I'm so Stressed out, What am I doing wrong? 10 real life tips to make it easier.

A warrior in the world

Stress as we often know it. is the internal 'war' of opposing desires and expectations.

Usually; - the expectations or ambitions we have for ourselves, as opposed to those same demands 'society' has for us.

Society as such, considers itself more important than me and you, and attempts to influence you through manipulation in the form of advertising, whether it be with TV shows behaviorally, or directly with advertisements saying 'borrow this money from us now to feel better, or buy this now to feel better.'

Sadly, if they cannot influence you, they do influence your surrounding human co-inhabitants of life - (who will not be on the same path towards success as you.)

By you recognizing stress within yourself - you must for a start congratulate yourself for being so aware, then begin to ease the biochemical toxins it is creating within you, as you work on plans for the life you desire for your self.

To help you manage stress; begin to think of your body as a machine with a good supply of energy which needs regular care, and maintenance to function well.

With that in mind here are 10 simple tips:

1. Be conscious of your food intake. Limit the chocolate, the flour/sugar/fat combinations (biscuits, cakes, crackers, breads etc). Reduce your white rice, noodle, or packeted foods. Start to learn what a balanced nutritious diet is, and support your physique with regularly spaced eating times.

2. Sleep when stressed is either an escape or seems like a waste of time. Change your thinking a little.
Treat, and think of sleep as a chance to refresh your physical body - to repair the cells if you like.
Establish somewhere safe to sleep, keep it and your bedding clean - without residual chemical odours, and try for fresh air, if you are able and it is safe leave a skylight or window open - locked, and consider sleeping in a space with growing non-allergenic plants.
Turn the TV, radio off - no subliminal all night tapes, if you need a light on, put it several meters or yards away - low down.
Be a little comfortable, warm, and clean if you can as well.
Do sleep away from power lines, and cables, and radio antennas.

3. Engage in regular light to moderate exercise, even walking round in a specified number of circles in your flat or house is a start. A daily 1 mile or 1km walk if safe is even better - can you walk partway to work?

4. Set a priority or two in your daily tasks and concentrate on essentials for you, as well as obviously working for your boss or controller authority -  rather than feeling that you have to do every single thing.

5. There are 24 hours in our day, and you are allowed to work as long as you like, or engage an assistant. Think outside the 'normal' pattern.

6. If a task seems too hard, or too big, break it down into small steps or small goals and focus on achieving the first step or goal before moving on to the next one. (Do the thinking and acting privately, and announce your results and the important part they play in the organizations goals publicly.)

7. Take some time each day, and a special time once a week to relax. The daily time will be better for you if it is some meditation - not TV, magazines, or pub or bar time.
The Christian's have it partly right with the sabbath - it is meant as your duty day to the church establishment, and a specific indoctrination (schooling) time. But - you now think of it as your day to engage in your rest, planning, hobbies, self care etc.

8. Remember the biochemical idea, medically it is very accurate; - so lay off the coffee, alcohol, nicotine, THC, or other drugs, whether they are to relax or stimulate you. Develop a new pattern of only three drinks a night for example, then two drinks next week, then one drink, then one a week.
You will find some new and supportive friends with this thinking, and free up money and time to make the situation easier.

9. Be careful who you listen to, they all have their own desires. agendas, and issues, - often it is better to select parts of each person's ideas, than their whole philosophy. Government agencies, or employees, are not there to help you, government funded ones may give you a better (50/50) chance of success.

10. Hide some resources away privately and safely - if it is money, make sure it is tax paid, and you hide two or three copies of the receipts in two or three different places and/or upload them somewhere private and safe - say DriveHQ - (the employees of the revenue office will falsify the truth at any chance they have). Grow even a little of of your own food, even one herb plant is a good start.
Make sure only you know, this will give you a sense of power and control over your life, and relieve the stress.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

You need help with your relationship – but what if ?...The advice lottery

A successful relationship?

Signs of Good Relationship Advice

You need help with your relationship – but what if you get bad relationship advice?


These 10 signs of good
relationship advice will help you know if you’re getting help that will actually improve or save your relationship.

 

How to Recognize Good Relationship Advice

1. Your family is giving you relationship advice for their own reasons
You must be very specific, in asking why;- several times in fact.
Adult children, have there own exploration in life to undertake, and are mostly not to be listened to, after the first meeting of your partner.


2. Your friends are jealous of your relationship
Friends, are usually a great help with first assessments, past that time or those few minutes, they are either afraid of losing you, jealous of what you have and they can not, or deceptive in their intent.
Especially if they are damaged children, or the like.

Numbers 1 and 2 and closely enmeshed, do pay attention to your own life path as well.

3. The advice giver is objective – a sign of good relationship advice
 Listen for subjective statements - name calling - the adviser has their own unresolved immaturity to get through - their advice will NOT help you. 

4. Your inner feelings are telling you this is good or bad relationship advice
  Whether it is right or wrong, it is right or wrong for you just now.

5. You know yourself – a super way to recognize good versus bad relationship advice
As in number 4, take some time out in solitude, meditate if necessary.

6. The advice giver has the full picture of your relationship – the good, the bad, and the ugly
No matter if you are some at fault, an answer given with half the information gives poor results.

7. The advice giver has given you good relationship advice in the past
Did you listen the first time? Possibly this adviser has skills you can learn from.

8. The advice giver has healthy, good relationships
They are able to prove what they say works - if they cannot - keep your distance.

9. The relationship advice is from a good resource
Hard to say what is good, yet if it fits all the other characteristics here it probably is.

10. The relationship advice is honest and unbiased
They take into account both sides, without pity, or judgement.
Who is paying them?, and what rewards do they hope to get from this interaction?
Questions you must ask to avoid bad advice, predators, lawyers, corrupt and greedy people, and cults.

If it is government or lottery funded, their task is to add you to their numbers, and the quality of the help may be either good or bad - do treat it as an emergency 'band-aid' to use and move on without, as quickly as you can.



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

This was a Good Relationship, Is it Finished? I am Feeling like it is Over.

Thinking is it over?

A relationship, or even a marriage may indeed at times feel like it is better being ended. 

 

Now you chose to be in it or take it on originally - do re-think why you allowed, encouraged, or planned it to start.

 

Or are you going through some of the typical phases of a long-term, committed partnership?


Sometimes counseling with a realistic professional is all that is needed to re-establish the path of mutual success.

Just because you’re struggling with problems in your relationship, doesn’t always mean your partnership is un-saveable, or headed for a divorce court.
(Which will only drain you, and enrich some would say corrupt lawyers and crooked judges - or is it the other way around?)

The following signs may indicate the end of all, or only one stage of your partnership.

 9 Signs Your Relationship is Over ??

1) Your partner can’t see the reality of you being together 

 

If your partner doesn’t understand how his or her actions are affecting you – and even worse, refuses to chat about it, and attempt a few changes (with your positive encouragement) – then your relationship or marriage will be a challenge to rebuild. It may be worth re-evaluating your life habits, and choices at a distance, while you learn new skills for you.

2) Your partner sees how things are, but doesn’t show they care

 

You can communicate with all of your current skills, but if your partner doesn’t care how you feel or whether the relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign it is best to start over. The habits you have created, and the responses they bring on, will take effort to change. When a non-caring is exhibited, there is usually an underlying issue, that is being protected or defended. Are you prepared to address what is most likely a major problem you are part of?

3) You don’t connect with your partner

 

When you first got together, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your partner. As time goes on, and the influences of 'friends,' family, the issues of daily life, money and possibly a house, children, or careers all take a toll…and you find that you each have a preferred way of dealing with society's stressors. The mutual decision making is not so together anymore.

4) You have different visions of the future of your life together.

 

She wants a four million dollar home at the seaside, with all her girlfriend's visiting for drinks: and he wants to live in a rustic cabin on a ranch in the country. She wants six children, many grandchildren, and their hanger ons- of course all funded by?? and he’d rather travel and be child-free for a reasonable while.
She wants her mom, aunt, and cousins to live with you in the family home; you can barely tolerate the gossip at thanksgiving or Christmas.
To succeed you do need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and consider your plan or life together first (and other influences/influencers second).

5) You’re not physically intimate (if this is important it is over)

 

If you have no love life anymore, to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level.
There may be power and control issues going on - sadly if someone is in an immature state of mind to do this - just leave- quickly, and quietly. It is a form of abuse, and control, made famous by the KGB- so you are being played, and it is likely your partner is ending the relationship, by a manipulation.

6) You fight the “wrong” way in your partnership

 

If you can’t focus on the topic of your argument, choosing instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds, then you need to learn different skills away from this relationship. The more past conflicts come into current arguments, the less healthy your approach is.
This may not be a certain sign your partnership is over, but if you keep acting like this, the other person will revert their behaviour to what you keep talking about.

Propose good, you'll get good; threaten, or remind of unwanted past events - you won't get good at all.

7) Your partner cheats and wants to end the relationship/marriage

 

Many couples survive unarranged infidelity, and may end up with a stronger bond because of it. Other couples split up right away, as it was a sign of the other failings in the relationship or people. It’s how the partners approach the solution, that determines if they’ll stay together.

8) Your partner allows their past to intrude.

 

Ex-husbands, ex-wives, or ex's at all. Adult brat children. The list goes on; what partnership is this really, when they have not indeed separated themselves, and offered some commitment to the present.
Unless you want a triage or similar for yourself, leave and find a more mature partner.

9) You or your partner is abusive

 

If your actions are causing a response you don't like, change them. If it goes on for a week or two after this, there is something your partner is trying to control in you.

Look at yourself realistically on a day away from them or the situation.

Many women for example, are abrasive or verbally threatening in their responses to a perceived wrongdoing - and then question the reactions.
Many men for example, promise too much, and life gets in the way.
Time out, on site, or away from each other  - can give you each a chance to determine the next move.




Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


  pic courtesy pixabay

Struggling to get out of bed - All want to be is normal, or at least a normal life.

As the sun rises over the hills so do we.

Struggling to get out of bed every day—but you can’t make yourself do it.

You hide underneath the covers, avoiding life. All you need to do is turn off your alarm, get up, and go on with the day. Instead, you either let the alarm go on until it sounds no more, or you turn it off in a burst of energy, glad of the temporary relief. Wondering why you even set it, some duty perhaps. 

All you want to be is normal. To live without the difficult and huge emotions, and definitely without the downward spirals. The thought of waking up, over and over again, to a never-ending cycle of anger, hurt, and pain. Eventually, life seems to overwhelm, and thoughts come of it being time to end it.
As tempting as it is, you must know you have been intimidated- nicely or not- into that thinking situation. Someone is taking or getting advantage of you or your lower feelings - it is up to you not to give them that satisfaction, of you being where you are.

Part of what makes depression so depressing, is the crushing weight of pessimism holding you under. Nothing will work out, and everything is pointless;- pessimism makes it easy to believe that, as it seems the truth that we do have some control or prediction of, and offers a semblance of power.
What a terrible way to live life. Or to hide behind alcohol, or some drugs to numb the anger of it all, and the pain of feeling.
Involving yourself with bad people (you know, the kind you hope your kids never meet) makes you feel strong. (Not a good plan.)

On the flip side, an optimistic life is about believing in the best, through the worst.

Neither idea or attitude being the sole answer. It is best to use that subconscious anger to move yourself in a positive direction.

Depression stems from life choices/responses, and environment, not chemical imbalances alone. Fix the choices, fix the environment, and you’ll start to fix the depression.

The neuro chemicals are very important - get some regular activity going, or watch or read some harmless comedy - even a child's, for a start.

Do consider your nutrition and do something to improve it - some foods do have a negative effect.
Clean water, without masses of chlorine in it, (let it sit in a lightly covered glass container in a clean place for 10 minutes) , is infinitely better than soda pop or the cola drinks.(they do have chemicals in them, which are not good long term).  Or get a Water for Life USA water Ionizer - it works like your smart-phone.
Seriously - buy fresh and clean food, if you can afford it - buy, or go halves in a juicer,from amazon online, and have 1 -3 glasses a day, with your new nutrition program.

You have a choice to make: Let life and others lead you; or you lead your own life.
Reread that last line.

It’s a struggle to stay positive, and pessimism desperately wants to be in control. Your negative alter-ego is always ready to get on your shoulder, to whisper in your ear, "Isn’t life unfair?" And some people do knowingly and unknowingly help.

The thing is, life can be unfair. There are some bad people in the world. Life does get much easier, and happier, when you learn how to overcome negative events, and develop your possibility responses.

Useful ways to live life positively:

 

1. Replace the following phrases:

"Why me?," "Isn’t that just my bad luck," "It would only happen to me," and, "I just can’t catch a break." Words that make you a victim also make you a pessimist. A victim is someone else's pawn.
Stop using that thinking, and explore a feeling and questioning of wonderment and possibility.

 

2. Flip the switch off negativity.

The news, television shows, and the funny but mean viral videos, or denigrating comedians. Most consumer television or films actually. Turn off the radio, and now choose carefully music without words. Watch olden day comedies, or a modern day inspiration; - Les Brown is a good one. Negativity is an insidious disease, and it spreads through seemingly harmless mediums. The popular media is designed to unsettle you, and push you in a predetermined direction: - not yours.
Turn it off, now!, and select something better, there always is.

 

3. Refuse to be the misery promoter's companion.

Gently, but firmly, tell your partner/father/mother/family/neighbour/best friend/colleague etc., that you can’t follow their way just now. You want to explore some alternative ideas, and study them - this keeps you busy away from them, and is a legitimate excuse for you and them. Udemy online is a good place to start something new. Create at least an emotional distance from difficult people, they do have their own path.
You must avoid them, until you are stronger,- do make new friends, even temporarily, or find or care for a pet. Which pet books from Amazon.

 

4. Turn a disappointment around.

When you’ve had a disappointment or failure, go ahead and finish something else (anything). Complete a task that’s been on your to-do list, then another.
This will point you in a more positive, mindful direction, as you have now succeeded at something you have chosen. Then another one, and so on- choose small if needed- you are not after medals just now.

 

5. Be thankful for even the small stuff.

Be thankful you woke up, appreciate nature - good or bad. Thank your house, for providing warmth and walls. Thank your car or truck, for continuing to start. Thank your job, even though you might hate it, because it keeps you clothed and fed.
Slowly keep achieving more, but get in the habit of acknowledging life’s little achievements.

 

6. Make someone smile.

Compliment a shop assistant on their outfit, hold the door open with a smile for someone, or volunteer to help someone out of your normal circle. (Do take care to avoid the vultures though).


7. Get some paper or a journal.

Write a focus page or two of how your perfect life would be - only consider what you have control over (to have the perfect person or asset in your life is good - start to think about what can you change to get this to happen and then keep it) -soon after, draft some new ideas, and plans - then little by little put them to work, adapting as you go along. You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want. Keep it private.

Rewrite your history- it plays a huge role in how you view your life. You need not just accept life; you do have permission to intentionally live it.


Every Day seek the Good Life:

When you have work, home, and life, just maintaining the status quo is hard work. You say to yourself that there’s no time left to work on you. But maybe that’s an excuse. Didn't that thinking lead you to here? 
There must be a better way, mustn't there? There is; - go back and reread the whole post, taking notes, applying it to your life.

• You have to make time to find some good.
• You have to fight for your light at the end of the tunnel.
• Enjoy even part of today. And then more.
• At the end of the day, it’s about you and who you are in the world.
• It’s about turning off the negativity, whether it flows from your mind, your partner, or your TV.
• It’s about saying no to pessimism, and over-optimism, and yes to possibility.

Our ancestors had it right when they proposed that we:-

Turn your face toward the sun and all the shadows will fall behind you.

Recommended links to help you now


Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you.



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 



pic courtesy of pdp net

Successes of the Tarot in finding my new life path, and a new relationship partner.

 Fairy princess spells, and a new life.

Tarot Spells - Fact Or Fiction ?  Spells, meditation, affirmations, and expectation.

Does the reading of the Tarot help in any way to predict your success in life or romance?

Well surprisingly it does have a positive effect. Should you read upon it, then dismiss it, probably not much.

Yet to clear the mind of the daily pressures with a desire to find an answer, a good reading will bring you to considering a changed pathway.

As you have the symbols brought to you; if they are re-associated or linked with a past known event or impression - then your mind and consideration is brought to a future expectation. One would hope you will put the effort in to progressively adapt yourself, to bring that expectation to some sort of reality.
Thus the secrets are revealed. Read the paragraph above again, and take notes to establish the simple methods of success.

Meditative commands or interceptions, work because of the way you have been taught as a child in school - similar methods of a perceived authority figure, quietness,(isolation from distractions), exposure, linking, absorption, then reconsideration.

Another word form the same process is a spell. They are extremely powerful because of the above, should you consider their frame. They are one easy way of helping you on the way to a life you desire.

Sometimes, even if you do not see or show what you really feel, the universe always knows and it only presents you what it knows is best for you. If you view life like this, you will be able to handle any event or 'issue.'


  Can you get your ex back with the Tarot? On one hand it is possible to get an ex back with the help of a love spell, however, there are certain catches to it.

• The first possibility is for you to get exactly what you want; this is the most ideal possibility that any person can dream of.

• The second possibility is for you to not get what you want because this is not exactly what has to happen for you.

• And thirdly, there is also a chance that a completely different person will come into your life.

This is actually a good thing most of the time because the universe has already determined that you have asked for someone not suitable for you, and thus has found the one who is.

It is important that should you do these powerful love spells, you keep an objective and open mind about it so that you will not miss what the universe is actually trying to tell you. And be open to all three possibilities.


Some of the things you learn in schooling or church are of little use to you now - but remember the method they used, and use it for yourself to get what you want.


Again meditative commands or interceptions, work because of the way you have been taught as a child in school - similar methods of a perceived authority figure, quietness,(isolation from distractions), exposure, linking, absorption, then reconsideration.

As you have the symbols brought to you; if they are re-associated or linked with a past known event or impression - then your mind and consideration is brought to a future expectation. 

One would hope you will put the effort in to progressively adapt yourself, to bring that expectation to some sort of reality.
Thus the secrets are revealed.


The Tarot helps - use it; - used as it is meant to be, it is another tool in your magic chest for getting what you want in life. It does make it easier for you.



Live Tarot readers for you today.


Desktop Tarot, books, cards and more - for you and your friends.



Award-Winning Tarot Cards, Kits, Books from The New World's trusted source.


photo courtesy pdp net

Why does everyone else seem to be happy? What is their secret?

A youthful happiness for us.

Finding your Happiness, is it even possible?

Picture the child at the playground, or the party, - with bags of lollies or nice clothes. She or he is surrounded by toys, doting parents, and other happy kids.

Yet, although their world appears to be exactly as they’d want it, they are sobbing in apparent distress.

A dramatic representation for sure, yet many of us are not all that different from the little boy or girl on the playground. Many of us are going about, or seeing happiness distinctly wrong.

Despite what we may believe,or are told, we are not really seeking our own happiness at all. We at times don’t know ourselves well enough to figure out what we actually want. We conform to the ideas and ideals of our society, our family, and other influences, that sway our own point of view.

Unless we are careful, we spend our lives repeating patterns and filling other's prescriptions from our past, that don’t serve us in the present, and we wind up seeking someone else’s idea of happiness for us.

There are many influences from our early environment that we internalize, repeat or adapt to.
For example, a narcissistic parent who acted superior and domineering. Perhaps, she boasted about herself, while putting you down or disregarding you completely. Growing up, you may take on her point of view toward yourself.
You will have mean thoughts or “critical inner voices” that tell you you’re inferior or that you are insignificant and only take up space.

You'll also run the risk of repeating the negative traits of your parent, in which case, you’ll notice having your own thoughts or feelings of superiority or entitlement.

Maybe you’ll act out the same condescending, critical attitudes toward your children, or your partner/s, or sidestep confrontation, to retreat into your self and avoid standing out.

These adaptations will have made you feel safe in your childhood, but these same traits will be hurting you and holding you back as an adult.

To achieve true happiness, we have to drop the baggage from our past, and resist any urge to play the victim role that others prefer us in.
When we acknowledge our own ability to choose, and thence our own power, we have a much stronger sense of resilience and can better handle life.

 Happiness involves maturity, knowing we that can’t control others, only ourselves.
Being parental toward those around us keeps us from focusing on changes we can make for ourselves. On the other side, being childish and allowing others to control us, again, undermines our power and potential.

Overall, contentment or happiness doesn’t come from filling our days with fun things. Thrill-seeking and instant gratifications don’t work for too long, as we become numb to them, or tired of the efforts as they fail to fulfill us on a deeper level.
To find and lead a life that has particular meaning to us, we can feel more satisfied and joyful.


   Happiness means being willing to evolve. We are most alive when we plan and expand and try new things. Happiness means maintaining your interest in new and lively choices that will keep the spark inside you alive.

When we look at these principles, we quickly realize that seeking happiness isn’t selfish. When we are authentic, happy and fulfilled individuals, we are far better for the people around us and for society at large.
We are better parents, better partners, better bosses, co-workers, friends and citizens. As we follow the path we have carved for ourselves, we can still expect old influences to seep in and critical inner voices to flood our heads.

It is up to us to satisfy, and answer those thoughts to some degree, thus freeing us, and allowing our release from their hold.

We then become the designers of our happiness, and begin to lead a fulfilling life.




Recommend links to help you.


Astrology Karmic Love readings for you today.

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home


Live Tarot readers for you today.


Desktop Tarot, books, cards and more - for you and your friends.




photo courtesy Yann - Wikipedia commons - Enfants dansant, Journée internationale de la Paix 2009, Genève.

To get a romantic love, is it possible for me? - or an external force?

Fate in romances, and our choices

It seems as if love is like an external force. It’s something that happens to us, strikes us like the romantic cupid's arrow or overcomes us like a sunny day.

The problem with thinking of love this way, and that is that it focuses outward. It overlooks our own sense of power and leaves us to believe that we are victims of our romantic fate, without control.

Subconsciously this may be true, yet really we do have the abilities within to get what we want.

There are many popular reasons why people are either single or pulling out of their relationship.

• "I don't want to be hurt"
• "Women are so dramatic."
• "Men just want sex."
• "I’m just not good at intimacy."
• "I need to be by myself right now."
• "No one finds me attractive."
• "I'm too busy right now."

These statements are often based on critical inner voices, destructive thoughts directed toward oneself and others.
Most of this negative self-talk is wrong (and is often someone else's statements we have taken on):-  and can be covering up something else — something deeper.

If we want to give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining a rich and rewarding relationship, we have to look inside ourselves. The dating world can be full of obstacles, but our worst enemy is usually in our own heads.

Love for some of us, is the ultimate experience in that we feel so attuned and connected to someone else.
Yet, hopefully it is also a process of adventure and discovery that is internal.

Understanding that inner world is really the most important to letting ourselves get close to someone else. And keeping that romance happening for us.

Here are a few ways we may be getting in our own way when it comes to intimacy.

1. Avoiding pain:

Love hurts. The saying is both tired and true. Yet, as much as it gets lamented in pop songs or portrayed on movie screens, we don’t really let it sink in. Part of us feels, once we find the right person and make the smart choices, love will be easy — blissful, less complicated than all those other relationships around us.

Many people pull back the moment things get close. Caring about another person deeply is a truly painful thing. It makes us value them more, ourselves more and our lives more. Inevitably, it reminds us of time and loss. On another level, love challenges an old and familiar identity. It brings us into maturity and forces us to separate from our past. When we get close to someone, it shifts underlying emotions — things we’ve buried and sat on for years.  We have to recognize the ways we’ve been hurt and understand how those wounds inform our current behavior. This means being willing to feel pain without trying to numb ourselves or gloss over the feelings that come up.

2. Retreating into a fantasy:

Once people get scared in their relationship, many couples have a tendency to form a fantasy bond, a defense that allows us to feel as if we’ve joined with another person. (Soul-mates for the time).

 This illusion will make us feel safe and secure,and seems to offer a sense of control and security,
but it undermines most feelings of real love. When people retreat into fantasy they start to relate as a unit, presenting themselves as a couple instead of as two individuals who are genuinely drawn to each other.

They start to impose confines and restrictions on each other, so neither party feels threatened,(hopefully), yet both feel limited. They become critical and demanding toward each other rather than respecting each other’s individuality and independence.
And this, for most, creates a hotbed for resentment and drives them apart.


Couples are much better off maintaining a sense of themselves as two separate people with sovereign minds who genuinely care for and appreciate each other.

This independence encourages us to respect our partner and treat him or her kindly. Only when we see someone as separate from us, can we genuinely care about how they feel, and we are better able to keep our attraction to them, and our-self, alive.


3. Protecting ourselves:

Both men and women say how much they want to find love, then, once they find it, feel like not being  close for some reason or reasons.

Some complained of feeling tied down or pulled on, and others become incredibly insecure and jealous. Every single one of these people could trace these reactions back to their early lives: parents who intruded on them or rejected them, caretakers who shamed them or frightened them. (The invocation of others again).
In response to painful events in their life, these people adapted, taking care of themselves or vowing to never trust anyone.
These survival mechanisms do serve a purpose, yet can leave us isolated from some possibly good for ourselves.
These defenses push our partners away and end up causing a lot of pain.
Getting to know our defenses is a key step in learning how we limit ourselves in our relationships.


4. Believing our inner critic:

 The critical inner voice is an inner enemy - or must be treated as one- that drives us to avoid closeness, to shut off emotions and retreat into a fantasy.
It puts us down in countless ways, tearing into our appearance, performance, personality and aspirations. It is a pain, in the sense that it both soothes and punishes us.
Sometimes, it sounds like a mean coach, "No one will ever want you". Other times it sounds like a comforting parent, "Don’t bother with...you are just fine on your own."

The critical inner voice can and will seriously undermine our life and our romantic desires.
It turns us against us, and our partner or potential partner in ways that make it even harder to achieve real success or intimacy.
This voice is a phantom from our past. It is not represent the true reality.
It is indeed a destructive filter through which we see the world that tries to keep us in someone else's box or place in life.

At every stage of a relationship, when the critical inner voice tries to exert its influence, we must confront it as a third-party threat. Make sure to identify it and separate it from your real point of view. There are useful exercises and techniques to help you do this. See the links below- they do work.

Recognizing you have a power in your relationship by challenging your past defenses. doesn’t mean not liking, or even blaming yourself. Quite the opposite - you can feel good about becoming the best you can be.

It allows you to work on the only thing you have any real control over in your relationship, you.
When you’re able to maintain a sense of yourself as an independent, aware, and loving individual, then no matter what anyone else says or does, you will feel your own sense of control and empowerment, and stay open to success in the real love in your life.

 *****

Recommended links to help you now.





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How to get back to normal after a threatening and horrible event, finding a path way through.

Cage of life and humanity

Getting back to normal after a threatening and horrible event, or even finding a path way through the mixed emotions we feel, and the events we relive in our minds; seems like an insurmountable struggle against the world.

Fear becomes a way of life. You don't trust yourself, and don't trust anyone else, either. Some people respond to their outer critics by acting out against others, or to batten down the hatches and disappear.

Most peoples responses are to never fully trust again, period.

In moderation, that is a valid approach in part, as the trusting-ness often led us into the situation. 
Put back in your mind though; that not 100% of the world are awful 100% of the time. Some good in humanity, and nature at different times, does exist.

Being labelled with PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress, it does seem accurate - all we really want to do is:-

1- not have had it happened,

2- never have it happen again to us,

3- destroy the person or cause responsible, for some small level of satisfaction.
 (number 3 is a good plan - but stay within your regime's or jurisdiction's law - 
- it does save time and hassles) 

4-focus on rebuilding what we had, or desired.

********

 Despite it all being “invisible” externally, is as real as a devastating physical wound, for those that suffer its disabling effects.

On a positive note - in time - we do become healed, and better equipped for the future with our new knowledge.

It can keep getting triggered by small reminders, only serving to hold us, or put us back in a place of not coping, or unsure even if our feelings our valid, or is it OK to even think that way.

No one else, really understands what we have been through, and they offer only bandages or platitudes which serve to cover the inner damage we feel.

To us it is as real as this moment now sometimes, - our inner critic's voices questioning us, and the seeming intensity of all we only wish to be dulled, so that we can cope, and get on with our life.

We do need to silence the lies that those inner voices (responses) tell us about ourselves, that we have used for so long as part of a coping method. -  (NB. they are usually invocations from someone wanting power over you).
The inner critic tells you that you're defective and responsible for every bad thing that happens to you. The outer critic tells you that most human beings shouldn’t be trusted because they are all potentially, dangerous.
Both your inner critic and outer critic lie to you.

Most of the stress comes from the list of thoughts above, and our lack of resources, or even being allowed to deal with it.

Your plan for you, is to develop thoughts of altering your responses, not abolishing the feelings.

To re-frame the events and responses as a movie (in which you are a less passionate observer is perfect, or to re-frame or physically distance yourself is as good).

Being respectful of a your internal resistance, is critical in your long term improvement...gentle, respectful work is amazingly powerful.

*not pushing for results- as your abuser/authority has done, and who are never satisfied until they fully disable you, driving you into a deep depression and isolation from others - This is the politician's,- banker's,- abuser's,- authority's, and warmonger's game plan, to have ultimate control over you.

Whether it is war, losing friends, family, or your things; being hurt physically or psychologically - we can improve our lives to a happy place - or one of contentment with ourselves at least.

You are allowed, and it is OK to become the leader in your own life.



Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

photo courtesy wikipedia commons peter cruise

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 10 - love spells bringing you success.

Creating your own reality by design.

Part 10, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 10: Love Spells


We are still in the esoteric mode - just stay with it - the poems and the associations have a sound and effective basis.

Now you can cast your spell.

Do Yesterday’s Exercise first-

 Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? 

Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.

Now we go to work;- well fun really.

There are 'love spells' for you, no matter what your ideas: Christian, New Age, Heathen, Wiccan, metaphysician, etc. A few samples.are here to start you on the road.

Each tradition usually has its own set of love spells for you to use.

Now cast your spell!

Metaphysical Style Type Spoken Spell

There is One Mind, One principle, One Universal Soul, One Love, and I am one with that One.
I am now connected with the Universal Love of the One, and through my word I am sending it forth now.
The great Love, guided by the All-Knowing Mind, is now seeking and finding companions for me. The power knows the right ones for me. It knows where they are, and I let it work to bring them to me.
This One great power is now attracting to me my rightful friends/companion. It is drawing them to me, and they will be seen in good order.
I know that the power is working for me, and I give thanks that new friends (companion) are in my life. So it is!

Heathen Spoken Spell

Three ladies danced across the land

                                        Bringing love into my hand:
                                                      The first called him [or, her]
                                                      The second brought him,
                                         The third bound us together.
                                                    Whatever the weather.


Candle Spell

Use a green or pink candle with an easy appropriate incense (Jasmine, Apple or your favourite new one). Get a small, inexpensive figurine of a cat. It can be as tiny as you wish. Start the spell normally. If Pagan, invoke a deity related to Love. As a key point of your spell, place the figurine beside the candle. Speak the following charm:

Kitten, kitten, hark to me,
A lover (friends) I would have, you see.
Look and find that one for me
Bring him (her) to me, so will it be!

Christian prayer.

Oh Lord, I ask for your forgiveness for all my sins, and now pray to you to help me become one with you.
As I get better, I know you will guide the right people to me, so we can continue in our path together in Christ.
As I let you bring them to me, my faith will let me determine those who are a joy to our journey.
I thank you Oh Lord,
Amen.



You can make your own - in fact to have a 2-4 line saying you have created for you - is the ultimate 'spell' to quickly and easily get that you have planned for yourself.

It has to be positive - I used to say 'I'm not having that', which is a good standards determination.
But my success immediately improved, and remarkably once I sat down for a while and came up with a 2 line rote which I internalized - that was a possibility re-frame.



1:

Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.



2:

Meditation: See yourself stepping out into the world, glowing with brilliance. Imagine yourself as confident, lovable, and happy. Know that as this energy radiates from you, it brings you more of the good companionship you seek. Know that your inner lovability is now working for you, and that you deserve all the good you desire.


3:

Exercise:You can buy or make a love charm, either to carry or to place. Get one posted from Amazon, or go to the local dollar store. It does-not have to be expensive -much like the cat figurine for the  new age candle prayer, it is a talisman or symbol. Re-read the silver spoon post here.
If you can, make something, or a 2 or 3 of them, the process, meditation, and thinking while making will work wonders.
Put the charm were you see it each morning and night -if not carried with you if small.

If a personal relationship turns to an unwanted one- revise, and bring out the talisman again.

Thought for the Day:  I am ready to go forward, confident that I am lovable. I will attract the people who make me happy, and who are happy with me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



The final steps in one easy place - tomorrow...



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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 9 - the power of magick, within you.

The magick of a love earned.

Part 9, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 9: Love Magick

Having become more lovable, you are now ready to help the process.

This lesson may seem like esoteric fantasy, yet stay with it. The psychology is in fact sound, and the processes even in their different or odd framing will produce results. So here we go..

Magick can help, after you have worked through the preceding lessons. 

Love spells have a long and ancient history,and in the right manner do work for you.

Whether they are in the guise of either a Christian, Pagan, or other prayer, or tarot/rune reading or any similar methodology, The fact is that when you are ready inside yourself - they seem to bring circumstances to you.

However, there are a few “rules of the road” to discuss before we begin. Much like we said above, a love spell can only bring you what you 'deserve'. 

It cannot and will not bring you circumstances for which you are not ready. As in the rainbow and pot of gold analogy from before, you must undertake some activity to get it. Even those who are struck by lightning (an averagely rare occurrence) have actively or inactively been somewhere for that to come to them.

The spells work with the 'Law of Attraction', which means ‘like attracts like,’or a water fills or flows to a space available for it.

 If you want the perfect wealthy non-drinking Prince Charming, or the polite and lovely Centerfold Girl who is a wonderful homemaker and party girl combined, you can pretty much forget about it, unless you have, or are something or someone they want. 

Note - perfect combinations exist only in our mind - our ambition is to get close to that.

If you want someone with whom you will be comfortable, however, that is easily possible, and this is your aim, as it will bring you a long-term happiness.

Secondly, you have to be careful not to ask for a absolutely specific person or type, unless there is a lot of them, it takes too long to get one; then they have some bad bad parts which will do you no good.

Plus, the measure must mostly be yours, not your friends, or relatives. 

Good authentic relatives will guide you, and support your decision making; friends can see what you cannot see - yet it is your life you are designing.

At best, looking for a 10 out 10, be it the current George Clooney, or Raquel Welch -"jams up" the magickal works. 

At worst, it backfires in ways that can be so exasperating. 

 Besides, love does not always look or present itself in the media portrayed package way you expect. 

Third, you cannot be too indefinite. You really do have to have some idea of what you want. 

Do not just say “A man” or “a woman” or “new friends.” Think of attributes you would like them to have. Use your previous lists. You can ask for a kind, gentle and caring individual, and someone who matches your standards. 

Take the time to examine yourself, your motives, and your desires. A little self-checking before the spell can save you a lot of exasperation afterward.

 Ask for what you really want, and be sure that what you think you want is actually what you want. 

My experience as a normal 'average' person, leads me - to promise you - you will get what you design for -

 Life Secret:- do the meditations, thinking, and exercises, allow good to happen - and very very importantly - allow yourself permission to have what you get, and look after it.

Think about what matters to you before you cast a spell, and do include it in the spell.

1:

Exercise: On one side of a page, write ten to fifteen things you want in friends. On the other half, write ten to fifteen things you want in a lover. Spend no more than ten minutes on this entire exercise.
When you have finished, put the list away privately and forget about it until tomorrow.


 2:

 Meditation: Imagine the kind of people you want in your life. Think deeply on their temperament, interests, and attitudes. Ponder deeper reasons why people appeal to you. Muse over this for a while, and  next, think of what you do not want. Think on the unwanted only briefly, as like most of us- what we don't want can out-shadow the good we want in life.Aim for the good - your aim is true.
Finally, reflect again on what you want. Know that within you is the power to attract the right people to you.



  3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly now see the sort of profiles/people that you might want to allow in your life now. Stop there, still a bit more to do to get what you want.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.

When you are at work, shopping or in the company of other people, practice being your new self, and notice the ease it feels with you.
If you have done all the lessons to date well - you will feel that others are finding you an attractive person to be around. (Some won't -they have their own life path - stay away from them, emotionally, mentally, or physically.) Focus on the good, and move on through your day.



Thought for the Day: Because I am the right person for what I desire. The friends (lover) I seek are (is) right for me. 


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 10 tomorrow...



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