How do you get over a Man? A breakup I never thought would happen to me.

The man of my dreams.

If you want to cure a problem, the first thing you must ask is what causes it.

In the same way, the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” can be resolved by identifying the main reasons why you broke up.

Reconciliation can occur on positive terms, if in the first place you’re truly sure why the split happened.

By asking yourself (not your 'friends') some difficult questions, you can get to the bottom of the problem, and move ahead in the best direction for you.

Did your personal differences clash?
Many couples split up because they get to a point where they can’t tolerate or complement each other’s personality. If your relationship ended for this reason, you can fix this by sincere communication. Give him a call and invite him for a daytime chat in a cafe.-That means no alcohol, drugs, sports distractions, or sex. Do not flirt, or wear revealing clothes, - this is a calm yet serious conversation, or two.
Discuss together what traits you appreciate and what adjustments you can do for the relationship, and what he thinks would help (what he will consider doing.). When you talk to him, keep yourself calm and undemanding. Call your empathy every time you find him difficult to understand. If he doesn’t feel like having a word with you, there is a chance he feels unable to trust you; don’t pressure him.


Did the hectic schedules get in your way?
Couples last longer when they choose to spend moments with each other, to strengthen the bond and to create positive memories together. If both of your hands were quite full, and you lacked the discipline to put time into your relationship, it was bound to fail. Now that you ask yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend back”, make sure you put his name in your organizer, not just your friends. Be careful you are considerate of his time as well as your own, and don’t overdo it, as persistent emails, text messages and calls are seen as harassment.


Did you get bored with each other?
If your relationship happened to be monotonous, you might have run out of creative ideas to have kept it going. Explore your own hobbies, talents and interests, no real man wants a doormat around him. Now that you want him back, you can’t return to the same total focus of you and him, or expect him to be interested in what brand of makeup/clothing you do or don't like.


Was there any kind of abuse in the relationship?
If you underwent physical and emotional abuses in a past relationship, how have you changed?
Are you recreating the same responses here with this one?
How can you change your words, or inner self talk?

If there is abuse, usually it is better to change yourself first - being in someones face, or minimizing them or their accomplishments will aggravate the calmest person in the world. They may or may not hit you, but they will avoid you or leave, and your name will be mud in the community.


Was he dissatisfied with your physical intimacy?
Men are turned off with all women who react like robots to his hugs and kisses. As well as demands, 'twenty seven' conditions to be right before intimacy, and flirting with other men or woman, will bring you failure. It greatly affects his, and your satisfaction in the relationship.
Enhance your looks, and hygiene, and be confident within yourself, do not verbalize your faults, only your improvements. When ever you get a chance to talk to him, show your honest smile and interested gaze.


Did you try and contain or entrap him?
A real man will avoid in his mind, imprisonment - he may love the security of your devotion, but he is almost like a cat, - they always come home to where they are cared for, and welcome. They are never happy trapped in containment.


Was he feeling the relationship was one way?
It doesn't take long for most men to get tired of financially (or otherwise) supporting someone, who does not offer any real value, What real value can you offer this partnership? A decorative accessory, lazy cook, or baby factory - just does not cut it. How can you improve yourself? Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it a little at a time.


 Were there infidelity issues?
If he’s currently happy with another woman, move on with your life. If you made a mistake and caused it - that was a life learning experience. If he came back to you - talk about how to make things more satisfactory for both of you. Maybe study the Kama Sutras together.


 Once you’re over the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” value the second chance that has been given to you. Apply yourself and work at it.

The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make
Trying To Get Their Men Back

Unfortunately, most women go about fighting for their man the wrong way and pay the price dearly. In most cases, these mistakes actually push him further away! Mistakes like…

• Promising to change who you are
• Sending flowers or a touching letter
• Trying to make him feel guilty
• Stalking and/or spying on him
• Calling his friends and relatives
• Giving up

Let's face it, you're scared, depressed, or both, and just want to get back together with your man once and for all. 


 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.

A few steps to getting over a breakup

1) Understand that you're thoughts and memories create the 'feelings' that you are are still in love with him. As attractive, as he was, that was a great life experience then.


2) There are millions of date-able men in the world. There are literally millions of men as good in different ways. And of course millions who are similar or worse - let's think 50/50 for the moment - reality says otherwise - but think like this for now.


3) He is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else. You partnered with him for this while.
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the mass media, movies and sold to the gullible masses.
If he was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with him and everything would be roses.


4) Realize that when another one comes along you will begin to forget all about the old one. The new one will of course force this requirement as well. The way you get over your cat’s death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the cat pound and pick up a new one. Similarly, the way you truly get over a man is to get a life outside of them.


5) Do not watch emotional movies or listen to popular music. The media is planned to hold in this place, so you will waste money trying to find contentment in valueless purchases. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you must consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future - whether you are with him or not.


6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up. As it could not last, it will not last, it is best that it’s over with now, instead of in the future when much more will be at stake. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being unsupported later.


7) Realize that you may be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it. You wouldn’t be too human if you had no emotions at all. Maybe you’ll spend a week or two listening to sad music and drinking too much. Just don’t let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on to your new and better life. You have learned something here.

8) You can now learn from your mistakes and get a better companion for your future. That doesn’t mean you should pay them more attention or buy more gifts, or trap someone, you absolutely must not.
If you want a man to be head over heels in love with you, you must be a worthwhile person in yourself. 


Ninety percent of men want a good sex partner - you are seeking a 30% that will continuously participate and contribute actively to a shared life as well - it is called a partnership for a reason. 


9) Never, ever take advice from your friends, on how to get men. They will lie, and tell you to be nice and be yourself and/or buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. And be aware, another STD, or unplanned child, is not a good idea.
The best person to take advice from is the older genuine woman who has succeeded in what you have worked out you want.


10) Realize that a lot of modern men will never be the perfect man, your 100% soulmate, or a white knight in shining armor. This is the stuff of a fantasy novel, and for your sanity, best left inside the books.

These are some men whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re dating such a man you should let him go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the romance idea. He is an abuser in waiting.


11) If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.

Getting over a breakup is actually quite easy when you think about it in a logical way, and don’t listen to others.

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, cats, gardening, dogs, sports, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be a better person yourself - for yourself.

Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.
 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.



Or do take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground, and get what you want easily.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

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Controlling Parents - are they all the same? Why can't I have my own life as an adult?

Our Lives are both unique and tied.

Controlling Parents – How Ever Do You Cope?!!  You only want to stop being manipulated by your mom and/or dad. Just an ordinary problem free relationship or visits must be possible. Many adult children who have controlling parents, think that.

To recognize the unease you have is a very positive step forward in your life.


There are lots of stories, where the 'controlled' children remained out their influencer's reach, and then succeeded remarkably well in their lives. As many millions of dollars, pounds, or francs have been made by the distancing practice as have the family support model. Interestingly enough, predominantly - the dollars/pounds - rather than other cultural upbringings.


To get started, let us assume, you are an adult trying to make your own way in the world- 


1- Let go of your need to please your parents. We do grow up seeking approval, affirmation, and love from our parents, and that really is OK. Even as grown children, we may want them to keep loving us, approving of us etc.,  and that is why it’s difficult to confront them, when we don’t want to disappoint or anger them.
A secret for coping with controlling parents – or any toxic person in your life – is to recognize your need to please them, and let go of it. Or, at the least, learn how to observe it all in the third person.


2-Learn to recognize emotional blackmail. This is one of the best ways to take your life back, - (from any abuser in fact) - and you have started by your questions.
If you have controlling parents, you may recognize that they disguise their criticism with jokes at your expense, or by pointedly saying how well another is doing - seeming to try to make you feel guilty for past behavior, or constantly make you feel bad about your life.
They don’t seem to want to let you live your life! Before confronting difficult parents, it’s important to recognize and learn to deal with emotional blackmail.


3-Separate emotion from an action plan. An action plan says, "I want a better life, better relationships. and I will have it for me." You might have to do something you don’t want to do;-  change a job you enjoy parts of, move to a different place, set and stay with your boundaries, develop some assertiveness, and stand up to other  members of the family. All good challenges for you to meet.
It is easy to take your life back, and it’s effective.
Put aside the emotions of "I’m scared/tired/frustrated/miserable," - you were taught these responses for your parents benefit.


4-Stop wishing your parents less controlling, or different. These controlling parents are yours, and if you’re still wishing they were different, that is a good start, yet won't help your reality to change. Don’t  give up hope for a better relationship with your parents, as an adult you now have a different one.  They may continue to be overbearing, difficult, and so on....but really you are now an adult, and you are free to distance yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. Start a little today.


 5-Cut your financial ties to parents who want to control. Some parents use a supply or not of money to control you- which might be OK as a child, but instead of staying financially beholden, you might find ways to free herself and take your life back. A bank loan is definitely not ideal, yet if you are 200% sure it is worth it and you can pay the interest - fees - and - principal off - it could be worth the release - even if the money was originally a gift.
It’s not a 'gift' if it’s taking an emotional toll, and used as such. Or, if everyone agrees that the money isn’t owed (the mortgage help or baby food was a gift, for example), then sign something together, that states there is no money owing - and put it somewhere independently safe.This paper contractual evidence does help.



6- Services- If a big deal or drama is made over babysitting - usually- start a babysitting club with some trustworthy friends. If they are helping maintain your home, or lifestyle - get some friends around to do yours and the friends. Your parents must redefine their own lives. If a regular visit, or meal is a trial - leave the county, or country - and send lovely postcards or photos on that family day. Your mental health, and your overall well-being will remarkably improve.


7- Same house-/accommodation- Develop different hobbies, or at least something educational or creative, Udemy has plenty of good courses for in home study - that separates your life from theirs.
They will disapprove, that is their power and control technique - listen -empathize - and move on with your life.
Moving out may be a better option - they will complain - abuse - cry - gossip etc. etc.- you can allow them this; - again - observe in the third person -move on with your life. Then they can begin to move on with theirs.

Read - Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.

Then read or watch some harmless humour - and now begin to move forward in your life.


Are your parents toxic, and perhaps even destructive? A small percentage are, and they have a massive societal effect. Give up your expectations - it is your life, and you are allowed it. Assist them if you wish - that is fair enough - it helps them to feel as they have been acknowledged for the work in bringing you up. This is what most 'normal' parents are seeking.

 You must begin to 'rule' or take charge of your own life, it may be the healthiest thing you ever do for yourself.



Recommended links to help you...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

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Is my relationship OK? The ten indicators that maybe it is not, and time to move on.

My life desires - a contemplation.

Really the questions are; can I accept this partner's actions, male or female - while I change them? Or what are we each getting out of this partnership - emotionally and psychologically, as well as physically.

Some people are slow, or resistive to change - so "do I want to change me?" is the other question you must ask yourself.
 

One of the best signs of a healthy relationship, on a basic level is from Winnie the Pooh, by A.A. Milne.

 Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 

This goes both ways - you must establish what will bring that thinking out in your partner, and consistently do that, to keep a good relationship. As it would be valid for you to teach them, how you might best like it.

In a perfectly healthy relationship, as it progresses, you do feel sure of your partner- without having to ask for their reassurance..(Trust).

There are some signs of unhealthy relationships, and we often ignore the 'red flags' in the rush of enthusiasm. Not everyone is perfect, of course, the level of imperfection you decide to accept - is your choice, and decision alone.

10 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships 

 

The worst sign of all types of unhealthy relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk about what your partner says and does to you, then it’s an unhealthy relationship.
Another big sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved, a major amount of the time, when you’re with your partner.

If either of these is the case, you need to evaluate properly

• a- the rewards of persisting;

• b- the how to- of changing you or them;

• c- your sanity and or safety;

Some relationships are better at a distance, or with different people - the key word to consider is partnership - with all of its qualities. 


Read on......for the 10 most unhealthy signs......


1. You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret. If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your partner says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect her or him, then it’s time to get out of that unhealthy relationship. You’re not just with the wrong girl or guy…you’re helping them being the wrong type of person.

2. Your partner wants you to change. If your partner doesn’t love you as you are, and says or verbalizes a requirement that you change - you must consider truthfully 1;- whether it would be better to change; or 2;- is this a one-sided method of control.
This is one of the most important signs of unhealthy relationships: a woman who doesn’t love or accept you as you are.Or a man. Your partner has fantasy's of some type, - do you want to be part of that fantasy? And is it worth it to keep up with it long-term?

3. Your partner doesn’t trust you. Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your partner doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your actions. You may be doing something or acting in a way that makes them insecure - equally - it is very very common for many not nice people to accuse you of what they are in fact doing or planning.
If it is the first, find out how to make it easier for both of you, if it is the second -talk about it quietly.
If it does not change - leave- quietly, and with both of your safety in mind. If they open your mail (as an new or unusual practice) or show up at work unexpectedly, he or she doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which needs to addressed;- being best together with a rabbi, priest, or similar 'impartial' believable authority as soon as possible.

4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others. If they call you names, ridicule your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, even in jest (joking) more than once or twice - then they're no good for you! You can address the first one or two times, by saying about how you feel when they.. and you would prefer this .... behaviour.  
Should they minimize your request, or continue to do it, or even discuss it in the third person with you or others  - leave - their internal psychology is too immature for the life you want.

5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship. Does your 'partner' make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and a definitely either time to find out how to bring the relationship closer to a 50/50 contribution of thought or reality - or a sign it’s time to get out. Most importantly if you aren’t being treated equally,

6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals. If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples will have the same focus.
 
7. Your partner says they love you, but doesn’t act like they love you. Believe their nonverbal behavior (actions) over verbal behavior (talk,money, and things are cheap!). If she or he talks down to you, this needs to stop - it is verbal abuse, and leads to power and control issues a lot of people cannot manage.

8. You feel unhealthy, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship. This tip is based on the quote of Piglet and Winnie the Pooh above. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong person. If you truthfully putting in the effort to be the best you can, and honestly applying yourself to the partnership and you still have a perception of insecurity- it’s a sign you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you should think about leaving.

If your 'friend' or partner makes you feel unhealthy about yourself, they may have more unspoken challenges than you.You must create some distance -- be it emotionally or physically while you make yourself stronger.
 If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, learn how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.read The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans.


9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationship. We shouldn't choose our partners based on our family and friends’ opinions, in fact, some families are the cause of all the problems - but  we should evaluate their opinions. If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, ask for specific reasons. Find out the true basis of their feelings, and try to be objective, - do be aware they might be feeling insecure themselves.

10. You’re wondering about the warning signs of unhealthy relationships. The most important warning sign of love 'gone unhealthy' is your intuitive feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? The primary question to ask is would you want your sister, best friend, son or daughter to be in this relationship?
To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave an unhealthy relationship, you may need to talk to someone.

If these signs of unhealthy relationships are pointing you out the door, read Be Brave and How to End a Relationship - It was written it for all us who know their relationship is not helping us, but want to leave either safely, with some of our dignity intact, or with a future harmony in life.

The best way to predict if your relationship will last is to ask yourself if you’re willing to keep living with these signs of unhealthy relationships. What do you want from your life, relationship, what level can your partner meet? You are allowed to claim your own life. Don’t end up being be a passive observer in it! 

 Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.

Recommended resources to help you...choose a couple....


Winnie the Pooh - a fable well worth having and reading


Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.


 Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

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To get a romantic love, is it possible for me? - or an external force?

Fate in romances, and our choices

It seems as if love is like an external force. It’s something that happens to us, strikes us like the romantic cupid's arrow or overcomes us like a sunny day.

The problem with thinking of love this way, and that is that it focuses outward. It overlooks our own sense of power and leaves us to believe that we are victims of our romantic fate, without control.

Subconsciously this may be true, yet really we do have the abilities within to get what we want.

There are many popular reasons why people are either single or pulling out of their relationship.

• "I don't want to be hurt"
• "Women are so dramatic."
• "Men just want sex."
• "I’m just not good at intimacy."
• "I need to be by myself right now."
• "No one finds me attractive."
• "I'm too busy right now."

These statements are often based on critical inner voices, destructive thoughts directed toward oneself and others.
Most of this negative self-talk is wrong (and is often someone else's statements we have taken on):-  and can be covering up something else — something deeper.

If we want to give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining a rich and rewarding relationship, we have to look inside ourselves. The dating world can be full of obstacles, but our worst enemy is usually in our own heads.

Love for some of us, is the ultimate experience in that we feel so attuned and connected to someone else.
Yet, hopefully it is also a process of adventure and discovery that is internal.

Understanding that inner world is really the most important to letting ourselves get close to someone else. And keeping that romance happening for us.

Here are a few ways we may be getting in our own way when it comes to intimacy.

1. Avoiding pain:

Love hurts. The saying is both tired and true. Yet, as much as it gets lamented in pop songs or portrayed on movie screens, we don’t really let it sink in. Part of us feels, once we find the right person and make the smart choices, love will be easy — blissful, less complicated than all those other relationships around us.

Many people pull back the moment things get close. Caring about another person deeply is a truly painful thing. It makes us value them more, ourselves more and our lives more. Inevitably, it reminds us of time and loss. On another level, love challenges an old and familiar identity. It brings us into maturity and forces us to separate from our past. When we get close to someone, it shifts underlying emotions — things we’ve buried and sat on for years.  We have to recognize the ways we’ve been hurt and understand how those wounds inform our current behavior. This means being willing to feel pain without trying to numb ourselves or gloss over the feelings that come up.

2. Retreating into a fantasy:

Once people get scared in their relationship, many couples have a tendency to form a fantasy bond, a defense that allows us to feel as if we’ve joined with another person. (Soul-mates for the time).

 This illusion will make us feel safe and secure,and seems to offer a sense of control and security,
but it undermines most feelings of real love. When people retreat into fantasy they start to relate as a unit, presenting themselves as a couple instead of as two individuals who are genuinely drawn to each other.

They start to impose confines and restrictions on each other, so neither party feels threatened,(hopefully), yet both feel limited. They become critical and demanding toward each other rather than respecting each other’s individuality and independence.
And this, for most, creates a hotbed for resentment and drives them apart.


Couples are much better off maintaining a sense of themselves as two separate people with sovereign minds who genuinely care for and appreciate each other.

This independence encourages us to respect our partner and treat him or her kindly. Only when we see someone as separate from us, can we genuinely care about how they feel, and we are better able to keep our attraction to them, and our-self, alive.


3. Protecting ourselves:

Both men and women say how much they want to find love, then, once they find it, feel like not being  close for some reason or reasons.

Some complained of feeling tied down or pulled on, and others become incredibly insecure and jealous. Every single one of these people could trace these reactions back to their early lives: parents who intruded on them or rejected them, caretakers who shamed them or frightened them. (The invocation of others again).
In response to painful events in their life, these people adapted, taking care of themselves or vowing to never trust anyone.
These survival mechanisms do serve a purpose, yet can leave us isolated from some possibly good for ourselves.
These defenses push our partners away and end up causing a lot of pain.
Getting to know our defenses is a key step in learning how we limit ourselves in our relationships.


4. Believing our inner critic:

 The critical inner voice is an inner enemy - or must be treated as one- that drives us to avoid closeness, to shut off emotions and retreat into a fantasy.
It puts us down in countless ways, tearing into our appearance, performance, personality and aspirations. It is a pain, in the sense that it both soothes and punishes us.
Sometimes, it sounds like a mean coach, "No one will ever want you". Other times it sounds like a comforting parent, "Don’t bother with...you are just fine on your own."

The critical inner voice can and will seriously undermine our life and our romantic desires.
It turns us against us, and our partner or potential partner in ways that make it even harder to achieve real success or intimacy.
This voice is a phantom from our past. It is not represent the true reality.
It is indeed a destructive filter through which we see the world that tries to keep us in someone else's box or place in life.

At every stage of a relationship, when the critical inner voice tries to exert its influence, we must confront it as a third-party threat. Make sure to identify it and separate it from your real point of view. There are useful exercises and techniques to help you do this. See the links below- they do work.

Recognizing you have a power in your relationship by challenging your past defenses. doesn’t mean not liking, or even blaming yourself. Quite the opposite - you can feel good about becoming the best you can be.

It allows you to work on the only thing you have any real control over in your relationship, you.
When you’re able to maintain a sense of yourself as an independent, aware, and loving individual, then no matter what anyone else says or does, you will feel your own sense of control and empowerment, and stay open to success in the real love in your life.

 *****

Recommended links to help you now.





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Eight qualites or 8 traits of a healthy relationship, that we all look for

To enjoy love and life

Yes, relationships do make our world. For better or for worse.

If we lived or were able to live in a world without people, it may not be so.

Sometimes, without just some particular types of people it would be good.

Yet the reality of the world, is that our ability to build, maintain, and enhance our relationships defines our 'success.'

There is a joy to life in a positive fulfilling relationship. And, of course, as many people find out, it brings so much pain when a relationship breaks down, with someone dear to you.

There are a few simple basics that determine most human relationships, and here's a list of the main eight, that make up healthy relationships.

1. Love. Now, this all depends on your definition of  love . We can do much to increase our chances of having terrific relationships—relationships that are fulfilling and exciting, rich with meaning, joy and love.
When you say you like someone, you are talking about how you feel. But when you say that you love someone, you are not necessarily talking about how you feel about them. Love is much deeper than a feeling. It is an action word. Love is a commitment we make to people to always treat that person with empathy, acceptance (you can accept the person - and not accept their actions or behaviour), and reasonable equality (fairness). This is the basis of all healthy relationships.


2. Serving Heart. One of the world's best communicators: - Zig Ziglar says frequently that - "you can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life." The primary concept he is talking about is having a heart and life that is focused on serving other people. Even though he uses it - as you should do too - as a recipe for success.The Christian Bible puts it this way: consider others’ interests as more important than your own. This is a good fundamental to a successful relationship, so long as you consider your own health first. A similar, but better thinking, is to mutually consider others long term interests, guiding them depending on there current abilities.


3. Honest Communication. In any good relationship you will find non-deceptive communication. Communication is important, because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. And this is a vital goal in good relationships—to communicate, to tell each other what we are thinking and what we are feeling. It enables us to make a connection, building the relationship and making it stronger.If we just communicate, we can get by. But if we communicate skillfully, we can go far in life!


4. Friendliness. Put simply, relationships work better when we are friendly with others. The fact is that the friendlier you are the more you are going to have people who want to pursue longer-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with you. So put on a smile, have a few kind words to say to others, treat people with friendliness, and you will see your all of your relationships improve.


5. Patience. Or tolerance of imperfectness. People are not perfect and most have been brought up differently in some way to us. A lot of relationships break down because people give up and lose patience; - all kinds - of friendships, marriages, business relationships, etc.Those who give up on relationships too early, or because the other person isn’t perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse or business partner will not be perfect either! As in fact they may not be. So we would do well to cultivate this skill and learn to have more patience.


6. Loyalty. Loyalty is a commitment to another person. Sadly, loyalty is often a missing element in many relationships today. Every modern generation after the 1950's has said that. Our consumer mentality has affected this to some degree. It is one thing to switch brands of dish-washing detergent. It is another thing altogether to switch friends. Sometimes we just need to commit to being loyal and let the relationship move forward. This kind of loyalty will take our relationships to a much deeper level. What a powerful and secure feeling of knowing that you have a relationship with someone who is loyal to you and you to them—that neither of you is going anywhere even when things get tough.


7. A Common Purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships is to have a common purpose, and oftentimes this is a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long-term, long-lasting relationship it is critical. Think about how many friends you have met through the years while working on a common purpose. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together—all while pursuing a common purpose—is what relationships are made of. Find people with whom you have common purposes and sow the seeds of great relationships, and then the long-lasting benefits will be amazing. 


8. Fun. All good relationships have some element of fun. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean loud, drunken, or noisy fun. Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship and that is important. This key element can be easily forgotten or neglected in our family and spousal relationships.The fun things we did initially in a new relationship after a while can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside, with the demands of life, and we stop creating the fun and smiles. So remember to consciously craft fun situations and moments, for these are the glue that hold our memories together and make our lives sweet. It can be fun in business too, and you will prefer to do business with the successful who are more pleasant to be with.


There are a lot of ingredients in successful, long-lasting relationships. Each of these eight parts brings easy rewards to your relationships. Let’s begin to focus on improving our relationships in these areas and see what miracles occur!


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pic courtesy of  pdpnet Vojko Kalan

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 10 - love spells bringing you success.

Creating your own reality by design.

Part 10, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 10: Love Spells


We are still in the esoteric mode - just stay with it - the poems and the associations have a sound and effective basis.

Now you can cast your spell.

Do Yesterday’s Exercise first-

 Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? 

Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.

Now we go to work;- well fun really.

There are 'love spells' for you, no matter what your ideas: Christian, New Age, Heathen, Wiccan, metaphysician, etc. A few samples.are here to start you on the road.

Each tradition usually has its own set of love spells for you to use.

Now cast your spell!

Metaphysical Style Type Spoken Spell

There is One Mind, One principle, One Universal Soul, One Love, and I am one with that One.
I am now connected with the Universal Love of the One, and through my word I am sending it forth now.
The great Love, guided by the All-Knowing Mind, is now seeking and finding companions for me. The power knows the right ones for me. It knows where they are, and I let it work to bring them to me.
This One great power is now attracting to me my rightful friends/companion. It is drawing them to me, and they will be seen in good order.
I know that the power is working for me, and I give thanks that new friends (companion) are in my life. So it is!

Heathen Spoken Spell

Three ladies danced across the land

                                        Bringing love into my hand:
                                                      The first called him [or, her]
                                                      The second brought him,
                                         The third bound us together.
                                                    Whatever the weather.


Candle Spell

Use a green or pink candle with an easy appropriate incense (Jasmine, Apple or your favourite new one). Get a small, inexpensive figurine of a cat. It can be as tiny as you wish. Start the spell normally. If Pagan, invoke a deity related to Love. As a key point of your spell, place the figurine beside the candle. Speak the following charm:

Kitten, kitten, hark to me,
A lover (friends) I would have, you see.
Look and find that one for me
Bring him (her) to me, so will it be!

Christian prayer.

Oh Lord, I ask for your forgiveness for all my sins, and now pray to you to help me become one with you.
As I get better, I know you will guide the right people to me, so we can continue in our path together in Christ.
As I let you bring them to me, my faith will let me determine those who are a joy to our journey.
I thank you Oh Lord,
Amen.



You can make your own - in fact to have a 2-4 line saying you have created for you - is the ultimate 'spell' to quickly and easily get that you have planned for yourself.

It has to be positive - I used to say 'I'm not having that', which is a good standards determination.
But my success immediately improved, and remarkably once I sat down for a while and came up with a 2 line rote which I internalized - that was a possibility re-frame.



1:

Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.



2:

Meditation: See yourself stepping out into the world, glowing with brilliance. Imagine yourself as confident, lovable, and happy. Know that as this energy radiates from you, it brings you more of the good companionship you seek. Know that your inner lovability is now working for you, and that you deserve all the good you desire.


3:

Exercise:You can buy or make a love charm, either to carry or to place. Get one posted from Amazon, or go to the local dollar store. It does-not have to be expensive -much like the cat figurine for the  new age candle prayer, it is a talisman or symbol. Re-read the silver spoon post here.
If you can, make something, or a 2 or 3 of them, the process, meditation, and thinking while making will work wonders.
Put the charm were you see it each morning and night -if not carried with you if small.

If a personal relationship turns to an unwanted one- revise, and bring out the talisman again.

Thought for the Day:  I am ready to go forward, confident that I am lovable. I will attract the people who make me happy, and who are happy with me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



The final steps in one easy place - tomorrow...



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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 9 - the power of magick, within you.

The magick of a love earned.

Part 9, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 9: Love Magick

Having become more lovable, you are now ready to help the process.

This lesson may seem like esoteric fantasy, yet stay with it. The psychology is in fact sound, and the processes even in their different or odd framing will produce results. So here we go..

Magick can help, after you have worked through the preceding lessons. 

Love spells have a long and ancient history,and in the right manner do work for you.

Whether they are in the guise of either a Christian, Pagan, or other prayer, or tarot/rune reading or any similar methodology, The fact is that when you are ready inside yourself - they seem to bring circumstances to you.

However, there are a few “rules of the road” to discuss before we begin. Much like we said above, a love spell can only bring you what you 'deserve'. 

It cannot and will not bring you circumstances for which you are not ready. As in the rainbow and pot of gold analogy from before, you must undertake some activity to get it. Even those who are struck by lightning (an averagely rare occurrence) have actively or inactively been somewhere for that to come to them.

The spells work with the 'Law of Attraction', which means ‘like attracts like,’or a water fills or flows to a space available for it.

 If you want the perfect wealthy non-drinking Prince Charming, or the polite and lovely Centerfold Girl who is a wonderful homemaker and party girl combined, you can pretty much forget about it, unless you have, or are something or someone they want. 

Note - perfect combinations exist only in our mind - our ambition is to get close to that.

If you want someone with whom you will be comfortable, however, that is easily possible, and this is your aim, as it will bring you a long-term happiness.

Secondly, you have to be careful not to ask for a absolutely specific person or type, unless there is a lot of them, it takes too long to get one; then they have some bad bad parts which will do you no good.

Plus, the measure must mostly be yours, not your friends, or relatives. 

Good authentic relatives will guide you, and support your decision making; friends can see what you cannot see - yet it is your life you are designing.

At best, looking for a 10 out 10, be it the current George Clooney, or Raquel Welch -"jams up" the magickal works. 

At worst, it backfires in ways that can be so exasperating. 

 Besides, love does not always look or present itself in the media portrayed package way you expect. 

Third, you cannot be too indefinite. You really do have to have some idea of what you want. 

Do not just say “A man” or “a woman” or “new friends.” Think of attributes you would like them to have. Use your previous lists. You can ask for a kind, gentle and caring individual, and someone who matches your standards. 

Take the time to examine yourself, your motives, and your desires. A little self-checking before the spell can save you a lot of exasperation afterward.

 Ask for what you really want, and be sure that what you think you want is actually what you want. 

My experience as a normal 'average' person, leads me - to promise you - you will get what you design for -

 Life Secret:- do the meditations, thinking, and exercises, allow good to happen - and very very importantly - allow yourself permission to have what you get, and look after it.

Think about what matters to you before you cast a spell, and do include it in the spell.

1:

Exercise: On one side of a page, write ten to fifteen things you want in friends. On the other half, write ten to fifteen things you want in a lover. Spend no more than ten minutes on this entire exercise.
When you have finished, put the list away privately and forget about it until tomorrow.


 2:

 Meditation: Imagine the kind of people you want in your life. Think deeply on their temperament, interests, and attitudes. Ponder deeper reasons why people appeal to you. Muse over this for a while, and  next, think of what you do not want. Think on the unwanted only briefly, as like most of us- what we don't want can out-shadow the good we want in life.Aim for the good - your aim is true.
Finally, reflect again on what you want. Know that within you is the power to attract the right people to you.



  3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly now see the sort of profiles/people that you might want to allow in your life now. Stop there, still a bit more to do to get what you want.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.

When you are at work, shopping or in the company of other people, practice being your new self, and notice the ease it feels with you.
If you have done all the lessons to date well - you will feel that others are finding you an attractive person to be around. (Some won't -they have their own life path - stay away from them, emotionally, mentally, or physically.) Focus on the good, and move on through your day.



Thought for the Day: Because I am the right person for what I desire. The friends (lover) I seek are (is) right for me. 


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 10 tomorrow...



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photo courtesy public domain

Being called a fat kid, I wish they would go away, or maybe if only I was thinner

Cellulite, and loving or being loved for me.

As a budding adult who felt at times like a whale, or at least called it often enough to think it may be true. I thought that if  I couldn’t stop my desire for food with a combination of prayer and will power, then I felt I was a failure.

*If you have a health problem- see your local licensed professional.(click this link) There may be an underlying problem, which is easy to fix.


Key point: - People sometimes can convince themselves to believe things that serve their self-interest, evidence not really proving that it is true. Our choices do matter.


The medical establishment and diet industry respond with any number of products, and with  broad words that blame faulty diets and the dieters for our inability to weigh less. Each product, and each profession is the only answer - and so they try to sell us.

We are told people who regain weight need to exercise more and eat more vegetables or try the next new magic tool: A big breakfast, paleo, detoxification, eat only this..,pasta, nut, vege, fruit, or this eating plan from this country or region, or any number of brand name solutions- . . .and so on.

The bottom line is, if you don’t lose weight and keep it off, you're told you chose the wrong one or did it wrong -now choose this idea.
This show does have some similarities to the one-product-fixes-everything performers. of the Victorian reign.

Fat need not be about being weak or lazy or sloppy or indifferent.
It’s mostly about biology, and your, and your available, choices of response behaviour.

There is a mismatch between modern culture, fashions, economics, technologies, the food promoted, and the average human body.

It is time to tell anyone who suggests it is easy to lose 10 kilos or twenty pounds, to consider reality. 

• We already know we’d be better off health-wise if we lost weight. 
• We already know we’d have better odds in romance and job interviews, and just being accepted. 
• You don’t need to convince us to care, lectures do not help.
• For many of us, it’s not a matter of where there’s a will there’s a way; it’s a matter of where there’s a way there’s a will. 
• If doctors and other public health advocates (salespeople) were more honest - they would take the time to understand the combination of issues and realities we face.

Promoting diets is about as sophisticated and effective as promoting sexual abstinence for teens.
Part of the answer, and of course the 'best' way - it does seem to ignore the other components of life.

And just beneath the surface, many 'fat' people are caught in endless cycles of self-scrutiny and self-blame about their weight:

• Was it my childhood?
• Is it my medication or birth control? 
• Is it my conflict avoidance, or comfort in life? 
• Am I staying up too late? 
• Am I going to bed too early? 
• .............and it goes on.

The recriminations, especially to yourself are no help. They draw energy away from your dreams and projects, or the wonders and beauties of the world, and the creativity and passion you have to making your world better.

Weight loss is achieved, with food (or hopefully) nutrition selections, activity (body movement) choices, hormonal/biochemical changes in our body, social reinforcements (both positive and negative), all on a pleasant? ongoing basis.
A mentor, or guide, as in one who has truthfully gone before is superb.
No one single proposal is the answer, your body is a system.


Perhaps the biggest gift, is the freedom you can get from the constant chatter in your head. that interrupts us at most times.

 By using simple thought changes, with some positive reinforcement the changes can be faster.

One of the easiest, and long lasting ways = is to change your situation; sometimes that is easier, and in fact best to do that within ourselves a little first.

It may seem like an ad for hypnotherapy- yet if you look past the fluff- the following programs do work (and they are fully guaranteed).
In fact they produce a sure positive change in nearly everyone that applies them. (you'll need to do other daily and important things as well - these are the beginning factor to your new life)
Some people say it feels like magic because it is so easy to make powerful changes;- and they are correct in a way, as the learning opens up new ways of help.

You Deserve This! Choose one!


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****

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photo courtesy of Robert & Mihaela Vicol at publicphoto.org