Affirmations alone don’t work ! Harmful and self defeating reactions are more likely.

Spinning the world, or is it?

Many people who have watched "The Secret" DVD, listened to the CDs or read the same book have experienced trying to make the Law of Attraction work for them, only to be disappointed.

And it will not work for them, apart from losing weight financially.(Money out of their pocket.)

They'll feel good about themselves initially, then bored, and then frustrated/disappointed or accepting of their 'status quo.'

Affirmations alone do not work in the way you hope, in any of the usual forms marketed to you.
There are several other components to the answer or our solution.

I first learned about the power of affirmations and visualization techniques and the laws of attraction/association over 30 years ago - also having been exposed to it years prior to that as a child.

The affirmation process is based on the following concept: thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, actions create habits, habits create beliefs, belief systems create human identities, and your human identities create your reality.

This, like everything in the media, or even science - is only a part aspect or even half truth. The realities are either often unknown by the author or 'expert', or not a popular proposal.

As an adult I've embraced the whole concept, and spent time, effort, and money studying this subject, in an attempt to create the reality I wanted.

The majority of the self-improvement courses, books, and tapes taught me various methods of how to visualize and affirm what I wanted to create.

And again, using a good system, in a working manner will get you results.

Many of these techniques are touched on, sadly in a simplistic form, in "The Secret" materials.

It has been a great and valuable presentation, - as it has given a lot of people hope, a few a new direction in their life, and inspired a few more to begin to learn.

For me, I've meditated and visualized hundreds of positive affirmations daily. I've listened to hours upon hours of my own voice affirming what I wanted on an endless loop.

 I did mirror affirmations several times a day. I told myself that saying or thinking something negative was worse than saying a four-letter word. AFFIRMATIONS SHOULD'VE WORKED, 
but they weren’t working for me. I felt that disappointment., then the failure within - because I didn't at that stage understand why they weren’t working for me.

It became painfully evident that affirmations, alone, were disappointingly ineffective at creating the reality I wanted. Of course this is the polite version of that statement - really my first thoughts were rather uncomplimentary.


Sadly, this is one of the true secrets - relying on verbalization's alone to do the work you are meant to do actively, is unhelpful, and very very unhealthy. 

Almost like the magic pill - good short term, better than the other options, yet needs to be followed up with your own activity as a new healthy pattern.

You must see this reality: - success is a fun yet challenging path at times.

 In order for the affirmations, alone, concept to work you must have had a life with-

• functional role models, and have been 100% free of , or
• devoid of physical, sexual, or 
• all verbal abuse. 

Your mind would have to be a clean slate… free of all past pain, loss, and any dysfunctional experiences.

A great aspiration - yet for the absolute majority of people, probably not  100% real.

Unfortunately many of the self-help gurus don’t teach you to clean the slate of your mind first.
Driven by their own self-importance, they instead, teach that you can cover positive affirmations over a dysfunctional past and still create the reality you want.

As I discovered, the “keep going/pile it on top” theory, alone, will not work. It is better than the negative controlling offerings of others, yet brings little measurable change long-term.

It will not work alone, it only creates a cognitive dissonance leaving you stuck in place, buying even more of their products to stay emotionally up.

The average person’s mind is cluttered with contradictory information, courtesy of their past or present, and enhanced by the media.

 This restricts the input of positive new affirmations because of the Law of the Universe that states: 

"Nothing changes until IT becomes what it is."

Another secret here - change the outside a little, or your response to the outside - to change within, and your results long-term. (it need not cost a lot - and it is better so.)

You will only start to create long term positive change in your life when you learn how to clean the slate of your mind, and make the habit to keep it going like that.
That is the great thing about good meditation training.


It has been said that doing affirmations without cleaning your mind… is like putting on a clean white top or shirt before taking a shower!
Everyone sees how good and clean you look, yet the shirt or top soon becomes dirty, and quicker than before.

***Questions, are significantly better than self-affirmations*** Try it for a few weeks - make a poster on your wall/fridge/food cupboard/mirror- or somewhere you see it a few times a day - and where the 'great unwashed' will not demean you for it; firstly of a self statement you want, and then next time try a questioning statement -in a possibility manner- for a few weeks.



'The Secret'-at the amazon shop.



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Being called a fat kid, I wish they would go away, or maybe if only I was thinner

Cellulite, and loving or being loved for me.

As a budding adult who felt at times like a whale, or at least called it often enough to think it may be true. I thought that if  I couldn’t stop my desire for food with a combination of prayer and will power, then I felt I was a failure.

*If you have a health problem- see your local licensed professional.(click this link) There may be an underlying problem, which is easy to fix.


Key point: - People sometimes can convince themselves to believe things that serve their self-interest, evidence not really proving that it is true. Our choices do matter.


The medical establishment and diet industry respond with any number of products, and with  broad words that blame faulty diets and the dieters for our inability to weigh less. Each product, and each profession is the only answer - and so they try to sell us.

We are told people who regain weight need to exercise more and eat more vegetables or try the next new magic tool: A big breakfast, paleo, detoxification, eat only this..,pasta, nut, vege, fruit, or this eating plan from this country or region, or any number of brand name solutions- . . .and so on.

The bottom line is, if you don’t lose weight and keep it off, you're told you chose the wrong one or did it wrong -now choose this idea.
This show does have some similarities to the one-product-fixes-everything performers. of the Victorian reign.

Fat need not be about being weak or lazy or sloppy or indifferent.
It’s mostly about biology, and your, and your available, choices of response behaviour.

There is a mismatch between modern culture, fashions, economics, technologies, the food promoted, and the average human body.

It is time to tell anyone who suggests it is easy to lose 10 kilos or twenty pounds, to consider reality. 

• We already know we’d be better off health-wise if we lost weight. 
• We already know we’d have better odds in romance and job interviews, and just being accepted. 
• You don’t need to convince us to care, lectures do not help.
• For many of us, it’s not a matter of where there’s a will there’s a way; it’s a matter of where there’s a way there’s a will. 
• If doctors and other public health advocates (salespeople) were more honest - they would take the time to understand the combination of issues and realities we face.

Promoting diets is about as sophisticated and effective as promoting sexual abstinence for teens.
Part of the answer, and of course the 'best' way - it does seem to ignore the other components of life.

And just beneath the surface, many 'fat' people are caught in endless cycles of self-scrutiny and self-blame about their weight:

• Was it my childhood?
• Is it my medication or birth control? 
• Is it my conflict avoidance, or comfort in life? 
• Am I staying up too late? 
• Am I going to bed too early? 
• .............and it goes on.

The recriminations, especially to yourself are no help. They draw energy away from your dreams and projects, or the wonders and beauties of the world, and the creativity and passion you have to making your world better.

Weight loss is achieved, with food (or hopefully) nutrition selections, activity (body movement) choices, hormonal/biochemical changes in our body, social reinforcements (both positive and negative), all on a pleasant? ongoing basis.
A mentor, or guide, as in one who has truthfully gone before is superb.
No one single proposal is the answer, your body is a system.


Perhaps the biggest gift, is the freedom you can get from the constant chatter in your head. that interrupts us at most times.

 By using simple thought changes, with some positive reinforcement the changes can be faster.

One of the easiest, and long lasting ways = is to change your situation; sometimes that is easier, and in fact best to do that within ourselves a little first.

It may seem like an ad for hypnotherapy- yet if you look past the fluff- the following programs do work (and they are fully guaranteed).
In fact they produce a sure positive change in nearly everyone that applies them. (you'll need to do other daily and important things as well - these are the beginning factor to your new life)
Some people say it feels like magic because it is so easy to make powerful changes;- and they are correct in a way, as the learning opens up new ways of help.

You Deserve This! Choose one!


Recommended links to help you now.

****

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   


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photo courtesy of Robert & Mihaela Vicol at publicphoto.org

In the pit of despair. Why are things so bad? I think I Hate myself, really.........

“Why do I hate myself?"

“I hate myself” is a critical inner voice that people of all ages struggle with.
You most likely don't hate yourself - maybe the activities that you do or not - that bring you to a certain situation, of seeming hopelessness.

Where then, do thoughts like these come from?  Probably negative early life experiences.

Harmful views directed at us by parents,a group of friends, or other people we expect care from, are internalized to some degree.
Just as their positive attitudes toward us may help us to develop self-esteem and confidence, their more critical attitudes can crush us.

There is no useful value now, in blaming others.(It gives all the power to them- and so far they've helped you here).

They may be at fault, yet no one is perfect. Nearly everyone learns from their parents. and they can face challenges when they have children, as they have learnt mostly from their own past. For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just appearing tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother.
Whereas in fact it usually the adults life issue- then or carried through from before.

“How does hating myself affect my daily life?”

We're probably treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice. Don't- it is the wrong coach for you!
When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless.
When we listen to our inner critic, we give it power over our lives.We become a "negative nanny", or naysayer - (not a markedly successful life attitude).
If you want a better life, change.
We may even start to project these critical thoughts onto others. We  perceive the world through its negative filter, and question or criticize people who see us differently from how our voice sees us. Again it is what you have been told or taught by an authority.
 It’s been engrained in us since early childhood, and we therefore often struggle; it is now time to change.

The critical inner voice is like an internal coach negatively commentating on our lives, influencing how we behave and how we feel about ourselves.

It has been put there to try and undermine our goals, and accomplishments: 

-“Who do you think you are? You’ll never be successful!”
-“This won’t end well. Sooner or later you’re going to mess up.”
It’s there to sabotage our relationships:
-“She doesn’t really love you. You shouldn’t trust her.”
 It’s even there to criticize those close to us: 
-“Why does he even hang out with you?
There must be something wrong with him.”
 Finally, this voice can seem self-soothing, encouraging us to act in ways that are self-destructive, then  punishing us:
 -“Go ahead, have that second piece of cake. You’ve had a rough week you deserve it.”
 Later, there will be comments like: 
-“You’re such a fat loser. How could you ruin your diet again?”

We listen to this critical inner voice, and if we mistake it for our real point of view, and we can believe what it tells us about ourselves.

*****It is a method of control - used by authorities - parents as well. By causing our self doubt, they create in us a desire to fill their wishes. We may tell ourselves off, to prevent the pain of rejection from another: - unless you are doing something really bad - in which case change- others views are not important.***

A clone is not as respected or valued as a unique being. Be someone unique.

“What can I do to stop hating myself?” 

To stop our cycle of self-hatred and live free from our imagined limits, we must learn to challenge our inner critic, and over-ride it.
Writing down your common response to situations- and a new positive (possibility focused) answer is a super way.
Or notice an undesired pattern- stop mentally, and think what is a better way.

Here is a simple one to start with:- If you are in a vehicle, next time you are the one left at the red stop light waiting- think "great, I'm in front...I'm the first one"; not your usual negative or blaming thoughts.

Starting with one or two thoughts that become habits, will create, that way of thinking for you, and bring both peace, and good things/circumstances to your notice.

It is actually OK for you to sort your own beliefs, values and ideals - no matter what your current associates, or your upbringing says.- you are in that situation because of you, or their support.
 Think, and plan - How do you want to live your life? What do you want for your future?

 As we pursue this goal of becoming our true selves, life only improves, as we do, the self denigration gets weaker and we become ourselves.
In some life situations we do need to take mental, or even physical time out.

Rather than alcohol,THC, or other substances - seek like minded forward/possibility thinkers -in a group, in a book, or look at the growing parts of nature.

*********

The following fable from AEsop- will help bring some thoughts of possibility when things are more than challenging.

The Crow and the Pitcher 

 A Crow, half-dead with thirst, came upon a Pitcher which had once been full of water; but when the Crow put its beak into the mouth of the Pitcher he found that only very little water was left in it, and that he could not reach far enough down to get at it. He tried, and he tried, but at last had to give up in despair. Then a thought came to him, and he took a pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. At last, at last, he saw the water mount up near him, and after casting in a few more pebbles he was able to quench his thirst and save his life. 

Little by little does the trick.





photo courtesy of pdpics-KenKistler

Becoming a queen or king in a world of pawns

We All Have the Potential to Be Powerful Kings and Queens

A pawn is cannon fodder for kings and queens. It's also the most expendable piece in a game of chess.  Like many of you, I was conditioned to be good....to play by other people’s rules.

It has taken me a long time to develop the audacity to assert my right to live my life by my rules... ....to be assertive on my own behalf.

I think I shocked a lot of people. Some people, of course, don’t like the new me and excused themselves from life.

It didn’t take me long to realize I was better off without them.

Their absence in my life allows me to develop more supportive relationships with people who believe in me and support my ideals; and me being now no longer the subservient, but the chooser of circumstance. 

We are taught, as we grow up- through harsh consequences - that we don’t dare challenge the authority of the illusory potentates. Read the Bold Sheep Post, and then return here.

Even the most powerful king sooner or later discovers it doesn’t take much to reduce “important” to “impotent.” All of them  - “potentate,” “important,” “impotent,” and “potential,” “potent” have a base that means powerful.

We have this destructive myth in our culture that others are strong and powerful, and we are weak and need to be protected.

Real power resides in love rather than fear.  This is the power of our inner royal selves....whether we are male or female.....gay or straight.

We All Have the Potential to Be Powerful Kings and Queens

Choose your hero - whether it be a fantasy character, or real person - if that is not what you want elect a symbol of nature or man - made to represent your stance in life. A mentor or symbol is a wonderful shortcut to success.

We all have the potential inside ourselves to be of note,  and make a difference.  It takes an ongoing dream, learning valuable skills, perseverance, patience, and practice. Our opponents may not play fair.

 But, we will win in the end if we play the game according to our own rules.
 You must know in your heart and inner being that is OK to have, and you deserve to create your own game of life. Think about a winning strategy to stay one step ahead of  your opponent, adjust it as you need. Of course start some action on it now, and keep at it routinely.


We have to exercise our potential to experience our full power.  If we don’t, we will become expendable pawns.

 ****

Adversity forces us to become resourceful and to advocate for ourselves.  It forces us to discover our potential.  We all have it inside ourselves. 
With some action, we will get things where we want them to be.



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Anorexia a disease or an option ? Changing anorexic patterns - the possibilty of self-help ...

Firstly- see your local trusted professional, give them a full history, always have a support person present. (Take notes - to show them you are paying attention to their importance, - this also ensures your safety, as they are now accountable.)
And of course see more than one; - not everyone knows everything, no matter how often they tell you this.

 Part of the reason for seeing an adequate professional, (if you find one), is that an underlying problem may have initiated the desire not to eat. This can be dealt with, and a supportive rebuild can follow.

 ***********

Now with that planned - let's start. As a psych nurse on the ward, and in the community - eating actions were and still are a challenge many face, and have done through history.

It is generally an emotional response to acceptance or control needs;- 

• If I do this, I will change how I am, 
• I am in control of this - you can't control this part of me, 
• I will be loved/accepted when I am or look like...
• Or I have to be - this size-this weight- look like this- 
• because= no one wants me as I am- my job pays me more if I am -everyone else looks like.

It becomes a physical issue when damage begins to happen. note- this is sometimes the unconsciously desired gratification:- sometimes just the progression of the living body trying to adapt to its input.


Aside from that - healthy role models must be encouraged- by reminding yourself or your friend - that they need -  of what is normal.


To live to the optimum ability of our physical and psychological self.


They can be encouraged by education, using repetitive films, stories in books. Lectures mean nothing- in fact the control issues will be negatively strengthened.

Proper nutrition is often a fashionable choice, dependant on which advertiser wants you to buy what.

Apart from the notable evils, if food is selected - presented- or spiced in a way the person likes, it has a lot better result than  some commercial offering.


 The following philosophies - moderated for their radicalism to work for today - seem ok:-
Pioneer cooking, Weston Price, World War 2 cookbooks, Ethnic wholesome foods (of your region).

If your'e in the UK- Jamie Oliver, and 'River Cottage' appear to offer both entertainment and solid ideas.
Choose one that you like, and enjoy it.


In practical terms a liking of food in its appropriate forms has to be encouraged - maybe by gentle participation, or education.

Two other things that do work,

1;- a bitter or aperitif before meals (check with your medical adviser first). Do not use a sugary or sweet/sweetened drink.

and 2;- is choosing an enjoyably non demanding event to associate the meal with, if not possible in your mind -choose a type of music - a regular TV program -or even a quiet clock time.

The structure of friends or wanted family around a table can be an encouragement.Privacy of ideas is of course is good. If someone is going through this - lectures do not help.

Positive role model identification does.

Supplements are often touted, and this part truth can be a help.
Depending on medical advise, things like clean vegetable juice, whey and protein drinks, kefir all are great,
The use of boiled, then allowed to cool for the day water - this diminishes the chlorine - is great. Let it cool in a safe clean covered quality glass, or glazed container.
Chlorine is a great sanitizer, not much good for your digestion though.

Or get a Water for Life USA water Ionizer - it works like your smart-phone.

Do consider your nutrition and do something to improve it - some foods do have a negative effect.
Seriously - buy fresh and clean food, if you can afford it - buy, or go halves in a juicer,from amazon online, and have 1 -3 glasses a day, with your new nutrition program.


Some exercise of pleasure is good - not just the remote control of the Xbox or TV- sitting outside if it is safe, walking yours or someone else's dog, or quietly walking in a safe natural environment.

By day by day, changing your beliefs of what is good, and associating pleasurable feelings to the helpful activity, you will of course succeed, and naturally be happier.


 

photo courtesy of www.pdpics.net

What do I do now? I'm lost.

Choosing life's new direction is important. Especially to you. It is always best long term to choose your own direction, rather than allow things or someone to choose it for you.

For survivals sake, we must sometimes do what we can at the time- to eat, and live. As we might struggle through this time, it can be easy to fall into the trap of giving all our energy to the problems, then relaxing with a substance or group that keeps us contained.

In our society we may be the wrong color, religion, race, or be tarred with a brush some else has held.

 Remember they held it-not you;- you may have just stood still long enough to be painted.

Move a little past this and begin to think how can add your own lifes desires to the day.


Suspend your reality for a while, and....

To discover your life’s mission, ask yourself:

 

 

What has always come naturally to me? What am I naturally good at? What would I like to   become good at? Why?

What do I really think is important in life (values)?Why?


 If I were absolutely free of any must-be and have-tos, and had to choose a single thing to do or create, which one would I choose the most?

What feeling makes me feel good about myself?

What were the most pleasurable moments in my life? What makes me smile? (What will make others smile = cash)

What activity makes me feel so good that I could do it all day long? 

What would other people pay for? 
 
What helps me overcome challenges and hardships?
(Develops a support 'system') 

What helpful and positive message would I like to send to the World?

What would matter the most at the end of my life to me?

What can I use right now to begin? 

Think of ways to begin with little money first off-as returns must exceed investments for survival. 

What is first step I can take towards the path of success I have created?

Remember - lost is being unsure where you are in that moment, an unsettling feeling of being not connected with a reality you want or desire.

You have the ability to change the way you see the world, and step by step change it for you. 

photo courtesy of www.PDPics.com