I have No energy for life - Is my friend A Bad friend? and How do you know?

Associates determined to help you or themselves?

11 Signs Someone in your life-space is Toxic to You.

Some people will complicate your life. Either by their own habits, or mostly to fill their own lives with some value.

These people are not helpful in your quest for a good, if not better life.

Time slips away as they draw you in to their world, and you deal with their issues, and as you take a step back, you wonder why you feel so drained.

This is the definition of a toxic person, one to avoid, or protect yourself against. If these actions are repetitive, or damaging to you - that is the true indicator.

Figuring out What a Toxic person is by their actions/in-actions.

1-They drain you. – You feel psychologically and emotionally depleted after spending time with them, instead of uplifted.  

2-They are not supportive. – You choose not to tell them about new, important aspects of your life because they’ve been un-supportive or demeaning about your ideas in the past.

3-They are up to no good. – They regularly partake in activities that are against human norms.

4-Their values and interests are opposite to your own. – Dissimilar value systems doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is wrong, it just means they aren’t right for you, at this moment in time.

5-They are often unreliable. – They break their promises sometimes, or does it feel like they lie to maintain control. If they are consistent in their untruths - choose to limit your exposure to that part of their life.

6-They aren’t meeting you a little way. – If you are always the one calling your friend to make plans and going out of your way to be with them, do bring up a solution, if that doesn't work after a few times - find out why.

7-They are jealous of you or others. – Jealousy is:  "I want what you have and I will take it away from you."

8-They have zero ambition. – Beware; a lack of ambition can be contagious. They probably need to be given a lot of security - can you afford this?? 

9-They constantly drive you to moments of insanity. – Another power and control technique - especially used by domestic abusers - women mostly, they are trying to be seen as the perfect one - and set you up for a fall.

10-They talk about others - or other groups in a black and white demeaning way. A lot of groups are not good, and avoidable e.g. politicians, some government agencies - yet to talk about the others, without concrete actions indicates a manipulative personality.

11-They threaten you or your valued things, achievements - Something similar to the jealousy or envy- they are unable or unwilling to do things for themselves, so they will reduce what is yours to make themselves appear valuable to the world. These ones particularly are unsaveable - dispose of them by whatever means possible - within the law.

How to End a Toxic Relationship or Friendship

If you still want to or have to allow this person in your life, just to a lesser degree:

Stop responding to fake crisis calls. – Don’t drop everything and offer to help all the time. Suggest they can deal with it, and move on with your own day.

Take positive control of negative conversations. – It’s okay to change the direction of the conversation to something better in their world.

Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled. – Say something like, "I know how it must be for you....I have to go now."

Be reasonably honest. – That means with reason (play nice), not partly as in half truth. Some people really don’t consciously recognize their own tendencies or their inconsiderate behavior. They can be shown what verbalizations or actions do get them good results for them. Your fair and tactful honesty may ensure that any future is built on mutually beneficial ground.

If you just want to completely end your relationship with the person in question;

Stop taking their calls completely. – If you’re stuck seeing them on a regular basis, like a coworker, keep things on a 100% professional level alone.  Find a reason to leave and excuse yourself as needed.

Firmly tell them you’ve had enough. – If you’ve decided it’s time to cut a truly toxic influence out of your life, you can let them know honestly (without being cruel).  “I just can’t be friends with you right now” isn’t fun to hear, but it has the benefit of putting everybody on the same page.

Make new friends worth having. –Give your time to friends you connect with and enjoy.  The long shadows of toxic friends shrink considerably when you’ve got better things to do with your time than worry about their negativity.

If they are a real pain - go and read the toxic people post, then come back here.

Finally, Be a Good Friend

It is a good start to cut toxic people out of your life, yet you can easily get quality friendships if you want them. Not all of the 17 billion people in the world are bad, there are a few good ones out there.

Part of the responsibility is with you to maintain and direct the partnership in the way that makes both of your lives better. And for you to begin to take control of your own life direction.





Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

  Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (buy and read them all!)

 

 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   

Why wont you Accept Me? Don't be so hard on Yourself.......

Accepted in the world?

Many have asked that question in usually difficult times. Do not allow another to attempt control of you like this.

Most likely we are challenging the rules the other person or group, has in their own mind for their world.

As an emerging adult, we easily see through the unreality of the world, yet no one seems to appreciate our views on it all.


To conform, without disrupting the status quo - (does leave some people at the top, doesn't it?) - seems be that which is forced upon us.
It does make your life easier to seem as if you are a patterned being - not so far as a clone though.

Even more important than presenting yourself in a manner others find attractive, is to accept yourself. From this almost invincible foundation, you can conquer the world.

If you find yourself adopting a non-accepting attitude towards things you do or don't do, or thinking self-critical thoughts;

1- write down privately exactly what that or those thoughts are
2- then re-write them as - I remember that 'X' said I was - note that this is probably the reality.
3- now go through the easy exercises below,
and create and write down a balancing thought to change the world as you see it.

Accept yourself:

Don't be too hard on yourself. What would you say to yourself if you were being a little more forgiving towards yourself? Write this down as your balancing thought and say it to yourself.

Counsel yourself as if you were a good friend:

What would you say to a friend in your situation or what would a good friend say to you? And about you. Write this down as your balancing thought.

Constructive approach:

If you were asked to say what positives might come out of the situation or what you can learn from it, what would you say? We can even learn from undesired situations - as we must really do so to make things better for us. Write these comments down as your balancing thought.

Explore alternatives:

What alternative ways are there, of looking at the things that are leading you to jump to negative conclusions about yourself? Your negative judgement about yourself  could be more balanced or moderate. Write this down as your balancing thought.

Prepare for the worst:

Imagine that the worst were to happen - it won't - Though to be ready with a couple of plans to deal with those contingencies is the mark of success.Write down your asssessment of seriousness and of how you could react or deal with that eventuality as your balancing thought.

Try to focus on something else:

Is it really worth expending all your emotional and mental energy over this issue? Now you have plans in place, you are relieved from the circular or unproductive thoughts that may be affecting your self-belief and feelings of self-worth.And you can focus on creating a better world for yourself.

Recommended links to help you now......

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



pic courtesy of pixbay

Are there any Good People in the World? Do Remove the Toxic People first

Developing the warrior within.

When you start to question;  Are there are any good people in the World?
It is usually at a time when your trust has been betrayed, or you are tired of giving yet not getting what you thought was a fair in return.


Surviving the ups, downs of other people’s emotions can be a challenge.
It is important, though, to remember that some moody, negative people may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. 


Even though that is no excuse for their behavior - or in fact no excuse for you allowing it in your life.

They may be ill, chronically worried, or not knowing how to get the love and emotional support they are thinking they need.
These people need to be supported, and shown how to achieve what they want - usually by a good therapist - as their life to date has not yet fully equipped them for the world. Don't tell them this, you'll usually not like the response you get, - it is better to let their role models encourage them. You primarily need to protect yourself from their behavior.

If the actions are persistent and damaging - to you especially: this of a toxic bully, who will use her or his mood swings to intimidate and manipulate you or others in their world.

If you can observe these people closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referring - which means all activities in their life are designed to reinforce their value in their world.
Read the 'Miss Battles' post again. Then the Being Brave and How to End....post, and return to here.
Their relationships are organized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs.

To be selfish is good, yet one would say - not at the expense of damaging others.


It is better for your health and success in life to avoid any future contact, with these people, no matter how wealthy, attractive, or what they may seem to offer you.

If you compare it to a false politician, verbalizing promises, yet giving nothing of their own to the cause, or a typical gangster approach, to give you a $5 item they got for free, in return for hours of your life; then their associates will take it off you again for later use.

There really are better people in the world, look for them, at the same time making time and space for them by ditching the toxic ones until they grow out of that phase.
They might never, that doesn't matter, you must stay well, healthy, and successful to be of value to yourself, and the world.

  9 Easy Ways to Deal with Toxic People

1)  Move on without them.

When someone keeps on destructively dictating the emotional atmosphere, then be very clear: they are toxic. If you are suffering because of their attitude, and your compassion, or patience, doesn’t seem to help them, or you are not their paid therapist- and they don’t seem to care one bit, then quickly and quietly create a distance.

When you delete toxic people from your environment it becomes a lot easier to breathe. In fact if you find yourself holding your breath around someone - you are aware of the threat this one may be to you.

A healthy relationship is reciprocal; it will be give and take, on agreed terms as in a partnership.
 

2) Stop pretending their toxic behavior is OK.

Toxic people use their behavior to get preferential treatment, because this is their learnt pattern. They don’t change until an overwhelming catastrophe hits them, encouraging introspection.
Decide now - not to be influenced by their behavior.
Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with. Even from an off-duty or want to be film-star.  If someone over the age 18 can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a semi-regular basis, it’s time to…

3)  Speak up

Stand up for yourself in your own mind. Be quiet about it, as nearly all of these people both women and men, are dishonest when it comes to getting their ultimate way.
(For future reference this is their Achilles heel);  These people will do anything for their own personal gain at the expense of others – cut in line, take money and property, bully and belittle, pass guilt, etc.
Much as you might like to confront them, do not do it directly- do it in a humorous way- this will get through to them after 2-3 times. and not at their or your expense. You really are dealing with the worst example of humanity underneath that facade they have.

4) Bring their actions into the open

We are dealing with a naughty toddler here, and they will try to get what they want with secrecy.
They usually, have duped the authorities, if not actually being one.
To protect you, you must bring their behaviour on show - they won't mind so much - as this will make them feel important.
Have all your conversations with another person, or persons present. Or of course on tape, or CCTV if you hold the key.
 Ask the authorities in their life " Is Jonah or Roz (put your attackers name here) OK? they seem like there is something going on at home/work - with their parents/children." This brings the toxic person to the notice of someone who may have influence to re-direct their behavior.
That does not mean the police or Guardia, it means those who they respect - even if you do not.
  

5)  Put your foot down.

Your dignity will be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away forever, unless you willingly surrender it.This is their aim by the way.
It’s all about finding the strength to defend your boundaries.
Start with a self-defense course, or training books - and after a few weeks verbalize to - not them- but to others in their social/work group how good the course is. Do not invite them to it.
Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled, leave their presence continuously. Ending any conversations with sickening sweetness, or just plain abruptness saying you are called away to do something important.  The message is clear:  There is no reward for subtle control, and no games will be played at your end.

6)  Don’t take their toxic behavior personally.

It’s them, not you.  KNOW this. They have selected you, because you looked like an easy target, you most probably listened to them at some stage, and, you have something they want.

Toxic people will try to imply that somehow you’ve done something wrong, or create situations that set you up to fail.
If you notice this once - leave - these people are criminals in whatever clothing they wear. 

If they are your employer or boss, learn what they allow you to learn, wisely and quietly accumulate a resource fund, and get a new income source, quickly. These people are always subject to high level fraud, work, and environmental safety inquiries - and they will use you as the sacrifice, with a smile on their face.

Remember, take nothing personally. What they say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection. Just leave, and find the better people in the world.

7)  Practice practical compassion.

Some toxic seeming people are genuinely distressed, or even mentally and physically ill, but you still need to separate their issues from how they behave toward you.
If you let people get away with anything because they are distressed, facing a medical condition, etc this will reinforce the bad behavior. Do have a human concern, do listen to them, yet do value your own life. A nurse must eat, in order to care for her or his patients.

 8) Take time for yourself.

If you think you are forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure you get enough alone time to relax, rest, and recuperate.  Online courses are good - as it gives the implied promise, you are becoming a better person for them. Choose one from  Udemy they have a great selection. And Meditation, in some form, allows an 'escape'- see the links below.

Having to play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of toxic moodiness (control) is damaging, and the toxicity can infect you. Read the wrong relationship post, then come back here.
It is OK for you to think peacefully, free from external pressure and toxic behavior.

9) Bring on the catastrophe.

No that doesn't mean inviting your favourite terrorist to shoot them, or blow up their house or work. Or setting fire to their place, or putting them in line of disaster. Or cutting their car or truck brake lines, or getting the local gang to intimidate them. Or even for you to say or write that.

They of course will do all of these things.

You must not. as you will get in trouble - no matter how valid this reaction might be. They are not worth it. Think you are worth more, which you are.

They are aware of all these, and are the consummate liars of the world, and have the worst of the worst friends in their support system.

The best results, are by you leaving their clutches, they no longer have that toy, or that resource they can use or to play with. Read the woodcutter post- and come back here.

 If not, and you do have the time, and energy..........

• Again; Ask the authorities in their life " Is Jonah or Roz (put your attackers name here) OK? they seem like there is something going on at home/work - with their parents/children." .

• Or if they have horses or animals ask the animal welfare/control authorities - "are you sure X's animals are OK? they seem distressed for the last..."

• If they have children - do the same for the child health/protection agencies.

• If they have a car/boat/truck -there are regulatory authorities that love their ego boosted - so ask them "are you sure these are legitimate?"

• Contact the tax revenue office - and ask "how can they have all this?.... it looks like it has been going on for years"

• If you are at a school, or workplace (needing what they have to offer) - use the same ideas - also possibly ask questions of the external administration authority " I'm not sure..but it looked like X is doing this" - whatever will threaten the organizations positive public impression.

• If they are your landlady or landlord, take care (the walls have ears), any emails/phone calls/communications must be done away from the building - the same goes for work by the way- Do not complain about your own space until you leave, anonymously complain about the adjacent unit they own, and then invite the inspector in, if it is safe - for a coffee or water, questioning the faults only in conversation.
• Present yourself well, conform on the outside, at minimal cost to you - use the dollar store to decorate the apartment or residence with a few noticeable things they like, pictures/ornaments.
• Plan to leave - ensuring you are paid up, and you have uploaded videos or photos to protect you to a private safe source say  DriveHQ-

• If you live with them, forget it - re-read the previous 8 points, and build yourself up, and leave.

 ****

Enlist a trusted friend to post your letters, or phone asking the questions - so if asked you can say it wasn't you. 

You must be anonymous, no matter what privacy rules are in place, the toxic person all so often is a charmer on the outside, and very, very vindictive.

Make very sure what you say is truthful - at sometime you will be held to account. 

Present yourself well, conform on the outside, at minimal cost to you - use the dollar store to decorate your life with a few noticeable things they like, pictures/ornaments etc.

Do be aware nearly all of these people both women and men, are dishonest when it comes to getting their ultimate way. 

These people will do anything for their own personal gain, at your expense and sacrifice.

All the above. brings the toxic person to the notice of someone who may have influence to re-direct their behavior, and of course gets them out of your hair.




The best results, are by you leaving their clutches, they no longer have that toy, or that resource they can use or to play with.  Read the woodcutter post- and come back here.

 

 NB-the name Jonah is a fictional representation to make a valid point

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

  Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (buy and read them all!)

 

 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   


pic courtesy pixabay 

How do you get over a Man? A breakup I never thought would happen to me.

The man of my dreams.

If you want to cure a problem, the first thing you must ask is what causes it.

In the same way, the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” can be resolved by identifying the main reasons why you broke up.

Reconciliation can occur on positive terms, if in the first place you’re truly sure why the split happened.

By asking yourself (not your 'friends') some difficult questions, you can get to the bottom of the problem, and move ahead in the best direction for you.

Did your personal differences clash?
Many couples split up because they get to a point where they can’t tolerate or complement each other’s personality. If your relationship ended for this reason, you can fix this by sincere communication. Give him a call and invite him for a daytime chat in a cafe.-That means no alcohol, drugs, sports distractions, or sex. Do not flirt, or wear revealing clothes, - this is a calm yet serious conversation, or two.
Discuss together what traits you appreciate and what adjustments you can do for the relationship, and what he thinks would help (what he will consider doing.). When you talk to him, keep yourself calm and undemanding. Call your empathy every time you find him difficult to understand. If he doesn’t feel like having a word with you, there is a chance he feels unable to trust you; don’t pressure him.


Did the hectic schedules get in your way?
Couples last longer when they choose to spend moments with each other, to strengthen the bond and to create positive memories together. If both of your hands were quite full, and you lacked the discipline to put time into your relationship, it was bound to fail. Now that you ask yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend back”, make sure you put his name in your organizer, not just your friends. Be careful you are considerate of his time as well as your own, and don’t overdo it, as persistent emails, text messages and calls are seen as harassment.


Did you get bored with each other?
If your relationship happened to be monotonous, you might have run out of creative ideas to have kept it going. Explore your own hobbies, talents and interests, no real man wants a doormat around him. Now that you want him back, you can’t return to the same total focus of you and him, or expect him to be interested in what brand of makeup/clothing you do or don't like.


Was there any kind of abuse in the relationship?
If you underwent physical and emotional abuses in a past relationship, how have you changed?
Are you recreating the same responses here with this one?
How can you change your words, or inner self talk?

If there is abuse, usually it is better to change yourself first - being in someones face, or minimizing them or their accomplishments will aggravate the calmest person in the world. They may or may not hit you, but they will avoid you or leave, and your name will be mud in the community.


Was he dissatisfied with your physical intimacy?
Men are turned off with all women who react like robots to his hugs and kisses. As well as demands, 'twenty seven' conditions to be right before intimacy, and flirting with other men or woman, will bring you failure. It greatly affects his, and your satisfaction in the relationship.
Enhance your looks, and hygiene, and be confident within yourself, do not verbalize your faults, only your improvements. When ever you get a chance to talk to him, show your honest smile and interested gaze.


Did you try and contain or entrap him?
A real man will avoid in his mind, imprisonment - he may love the security of your devotion, but he is almost like a cat, - they always come home to where they are cared for, and welcome. They are never happy trapped in containment.


Was he feeling the relationship was one way?
It doesn't take long for most men to get tired of financially (or otherwise) supporting someone, who does not offer any real value, What real value can you offer this partnership? A decorative accessory, lazy cook, or baby factory - just does not cut it. How can you improve yourself? Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it a little at a time.


 Were there infidelity issues?
If he’s currently happy with another woman, move on with your life. If you made a mistake and caused it - that was a life learning experience. If he came back to you - talk about how to make things more satisfactory for both of you. Maybe study the Kama Sutras together.


 Once you’re over the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” value the second chance that has been given to you. Apply yourself and work at it.

The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make
Trying To Get Their Men Back

Unfortunately, most women go about fighting for their man the wrong way and pay the price dearly. In most cases, these mistakes actually push him further away! Mistakes like…

• Promising to change who you are
• Sending flowers or a touching letter
• Trying to make him feel guilty
• Stalking and/or spying on him
• Calling his friends and relatives
• Giving up

Let's face it, you're scared, depressed, or both, and just want to get back together with your man once and for all. 


 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.

A few steps to getting over a breakup

1) Understand that you're thoughts and memories create the 'feelings' that you are are still in love with him. As attractive, as he was, that was a great life experience then.


2) There are millions of date-able men in the world. There are literally millions of men as good in different ways. And of course millions who are similar or worse - let's think 50/50 for the moment - reality says otherwise - but think like this for now.


3) He is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else. You partnered with him for this while.
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the mass media, movies and sold to the gullible masses.
If he was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with him and everything would be roses.


4) Realize that when another one comes along you will begin to forget all about the old one. The new one will of course force this requirement as well. The way you get over your cat’s death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the cat pound and pick up a new one. Similarly, the way you truly get over a man is to get a life outside of them.


5) Do not watch emotional movies or listen to popular music. The media is planned to hold in this place, so you will waste money trying to find contentment in valueless purchases. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you must consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future - whether you are with him or not.


6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up. As it could not last, it will not last, it is best that it’s over with now, instead of in the future when much more will be at stake. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being unsupported later.


7) Realize that you may be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it. You wouldn’t be too human if you had no emotions at all. Maybe you’ll spend a week or two listening to sad music and drinking too much. Just don’t let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on to your new and better life. You have learned something here.

8) You can now learn from your mistakes and get a better companion for your future. That doesn’t mean you should pay them more attention or buy more gifts, or trap someone, you absolutely must not.
If you want a man to be head over heels in love with you, you must be a worthwhile person in yourself. 


Ninety percent of men want a good sex partner - you are seeking a 30% that will continuously participate and contribute actively to a shared life as well - it is called a partnership for a reason. 


9) Never, ever take advice from your friends, on how to get men. They will lie, and tell you to be nice and be yourself and/or buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. And be aware, another STD, or unplanned child, is not a good idea.
The best person to take advice from is the older genuine woman who has succeeded in what you have worked out you want.


10) Realize that a lot of modern men will never be the perfect man, your 100% soulmate, or a white knight in shining armor. This is the stuff of a fantasy novel, and for your sanity, best left inside the books.

These are some men whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re dating such a man you should let him go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the romance idea. He is an abuser in waiting.


11) If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.

Getting over a breakup is actually quite easy when you think about it in a logical way, and don’t listen to others.

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, cats, gardening, dogs, sports, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be a better person yourself - for yourself.

Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.
 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.



Or do take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground, and get what you want easily.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

 pic courtesy of pixbay

Stupid to stay? or is it being committed, or am I afraid in this relationship?

Self satisfaction

The damage that a bad relationship causes in terms of destroying 1-self-esteem, 2-spiritual, 3-emotional and 4-physical health. The perpetrator of abuse purposely or by their own habits will crush the spirit, and can ultimately murder the partner that is held in the abuser's grip.

Strong words - yet many times I have come across both woman and men, that have had more than one life partner turn to drugs/alcohol or suicide - keep your distance - these people are either psychopaths, or psychic vampires.

If you thought that verbal abuse was mainly name calling and hurling outright insults, you are partly right - but many are a covert abuser. The methods are insidious and have you feel that you could be to blame for just about everything that is wrong.

Follows is a good friend's story for you to learn from.  

**Important it could be either a HE or a She

"She would often criticize men and women on TV, or while out driving- their physical faults, mouth too large, crooked nose, too fat, too thin, etc. She was particularly critical of confident women broadcasters, and would be very insulting of them. I finally stood up to her (mistake) and let her know that she was being very cruel. In hindsight I realize I felt more protective of the other people than myself.

One of the most painful and damaging aspects of her abusive ways was her obvious delight in seeing my hurt responses to the cruel remarks... the smirk, the laugh, the rolling of the eyes, the hate-filled look. As time went on, I learned to hide my feelings and to refrain from reasoning or arguing with her. I could never "win" anyway. It did hurt a little to realize that the one who promised to love and cherish you doesn't really care for you.

She seemed to get a lot of pleasure in seeing me suffer physically as well. It was a freezing cold day and I went out to the garage to bring in something. I somehow locked myself out of the house. I was dressed only in light clothing, and gently knocked on the doors and windows for her to let me inside. I was becoming very cold, and concerned that I would quickly become hypothermic. Finally after about 30 minutes or so and repeated knocks and calls she answered the door. She said she didn't hear me earlier. She appeared very unconcerned about me and the whole incident. I just let it go as I knew better than to argue with her...she would just yell irrational insults at me.

Shortly afterwards, when our son and his wife and children were visiting, she recounted her story, about my locking myself out of the house. She made me sound stupid. I quietly remarked that I became very cold and wondered when she would answer the door. She did not care to listen and brushed me off.

Almost all of my efforts seemed to be wasted on her now. This happens very often in abusive relationships...the abuser was, and is never really satisfied. She would criticize and downgrade me often, and I began to feel worth a bit less. I began to question my self-esteem as a result.

Like so many abusers, she was very polite and good-mannered to others. Family, business associates, friends at church... they were completely oblivious to her abusive ways. She had developed a charming persona that she could control at will, that she could switch on and off.

For brief periods over that long marriage of 20 years, I was called depressed, non communicative - as well as other unmentionables.
They seemed to develop long-range plans to control and manipulate the situation, and deny my reality of events.

In the months leading to the separation, she would become angry and ask why I married her. I would reply because I loved her. She would sneer and make a denigrating sound. This, I felt, was her covert way of turning around the usual "Why did I marry you" remark.

Another illustration of his type of abuse: Several years ago, she and I were having lunch at a restaurant. There was no argument involved, either beforehand or at the time (as if that should matter). I started choking on a piece of food stuck in my throat. She was sitting next to me, and just got up from the table and left.

After arriving home, I calmly asked her why she didn't help me. She changed the subject, and appeared completely unconcerned about this incident.

In the months before leaving, I had tried to talk with her, asking her to offer her ideas to work it out. She would become very angry and would refuse, blaming me instead."


Many life lessons here, even though the abuser was an apparently successful teacher (of all things), their apparently single-minded determination to destroy another person is obvious.
The abuser went on to stay with a wealthy person, and when their money had run out- they poisoned them.


Note very carefully the initial statements of how other people outside the relationship were talked about.

This is the key secret to fathoming or sounding out an individual's sense of their own self - and how they will eventually treat you- no excuses. 

Get them talking about this when you first meet them - and you make your plans from there.



Recommended Links to help you...

  Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (buy and read them all!)

 

 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

 

 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. This will help you stand your ground and get what you want easily.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

 

 

pic courtesy of pixbay

Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - Who has the power in a relationship?...

Girls in control mode

Some girlfriends are clearly abusive – they hit, yell, or push their partners around.

Others will help only when it furthers their own life agenda, or engineer or invite negative reactions with joy.

Whether you are a man or women in this person's relationship - you must do what you can to protect and improve your life.

In fact over 90% of domestic violence call-outs, are events initiated by a woman, either just prior, or a buildup of a number of events.

You being able to recognize the less obvious types of abuse, will improve your life beyond belief.

If your girlfriend doesn’t feel any guilt no matter what she does or says, this will reinforce to you her 'grand' plans of control.

She might be possibly be a sociopath. More likely this is her standard operating plan or method of getting her own way in life. Even so, read The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout. It is a popularized story, yet does have a number of red flags you will learn from the book.
 It is in proper terms a mental disorder, and the primary marker, is that a person is not being self aware of - a number of or any other peoples concerns- in relation to meeting their own self-focused (seemingly insatiable) needs.

 Even better-  Roy Sheppard's books 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side' .

Each child should have been taught-

 

Aim to become the best you can be.

• You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to.
• You will experience pain from time to time, but you’ll become better.
• You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
• The most important part of you will always be what’s inside.
• In every place you are, you must leave your mark - a good one. 
• No matter what the condition, you must continue to grow.

 This brings you a strong sense of feeling of purpose, value, and meaning, and says to you how valuable you are – and how you and others in your world deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love.

This girl or women hasn't;- you must - if you wish to succeed - continue? this relationship at a distance.

If you’re searching for signs of an abusive 'friend', you are in an unhealthy relationship. You do know when you are not being treated right – but you may not know how to deserve to be treated better.

Honestly, if this girl is over 13 years, and this is happening - leave - this has been their life pattern, and may only change if they go through a catastrophe - you do not need that to happen to you.

5 Signs of an Abusive Girlfriend

You can change your life. Something like a pencil on paper: – you might not be able to erase what you’ve experienced, but you can overwrite it, and definitely start over with a fresh page, not repeating the previous lessons.

 The Signs:-

1-You don’t feel good about yourself after being with her

If you feel deflated, sad, incompetent, depressed, or tired after being with your girlfriend, then she will be sucking the energy right out of you. Maybe she’s not 'abusive' – maybe she’s a life energy vampire. A friend calls them 'draining people.' Maybe she isn’t life giving or inspiring. If you walk away from her with emotional or physical bruises,or even question this, then she is abusive.

2-Your girlfriend criticizes and complains a lot.

There are different types of abuse. Emotional, physical, sexual, and financial are three types of abuse. Neglect is another sign of abuse – even though a neglectful girlfriend doesn’t seem like she’s actually abusing you. Neglect is a type of abuse the children experience if their physical, cognitive, emotional, and social needs aren’t met. Your girlfriend doesn’t have this type of control over your life, does she? If so, it’s a sign of an immature coping technique learnt from their parent/s - leave now.

3-Your girlfriend is an energy vampire.

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways, such as:

• Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy.
• Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, and illnesses.
• Criticizing your hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets.
• Not taking “no” for an answer. A sign of an abusive friend is not considering your needs.
• Being unrelentingly negative – and encouraging you to be negative, too.
• Blaming everyone else for their problems.

This is a control technique used by many bad and corrupt authorities, and is a type of emotional abuse.

4-You can’t depend on your girlfriend

Financially you should not depend on her. Nor allow her to feed off your efforts without a valid and measurable agreed return. They may use words that get to you - even though you keep trying to ignore them. Feeding off your self-esteem. They might say they feel sick, or doesn’t love part of you anymore, and if any intimate relations occur, it will be only on her terms, with minimizing statements later on. If you ask them to stop abusing you, or stop torturing you they will smile and verbally say they aren't or would never do that.

5-Your girlfriend uses you

It’s a sign of abuse when your 'friend' constantly borrows money, asks you to drive them, their children or family around, makes you take care of her kids or house or drugs, or uses you in other ways. You do know when you’re being used.
Even if you can’t see it, your friends and family will say something questioning, or avoid coming to your place.

****

Realize that a lot of modern - particularly western - women will never be happy with any man as long as they live. The reality is they've been fed completely fabricated romance movies growing up, as has most of her friends.
She believes she deserves everything she sees on TV., and you are the one to pay for it for her. She will always think that her perfect man, her soulmate, her white knight in shining armor is out there somewhere.
Absolutely nothing a man can do will please such women forever. These women will die alone and will never, ever care - so long as they have a house to entertain their chosen few at.

These are the women whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re with such a woman you should let her go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the 'saving her' idea. She isn’t a damsel in distress and she is using that on purpose to get what she wants, and always has done since she was a toddler.


If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or pay a clean professional; or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.


There is a light at the end of your tunnel, do let her go now- whereas if you stay on board with this woman she will sit there not helping, while your ship is sinking -she has made the holes. 

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, dogs, boats, vehicles, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be good to yourself.

Go and get a vasectomy if you haven't already - it can be reversed if necessary - it will be the best investment as far as an insurance you will ever make.



Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.

 

 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. This will help you stand your ground without appearing aggressive or hostile.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

 

pic courtesy of Bare maidens

How does a Man get over a breakup the easiest, most painless way?

Bare Maiden with your world in her power.

The period after breaking up with a partner or girlfriend can be a time of doubt, insecurity, concern, or just of wonderment. Rather than a time of release, or appreciation of the good.

Most girls or woman, and their male equivalents, use manipulative techniques to get what they want during a relationship, and more so in a breakup - this is their power-base.

Having not been able to either control you, or get exactly what they want quickly enough, they use their well practiced and/or their friend's techniques, to effect pain on you - so they maintain their belief (to them) of their omnipotence.

This is something you must keep in mind, when you have been 'discarded' or in their words 'dumped.'

Do go back and read the Miss Battles post to get a better idea of where they are coming from - this will help you move on to better things in your life.

Primarily, be thankful, it happened now - rather than in a seriously life threatening time. No matter how beautiful they are on the outside, or whatever other attributes they have or had - there is always someone better. They have in fact proved that, and their un-trustworthiness, by considering you beneath their or their friend's aspirations, and treating you as they have.

A few steps to getting over a breakup

1) Understand that you're thoughts and memories create the 'feelings' that you are are still in love with her. As attractive, as she was, that was a great life experience then.


2) There are millions of date-able women in the world. There are literally millions of women as good, or better, than her.And of course millions who are similar or worse - let's think 50/50 for the moment - reality says otherwise - but think like this for now. There are over 3 billion women in the world and the median age for them world-wide is dependent on the country you are in then.
There are prettier women, there are sexier women, there are smarter women, there are younger women – anything you can think of there are millions more.

 To be obsessed with this one in a sea of millions is a good focus, (she thought so) while you are with her, - but now you must pay attention to your own growth.

All her “great” qualities were how she presented herself, and something you made up in your mind. The truth is that women will change to please you in any way you desire. Women are actors in 'love', and your hobbies and interests will become hers. A better woman will always be found.


3) She is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else. She is a girl you partnered with for a while.
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the mass media, movies and sold to the gullible masses.
If she was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with her and everything would be roses.
If true-love existed then she would still be with you. It isn’t true love you have, it’s true infatuation because she played you really well.


4) Realize that when another girl comes along you will begin to forget all about the old one. The new one will of course force this requirement as well. The way you get over your dog’s death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the puppy pound and pick up a new dog. Similarly, the way you truly get over a woman is to get a life outside of them.


5) Do not watch emotional movies or listen to popular music. The media is planned to hold in this place, so you will waste money buying her affections. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you must consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future - whether you are with her or not.


6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up. As it could not last, it will not last, it is best that it’s over with now, instead of in the future when much more will be at stake. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being bled dry from an unhappy ex-wife.
This girl has internal immaturity, that is not repairable - much like a dog that always bites people no matter what you do. (Don't put the girl down - you will get in trouble - leave it,- these types often cause their own fatalities later, by cancer usually.)


7) Realize that you may be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it. You wouldn’t be too human if you had no emotions at all. Maybe you’ll spend a week or two listening to sad music and drinking too much rum, whiskey, or beer. Just don’t let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on to your new and better life. You have learned something here.

8) You can now learn from your mistakes and get a better companion for your future women. That doesn’t mean you should pay them more attention or buy more gifts, you absolutely must not.
If you want a woman to be head over heels in love with you, you simply cannot be too available to her. That doesn’t mean you must be rude or impolite, but it does mean you cannot be too eager to please.


Your woman must look up to you in some way to maintain her feelings of 'love' - security really - for you.

Ninety percent of woman want a free meal ticket - you do not want to be drained by these ones, you are seeking the 10% that will continuously participate and contribute actively to life - it is called a partnership for a reason. 


9) Never, ever take advice from her friends, on how to get women. They will lie, and tell you to be nice and be yourself and/or buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. Similarly, do not take advice from internet “pick up artists” hellbent on sexual conquests, another STD is not a good idea.
The best person to take advice from is the guys who have succeeded in what you have worked out you want.


10) Realize that a lot of modern - particularly western - women will never be happy with any man as long as they live. The reality is they've been fed completely fabricated romance movies growing up, as has most of her friends.
She believes she deserves everything she sees on TV., and you are the one to pay for it for her. She will always think that her perfect man, her soulmate, her white knight in shining armor is out there somewhere.
Absolutely nothing a man can do will please such women forever. These women will die alone and will never, ever care - so long as they have a house to entertain their chosen few at.

These are the women whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re dating such a woman you should let her go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the 'saving her' idea. She isn’t a damsel in distress and she is using that on purpose to get what she wants, always has done since she was a toddler.


11) If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or pay a clean professional; or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.

Getting over a breakup is actually quite easy when you think about it in a logical way, and don’t listen to others.

There is a light at the end of your tunnel, whereas if you had stayed on board with this woman she would have sat there not helping, while your ship was sinking then jumped into someone else's bed, forgetting about you soon enough. 

The right choice has been made for you, breathe a little easier now. 

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, dogs, boats, vehicles, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be good to yourself.

Go and get a vasectomy if you haven't already - it can be reversed if necessary - it will be the best investment as far as an insurance you will ever make.



Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.

 

 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. This will help you stand your ground, and get what you want easily.

  

 

 

Or 

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you

 

pic courtesy of Bare maidens