Defining Your Self Esteem or How to Change our Self-Image

Our life choices

Many of us were brought up with a form of brainwashing, by literally changing the structure of one’s brain, and creating strong neural pathways so that one thinks in a patterned way.

Picture a little child’s brain as a virgin jungle of trees and flowers.

When the child has a thought, it is like moving way through new territory, leaving behind a few footprints and a few broken twigs.

As he or she slowly matures, every time the same path  is taken, that faint path becomes a little more pronounced and easier to take, until it becomes a well-worn track, and eventually a road, and finally a regular highway, along which thoughts effortlessly zoom.

This is an analogy of what actually happens to the structure of one’s brain, while learning, and developing. The great tragedy, however, is that most of us have suffered unhealthy childhood brainwashing, brought on by immature parents and teachers, who were influenced themselves by the organizations determined to maintain their power.
Think of your un-favorite politician, or criminal banker, and how they influenced you - by whatever means possible - to maintain their lifestyle, until they were too gross in their behaviour.

It need not be as awful as direct abuse, more so a deceptive or one sided minimizing of your life value. While theirs is un-fairly maximized, as the notion of fairness is often applied in their favour - think of your telcos or internet providers 'fair use criteria.'

What feels true to us largely depends on what we have told ourselves over and over. If we have allowed years of programing our minds to accept something as truth, reaching the point where we accept the exact opposite as true takes a little maturity.

Each time we tell ourselves something, or accept as truth something someone else says about us, it is like putting a weight on one side of a balance.
  If at any time you  berate oneself with such putdowns as “I’m an idiot!” “I’m a useless waste of space!” “I can never do anything right!” “Everyone hates me!” or similar, be aware these are someone else's statements for you.
These are control and abusive mechanisms designed to limit you, and a possible true assessment of escape or the situation.
A standard KGB, prison, or female (especially) abusers - technique, to get you to meekly comply.

This degenerates into a deeply engrained habit, as strong and cruel as heroin addiction, and is designed as such.

Letting other people’s opinion – or whether they ever get around to expressing any good opinion they have of you – determine your self-esteem or your emotional well-being or your motivation, is on par with relinquishing control over your own life and destiny and signing it over to a snake or scorpion.

The difference is you can make new neural paths, and repair the damage easily. 

 

•  If you use an alias or nickname in emails, you might change it to something that builds your self-esteem. If you use nicknames or pet names with some of your friends, you might also seek a name that uplifts you.

• If you use computer passwords, you might say to yourself,  'I can do all things through Christ', while typing the first letter of each word. ICDATTC then becomes the new password.   If you are not a Christian, choose a Mnemonic (letters as a reminder of a phrase), that help you create the identity to help you.      Think of one now, and apply it - if you are really stuck - study some of Jim Rohn's works, and pick a quote to reuse for you.      No one negative could guess such an apparently random string of letters, and to remember it by rehearsing in your mind that positive declaration every time you use it is very very powerful.  

• Change your screensaver picture to some scenery in nature you would like to identify with - no words - this saves the attempted minimizing by 'the great unwashed'. Do the same for your phone, or pen, or bookmark.

• Perhaps you could put a little heart somewhere, or on your key ring, to remind you how much you are loved by God or the gods. Read the silver spoon post.

• If you are able to, dress a little better, better than normal, choose a new style or an accessory or two.  

• If possible clean your shoes or footwear daily, the psychology of this is very important  Kits from amazon.

• If is safe take a different physical path or roadway on your daily travels - it is often that the new environment, brings freshness to our perception.

• Choose a mentor, someone to copy their working habits -  whether it be your favourite entrepreneur a world away, or a successful aunt or distant cousin.

• Remember no one is perfect in every single aspect of life, and you can learn from the good and bad aspects of people to support your change for the better.

• Therefore, start to be pleasant to your daily contacts - be polite, and courteous- watch others and learn their techniques - be aware of the predators though.

• If you can manage caring for it - get a pet - one at a time, and involve yourself in its development as well. Pet ideas from amazon.

• Bring new people into your life, visit new online groups, begin and follow though on a new hobby. Hobby ideas from amazon. The previous associates you have, will either evolve with you, or leave; - freeing you up for a successful life. 

•  Hold your posture well. Learn Reiki, or the Alexander technique. Yoga is good - an older male teacher is best to get you started.

A few Christian verses for you

•     Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death . . .

•     Proverbs 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

•     Matthew 12:36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every  careless word they have spoken.

•     Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Watch Out for the Past! It seems to be a never ending struggle of What next? or What now?

A spiral path to where?

Many people have an anticipation of -"What next! or What now!" or in colloquial terms  'Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop'.

This negative expectancy and fear of the future is built on their observations, accurate as they are,

 

And coming from a fear and belief that our lives seem to go from one struggle to another.

• This is a learnt reaction to parental, religious - particularly Christian - or an abuser's, manipulations.

Somehow we naturally seem to believe that the past is somehow true in the here and now. For example, it seems logical that if money was lost in an investment in the past, or a stupid mistake caused us to loose money in then, that is evidence that we are stupid and unlucky now.
Rather than evidence of a need to change out our internal dialogue, and our actions that led us to that place.

Most have been taught that we are vulnerable to doing something in the present or future that will replicate the losses of the past. And any manipulator will try and use this invocation to control us.

To be successful in adapting to the world, we must find a way to stop living through the past as a determinant of our present or future.

You have probably heard of the book 'The Power of Now' which says that living in the present moment is the best way to live.
This doesn’t mean you forget your past. Of course, you want the wisdom of your past without the pain and suffering of the past.
And this doesn’t just mean your past when you were a child, with  either its security or insecurities.

The idea here is to let go of the struggle and painful aspects of the memories of the past.

One of the best books to help is 'The Path of Least Resistance' by Robert Fritz - buy it and read it each year.

You can start this process as well, by tuning in to the uncomfortable feelings and saying to yourself, 'that was me then, I've learnt now that ......'

When you are in touch with and remain connected with your inner soul presence of love, light and goodness that lives in your core, you will find that natural laws will bring more goodness, love and peace to your life.

That may seem like a bold statement, but not when you realize that the only reason you wouldn’t have all goodness, love and peace is because you are in resistance to it at some level.

 

The Secret - Think about how your day and life, is one story connected to another story. 

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

How do you become gullible and why? And how can you tell if you are? Can it be fixed?

Accepting the status quo?

Being gullible generally requires some sort of action/response, such as handing money to a scammer, or being conned to donate time to another's cause or mission.

So, really it is being manipulated - generally by emotion - to give up something of value for something of little (particularly future) value.

These organizations, or people - exploit the gullible, by taking advantage of victims, and their lack of awareness in that situation. Whether it is your most un-favorite politician, a panhandler, or 'narcissist,' or the lawyer exploiting you.
It can best be described as giving trust when one should not have, or misplaced trust, not just once, but repeatedly. Always giving some unearned advancement of assets to the manipulator.

 
Gullibility in itself is somewhat amusing game for the observers. And the manipulator's ego thrives on this -them often being a 'damaged child' or 'lost soul' -- of course this is a prime indicator of someone to avoid in life.

What Damage Can Gullibility Cause? 

While many argue that it is harmless for people to believe whatever they want, as it is indeed their freedom to do so, the problem is gullibility or on the other hand, manipulative or exploitative behaviour, is never limited just a few beliefs, but rather is a pervasive pattern in that person's life, including politics and social interactions, and that affects other people, and the world as a whole.

Gullibility and health
People make decisions about health based on their beliefs, not always their own health, but those of their relatives and children. Belief in mainstream medicine often prevents that person from taking actions to prevent disease. As a belief in a fashionable diet trend, or anti-authority position leads them down a path to the nearest guru - whose self importance is his or her total aim. While beliefs are good, to be swayed by a singular and exclusive trend, is not of help to you.

Gullibility and Finance
While most financial opportunities simply have the gullible victim willingly handing over money, one particular type of scam apart from the standard banking system, does stand out;- the pyramid scheme.
A pyramid scheme takes advantage of gullible people by turning them into associates to recruit even more victims. Instead of the scammer defrauding dozens of people personally, they find two gullible people to pay and join up, convince them each to find two more gullible people to pay and join up, and repeat for as long as it lasts.
This is no different than your bank or share-market, apart from the fact is is unregulated, and more likely for the originators or their affiliates to take your assets or cash and leave you without.

Gullibility and Religion
Are religious people more gullible? The evidence is very clear, there are signs that religious people have a 'positive' bias, in that they believe fellow members will not be out to hurt them, regardless of the facts. Scammers often take advantage of this by pulling an 'affinity scam', where they join the church or the administration, to get close to the pastor and/or members in order to abuse them later.
NOTE: Affinity scam can be used on any sort of group, from religion to community to race to professional organization, even love relationships.

What Causes Gullibility? A few components:

1. Situation -- victim was influenced by social situation, such as 'friends.'
2. Cognition -- victim does not recognize the danger signs of a con man/woman or a standard manipulative plan.
3. Personality -- victim is susceptible to belief invocations.
4. State --incapacitated in some way, to make rational decisions
5. Seeking or desiring of something for nothing, or 'lazy.'
6. Expects or hopes the worlds comes to them.

Cognitive Tricks Scammers Use

Scammers use a variety of tricks to influence your thinking / cognition. Many of them involve logical fallacies, and others involve misdirection, half-truths or outright lies. Something like a deceptive lawyer or realtor.  Here are a few you need to be aware of (this list is NOT meant to be a comprehensive list).

Priming the Pump
Fundraisers, auctioneers, realtors, internet gurus, and scammers, all use this trick: when you put an offer in front of people, few if any will volunteer to be first. Those who are between yes and no often will want to see someone else go first, put their money in, THEN they will join the crowd and jump in.
These manipulators know this too, and they often have friends as 'shills', who pretend to be one of the normal, and start to buy up whatever it is the influencers are selling. And are reimbursed or favoured in some way. This is often enough to allow the seduced people to be deceived with the courage that 'it must be OK, look these normal people are doing it.'

Dominant Personality
People are swayed by dominant personality, and that is a fact. Just because a group agreed with a decision doesn't mean the decision was actually MADE by the whole group. Many use this by presenting in a seminar where they are actively pushing this idea upon you, the passive audience. When they are sufficiently fast-talking nobody will be asking questions, as they push the right emotional triggers and dominate your decision making abilities.


Claim Authority
By presenting oneself as the authority on the issue (no matter the validity of this claim) one automatically gains some sort of recognition, as if others are recognizing that if one is willing to put oneself in front of the group, one must have conviction about whatever it is he or she is pushing.
Lawyers, immature marketers, corrupt politicians, and scammers often take advantage of this by hiring fake experts or have the experts present a one sided perception of the events, as this is what they are paid to do.

How to Fight Gullibility

Following are things you can do to reduce your own gullibility, by exerting control over the factors named earlier.

• Always consider the Long-Term -- The manipulator has, and is. You must think this too. 

• You do not have to nice to everyone--Even at best, only 50% of people have the skills to obtain what they want without theft or manipulation - It is perfectly OK to avoid or not converse with these people.

• Record-- Take notes in front of your abuser, or manipulator - or use your phone or a recording device to record the interaction. 'To go over, or review later to make sure I understand'... or....'for training purposes.'    Mostly they have the right to a copy, yet you have the right to make them pay full legal pay rates before you release the copy. Don't tell them this, just 'I can get a copy to you later if you want - just send me a note if you need it.' Then reply with an account stating 'thank you for your request of xx - $xxxx-- copy sent upon receipt of cleared nonrefundable funds in full. Do please allow x days from receipt of payment'
• Have your interactions in front of a CCTV camera you hold the key for - if it is on your private property - (and you have generic signage obvious) your footage is yours. Do remind them as they leave, to only ever come back if you ask them to.

• Avoid Temptation -- if you know you're vulnerable to certain situations, don't go there. Much like breaking an addiction habit, you must avoid situations where you're forced into making decisions that you will regret later.

• Time Out -- refuse to commit to one side or another, play a little confused if you have to - go home and think about it. Do NOT make impulsive decisions. This also works when you are exhausted, either emotionally or physically and thus not capable of making proper decisions.

• Counter-attack -- instead of being pushed (such as high-pressure sales pitch), you push back, by countering with a question (what exactly did you call me for?), ask for a quick summary (You have 60 seconds) - then do not listen to it- put the phone down, meditate, or look past them focusing on a far away point; or interruption ( 'gee - just get to the point'), and so on. Instead of them pushing you, you push them. This disrupts their 'script' and puts them on the defensive.

• Escape clause -- find a way to get away, get out, avoid having to make a decision before you have gathered all the information to satisfy you.

• Sanity Check -- bring a friend, a relative, a trusted minister or rabbi; - Do make sure you bring someone who is 'wiser' and calmer than you are. Go back to the record or take notes for later plan.

• Critical Thinking -- learn what is critical thinking, preferably as early as possible, This would also cover logical fallacies (i.e. how to make something that seem logical but isn't) so you can spot those being used on you.

• Healthy Skepticism -- not cynicism, but understanding the source of the information, what bias it may contain, and how much of it is real raw information, and how much of it is "spin" and "opinion". Just because a scientist, religious person, or salesperson says so doesn't make it so, unless there is evidence.

• General Education --Learn for yourself the techniques the manipulators use- so you can avoid them.  
• Learn the legislation or rules, the other party operates with - Udemy online is a good place to learn from- and the loopholes they prefer. 
• Ask for the rules/acts, an authentic offerer will allow you full access, 'What are the 10 most common?' is a great question, followed by, 'hang on - I'll just write them down'; - or if you are buying something, ask 'what is the most common reason for return for this year? last year? why? how exactly is this one different? What exactly does the warranty/guarantee cover? Let's have a look at it -the written version - shall we?'

The Ultimate questions-- 

• Will this help me or my life long term? 

• What am I going to get out of all this as we go along? 

• Can I afford the cost of the time and or money out of my life? -- I do only live once.

"I know one thing: that I know nothing." - Socrates

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Controlling Parents - are they all the same? Why can't I have my own life as an adult?

Our Lives are both unique and tied.

Controlling Parents – How Ever Do You Cope?!!  You only want to stop being manipulated by your mom and/or dad. Just an ordinary problem free relationship or visits must be possible. Many adult children who have controlling parents, think that.

To recognize the unease you have is a very positive step forward in your life.


There are lots of stories, where the 'controlled' children remained out their influencer's reach, and then succeeded remarkably well in their lives. As many millions of dollars, pounds, or francs have been made by the distancing practice as have the family support model. Interestingly enough, predominantly - the dollars/pounds - rather than other cultural upbringings.


To get started, let us assume, you are an adult trying to make your own way in the world- 


1- Let go of your need to please your parents. We do grow up seeking approval, affirmation, and love from our parents, and that really is OK. Even as grown children, we may want them to keep loving us, approving of us etc.,  and that is why it’s difficult to confront them, when we don’t want to disappoint or anger them.
A secret for coping with controlling parents – or any toxic person in your life – is to recognize your need to please them, and let go of it. Or, at the least, learn how to observe it all in the third person.


2-Learn to recognize emotional blackmail. This is one of the best ways to take your life back, - (from any abuser in fact) - and you have started by your questions.
If you have controlling parents, you may recognize that they disguise their criticism with jokes at your expense, or by pointedly saying how well another is doing - seeming to try to make you feel guilty for past behavior, or constantly make you feel bad about your life.
They don’t seem to want to let you live your life! Before confronting difficult parents, it’s important to recognize and learn to deal with emotional blackmail.


3-Separate emotion from an action plan. An action plan says, "I want a better life, better relationships. and I will have it for me." You might have to do something you don’t want to do;-  change a job you enjoy parts of, move to a different place, set and stay with your boundaries, develop some assertiveness, and stand up to other  members of the family. All good challenges for you to meet.
It is easy to take your life back, and it’s effective.
Put aside the emotions of "I’m scared/tired/frustrated/miserable," - you were taught these responses for your parents benefit.


4-Stop wishing your parents less controlling, or different. These controlling parents are yours, and if you’re still wishing they were different, that is a good start, yet won't help your reality to change. Don’t  give up hope for a better relationship with your parents, as an adult you now have a different one.  They may continue to be overbearing, difficult, and so on....but really you are now an adult, and you are free to distance yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. Start a little today.


 5-Cut your financial ties to parents who want to control. Some parents use a supply or not of money to control you- which might be OK as a child, but instead of staying financially beholden, you might find ways to free herself and take your life back. A bank loan is definitely not ideal, yet if you are 200% sure it is worth it and you can pay the interest - fees - and - principal off - it could be worth the release - even if the money was originally a gift.
It’s not a 'gift' if it’s taking an emotional toll, and used as such. Or, if everyone agrees that the money isn’t owed (the mortgage help or baby food was a gift, for example), then sign something together, that states there is no money owing - and put it somewhere independently safe.This paper contractual evidence does help.



6- Services- If a big deal or drama is made over babysitting - usually- start a babysitting club with some trustworthy friends. If they are helping maintain your home, or lifestyle - get some friends around to do yours and the friends. Your parents must redefine their own lives. If a regular visit, or meal is a trial - leave the county, or country - and send lovely postcards or photos on that family day. Your mental health, and your overall well-being will remarkably improve.


7- Same house-/accommodation- Develop different hobbies, or at least something educational or creative, Udemy has plenty of good courses for in home study - that separates your life from theirs.
They will disapprove, that is their power and control technique - listen -empathize - and move on with your life.
Moving out may be a better option - they will complain - abuse - cry - gossip etc. etc.- you can allow them this; - again - observe in the third person -move on with your life. Then they can begin to move on with theirs.

Read - Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.

Then read or watch some harmless humour - and now begin to move forward in your life.


Are your parents toxic, and perhaps even destructive? A small percentage are, and they have a massive societal effect. Give up your expectations - it is your life, and you are allowed it. Assist them if you wish - that is fair enough - it helps them to feel as they have been acknowledged for the work in bringing you up. This is what most 'normal' parents are seeking.

 You must begin to 'rule' or take charge of your own life, it may be the healthiest thing you ever do for yourself.



Recommended links to help you...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

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Affirmations alone don’t work ! Harmful and self defeating reactions are more likely.

Spinning the world, or is it?

Many people who have watched "The Secret" DVD, listened to the CDs or read the same book have experienced trying to make the Law of Attraction work for them, only to be disappointed.

And it will not work for them, apart from losing weight financially.(Money out of their pocket.)

They'll feel good about themselves initially, then bored, and then frustrated/disappointed or accepting of their 'status quo.'

Affirmations alone do not work in the way you hope, in any of the usual forms marketed to you.
There are several other components to the answer or our solution.

I first learned about the power of affirmations and visualization techniques and the laws of attraction/association over 30 years ago - also having been exposed to it years prior to that as a child.

The affirmation process is based on the following concept: thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, actions create habits, habits create beliefs, belief systems create human identities, and your human identities create your reality.

This, like everything in the media, or even science - is only a part aspect or even half truth. The realities are either often unknown by the author or 'expert', or not a popular proposal.

As an adult I've embraced the whole concept, and spent time, effort, and money studying this subject, in an attempt to create the reality I wanted.

The majority of the self-improvement courses, books, and tapes taught me various methods of how to visualize and affirm what I wanted to create.

And again, using a good system, in a working manner will get you results.

Many of these techniques are touched on, sadly in a simplistic form, in "The Secret" materials.

It has been a great and valuable presentation, - as it has given a lot of people hope, a few a new direction in their life, and inspired a few more to begin to learn.

For me, I've meditated and visualized hundreds of positive affirmations daily. I've listened to hours upon hours of my own voice affirming what I wanted on an endless loop.

 I did mirror affirmations several times a day. I told myself that saying or thinking something negative was worse than saying a four-letter word. AFFIRMATIONS SHOULD'VE WORKED, 
but they weren’t working for me. I felt that disappointment., then the failure within - because I didn't at that stage understand why they weren’t working for me.

It became painfully evident that affirmations, alone, were disappointingly ineffective at creating the reality I wanted. Of course this is the polite version of that statement - really my first thoughts were rather uncomplimentary.


Sadly, this is one of the true secrets - relying on verbalization's alone to do the work you are meant to do actively, is unhelpful, and very very unhealthy. 

Almost like the magic pill - good short term, better than the other options, yet needs to be followed up with your own activity as a new healthy pattern.

You must see this reality: - success is a fun yet challenging path at times.

 In order for the affirmations, alone, concept to work you must have had a life with-

• functional role models, and have been 100% free of , or
• devoid of physical, sexual, or 
• all verbal abuse. 

Your mind would have to be a clean slate… free of all past pain, loss, and any dysfunctional experiences.

A great aspiration - yet for the absolute majority of people, probably not  100% real.

Unfortunately many of the self-help gurus don’t teach you to clean the slate of your mind first.
Driven by their own self-importance, they instead, teach that you can cover positive affirmations over a dysfunctional past and still create the reality you want.

As I discovered, the “keep going/pile it on top” theory, alone, will not work. It is better than the negative controlling offerings of others, yet brings little measurable change long-term.

It will not work alone, it only creates a cognitive dissonance leaving you stuck in place, buying even more of their products to stay emotionally up.

The average person’s mind is cluttered with contradictory information, courtesy of their past or present, and enhanced by the media.

 This restricts the input of positive new affirmations because of the Law of the Universe that states: 

"Nothing changes until IT becomes what it is."

Another secret here - change the outside a little, or your response to the outside - to change within, and your results long-term. (it need not cost a lot - and it is better so.)

You will only start to create long term positive change in your life when you learn how to clean the slate of your mind, and make the habit to keep it going like that.
That is the great thing about good meditation training.


It has been said that doing affirmations without cleaning your mind… is like putting on a clean white top or shirt before taking a shower!
Everyone sees how good and clean you look, yet the shirt or top soon becomes dirty, and quicker than before.

***Questions, are significantly better than self-affirmations*** Try it for a few weeks - make a poster on your wall/fridge/food cupboard/mirror- or somewhere you see it a few times a day - and where the 'great unwashed' will not demean you for it; firstly of a self statement you want, and then next time try a questioning statement -in a possibility manner- for a few weeks.



'The Secret'-at the amazon shop.



 Recommended links to help you.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.






Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home



Become the best you can be with Mindmint

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Why am I being Stifled and stymied ? What is up with them?

Something you often find is that there are some people in the world whose business is to make your life and circumstances, whatever they may be, seem much worse than they are.

 In fact, in your day-to-day life, some days it can be, how  come am I surrounded by people whose personal interests are in making me feel bad about myself and my world?

Again- this a technique of control - used to try and prevent your growth.

Or seeing through their facade, of usually inadequacy.

 Your success and ability to get on with your life, will in large part be determined by your ability to sift through all of this negative information coming at you.

Note- stifled and stymied are of old english vocabulary meaning - to be an obstacle to; prevent the advancement or success of; thwart-restrain or smother.

For the most part, there are people in our lives who want us to do well no matter what. Then there are those who may not necessarily want us to improve–our neighbors, friends, coworkers,family, and others. However directly or subtly, they will try and tell us that we are incapable of the change we seek or the improvement we want from our lives:

“You’ll never be able to do that.”
“That’s for other people, not people like us.”
"Why do you want to do it that way?"
"You can't do that"
" God didn't..."
You could add a hundred more if you tried, I'm sure.

Whether someone is trying to get you to buy something, or is afraid of you improving, is it because it will illuminate his or her own inadequacies.

If you allow others to influence how you think or feel, you will be in service of them and not in service of yourself.


Often a salesperson (no matter what their title is) will start by making you think there was something wrong with what you have now: If there were nothing at all wrong with it, then there will be no reason to hire them, or buy their idea/product. So, essentially, the trick is to make you feel insecure about the now, and then you'll pay something, and they reap the profit.


Let’s take an unscrupulous doctor as an example. If people generally followed a nutritional protocol, with good living - barring hereditary issues, and accidents caused by others- doctors would essentially be out of a job. Therefore an unscrupulous doctor may convince a patient that they are at greater risk than reality dictates, by batteries of tests, poor prescriptive practices, etc etc, in order to create more billable hours.
 
A few years ago, my habits had brought me to a health crisis (time to change the habits). Being really very unwell, and never keen on the poorly trained medics of the country- I finally was convinced by friends to see a doctor.

Now, this one was not a good physical example of her profession- a major warning sign- She proceeded to tell me that it was important that I come back often–for treatments, because I was an as-of-yet-undiagnosed diabetic who was on the verge of potentially dying. 
This concerned me, as I was actually having trouble with even walking up stairs at that stage- so after a week of  thinking I decided I wasn't ready to be told that I was terminal from someone like that.
So, scraping up my resources I went to another medical doctor and got  proper tests done. Nothing showing- I am not dying from diabetes, but I actually have excellent blood sugar. The other issues resolved themselves with some other care, self education, and intervention.

In this country it often known that doctors and their laboratories engineer tests to suggest the unconfirmable- so they still have employment next week. It is a supposedly first world country.


It is important to understand that all around you there are people and forces that want you to feel weak, vulnerable, and inadequate. The best thing you can do to control and fight back against these forces is to sniff out and identify these people for what they are–and then avoid them.

People will continually strive to keep the person at a certain level, for fear of being left alone, or of feeling bad about their own lack of progress.


Question yourself-with 17 billion or so people in the world- do you want to be around the fearful, and the 'naysayers'?

Move on, relax and succeed. There are many many good people in the world to balance out the others.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

 



pic courtesy of www.pdpics.com

Catching fish with strawberries?- attraction made easy.

Of course it is possible. I think Dale Carnegie, in his writings of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' used the story where he says he likes strawberry cake and cream, yet uses worms to catch fish.

Two messages here-

He is trying to get across that-1- you must use the desirable item/attractor to get the result you want.
The fish meaning christian provision.(food-goodness).


And-2- choose your attraction consciously.(being aware)

Now carp, and catfish will take strawberry enhanced bait- Do you want to catch them?

 Maybe other baits would work faster or better, for the result you want.

Sometimes the experience of those who have gone before us can be used to make our lives a little easier.

Beware of the hooks though.



pic courtesy of Public Domain Images