Getting money to leave your situation. Be it a bad boss, place or relationship

Alone and looking out for the danger

Many times we are either stuck in place, or being held in a bad place or relationship by our own mistakes or a controlling person.

A few dollars or shekels reluctantly handed over at times, when we are at the end of our tether.

Many pseudo-wealthy use this technique to maximize their control (abuse), just within the margins of the law.

Like the pseudo-wealthy, there is not much use bringing someone to account while they are doing it, unless you can invoke an authority they will listen to - (it doesn't have to be yours, and is better if it isn't really.)

Seriously, we must extricate ourselves (get out of the bad place), and prevent it happening again to us.


Both domestic abusers, and bad bosses or employers do give away their tendencies early on.

Yet for now we must re-establish ourselves.....

6 Ways to Be Financially Independent From a Controlling person

Don’t lose hope.

Keep trying. If you’ve been with a controlling husband or wife or partner – or importantly - a critical person – for a long time, you may feel hopeless. This is their plan, to make you feel inadequate so they won't lose you. In psychology, your perception is called 'learned helplessness.' You may believe you’ll never learn how to become financially independent because your abuser keeps telling you that you need them to survive, and in some way/s you are not good enough. Don’t lose hope! Remember that others have got out of these sort of situations too. You Must Leave these people - they will replace you with a better deal on a whim.

Remember that; interdependence' is more a help here than 'independence'

Interdependence means you’re part of a community that supports each other. This community might be a neighbor, a workplace, a book club, a walking or gardening group, somewhere you can have a clear thinking space. Note - not a conversational pity party, or verbal bashing place - negative realism is good,- forward action is what will help you most. When you’re learning how to become financially independent in a controlling situation, focus on finding a network or community of people that you can rely on – and who can rely on you. Do connect with others, be interdependent, even for a short while.

Find people who found financial independence themselves

The best way to learn how to become financially independent with you’re in a controlling relationship, or situation is to connect with others who have 'Been There, Done That.'
They may be able to guide you in the right direction. DO NOT use a banker, lawyer, or their associates, as your mentor or guide. Those groups are there to do what you tell them to do, and they will only work for their advantage - not yours - ever.
Try for an honest business man or woman, with some years of experience, or a trusted Rabbi or priest.

Humble yourself

It’s very difficult for most productive people to ask for financial help. Applying for government assistance, researching housing allowances for single parents with children, or similar - finding ways to support yourself is a humbling (or worse) experience. It need only be temporary, and you can pay it back in the future, in real form or volunteering. If it is restart to a more productive life - you can justify it to yourself.

LISTEN to financial advice about how you handle money

If you aren’t a financially independent now, maybe you were never taught how to handle money or balance a budget. Maybe you enjoy spending money, as most of us do; – and think -- maybe you married a controlling partner so you had an external source of structure.

Again, the successful impartial honest - business person or religious minister, may be your best source of advice - do avoid government sponsored programs, unless you get to deal with a very old retired adviser with a positive empathetic attitude. Like the lawyers, bankers, etc the government programs are there for their benefit, not yours at all.

Be a burden

"I have no family support and I don’t want to burden anyone,"..... "I want out of this marriage/relationship/job so bad, but I don’t have the money to leave. She/He knows I can’t make it on my own financially, and they always want me to pay something so I have no money left from my paycheck."
This is unbelievably common - as if it is a standard operations procedure taught to abusers - and we are so often led into this place.

No normal person wants to be a burden on their kids, friends, family, or coworkers! But on occasion you can succeed a lot easier with getting help from others. You will return the favor in the future, right?
Again be very suspicious of the bankers, mortgage, or finance brokers - avoid them in fact, they are there to further their own aims, not yours. A temporary written agreement that you repay as soon as you can, between friends etc., is always better.

Financial independence will cost you time, energy, resolve, humility, and focus. But the rewards are really worth it!

Be Aware now, and once you 'escape,' always have a reserve of even survival money - unknown, and usually untouchable - you can have it all over the world nowadays - so long as it is tax paid money, and ownership proven - it is legal and moral to do so - do keep it out of the public view.
Feel free to contact us in confidence to know how.




Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

  Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (buy and read them all!)

 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.



Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

As a woman can I have it all? Determining my own path..

As a women having it all

I had thought before, that a great measure of civilization might be the influence of good women. - Adapted from - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

We’ve all seen great examples of women who appear to juggle a successful career along with entertainment, life, and motherhood.
Women are asked to stay emotionally attached to their career path and to not leave as soon as they plan for a family.

The discussion at times has been pitting working mothers against stay-at-home mothers. An engineered war of division?
The stay-at-home mothers at times are either envied or looked down on for having left the corporate world. Especially, since marketing and society is heavily pushing for more women to enter the corporate world and the realm of politics. One would guess so as to be seen as role models, so that the subservient ones will buy the merchandise they wear and promote, of course as well as another taxation unit - almost like another duped farm animal sadly.

Yes, we can have it all, but can we do it all, and more importantly — is having and doing it all truly, truly what we want? Ask some questions to consider your true path.....


1. Get honest with yourself. What do you truly want? Write out your own definition of success. What does it allow you? This is not about what your family,friends, minister, or work 'friends' think you should do with your life. It’s about what you want deep down in your heart.
Then start quietly creating that ideal for you, day by day, and keep going- based upon how you’ve crafted your purpose.

2. Allow other women to create their own success definitions. We need to give other women the right to choose what they want. Just because you might not want to be a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t entitled to make this choice.

3. Throw out the 50% rule. While we might represent any % of the population, yet do we truly need to fight for anyone else's cause? Our choice shouldn’t be based upon this percentage, or the desire to be seen as accepted by the group, but because this is something we truly desire. Go and read the bold sheep post, then come back here.

4. In saying that - join together with other women to create your own cause, not 'society's'. Don’t be the lone ranger out there; look for other women who can help you influence the redefining of success for women and men.

5. Communicate clearly and persuasively. Use your voice to impact change. Challenge people to rethink their expectations of women and men in the workplace and what careers have to look like. Let women know that they have choices and don’t have to follow a subscribed path. Paint a new picture for what success can look like for women.
And especially yourself.



Recommended Links to help you...

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home





Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.
 

Is it better to be alone for a while, than in bad company? Red flags to pay attention to.

Bare maiden making her own way in life

Ideally, you would surround yourself with people who make you a better person and let go of those who don’t. Sometimes we are in we think someplace or somewhere too deep, and at a point in life, determined for us by others.

Bad company can be inspiring in the real sense, that it lets us or brings us to a place in our life that 'forces' us to begin to change for the better.

We must be alert to the often well hidden indicators of bad influence. It is always better to prevent a disease, rather than deal with the aftermath if at all possible. Many of the qualities listed below must awaken you to your own value and inspire you to choose your own life path.

Some other people will only......

1.  Make time for you when it’s convenient for them.

Don’t use too much of your time with someone who only wants you around when only it’s convenient for them. You shouldn’t have to force someone to make a space in their life for you, or be in a relationship with someone who overlooks your worth. Know that you are self-worthy, and do move ahead. It’s obvious, but any relationship without regular interaction and communication is going to have problems, especially when there’s a lack of commitment.

2.  They hold your past against you.

Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved past them.  They may not be accept that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and they will try to control you. Keep moving forward.

3.  You feel trapped.

Healthy relationships leave the doors and windows wide open.  Plenty of acceptance is flowing and no one feels trapped.  Relationships do thrive in this kind of unrestricted environment.  You, or your partner can come and go as you please, but you choose to stay because where you are is where you want to be.
 

4.  They discredit your dreams and abilities.

If you allow others to define your dreams and abilities, then you let them to hold you back.  What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  It depends a lot on what you choose to do with your time and energy. They of course will try to get you to devote time and energy only towards them.
  Do look beyond the presumptions and limitations of others, and  en-vision of how YOUR life can be. And move towards it.

5.  They have lied to you more than once.

Love is an activity, no matter what the mass media tell you. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance between lovers; it is an approach and behavior among friends and family.  If someone lies to you, more than a couple of times - they do not value your relationship. You must address the events, and resolve them, or limit your contact in those areas they have trouble with. Be it all, or in part.

6.  Their negativity is rubbing off on you.

The negative people in your life don’t just behave negatively towards you, but towards life.  What they say and do is a projection of their own reality – their own inner challenges.
This is important to remember because what these negative people say and do shouldn’t be taken to heart.  Although you don’t have control over what they say and do; you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say and do these things to you. Remember they cannot tip dirty water into the bucket if the lid is closed.

7.   They are excessively envious of what you have.

Envy is not OK, when someone is envious of what you have, there’s a good chance what they really want is to steal it from you. Either show them how they can get a similar (or to them a better thing), or dispose of them as surely as you can.
(That doesn't mean to kill them, as much as that might be the right thing to do - the best way is to use an authority they respect in their life to control them in a direction away from you-)
Excessive envy doesn’t tell you how much someone admires you, it tells you how much they dislike themselves.

8.  They motivate you to be judgmental or hateful.

Some people are avoidable, and some types even more so. Yet to tell a personality quickly you find out how they talk about others - this is the real them.
If you judge others as a group by their culture, religion, skin color, or their outer beauty, you do miss something good about who they really are.
People who motivate you to judge or hate others are bad company. They will turn on you as soon as it's needed to for their own gratification.
Some groups, and their belief systems, are ones you do want to be around,  do move with your feet, rather than your mouth - you will more easily get to where you want.

9.  They want you to be someone else.

If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. Ask yourself, and then them, why?
Maybe you could be on the path to a better life - make sure it is yours - not theirs.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be like someone you’re not.

Thought for the day: Be aware of the ways the insecure use to hold you. 

Move forward, and keep moving forward. There are some good people in the world, it is up to you to invite and welcome, and be a little attractive to the good into your life

Recommended links to help you now

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

pic courtesy of Bare maidens

Poverty, the influence of others, or a self fulfilling thinking of scarcity?

Decisions of necessity

When you are poor you can be surrounded the by the bad decisions of people around you. Which in turn influences your evaluation of 'normalness'.

The financial decisions are for the moment,  patch ups, and covering yesterdays, last weeks or last months bills. Your attention is focused on solving the poverty issue, which means that you do function quite successfully - and this you must congratulate yourself for - because you consider the best use of your dollar.

One problem is that when you're so focused on this, you don't notice all the rest. So you're the best shopper possible but forget to pay the electric bill on time- and this in turn brings extra tariffs and unearned fines.

If you're shipwrecked on an island, most people do not think ahead for two months, just to what you'll eat, or where you will shelter today. It's not 100% a question of character - it's what you are aware that you have;- in skills, or resources. Poverty is to a large extent the reality, yet also your emotional state.

Most judge poor people, viewing them at worst as lazy, at best as suffering from deficient financial behavior.
We've gotten used to thinking that being poor is their fault: If they were smarter or more industrious they surely would have overcome their poverty. Which in many situations is true, as the habits of yesterday have accumulated to today,

However, the problems while in the bad situation, for many people are distracting and cause mistakes, especially without support in relearning, or advocating on their behalf - out of the containment of the bank sponsored government system. Men or woman, it makes no difference.

Given enough time, an appreciation of the realities of the system, a person will consider the future cautiously. He won't engage in the nonsense, and won't choose to borrow at high interest he can't afford.
But if you coerce him with strict deadlines and pressure him, he may do so.

• A poor person often has very little. In fact, not only isn't he helped, he gets harassed, taken advantage of, and routinely cheated. 

• I have a good lawyer, he has a lousy lawyer. 

• I have a good dentist or doctor, he has an alcoholic or a cocaine user for a professional.

• My bank gives me all the possibilities to choose from that he doesn't, and will be purposefully excluded from.  

It's not that the world just doesn't help the poor, it trips him up even further, assisted by the bullies attracted to their sheltered positions.

Again, one of the biggest problems the message the poor receive from the system, is that - you're poor because you're no good.

Not the truth, this is another instruction of control (invocation) of those who want to keep you subservient to them.

Besides the enormous pressures, the poor often find themselves criticized, especially if they dare buy anything that seems extravagant.

These mistakes aren't any different from anyone else's, but they occur more frequently due to the element of stress, or the desire to relieve that stress, and the implications are much greater.


The ability to take control, anticipate the future and plan for it seems beyond them.

In reality most of us are very talented creatures but we have a tendency to make mistakes, we must learn to change the way we lead ourselves to these mistakes.


  A secret:-people tend to behave passively rather than rationally.

People's default pattern is to adopt a position and maintain it, wanting to change something, or plan to change it, intend to change it - but they won't.  The status quo seems easier to live with.

It happens to people at all levels, the successful and clever ones too.

 People need a framework that helps them. You must build it yourself, your government or bank will only take from you for their benefit, not yours.

So to answer the leading question - poverty is both an influence - of association, and control.
And also the situations lead us or can lead us into short term not helpful decision making.

Apart from making and staying with a plan to get out of it's control and not re-involving ourselves in it's or the system's nonsense.

We must change our perception of ourselves - to that of a survivor, appreciating our new found skills, and awareness.

Recommended links to help you now

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -







Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.

Rules of the game that make us, - our Success, our Luck, and my and your lives.

Playing - will I win?

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. Albert Einstein  

The Rules that Govern Our Lives 

 

We learn, or try to learn, to live in a world that others have created over the course of known history. We are schooled either formally in an institution, or by our observations to the created world around us.
As children often reply, when asked why do they go to school by their parents - "because you, and the government make me go"

People do live life partly on their terms, - some more than others, - and partly following the plans set by other people and society.


Laws, plans, and rules are created by  -


1; - governments and institutions, and
2; - a set of rules we think we have made for ourselves; that are reflected in our values, beliefs, and in our personal standards.

Some good and helpful, some not so much.


These rules have been conditioned into our mind over the course of a lifetime by others, and by society in general.

However, we have also played our part in this conditioning process. We have been willing, or unwilling actors - and have accepted things to be that particular way.

Most of us have good intentions and honorable hopes, with dreams and goals for the future,  -  however the 'rules' which we live our lives unfortunately don’t allow us to realize our desired destination.

It is now time for a change.


Your Childhood Innocence

Think back for a moment to your childhood, with the youthful innocence and enthusiasm that you brought into every activity.
Back then you treated everything as a game. Everything you did was fun and exciting - until someone told you to "grow up".

You were told that life isn’t a game and that you need to take things more seriously. You get told that your actions could have negative consequences; that you need to protect yourself from pain; that you must hold on tight to the things you have, and that you must follow the universally accepted rules that everybody else has grown up with.


The Unfair parts of Life.

•      Life is not always filled with perfection.
•     There are people you must, and you should have avoided.
•     There are organizations you should not trust, or have trusted.
•     You will experience different setbacks and problems.
•     You may experience a mistake or two.
•     You will go through different emotions.
•     You will sometimes fail at your choices.
•     You will experience criticism and rejection.
•     You might occasionally embarrass yourself.
•     You will win, but you will find more ways of learning how to win.

Just assume that things could go wrong, and have a plan or two in place to deal with that. And of course continue on with the adaptable plans for your desired future.




One method that leads to acceptance of the 'unfair,' is the act of disassociating yourself emotionally from the experiences.
In fact the standard prose of a manipulative person, is to question if you felt a certain way. Therefore to improve your success you must be aware of this.

In reality there are no absolutely good or bad situations, - it only feels like that at the time - there are interpretations that we as people make.
What one person might interpret as an unfortunate event, another person will interpret that exact same event in a more favorable way.
And because they see it in a favorable way, they can now make more of the situation, instead of playing the victim card. Leave that victim card for others, it is a manipulation technique, that will not help you long term.

Taking the possibility approach will do wonders for your self-confidence. 

You take charge of you and now are on the way to living life at a higher level.

 

10 Good Rules for Playing the Game of Life

Rule 1: Clear Goals

Setting clear goals gives you a definite direction in life and helps you live with a sense of purpose. It redirects all your efforts towards clear aims.Something like the idea, that while you are on the sports field or the court is to get the ball where you want it to go.



Rule 2: Sense of Humor

Humor is a great tool against the adversity that life may drop in front of you. Humor will allow you to move through or around these difficulties without falling into the "victim mentality" trap. Again playing the victim card will not help you win at the game of life - it is in fact a way for you to controlled - be it by an abuser or a 'helping' organization. You must instead use some humor to keep your spirits high while you move forward.


Rule 3: New Skills

Start today, and keep at going daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.  It can be either tangible, or hands on skills, or equally as important - thinking and people skills. You can learn from both good and bad, even how not to do it - will save you some time and make it easier for you.
The perpetual life student attitude and practice will bring you fast results.


Rule 4: Calculated Risks

To venture outside your comfort zone. even a little for a start, will change your chances of winning in the game of life. Taking calculated risks and stepping beyond the confines of your normality helps expand opportunities, (luck)- provides a super platform for growth and new insights, helps you solve problems, and also goes a long way towards helping you make better decisions as you make progress through this game of life.

All your problems are solvable, however you will rarely solve them while within the confines of your normal or previous comfort zone. You must stretch beyond that, as this is where opportunity lies for new understandings and perceptions to help you find solutions.


Rule 5: Cherish Friendships

It is better to have a network of people behind you, rather than fighting or hindering you. Sooner or later you will need the support of others to help you win this game. Therefore start by cultivating your friendships today, and care for the good ones as if you wish them to last forever.


Rule 6: Accept the odd Mistake

Life involves the process of learning and growth.You might make the occasional mistake or two. Learn from your mistakes - once or twice is enough - if you are repeating the same mistakes time and again, change something - now!

Learning from a small mistake made today will indeed save you from making a bigger mistake tomorrow.
Or, perchance, learning from a big mistake today does help you gain the clarity you need to move forward in a better way.


Rule 7: Generate Plenty of Ideas and New Experiences

In order to succeed in the game of life you need to be constantly opening yourself up to a world of new experiences. They can come in the form of ideas, people, places and knowledge.

And as you begin to think differently about your life and circumstances you gather unique ideas that you can use to help move your life forward in a better way. New experiences also bring with them new opportunities to help you win in the game of life. That word luck again.

To focus on one overall idea is good, yet to get ahead, different approaches to that idea, or different ideas do open up new and maybe better paths.


Sometime ideas don't turn out 100% as expected. Great, now you can adapt. Experience and responses of others and yourself to these helps you define your direction.


Rule 8: Be a little Kind to Others

It’s said that "those who show kindness will eventually be taken advantage of." And you would be right. There will be people who will certainly take advantage of your kindness, however that’s part of the game of life. Ensure they pay you well in compensation, for that.

Kindness is not letting them take any advantage of you, or you having lesser standards for yourself; it is accepting people where they are at now.

When you are kind to others it often activates the power of reciprocity, and so it should.
Mostly you feel more confident, in control, and fulfilled that you have made a positive difference in someone else’s life.
This confidence empowers your daily decisions and actions to help move your life forward in a better way.


Rule 9: Aim for some Balance

An ideal successful life is a balanced life. A life that promotes good health and provides long-term  stability. And the way to achieve it all, is to strive for a balance.


Rule 10: Work Smarter AND Harder

The final rule for winning in the game of life is to work both smarter AND harder. This naturally improves your luck and allows you opportunities that you otherwise would not have had.

Either one on their own, will give rewards, yet to get stable long-term success, both are needed.

 

One good life philosophy to have is this - from -Will Smith the famous actor, has said-

    "The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things — you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things: You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple, right? You’re not going to out-work me. It’s such a simple, basic concept. The guy who is willing to hustle the most is going to be the guy that just gets that loose ball."

Changing your Luck and Succeeding in the Game of Life

Do acknowledge that the results you get from life are a direct reflection of your habitual thoughts, words and actions.

• Choose your own path and not the path laid out for you by others.
• Dedicate yourself to something worthwhile.
• Aim for daily growth and learn from experiences, from other people, and from mistakes.
• Taking advantage of opportunities to move your life forward in a better way.
• Take responsibility for your life, choices, decisions and actions without complaining, blaming or making excuses. (This empowers others- not you).
• Cultivate curiosity each and everyday.
• Ask yourself solution orientated questions about your life, problems and circumstances.
• Stay flexible in thought and open minded to other perspectives, ideas and opinions.
• Define your true core values, and boundaries.
• Keep true to your highest core values.
• Consider necessary short-term changes for long-term gains.
• Decisions, and responsibility is OK.
• Consistently raise your personal standards. 
• Evaluate and change unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, habits and fears that are holding you back.
• Leave procrastination and instant gratification for others.

****

Recommended links to help you now.






Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home





Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Am I in the wrong relationship? You might be....

The intensity of meeting the challenge.

At times the outlook looks hopeless. And truly, some relationships are bad for both parties. Goodness knows how they even decided to start off together.

Usually a list,- written or not, either conscious, or seemingly unknown; of expectations brought forward from childhood, parental indoctrination, or mass-media.

Or in a similar mental haze, caused by a shared chemical - be it alcohol, or any of the current choices of fashion - or a physical lust followed pregnancy, and then abandonment fears.

Looking at it, what normally initially attracts people to one another, can be the very defenses that hold them back in life, rather than a mutual and proactive partnership that would be helpful.

Often in this dynamic, a couple becomes characterized in their behaviours and responses. For example, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant partner. Then the shy person retreats further, becoming more invisible in his or her life, while the more assertive partner takes control and directs their lives.
(The start of some domestic abuse here, unless there are rational discussions.)

Facing and challenging the defenses that leads you to choose the partners you do is the single most important task to breaking this pattern.

Changing how you interact with your partner, for instance, learning to negotiate more, if you are the “quiet one,” will begin to shift the dynamics in your relationship. The best setting for developing relationship skills and breaking defenses against love is in a relationship.
If you abandon ship, (which is the best option at times) -  but, jump in to a new relationship without wanting to learn, your results may not be those you want.

Be careful, there are some relationships that just don’t work. Some couples actually have a toxic effect on each other, where the mental, and tellingly the physical health of the individuals involved deteriorates.

So, how can you tell when it’s time to move on?  Up to you really.

However, there are some red flags to look out for;-
most importantly those that indicate that you or your partner are experiencing - an ongoing and seemingly inescapable - increase in psychological symptoms or a degradation in your ability to function.

These would be signs that it may be time to call it quits or, at the very least, to seek counseling or outside impartial guidance - if you can find it.


Here are some questions to ask yourself on your own to evaluate your situation-

•  Is my relationship negatively affecting other areas of my life?

• Do I feel upset, on edge, and fragmented a lot of the time?

• Am I too distracted by my relationship to function in healthy ways?

• Do I rarely feel like myself anymore? Do I remember my own dreams for the future?

• Am I anxious or desperate toward my relationship partner? Either afraid or fearful of them, or losing them.

• Do I feel like there is something wrong with me that I am frantic to fix?

•  Has my relationship impacted or hurt my friendships? Have I stopped seeing all my friends? Some friendships do change, some are not good for us; - yet not every single last one.

• Has it affected the way I parent (I’m distracted from caring for my children or I’m too reliant on them to meet my needs?), or even look after my pets.

•  Do I feel chronically ashamed of myself? Or am I made to feel ashamed of my choices or beliefs.

•  Do I feel down or hopeless about my life most of the time?

• Am I being abused without cause.- (hard one this- a joke every so often OK- anything else not)

• Has my physical health changed for the worse. Many times stressful relationships change your breathing and sleeping patterns -let alone your exercise and nutritional choices = cancers, strokes, dental, eyesight, the list goes on.

No human interaction is 100% perfect all the time, though you should be able to see more good than bad.


If you or your partner is experiencing this higher negative level of psychological distress, it is important to seek help if you wish, at least for yourselves.

The relationship needs to change, through distance, termination or renegotiation,  unless some radical learning and change happens from both parties.

Another important thing is to ask yourself is, “How am I interacting with my partner most of the time?”

If your interactions with your partner are predominantly negative, it’s time to look at your behavior more closely.

The four most toxic behaviors between couples:

1. Criticism – are you blaming or attacking your partner? In front of them, internally, or especially to others.

2. Defensiveness – are you closed off to feedback from your partner?

3. Contempt – are you rolling your eyes, mocking or pushing your partner away?

4. Stonewalling – are you shutting down your partners conversations? or is your underlying tone and body language stand-offish or withdrawn?

Time for some immediate changes, if you have or are a partner like this.

 Communication problems, gender role differences and infidelity are only symptoms, rather than the biggest predictors, of relationship breakups or divorce.

The truth is, you are sadly part of the equation, you must stop and redirect these negative behaviours at the first instance, for a reasonable chance at a serious relationship.

The solution isn’t necessarily to move on and find someone else, because, since we take our defenses with us, they will lead to the same troubles in a new relationship.

To challenge and change our defenses is work we alone have to do, and a mutually defined relationship is a great place to do it, and be within when it works.




Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

photo courtesy public domain

Falling in love with yourself again - to create a new life direction

Self acceptance.

As we grow older, some of us fall out of love with ourselves, and then, have a trouble isolating what we do value in life, and what truly inspires us.

Self-love. or really self acceptance - is invaluable to creating a life that aligns with our desires, as it serves as our inner compass, empowering and enabling us to steer our life in the direction that makes us happy. 

Otherwise, we  often, like many, end up turning to external sources for love and happiness. Finding or seeking someone or something to feel completed, or hoping for someone who likes us enough to want to be with us.

If it is a someone, then being so determined or desperate to maintain the relationship, that you ended up trying to be like your partner, doing what they liked so that they’d love you more.

Along the way, setting aside your own interests and loosing touch with friends, and your life path. Should that relationship ever end, the feelings of being empty and alone resurface with a vengeance.

To change that from ever happening - start to bring out your inner child and look for simple ways to create opportunities to laugh, relax, and have your own fun in your life.

This could be going to the park and getting on a swing, enjoying nature, just being with some similarly thinking people without an agenda, or thinking back to something you have really enjoyed that was harmless as a child, and doing it today.

When you incorporate play in moderation into your life, you are giving yourself permission to relax, clear out your mind, and reap the health benefits. 

 This action in itself is a form of self-care and self-love. Smile at yourself instead of criticizing yourself.

Children adore themselves. They love looking in the mirror and seeing themselves, just the way they are. They smile, they blow kisses to themselves. Alone,or with real friends - there are no judgments.
This is a major factor in feeling alive, and at times giving us hope and helping us grow.

But over time, we start to dim our lights and build walls around our heart. When this happens, we not only close the pathways to love, but also make it hard for others to love us.

Next time when you look in the mirror, challenge yourself to look in your eyes and refrain from being critical. Be kind to yourself.

Smile at the person you see, even if you need to imagine yourself as a younger version of you. Acknowledge your inner spirit with your eyes.

Depending on your upbringing and your experiences, you may have developed certain rules or beliefs about speaking your mind, and remind yourself of where the voice is coming from. It usually is a combination of  parents or trusted authority, and conforming yourself to be accepted by others.

As an adult, you now have a choice. Instead of operating like you would have in the past, you can decide if you would like to change your rule or belief.


So why not honor that little voice inside of you and say what you’re thinking to yourself? In doing so, you are expressing your truth, and this is an act of self-love.

In creating a safe, respectful space in your own mind, you’re creating the opportunity to connect with others as well, on a deeper level, strengthening your self-love, and your  relationships at the same time.

 

Recommend links to help you ...

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.






Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home




Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.



pic courtesy pdp.net

Everyone else has it ok , why not me ? I wish I knew how to change ......

..... what is going on.

Many times we look at others, and question why, or excuse ourselves from success, by satisfying ourselves in thought and emotion by thinking or saying - 'they had - we couldn't/won't/wouldn't. How come they have, or they are able to? I'm not good enough, or too good to do that.'

Apart from the family dynasty's some are in, or the places they live in-which are all changeable.

It comes to beliefs, as we've talked about before, and actions - some call traits - a quality that makes one person or thing different from another.

A few general success traits follow - 

Responsibility; Once you conceive you have choices, you then accept responsibility for making choices. It's a common thought that responsibility is always seen as a big thing - some dreary, painful duty. Because in a way it's a privilege. Accepting responsibility is accepting and acting on our personal power.
Even when we've been subjected to bad health, crime, betrayal, fire, earthquake, or accidents, it feels better to be able to say, "I'm responsible for what I do now" than it does to lay about and blame God, the government, your mother, the unmentionables, or an uncaring world.
Accepting it and acting positively does reinforce our self belief of success, and lay the foundation for greater, later satisfaction.


Planning ahead; Could well be one of the first traits listed for greater life satisfaction. No, the first draft of plans don't always work, but they're better than not having any. It is important to feel a connection to the future - we then understand that actions we take today have consequences tomorrow.  

Creativity or spirituality;  Creative or spiritual people "see beyond" - not only in the sense of things that others miss, but also in feeling connected to things that haven't happened yet — but can, depending on our choices.
Examples could be finding some way to use someone else's discards, or figuring how to make great meals from simple, inexpensive ingredients. It could mean making inexpensive entertainment for ourselves and our children when money is tight. It could mean seeing a way to make an independent living after losing what we thought was a secure job.
It is simply seeing and acting on possibilities that others may not perceive. Both creativity and spirituality involve looking within oneself and living with one's own mind, feelings, and beliefs. That can be painful at times, but doing so builds inner resources that in turn can help build a life satisfaction.

Support networks; If looking within is important, so is considering others. Even for hermits, others must be considered.
True friends will offer support, both emotional and physical.They may be a guide in a world of darkness.
Equally importantly, for us to have good friends, we usually need to be good friends. Being good friends,  means we're less self-absorbed in our own problems - more giving, more in tune to our surroundings, and more conscious that we live in a world where things outside us matter.

A belief in lemonade; You don't have to be an optimist all the time. In fact, optimism may be overrated when it comes to being successful. A possibility thinker is a better standard to have.
Terrible things can eventually have positive consequences. That doesn't mean we don't feel a loss or grief or fear or annoyance when bad things happen.
Yet we know that "this, too, shall pass," and that we may find growth and new opportunity on the other side of suffering. In the terrible moments, we may cry to our God, "Why me?"
But do not get stuck there for a lifetime like some people seem to.
By acknowledging the possibility of positive consequences, we are open to them and help create them.

Frugality; Certainly satisfied people are neither extravagant, wasteful, or stingy. Uncontrolled spending and obsessive cheapness both imply an unhealthy relationship with money. Frugality, on the other hand, speaks of personal wisdom. It also speaks of a number of the other traits we've talked about above. Choice. - Responsibility.- Creativity.- A connection with the future. Frugality means setting and following priorities.
 It means choosing not to buy this while saving for some more important that. It means seeing the good possibilities within limitations and difficulties. Frugality is only partly about money, it's much more about mindset.  

Not thinking poor;  Obviously, being genuinely poor can be desperately stressful. It's challenging to not know where your next rent payment or next week's groceries are coming from.
It can be painful seeing others casually acquiring things that are beyond your reach. But middle-class and upper types have their own version of "thinking poor." How many people with perfect lives - lie awake at night fretting about their debts or fearing that something — inflation, recession, divorce, illness, downsizing — will come along and sweep away all their hard-won possessions? Or having a consuming desire not to seem poor.
People on the road to satisfaction acknowledge the possibilities of loss, but they don't allow fears to dominate their lives.

Learning to relax; (embracing the madness) When a plan or a routine fails ... there may or may not be a time when you feel like you're falling. The first instinct is to thrash around grasping for what isn't there any more, but what you really need to be doing is deploying - or rapidly composing - Plan B.
Plan B often proves a little flawed, but that's OK, it is a starting point and at least gets you going again.  Get past the panic. - relax.- accept.- keep moving.
A small daily meditation helps, too.(meditation - not medication). It helps calm the seeming unreality of it all, and wake up the creative part of the brain. you'll find your new normal.

Gratitude; A short well said parable about gratitude (and perspective). "I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet." The lesson, of course, is be grateful for what you have. Satisfied people are grateful people. They dwell not on what they don't have, but on what they do have that's worth having.
Spend a few minutes each night, and think of three plus things you're grateful for, big or small. Write them down. Every so often, (weekly) go back and read them over, and share them with your children or trusted friends. You'll soon notice that, even if your life feels not the best, you have a lot to be grateful for - and a lot of "gratitude attitude" will carry you along.

Consider each a quality that one at a time, will give you what you want:- if needs make it so, address one a week, and so on --It gives you a heightened understanding of how today's choices can become tomorrow's realities.



The ultimate things that create happiness and life satisfaction? Small choices. Day to day. Made over and over with contentment during a lifetime. Now is a good time to start, and is a good time to begin, for you.






photo courtesy public domain

A bold sheep? Black. white, or colored - questions of personal identity.

As a bold sheep we stand out

   As the black sheep you may feel like you are forever trying to outrun a dark shadow. 

 If you are known as the 'black sheep' of your family, you mightn’t wear that title happily. It’s usually a shaming, blaming and otherwise labelled position to be in.

You are set up as an outsider - someone who doesn’t fit in, 'stupid, mentally fragile or incompetent,' -- when you may be one of the highest functioning members of your family.

If you are asking: “Do I fit in, - is my non-traditional approach, or my creative ability, going to be or is OK? You could well be destined - with action -to great things in life.
 The honing of  your identity is something to take great pride in; an original is worth a whole lot more than a replica.
“You” are enough. History has shown us Einstein, Tesla, DaVinci, Michelangelo and so on -a value of being unique.

Loners, misfits, and black sheep that you are - continue being yourselves. It at times is a war to fight 'normal-ness' every day. It’s a law of attraction, the more you love what makes you different, the more the right people will love that too.

Being different and being confident shows a great strength and bravery. 

 

When you conform, you wave the white flag, you destroy everything that makes you special Keep shinning even if most people can’t handle it. It is not your job to make them feel comfortable with other people shining bright, their life is their own. 

 

Don’t live up to anyone’s ideals or water yourself down for anyone! - and watch as you are rewarded by having the right people flow towards you.  

 

These are the people who will understand you, share the same interests as you, and will embrace and love you for who you are. 

 

Whatever moves you, inspires you, or makes you happy, keep doing that. You have one life to live, and it’s yours to cherish in the days following. 

 

Creativity has always been currency - now is a good time to start for you. 

 

 I’ve spent most of my life as the so called black sheep, to be successful you must be a little different - at least in attitude. It's easy to be that way, when you think of the rewards.


We all don’t have to be alike and the world would be such a better place if we embraced what made us all different instead of allowing our differences to set us apart.

                                                                        ****

The world is backwards it seems...it is no surprise really.

 You grow up having people tell you who you should be, how you should think, and what you should do with your life. Your teachers run through the same old curriculum, and the only way you get to learn philosophy is when you choose to.

 You would think being human is simply fundamental, something that happens naturally, but no…Some people have to be taught. Some never learn :).

We are all a product of our environment. My parents allowed my individuality, usually encouraging with a guiding hand, and its a huge reason why I am who I am today.

Some people have to be told  "don’t follow these age-old rules and go follow your ideal. Find what you are passionate about, and do it as much as possible - or be passionate about what you are doing."

Seeing the younger generations of children today makes me realize I was a strong youth. I knew conforming would not make me happy long term. The more I was challenged for being different, the more I wanted to be myself.

Most children fall under pressure. I knew early on in life that I would have to learn to value myself because often I felt unheard.
I knew it was the only way I would survive and do well.


Key point; - You have to be real special if someone is telling you that you aren’t.

 I know I have a light that threatens, sometimes makes others unsure of their chosen place, but that’s not my problem..and if you shine and someone is trying to dim your light, it is not your problem either.

Only insecure people have a problem with other people’s success and only they compare themselves to others.


You think that children don’t know what insecurity means until they get older, but you are wrong. Kids are bullied every single day for trying to be themselves. Some are forced into uncomfortable situations of conformity to feel safe.
Some are forced to fight other kids and to be a part of groups/gangs that bully others. It is the only way they feel protected. Now, let that resonate, are you blending in to be in a safe group? Is that indeed helping you?

Do whatever makes you comfortable, but do it for all of the right reasons.
Don’t be modest just so you don’t offend people. You are allowed to think you look beautiful today.

 You are allowed to wear that item collecting dust in your closet for any occasion - not just a special one. 

You are allowed to like music everyone else hates, you are allowed to love the 50s even if your friends all like today's music. You have got to own your own individuality.


You should never ever have to feel pressured to be a part of something. If the people you like can’t accept who you are than you need to find another group of people to be with. Maybe they are no longer the right group to associate with, for you.


And you know what’s the best about being the black sheep? You  begin to believe you are so different, you can’t even compare yourself to others. Can you imagine the stress you avoid by not comparing yourself to others? You have got to own your differences and embrace your blueprint because no one was designed like you.




Be brave in your choice of identity - Be different - be anything but a copy of someone else and love yourself  




Recommended Links to help you...

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

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OR on the farm

Pedigree Sheep  breeders software from zooeasy - the ultimate program for breeding and raising sheep!







photo courtesy ofwww.publicdomainpictures.net/Axel Kuhlmann