Dealing with the real estate agent, realtor, the lazy lawyer, or any manipulative person.

Which witch has the power?

Manipulative People. How to Deal with Them?

 

Manipulative people try not to be obvious in their mannerisms, which is part of their learnt deception.

 Whether, they are a difficult marriage partner, bad spouse, or one of the aforementioned, and notably government licensed people, their modus operandi and intent is the same.

They win by either taking from you what is yours, or minimizing its or your life value, and you lose.
In essence, a type of rape - using subterfuge to deceive you for their advantage.

We have come out on top several times, and it is a great feeling, even after that, they've generally pulled the inform the police card - a good reason for you to stay clean.

It takes effort, and time out of your life to deal with these people, and that fulfills their desire of self importance (a personality type - so do beware - this is a significant red flag).

When someone is openly assertive in outlining the requirements, you find it a lot easier to agree on a mutually beneficial outcome.

These other people are afraid of losing the advantage, something like the weak bully, so they will use the lies, half truths, and other mechanisms to trick you.

• A question disguised as a statement 
• Making a personal statement, and pretending it is someone else's
• Guilt trips
• Confrontational statements
• The "silent treatment"
• The "no way out" question
• Lies

1. A question disguised as a statement
Manipulative people hate asking questions because it means they may lose control. So they will use a directive question.
Examples:
"I am wondering why you..."
"Perhaps you could..."
"I wish you could..for us/me"
"I suppose you are going to..."

How to deal with it:
When dealing with manipulative people, answer questions only, not directives. Try to recognize the difference. You must learn to not get deceived by these.
Usually by saying "I can't look at this right now," or "I have to be somewhere in a minute, I'll catch up with you later" will defeat their objective.

2. Making a personal statement and pretending it's someone else's
This allows manipulative people to put the blame on someone else, therefore not taking responsibility for his or her opinion.
Examples:
"We were wondering if you..."
"They said you..."
"She thought you..."
"Everyone thinks you..."

How to deal with it:
Ask who is "we", "they", or "someone" and ask what the manipulator thinks is a solution. Then ignore whatever they have said - saying "I'll have to get some second opinions."

3. Guilt Trips
Manipulative people use statements to make you feel guilty about doing or not doing something. You don't expect it and it blinds your ordinarily good judgment.
Examples:
"I don't you care if...."
"If you loved me..."
"Everyone knows that..."
"Every decent person would..."
"I just knew you would say that!"
"Can't you take a joke?"
"You could never do..."
"I thought that's what you wanted"

How to deal with it:
Recognize the manipulative statement. If you can, reduce your exposure to the statement because they are trying to get it to stick to you. Whenever you hear it, just say "No", then "No", then "No" thanks.

4. Confrontational Statements:
 Those statements are used to put you on the defensive. If you play the manipulator's game, you will end up in a fight without knowing how it started.
Examples:
"Why do you always..."
"Do you expect me to..."
"I can't believe you would..."
"I thought we were going to..."
"Why should I have to..."
"I've been told that..."
"How could you..."
"Why don't you..."
"Did you hear me?"
"Well, does that mean that I have to..."
"I thought you..."
"Don't you think you (we) should..."
"Are you telling me..."
"I thought we agreed..."

How to deal with it:
Let things slide. Don't respond to their bad behavior, or demean yourself by apologizing.
You can choose not to fight by using one of the following replies:
"I'll have to think about that"
"We can talk later."
"I prefer it like that"
"I need to check with..."
"You're right" (and drop the subject)

5. The "Silent Treatment"
Manipulative people may stop talking to you altogether and want to find out how long it will take before you crack. This is a standard sales technique, and taken to its extreme is how they get control.

How to deal with it:
Simply say "Let me know when you feel like talking" and nothing else. Act like it is no big deal. Get busy with something else and put a smile on your face. If you crack now, they'll use this tactic again and again. Be aware that sometimes people need time to think things out, especially when they are angry. Mostly they will say, "I need some time out."

6. The "No Way Out" question
You are being asked a question and you think you are given a choice, but the answer has already been decided by the manipulator. The question shouldn't be the time of the appointment, but whether you want an appointment at all. After such a question, there is a pregnant pause and, since you are programmed to respond to a conversational pause by offering to help, you jump in and do whatever the manipulator wants you to do.
Examples:
"Would you like an appointment at 6:15 or 6:30?"
"Do you want the red one or the blue one?"
"Don't you think that...?"
"Aren't you happy that..."
"Have you stopped beating your wife?"

How to deal with it:
Be prepared to use one of those replies:
"I'll let you know"
"I'll have to think about that"
"No thanks"
"I disagree, I think you are mistaken/wrong"
"Sorry, I'm not interested"


7. Lies
- They add unnecessary details to an explanation.
- When you ask for an explanation or a clarification, they pause, or pretend not to know something,  even though they should know the answer.
- Hands to the face, twirling a pen, or in their pockets.
- They may be laughing nervously.
- They are not looking at you while speaking, or look at you too intensely.
- They will change the topic of the conversation.
- You feel something is wrong and your body may start reacting.
 He/she may start asking questions to put the focus on you, will start accusing you, or may be evasive saying "Oh well that all depends..." "I'm not sure...", or may change the subject completely.

How to deal with it:
With a compulsive liar, you have to accept that you will be deceived or let down. If you think you need them in your life, avoid any agreements you can, especially legal ones. Document and record and confirm all responses. Absolutely hide your copies safely, and privately. Reduce your contact time, and avoid questions. Don't ask a liar for anything and don't do anything for him/her either. Start to be self-reliant and financially and emotionally free.

Some Words of Caution

Remember that manipulative people are often so well practiced, that they use this as their only means of relating with the rest of society.
Many of the pseudo-wealthy, and 'experts' are masters at these deceptions. Something like the child's story of Rumpelstiltskin - they do not at any cost want to be exposed, and lose their 'power.'

For your own safety and well-being, refrain from addressing the issues; - they are always abusive when they or their offspring are held to account - use an anonymous tack towards an authority in their lives - Read the Miss Battles post.- and LEAVE, there are 17 billion people in the world, some good, be around them - not be poisoned by these ones.

Again - Whether, they are a difficult relationship partner, colleague, or especially government licensed people, their modus operandi and intent is the same. Watch for the 'entitlement' attitude.

They win by either taking from you what is yours, or minimizing its or your life value, and you lose.
In essence, a type of rape - using subterfuge to deceive you for their advantage, with their false entitlement.


  Recommended links to help you.....

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.
 Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Struggling to get out of bed - All want to be is normal, or at least a normal life.

As the sun rises over the hills so do we.

Struggling to get out of bed every day—but you can’t make yourself do it.

You hide underneath the covers, avoiding life. All you need to do is turn off your alarm, get up, and go on with the day. Instead, you either let the alarm go on until it sounds no more, or you turn it off in a burst of energy, glad of the temporary relief. Wondering why you even set it, some duty perhaps. 

All you want to be is normal. To live without the difficult and huge emotions, and definitely without the downward spirals. The thought of waking up, over and over again, to a never-ending cycle of anger, hurt, and pain. Eventually, life seems to overwhelm, and thoughts come of it being time to end it.
As tempting as it is, you must know you have been intimidated- nicely or not- into that thinking situation. Someone is taking or getting advantage of you or your lower feelings - it is up to you not to give them that satisfaction, of you being where you are.

Part of what makes depression so depressing, is the crushing weight of pessimism holding you under. Nothing will work out, and everything is pointless;- pessimism makes it easy to believe that, as it seems the truth that we do have some control or prediction of, and offers a semblance of power.
What a terrible way to live life. Or to hide behind alcohol, or some drugs to numb the anger of it all, and the pain of feeling.
Involving yourself with bad people (you know, the kind you hope your kids never meet) makes you feel strong. (Not a good plan.)

On the flip side, an optimistic life is about believing in the best, through the worst.

Neither idea or attitude being the sole answer. It is best to use that subconscious anger to move yourself in a positive direction.

Depression stems from life choices/responses, and environment, not chemical imbalances alone. Fix the choices, fix the environment, and you’ll start to fix the depression.

The neuro chemicals are very important - get some regular activity going, or watch or read some harmless comedy - even a child's, for a start.

Do consider your nutrition and do something to improve it - some foods do have a negative effect.
Clean water, without masses of chlorine in it, (let it sit in a lightly covered glass container in a clean place for 10 minutes) , is infinitely better than soda pop or the cola drinks.(they do have chemicals in them, which are not good long term).  Or get a Water for Life USA water Ionizer - it works like your smart-phone.
Seriously - buy fresh and clean food, if you can afford it - buy, or go halves in a juicer,from amazon online, and have 1 -3 glasses a day, with your new nutrition program.

You have a choice to make: Let life and others lead you; or you lead your own life.
Reread that last line.

It’s a struggle to stay positive, and pessimism desperately wants to be in control. Your negative alter-ego is always ready to get on your shoulder, to whisper in your ear, "Isn’t life unfair?" And some people do knowingly and unknowingly help.

The thing is, life can be unfair. There are some bad people in the world. Life does get much easier, and happier, when you learn how to overcome negative events, and develop your possibility responses.

Useful ways to live life positively:

 

1. Replace the following phrases:

"Why me?," "Isn’t that just my bad luck," "It would only happen to me," and, "I just can’t catch a break." Words that make you a victim also make you a pessimist. A victim is someone else's pawn.
Stop using that thinking, and explore a feeling and questioning of wonderment and possibility.

 

2. Flip the switch off negativity.

The news, television shows, and the funny but mean viral videos, or denigrating comedians. Most consumer television or films actually. Turn off the radio, and now choose carefully music without words. Watch olden day comedies, or a modern day inspiration; - Les Brown is a good one. Negativity is an insidious disease, and it spreads through seemingly harmless mediums. The popular media is designed to unsettle you, and push you in a predetermined direction: - not yours.
Turn it off, now!, and select something better, there always is.

 

3. Refuse to be the misery promoter's companion.

Gently, but firmly, tell your partner/father/mother/family/neighbour/best friend/colleague etc., that you can’t follow their way just now. You want to explore some alternative ideas, and study them - this keeps you busy away from them, and is a legitimate excuse for you and them. Udemy online is a good place to start something new. Create at least an emotional distance from difficult people, they do have their own path.
You must avoid them, until you are stronger,- do make new friends, even temporarily, or find or care for a pet. Which pet books from Amazon.

 

4. Turn a disappointment around.

When you’ve had a disappointment or failure, go ahead and finish something else (anything). Complete a task that’s been on your to-do list, then another.
This will point you in a more positive, mindful direction, as you have now succeeded at something you have chosen. Then another one, and so on- choose small if needed- you are not after medals just now.

 

5. Be thankful for even the small stuff.

Be thankful you woke up, appreciate nature - good or bad. Thank your house, for providing warmth and walls. Thank your car or truck, for continuing to start. Thank your job, even though you might hate it, because it keeps you clothed and fed.
Slowly keep achieving more, but get in the habit of acknowledging life’s little achievements.

 

6. Make someone smile.

Compliment a shop assistant on their outfit, hold the door open with a smile for someone, or volunteer to help someone out of your normal circle. (Do take care to avoid the vultures though).


7. Get some paper or a journal.

Write a focus page or two of how your perfect life would be - only consider what you have control over (to have the perfect person or asset in your life is good - start to think about what can you change to get this to happen and then keep it) -soon after, draft some new ideas, and plans - then little by little put them to work, adapting as you go along. You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want. Keep it private.

Rewrite your history- it plays a huge role in how you view your life. You need not just accept life; you do have permission to intentionally live it.


Every Day seek the Good Life:

When you have work, home, and life, just maintaining the status quo is hard work. You say to yourself that there’s no time left to work on you. But maybe that’s an excuse. Didn't that thinking lead you to here? 
There must be a better way, mustn't there? There is; - go back and reread the whole post, taking notes, applying it to your life.

• You have to make time to find some good.
• You have to fight for your light at the end of the tunnel.
• Enjoy even part of today. And then more.
• At the end of the day, it’s about you and who you are in the world.
• It’s about turning off the negativity, whether it flows from your mind, your partner, or your TV.
• It’s about saying no to pessimism, and over-optimism, and yes to possibility.

Our ancestors had it right when they proposed that we:-

Turn your face toward the sun and all the shadows will fall behind you.

Recommended links to help you now


Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you.



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 



pic courtesy of pdp net

Poverty is not the answer - it is the devils trap, and as such I often go a long period of time without.

Riding the power of external forces, and going somewhere.

Poverty says, "I shouldn’t have it"....or... "I'm not allowed to have it." The spirit of poverty will tell you should be ashamed of what you have.

The spirit of success says that you are allowed to have, and can be proud of what you do have, with a measure of humility and gratitude.

Thinking in Christian terms, it is much like this:- 
(If you are not a Christian, suspend your prejudices for the moment, and follow the method, and see how it actually works)

The devil  doesn’t want you to be free financially… he doesn’t want you to tithe and give offerings. He (or she) doesn’t want you to live the blessed life, and use your resources to advance the kingdom of God, or good.


With the beliefs of acceptance and value, you in most religious terms - are Blessed. Which means having a seemingly supernatural power assist you.


When we use money for righteous purposes, we are laying up a treasure in heaven. That’s why we need to be good stewards of our money…

In Luke 16:10 Jesus, says…

"He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much."...........if you will be faithful with little, God will bless you with abundance.

If you have been trustworthy with someone else’s property, you will be trusted with property of your own.


 Deuteronomy 8:18

18; Remember the lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath.


Tim. 6:10
"…the LOVE of money (or worship thereof) is a root of all kinds of evil."

Money in itself is not inherently evil, what this means is that greed, covetousness, and selfishness, are all manifestations of the poisoned spirit.

How to avoid poverty?

• Does God want us to be poor or rich? Although God may give us poverty to test us and make us strong and humble, 
• He wants us to have wisdom, insight and understanding. These virtues bring wealth and riches.
• Hence, God don’t want us to eventually become poor. 

• He wants us to become a tree that bears good fruits – a truly wealthy person that shares blessings to the poor. 

• Now, if you are experiencing poverty, the following are the teachings of the Lord that can get you out of poverty and starvation.

We must humble ourselves to the Lord and praise Him – because He is the one who take us out from poverty and gives as wealth and riches.

     Samuel 2:7-8
    The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.

    Deuteronomy 8:18
    “Thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he swear unto thy fathers, as it is this day.”

We must not over-indulge ourselves in pleasures. We should avoid drunkenness and gluttony. Pleasures, drunkenness and gluttony really drain our money, weaken our body, and cause diseases – another huge expense in the form of hospital bills- now or later.

    Proverbs 21:17
    He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich.

    Proverbs 23:21
    for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

    Proverbs 10:3
    The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.


    Proverbs 22:16
    He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich — both come to poverty.

    Proverbs 11:24-25
    One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

    Proverbs 28:27
    He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many  curses.

    Proverbs 13:7
    One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.

Finally, we must not just use our mouth,- but we must use our hands to execute and do our works. 
People do succeed in throwing poverty away because mostly they use actions, and they have good plans – or develop them, as they go along.

    Proverbs 14:23-24
    All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. The wealth of the wise is their crown, but the folly of fools yields folly.

************

Poverty self-generates a psychology of its own, which leads to different decisions (or not).

Belief, and action of success - and hope with a future plan leads to better decisions, and surprisingly good results.



 Recommended links to help you.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -







Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.

*'Miss Battles' - the 20 something spoiled brat and how to deal with them.

Am I special yet?

The bully little 6 year old kids in a 20 something year old body, and older. 

They in fact never to seem to grow out of their 3-6 year old learnt behavior. From the age of 6 to 86 - until they die.

Their tiresome dramatic responses to the world, places them in the realm of a low grade film destined to be forgotten, and swept aside as a gross interruption to humanity.

This is their psychic trauma - afraid of being forgotten, they continue to resort to poorly acted, yet well planned dramatics to get the attention they crave.

Whether it is know it all opinions, clothing, or lack of it, and outrageous actions-under the influence of alcohol, drugs, religion or any rational they find accepted in their clique.

 They harass, gossip, and generally demean others, minimizing others value so that their 'bodacious' body and coiffured hair - to them alone - may stand out from normality.

Offering no value to the world, other than a receptacle for, or as,- low grade entertainment, they apparently simple-mindedly pursue the attention, - positive and negative - of all. They will have sense of unease about them, and spend time, money, and life trying to cover up or compensate for this. Being blonde or some other highlighted hair - is a good marker.

Often a baby from a relationship of a lawyer, government employee, or government contractor, and most commonly found in the non-productive areas:- of political or government employ, as a 'supervisor' in a media industry, as a shop assistant in any good looking shop, as a martyred single mother, or living with a financially supportive partner; they attempt to exercise power by deception and subterfuge:- and the standards of "I didn't see that", "I can't recall," "That doesn't seem to fit in company policy...." etc etc.

Their hobbies may be few, apart from drinks or a sponsored meal in some form with the group or crew - "I must be seen to fit in, but show I'm better than them, so they look up to me" is the mantra.

Their favourite pet will be a horse - of course an extension of power, they so little have internally.

Like most things in their lives - they will not have paid for it, having charmed some individual into releasing funds/time or assets to their favour. Their 'favours' will be effusive, yet minimal in reality; calculated to bring them the highest return for their gift of presence.

The spoiled brat behaviour that is typical of these know-it-all girls, is that they take a few lessons of anything, and suddenly want to bully their opinion - with their often half thought out and dangerous advice, that will probably get someone hurt.

When someone tries to ignore them, or more so - brings them to be accountable; they have a hussy fit and go on their barn witch evil mission.

Always behind the scenes, stirring up drama, creating problems.

As a farmer I have seen this at many places, these charming little bullies that get their feelings hurt - and then do things like starting with poor timekeeping and personal hygiene, then they'll let the animals out, unlock gates, feed horses bad hay, throw peoples tack in the trash, or create situations where their lowlife friends of friends steal or sabotage gear, throwing horse poop in the horses water, leaving water taps running, poisons out, one of or many of, these, and other vile and illegal things.

All the time saying -"I didn't mean to", "I didn't know" - you didn't show me" or "say I needed to today","I had a migraine/headache" "Ive got my period" "I think I'm pregnant" - "I can't get pregnant", "My aunties cousins sisters pet snake is not well"-- I'm sure you get the picture.

They make others suffer when they can't get their way. They will throw a fit, scream and call the police, or involve the courts presenting themselves as a victim. Unfortunately they are often believed, as practiced as they are in their own style of presentation.

The same scenes happen at work, in town, and everywhere the *'Miss Battles' are.

Do not seek these woman out,- (whether they are in a man's or woman's body - the results are the same). Do not contact her or reply to any contact with her. Block her in all your social networks to stop her reckless behavior. Do not feed her - physically, psychologically, or emotionally.
Answer any questions noncommittally (as she does); being aware everything you say/do not say or do,etc.. will be offered in evidence against you. 

Be obvious in your good works yourself, it will gain you great support.

Be polite, smile, and create and maintain a significant distance - either mentally or physically, and especially emotionally.

If it is at work, encourage and support them to get a promotion quickly - far out of your domain; - if you made the mistake of employing them - bring on a verbal (recorded) polite warning, and then overload them continuously with tasks (legally), so that they leave of their own volition - if you fire them it will cost you - be prepared.

If you are in a sexual or close relationship with them, very quietly plan to escape, and do so at your earliest convenience; making it seem it is their idea, or that it is the best thing for them. 

Introduce and give them to your enemies - ensuring they hold no information or access to your life. 
They already have their plans in place - have done since they were or weren't noticed as a toddler.

Keep your comments to yourself, these ones are vindictive and petty people that will use the system against you, even if you tell the truth.

They themselves predominantly operate on fear management, so to anonymously ask the tax revenue office, "how can they afford........?? I think they might be........... I don't know",  -- or the animal and child protection agencies " are you aware that.......? or " they seem to be......."

Don't bother with the police, these individuals know the police and court system well enough to get their own way. There are a plethora of government agencies always wanting publicity as to how well their services are needed - they want to prove that their salaries/egos are of value to keep receiving them. Give them this chance to prove themselves.

Anonymous public embarrassment is the key. The anonymity is to protect you, the agencies will not - they are easily duped by the Miss Battles of the world, and,- these people do remember, and have the worst of the worst people as supporters.

Before you do it - ask yourself for 21 continuous days - how would I like it if this was done to me?
It may be easier and better to quietly move on, someone will catch up with them - even the God/s.


You, will not change them - after at least 14 years of the same behaviours getting them what they want, the habits are ingrained.

If they are attractive, wealthy, good physically, or some other desired attribute, by all means share that part of your life with them for the moment -
Be very aware that you are playing with a toxic chemical weapon - and be very aware of the risks.

Out of 17 billion people in the world, there are others that are more suitable for your life journey.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.

It really is the time for you to now, to develop some power and assertiveness techniques; so as well as knowing the existence or predictable behaviours of these people, - that are determined to prevent your success - you will have the natural skills to move ahead with poise and control.


                                         *The name-'Miss Battles' is used as a representative fiction to characterize a type.
 



Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.
 
The Tarot helps - use it; - used as it is meant to be, it is another tool in your magic chest for getting what you want in life. It does make it easier for you.

Live Tarot readers for you today.

photo courtesy pdpics,com Abeer khan

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 8 - naturally successful in love and life.

Beautiful within.

Part 8, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

 Step 8: The being of a better you, bringing to you better friends.


By now, you will have experienced some positive results, as you have followed the instructions and worked each lesson in order.

Whether the results are a feeling in yourself or some reaction in others, you know this is working for you.



Your efforts are proving to be  worthwhile. You are becoming more lovable.

We have brought out the potential that is already within you. Though it was hidden for a time, your new efforts have brought it into the open. And allowed you to grow.


With this awakening, you have probably seen the error in some of the ways you related to others, and the effects that has had.
And, importantly you have also seen the things that you were doing right.

Today, you are far more into the good than you were when you began this course.

 Progress, and success - is a matter of building the good and eliminating the unhelpful.


By improving your inner self, your outside world changes, as does your assessment of it.

It would be nice if the outside world would change first, - yet even though it may - long-term results for you will come as well, from your changes.

There is a Universal principle known as the 'Law of Attraction'. Under various names, it's been known since the time of the ancients.
Even though a simplistic approach, (and only part of what is needed)- it states that your world in a reflection of yourself. "Like attracts like." "Water seeks its own level." "Birds of a feather flock together...." etc....

In terms of relationships, it includes all the people in your life. They are also a reflection of your behaviour and that you acknowledge is acceptable.

A better you means better friendships, and relationships, be it work,business, church, mosque, family or romance.

Think of how you gravitate to the same people, places and things. And how there is a sense of comfort or ease in some familiar way. As you change yourself, so you change the things to which you gravitate to, and are at ease with. Improve yourself and the good gets better, while the bad is replaced, or fades away.

We could have given you a course only limited to love spells and psychology tricks. Or encouraged you to move to another country, city ,or place, or religion or belief system.

These would have brought results for sure, yet the constant factor is YOU.

When you allow the power within you to flow, - you make the changes that lead to enduring results, and get the true results you want. 

In seven days, you have taken the steps to discover your lovability. It is growing, and though you have only been at it for a week, the process is going well. Keep going, it will become natural to you, and help you in any situation.


 1:

 Exercise: Look over the results your lists from each of your previous exercises. Do you see a relationship between them?
Do you see that the conclusions of one list might agree with some of the other lists? This is a clue for you to combine and coordinate your efforts. Put them all together to develop your future plan of action. Put all the papers together, and away privately.
And now start the plans this minute, and continue tomorrow, and the next day, and keep going - no matter of the temptations/coercions to go back to the old ways.

This is the Secret of successful people. You must apply it - the results will please you beyond your expectations.


2:

Meditation: Imagine yourself at the center of your world. See the connections between yourself and the people, places and things you experience. Ponder what they say of you. Know that the message is getting more and more positive because you have started the process of growth. Think of how you are lovable and so will attract love.

Go back through the previous meditations and write down a week as a daily plan of which one to do that day:- then follow that plan. Soon they will become automatic responses to events - and this will change everything for the better for you.


3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly see the profiles/people that you would not want to allow in your life now. Don't worry about the seemingly good ones today - time for that soon enough.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am lovable and deserve to be treated with love, kindness and caring. 
I know that every day, I become more lovable.



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 9 tomorrow...



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photo courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 7 - musings of luck, fate, karma, and wyrd.

Gifts of the universe

Part 7, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 7: The philosophy of Wyrd, in arranging the paths of your  destiny and relationships

Wyrd - an old word with a meaning of :- to come to pass, to become, or to be due - as in the actions undertaken give the valued results.


It is often compared to fortune, or luck; and explained away as fate, karma, or destiny.


Much as you work to attract relationships, there are times when it may seem that an outside power is intervening, and seems to block you.
On the other hand, if you allow it, and release your previous resistance -it may send you to a specific place or people.

While you might just be attributing your lack of success to an outside force, it could also be the work of that force known as Wyrd, - you have brought it to yourself.
It is now time to bring the good you want to you.


Wyrd is a great ally. If we can perceive its intent, we can allow it to work for us, or keep it from working against us. To look inside yourself is to see the way of Wyrd, and direct its' path.

Runes,  Tarot,  self hypnosis, and other techniques also work well in revealing Wyrd’s work.

Along with holding your place, Wyrd may also work to prepare you for a future event. It may bring to you specific persons, places and things whose role is to prepare you for the future. They are temporary situations serving as teachers and testing grounds, if you will. They may last a few hours or a few years.

Wyrd will bring you to your highest good if you work with it, bringing you that which is yours to experience and enjoy.
This is especially true in relationships. It can bring you many satisfying temporary friendships along the way, and lead you to enduring relationships with friends and companions.


 1:

 Exercise: Take out the yesterday’s list you made. Go over it carefully, and compare the standards for your own behavior with those you apply to others.
Do you expect more from others than yourself, or do you set a high standard for yourself while setting a too relaxed one for others?
Do you need to raise some standards, or change some others?

Use this exercise to see the contrast between expectations of yourself and of others. It will help you review your standards and, if necessary, make changes.

This exercise should make very clear the difference between how you treat yourself and how you treat others.

2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself in a small boat in a river, heading downstream. The current is strong in the middle and weaker near the shores. You can let it propel you swiftly, or you can steer slowly nearer the shore. The closer to the middle you ride, the more the river is in control of your trip.
When you drift to the sides, you have control, but you move too slowly. Knowing this, you use the river to move you where you want to go. You use the swifter middle current when you need it, moving to the sides when you need to control the steering.. Because the current changes gradually, you can move closer or further. Your ability improves, and you begin to enjoy the trip.

            Now imagine that this is the River of Wyrd/fate or destiny - It will take you to your destination safely as you skillfully negotiate the currents and the river. See yourself using the river’s power when you can, and at other times using your own steering skills. Safely navigate the River, you are the one in control.
Come back to the present reality, and remember the trip throughout the day.


3:

Begin to believe your changes and actions are bringing you results.

The Secret: This inner thought will allow you to notice more readily the good opportunities, and you are developing the easy confidence to move towards them for you.


Thought for the Day: Let the Wyrd work for me. It brings me better relationships and more happy experiences. I work with Wyrd, and I learn to make it work for me. 
(You can substitute Karma, Fate, destiny, etc. for Wyrd.)



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 8 tomorrow...


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photo courtesy Eric Rolph at English Wikipedia commons

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 6 - your own standards.

You determine who you want.

Part 6, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 6: Don't Settle,


People do not usually review their personal standards. Standards are usually learned in childhood, become ingrained, and then are put aside.
It benefits us to review our standards from time to time. We need to know our own limits for determining the good and bad, or what we think good, and bad , are  for us.

Everyone needs a good set of standards. The problem is that while everybody has their own standards, some peoples’ standards appear somewhat low.

The secret of healthiness is setting the standards high without being inaccessible for you.
You need to determine what is acceptable and what is not.
You do need to set a standard that includes both high ideals and a lower limit. “This low and no lower!”

This is especially important for relationships. You need to consciously review your standards when it comes to acquaintances, friends and lovers.

You need to think over what you will and will not do, in your dealings with others.

Likewise, you need to establish what you will and will not tolerate from others.

Becoming lovable does not make you an open door to all who come.
You ultimately have the responsibility of choosing those who you will let into your personal life.

There is a desperate tendency among those who have been alone a long time.
They so want companionship that they jump on the first thing to come along. And with a rational companion of the same understanding - go for it; - this how friendships start.

Others keep every opportunity at arms length or further, in a state of fear.

Whether you are very lonely or not, you must put discretion first. You want what is good for you, and you should not settle for less. Compromise means you are losing out as well as the other party, and again if it is a happy mutual understanding to solve a situation, it may be good. It usually means the proposer of the compromise wants it more their way.

Stick to your standards. At the same time, do not become severe. Give people a chance to show you who they are.
Go back and read Becoming a better leader as a secret to getting what you want in life.

Everyone has shortcomings, and a severe set of standards will refuse most of mankind! Your standards can be firm, but not super rigid. Interestingly, good people are able to be guided.


The Secret: You will find that most of the people attracted to you have similar standards. People radiate toward those most like themselves.

There may be  many people whose behavior is not up to your standards. Let them live their own way, at a distance from you. Say NO to those who are wrong for you - especially say this to yourself. And develop the friendly warmth to say YES to those who are good for you.


1:

Exercise: On one half of a piece of paper, write a list five things you are willing to do. They should be examples of the lowest you will go. These are the low end of your standards.

Below them, list five things that are the higher standard. These are the kind of higher things that are always acceptable. and which cause no discomfort.

Now, on the other half of the paper, write five things you would never tolerate in another person. These are things which you find repugnant, and would never accept.
Below them, list five things that you welcome in others. These are good things that are always acceptable.

Take no more than ten minutes to make these lists. When finished, put the list away in a private place, and forget about it until tomorrow.


2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself surrounded by a circle of light. This barrier burns bright, protecting you. Only those who are good for you may pass. Those who are wrong are kept away.
Realize that this barrier represents your standards. See it if you wish, as your personal magnetic field, or aura. The light works for you, drawing the good and repelling the bad. Imagine that it really does just that.
Bring yourself back to the world around you.

Repeat this meditation once in the morning, then once again at night. Giving the previous meditations a rest.

3:

Added Exercises: If you think you have trouble standing up to people, develop assertiveness. You can find books to help, Amazon, Fishpond, Beanbone, or Biblio- are good online bookshops to get these books from.

Or take an assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
 

If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 7 tomorrow...



Recommend links to help you above, and...
Prosperity and a better life - easy techniques from Mindmint

photo courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 5 - you being noticed

Being noticed for being you - like Mairani

Part 5, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 5: People are noticing the changes in you.

You are probably feeling some results. It will be becoming more apparent to you that YOU are lovable. And you will be able to have the relationships you choose.
You are already making progress, and only four lessons have elapsed, - but you have done the hardest thing.
You have faced the problem taken some direct action, and made the conscious choice for progress, and that is what leads to success.

Though some notable results take time and effort, there are; lots of smaller things that come soon.You will begin to pick up on how other people show that they sense a change.

They may say something like -

• "Is that a new haircut?"
• "Did you buy a new tie?"
• "I’ve never seen you in that blouse before..."
• "Are you wearing a new perfume?"
• They may comment on your clothing, hairstyle, cologne, or other item of your appearance.

It may sound strange to you, since your hairstyle, clothing and perfume might not have radically changed.

What is happening is that people are noticing the positive change, as in how you are viewing yourself; thence the way you are now presenting yourself to the world, in you.

It is not the response itself, although that is rewarding in itself - but the fact that it is positive, that counts.

By the way, the best reply is one that acknowledges their compliment. Just smile and gently reply, "Thank you."

Once you get results, it is important to remember force pushes people away, ease draws them close, we are after long term results here.


The Secret:-Do not take these small results as a green light to push things. Remain at ease. Be content to focus the work on yourself. Let the people continue to come to you, for the moment.


1:


Meditation:  Keeping with the first three days meditation (keep doing them). Number 4 will be sorted now.
See yourself radiating positive energy. Imagine that the energy brightens you. It reaches out and touches others. You see that those who have a similar, bright energy are drawn to you.They come to you at a safe casual even pace. Because you have a similar energy, they are drawn to you, and you to them. They are attractive to you, as you are attractive to them. See yourself attracting the people who are good for you, as you are good for them. Enjoy this feeling, and that as it flows both out and in, you feel better and you are more and more lovable.

Relax, and slowly come back to the real world - rest a short while, and carry on your day with the new found brightness, and the easy freedom you have.

 2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) Keep it private.
When you begin the day, write down from two to five types of relationships
that concern you. No more.First, list the ones you have that you want to improve. Next, list the ones that you do not have, but that you want.
This part of the exercise should taken no more than five minutes.
 Put it in a safe place and forget about it.

At the end of the day, allow 30 minutes and take out the list. Look it over.
Which one of the categories can be started soonest, or which are you most likely to succeed quickly. Which are the hardest? Arrange the list, rewriting it, starting with the easiest and closest and ending with the most difficult and last. This provides you with a strategy. You begin with the easiest objectives and work your way to the more difficult ones. You do not need to finish one 100% before starting another.

The whole list, and the philosophy of change is the important thing. However, the greatest effort ought to be on those which are most important to you, and which are within your reach now.Put the papers away privately for the day.

 3:


Go to a park, or environment where there are people and it is safe for you, preferably where you will see different people-(even a shopping mall), and say hello or greet a few new people, maybe a positive compliment, and move on -this is still not the time for involvement.We are again just observing peoples reactions to a growing you.


 4:

Go to a different dating website link- Allow yourself 30 minutes on a timer: -- choose one website from the links below,-- and using what you read there; hand write - not type- not enter in the computer; hand write with a pen - on a piece of paper - (there are psychological reasons, that will help you for doing it this way); your own dating profile, using the lessons learned from the previous 4 lessons. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am radiant with a burst of new, bright energy that shines its light on all. I am starting to attract those who are good for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 6 tomorrow...


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pic courtesy of pdp.net