You feel something is wrong and your body may start reacting.
 He/she may start asking questions to put the focus on you, will start accusing you, or may be evasive saying "Oh well that all depends..." "I'm not sure...", or may change the subject completely.

How to deal with it:
With a compulsive liar, you have to accept that you will be deceived or let down. If you think you need them in your life, avoid any agreements you can, especially legal ones. Document and record and confirm all responses. Absolutely hide your copies safely, and privately. Reduce your contact time, and avoid questions. Don't ask a liar for anything and don't do anything for him/her either. Start to be self-reliant and financially and emotionally free.

Some Words of Caution

Remember that manipulative people are often so well practiced, that they use this as their only means of relating with the rest of society.
Many of the pseudo-wealthy, and 'experts' are masters at these deceptions. Something like the child's story of Rumpelstiltskin - they do not at any cost want to be exposed, and lose their 'power.'

For your own safety and well-being, refrain from addressing the issues; - they are always abusive when they or their offspring are held to account - use an anonymous tack towards an authority in their lives - Read the Miss Battles post.- and LEAVE, there are 17 billion people in the world, some good, be around them - not be poisoned by these ones.

Again - Whether, they are a difficult relationship partner, colleague, or especially government licensed people, their modus operandi and intent is the same. Watch for the 'entitlement' attitude.

They win by either taking from you what is yours, or minimizing its or your life value, and you lose.
In essence, a type of rape - using subterfuge to deceive you for their advantage, with their false entitlement.


  Recommended links to help you.....

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.
 Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

You need help with your relationship – but what if ?...The advice lottery

A successful relationship?

Signs of Good Relationship Advice

You need help with your relationship – but what if you get bad relationship advice?


These 10 signs of good
relationship advice will help you know if you’re getting help that will actually improve or save your relationship.

 

How to Recognize Good Relationship Advice

1. Your family is giving you relationship advice for their own reasons
You must be very specific, in asking why;- several times in fact.
Adult children, have there own exploration in life to undertake, and are mostly not to be listened to, after the first meeting of your partner.


2. Your friends are jealous of your relationship
Friends, are usually a great help with first assessments, past that time or those few minutes, they are either afraid of losing you, jealous of what you have and they can not, or deceptive in their intent.
Especially if they are damaged children, or the like.

Numbers 1 and 2 and closely enmeshed, do pay attention to your own life path as well.

3. The advice giver is objective – a sign of good relationship advice
 Listen for subjective statements - name calling - the adviser has their own unresolved immaturity to get through - their advice will NOT help you. 

4. Your inner feelings are telling you this is good or bad relationship advice
  Whether it is right or wrong, it is right or wrong for you just now.

5. You know yourself – a super way to recognize good versus bad relationship advice
As in number 4, take some time out in solitude, meditate if necessary.

6. The advice giver has the full picture of your relationship – the good, the bad, and the ugly
No matter if you are some at fault, an answer given with half the information gives poor results.

7. The advice giver has given you good relationship advice in the past
Did you listen the first time? Possibly this adviser has skills you can learn from.

8. The advice giver has healthy, good relationships
They are able to prove what they say works - if they cannot - keep your distance.

9. The relationship advice is from a good resource
Hard to say what is good, yet if it fits all the other characteristics here it probably is.

10. The relationship advice is honest and unbiased
They take into account both sides, without pity, or judgement.
Who is paying them?, and what rewards do they hope to get from this interaction?
Questions you must ask to avoid bad advice, predators, lawyers, corrupt and greedy people, and cults.

If it is government or lottery funded, their task is to add you to their numbers, and the quality of the help may be either good or bad - do treat it as an emergency 'band-aid' to use and move on without, as quickly as you can.



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note.