Rules of the game that make us, - our Success, our Luck, and my and your lives.

Playing - will I win?

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. Albert Einstein  

The Rules that Govern Our Lives 

 

We learn, or try to learn, to live in a world that others have created over the course of known history. We are schooled either formally in an institution, or by our observations to the created world around us.
As children often reply, when asked why do they go to school by their parents - "because you, and the government make me go"

People do live life partly on their terms, - some more than others, - and partly following the plans set by other people and society.


Laws, plans, and rules are created by  -


1; - governments and institutions, and
2; - a set of rules we think we have made for ourselves; that are reflected in our values, beliefs, and in our personal standards.

Some good and helpful, some not so much.


These rules have been conditioned into our mind over the course of a lifetime by others, and by society in general.

However, we have also played our part in this conditioning process. We have been willing, or unwilling actors - and have accepted things to be that particular way.

Most of us have good intentions and honorable hopes, with dreams and goals for the future,  -  however the 'rules' which we live our lives unfortunately don’t allow us to realize our desired destination.

It is now time for a change.


Your Childhood Innocence

Think back for a moment to your childhood, with the youthful innocence and enthusiasm that you brought into every activity.
Back then you treated everything as a game. Everything you did was fun and exciting - until someone told you to "grow up".

You were told that life isn’t a game and that you need to take things more seriously. You get told that your actions could have negative consequences; that you need to protect yourself from pain; that you must hold on tight to the things you have, and that you must follow the universally accepted rules that everybody else has grown up with.


The Unfair parts of Life.

•      Life is not always filled with perfection.
•     There are people you must, and you should have avoided.
•     There are organizations you should not trust, or have trusted.
•     You will experience different setbacks and problems.
•     You may experience a mistake or two.
•     You will go through different emotions.
•     You will sometimes fail at your choices.
•     You will experience criticism and rejection.
•     You might occasionally embarrass yourself.
•     You will win, but you will find more ways of learning how to win.

Just assume that things could go wrong, and have a plan or two in place to deal with that. And of course continue on with the adaptable plans for your desired future.




One method that leads to acceptance of the 'unfair,' is the act of disassociating yourself emotionally from the experiences.
In fact the standard prose of a manipulative person, is to question if you felt a certain way. Therefore to improve your success you must be aware of this.

In reality there are no absolutely good or bad situations, - it only feels like that at the time - there are interpretations that we as people make.
What one person might interpret as an unfortunate event, another person will interpret that exact same event in a more favorable way.
And because they see it in a favorable way, they can now make more of the situation, instead of playing the victim card. Leave that victim card for others, it is a manipulation technique, that will not help you long term.

Taking the possibility approach will do wonders for your self-confidence. 

You take charge of you and now are on the way to living life at a higher level.

 

10 Good Rules for Playing the Game of Life

Rule 1: Clear Goals

Setting clear goals gives you a definite direction in life and helps you live with a sense of purpose. It redirects all your efforts towards clear aims.Something like the idea, that while you are on the sports field or the court is to get the ball where you want it to go.



Rule 2: Sense of Humor

Humor is a great tool against the adversity that life may drop in front of you. Humor will allow you to move through or around these difficulties without falling into the "victim mentality" trap. Again playing the victim card will not help you win at the game of life - it is in fact a way for you to controlled - be it by an abuser or a 'helping' organization. You must instead use some humor to keep your spirits high while you move forward.


Rule 3: New Skills

Start today, and keep at going daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.  It can be either tangible, or hands on skills, or equally as important - thinking and people skills. You can learn from both good and bad, even how not to do it - will save you some time and make it easier for you.
The perpetual life student attitude and practice will bring you fast results.


Rule 4: Calculated Risks

To venture outside your comfort zone. even a little for a start, will change your chances of winning in the game of life. Taking calculated risks and stepping beyond the confines of your normality helps expand opportunities, (luck)- provides a super platform for growth and new insights, helps you solve problems, and also goes a long way towards helping you make better decisions as you make progress through this game of life.

All your problems are solvable, however you will rarely solve them while within the confines of your normal or previous comfort zone. You must stretch beyond that, as this is where opportunity lies for new understandings and perceptions to help you find solutions.


Rule 5: Cherish Friendships

It is better to have a network of people behind you, rather than fighting or hindering you. Sooner or later you will need the support of others to help you win this game. Therefore start by cultivating your friendships today, and care for the good ones as if you wish them to last forever.


Rule 6: Accept the odd Mistake

Life involves the process of learning and growth.You might make the occasional mistake or two. Learn from your mistakes - once or twice is enough - if you are repeating the same mistakes time and again, change something - now!

Learning from a small mistake made today will indeed save you from making a bigger mistake tomorrow.
Or, perchance, learning from a big mistake today does help you gain the clarity you need to move forward in a better way.


Rule 7: Generate Plenty of Ideas and New Experiences

In order to succeed in the game of life you need to be constantly opening yourself up to a world of new experiences. They can come in the form of ideas, people, places and knowledge.

And as you begin to think differently about your life and circumstances you gather unique ideas that you can use to help move your life forward in a better way. New experiences also bring with them new opportunities to help you win in the game of life. That word luck again.

To focus on one overall idea is good, yet to get ahead, different approaches to that idea, or different ideas do open up new and maybe better paths.


Sometime ideas don't turn out 100% as expected. Great, now you can adapt. Experience and responses of others and yourself to these helps you define your direction.


Rule 8: Be a little Kind to Others

It’s said that "those who show kindness will eventually be taken advantage of." And you would be right. There will be people who will certainly take advantage of your kindness, however that’s part of the game of life. Ensure they pay you well in compensation, for that.

Kindness is not letting them take any advantage of you, or you having lesser standards for yourself; it is accepting people where they are at now.

When you are kind to others it often activates the power of reciprocity, and so it should.
Mostly you feel more confident, in control, and fulfilled that you have made a positive difference in someone else’s life.
This confidence empowers your daily decisions and actions to help move your life forward in a better way.


Rule 9: Aim for some Balance

An ideal successful life is a balanced life. A life that promotes good health and provides long-term  stability. And the way to achieve it all, is to strive for a balance.


Rule 10: Work Smarter AND Harder

The final rule for winning in the game of life is to work both smarter AND harder. This naturally improves your luck and allows you opportunities that you otherwise would not have had.

Either one on their own, will give rewards, yet to get stable long-term success, both are needed.

 

One good life philosophy to have is this - from -Will Smith the famous actor, has said-

    "The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things — you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things: You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple, right? You’re not going to out-work me. It’s such a simple, basic concept. The guy who is willing to hustle the most is going to be the guy that just gets that loose ball."

Changing your Luck and Succeeding in the Game of Life

Do acknowledge that the results you get from life are a direct reflection of your habitual thoughts, words and actions.

• Choose your own path and not the path laid out for you by others.
• Dedicate yourself to something worthwhile.
• Aim for daily growth and learn from experiences, from other people, and from mistakes.
• Taking advantage of opportunities to move your life forward in a better way.
• Take responsibility for your life, choices, decisions and actions without complaining, blaming or making excuses. (This empowers others- not you).
• Cultivate curiosity each and everyday.
• Ask yourself solution orientated questions about your life, problems and circumstances.
• Stay flexible in thought and open minded to other perspectives, ideas and opinions.
• Define your true core values, and boundaries.
• Keep true to your highest core values.
• Consider necessary short-term changes for long-term gains.
• Decisions, and responsibility is OK.
• Consistently raise your personal standards. 
• Evaluate and change unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, habits and fears that are holding you back.
• Leave procrastination and instant gratification for others.

****

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Falling in love with yourself again - to create a new life direction

Self acceptance.

As we grow older, some of us fall out of love with ourselves, and then, have a trouble isolating what we do value in life, and what truly inspires us.

Self-love. or really self acceptance - is invaluable to creating a life that aligns with our desires, as it serves as our inner compass, empowering and enabling us to steer our life in the direction that makes us happy. 

Otherwise, we  often, like many, end up turning to external sources for love and happiness. Finding or seeking someone or something to feel completed, or hoping for someone who likes us enough to want to be with us.

If it is a someone, then being so determined or desperate to maintain the relationship, that you ended up trying to be like your partner, doing what they liked so that they’d love you more.

Along the way, setting aside your own interests and loosing touch with friends, and your life path. Should that relationship ever end, the feelings of being empty and alone resurface with a vengeance.

To change that from ever happening - start to bring out your inner child and look for simple ways to create opportunities to laugh, relax, and have your own fun in your life.

This could be going to the park and getting on a swing, enjoying nature, just being with some similarly thinking people without an agenda, or thinking back to something you have really enjoyed that was harmless as a child, and doing it today.

When you incorporate play in moderation into your life, you are giving yourself permission to relax, clear out your mind, and reap the health benefits. 

 This action in itself is a form of self-care and self-love. Smile at yourself instead of criticizing yourself.

Children adore themselves. They love looking in the mirror and seeing themselves, just the way they are. They smile, they blow kisses to themselves. Alone,or with real friends - there are no judgments.
This is a major factor in feeling alive, and at times giving us hope and helping us grow.

But over time, we start to dim our lights and build walls around our heart. When this happens, we not only close the pathways to love, but also make it hard for others to love us.

Next time when you look in the mirror, challenge yourself to look in your eyes and refrain from being critical. Be kind to yourself.

Smile at the person you see, even if you need to imagine yourself as a younger version of you. Acknowledge your inner spirit with your eyes.

Depending on your upbringing and your experiences, you may have developed certain rules or beliefs about speaking your mind, and remind yourself of where the voice is coming from. It usually is a combination of  parents or trusted authority, and conforming yourself to be accepted by others.

As an adult, you now have a choice. Instead of operating like you would have in the past, you can decide if you would like to change your rule or belief.


So why not honor that little voice inside of you and say what you’re thinking to yourself? In doing so, you are expressing your truth, and this is an act of self-love.

In creating a safe, respectful space in your own mind, you’re creating the opportunity to connect with others as well, on a deeper level, strengthening your self-love, and your  relationships at the same time.

 

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pic courtesy pdp.net

How do you or I find a support group you can trust?

Not all support groups are alike

Certain beliefs and customs unite, as do the rewards of ego importance and money.

Most are hierarchical, some democratic, and some in between.

 Some groups have "ordained clergy"- or the authority, and others do not.

Some large national groups offer memberships to individuals, or franchises to those running their divisions.

 If you get the impression that it is a business model - you are right. Whatever name is given, support comes from someone somewhere.

How to Avoid the Wrong sort of Groups

There are many wonderful groups out there which encourage fellowship and growth in their members.

There are also some that are little more than a power-trip for some self-appointed "leader," or their minions with a personal agenda. The later kind survive largely by attracting naive and impressionable new members. The following tips may help you.

Don't confuse an organization within a religion with the religion itself. 

The Catholic or any other Church is not "Christianity". You can quit the Catholic Church and become a Baptist or another denomination, and still be Christian, and be OK.

You really don't need to join anything or profess in any sort of formal ceremony to be of a belief.

Before joining a group, ask questions about why a group holds a particular belief, or how it continues to fund itself.

Don't assume that just because someone has a fancy title, or presents well they know what they're talking about, and certainly don't assume that they are trustworthy. The most foolish of humans will use titles to lend themselves legitimacy, and importance.
Think of your most un-favourite banker or politician.


Avoid any group that pressures you to formally join before you're ready to make that decision on your own. They are showing you, that they need you more than you need them. You must maintain, or quickly develop the impression you are not their prey. it doesn't stop you needing them, or using or supporting their values if you agree with them.

Take it slow, don't take a life-long oath to a large organization! Think about it for a minute. If you take an oath to an individual, that person is directly accountable to you, whereas an organization is not accountable for its actions.

Sadly that is a major organizational methodology - work, courts, churches,  gangs, etc, etc, etc.

High ranking members can and will pass the buck down to the weakest, and avoid responsibility for decisions made by "the group"

How to Make Initial Contact

Firstly, compartment your life, not every person can be trusted with all facets of your life. Your body, your money, your physical health, your emotional life, your car, your pets. your partner, assets, and so on. You get the picture, every other person has one or more weaknesses.

If you can watch for a while. Notice who is saying what and whether you agree with their general philosophy. Some will reveal themselves as on an ego-trip, or in more need  than you.

Talk or write privately to the people you respect, and ask for their recommendations for local or national groups. Get several opinions, with specific questions.
If most of the people you respect point you in the same direction, you've probably found a group worth trying.
Chat to a representative of that group. and explain who recommended them and why you are interested in joining. If they sound OK, after a couple of times, the group might be worth attending until your needs are met,






pic courtesy of pdpnet-Piotr Siedlecki

Hope in a hopeless place, are you helping yourself? Just a little, or are you saying- I'm tired of my life just now,and I come home after a long day, then I've had enough.

Some of us are always rushing, and often we are forced to by other people, or our life circumstances.

In fact, most people are constantly rushing toward the future and never slow down or stop. They're more concerned with being somewhere besides where they are just now.
 They have hope of arriving at a future that is different from and in some ways better than where they are right now. Which could well be the truth.

 All around us there are various people offering hope in a better future in one form or another. Some honest and some not so.
Some deceitful sales people will say practically anything to offer us hope, and this indicates how important hope is to us, and how we value the ideal future for ourselves.

 Each of us wants hope–whether it is for the curing of a disease or for a better life or something else, especially when our daily life is a trial.
 
 For example, when you buy a car or an appliance, you think know what you are getting.(mostly recognition/acceptance, even if it is your own).

Yet you might see a fortune-teller, or a guru, with an idea of reaching a future better than today.

 People  have been going to fortune-tellers, and listening to seers/gurus/ministers of faith or doom for thousands of years, because a fortune-teller etc gives hope that something in that person’s life will change.

They of course can help, and may bring good luck and success, if they are skilled. Primarily because they bring you to a state of anticipation or looking for the lucky opportunities you may have missed seeing before.


This is the secret: - to bring yourself to a calmed sense of awareness of opportunity.



 So create a perception of yourself as someone who has good luck and a hope of the future. Read inspiring stories, that fit with you, watch inspiring films - hang out with people that see possibilities.

And be one of those inspiring possible thinking people in someway - yourself.

This attitude, makes the day less tiring, as you are in a path of 'least resistance'; bad stuff happens, yet it has less effect on you.


 Learn to be your own fortune teller, then watch the future unfold for your benefit




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pic courtesy of pdpcs,net- Dawn Hudson

I feel like being i am dragged away - what control do I really have?

Do you too feel at times subject to external forces?

As conquerors throughout history, have used force and subterfuge to get what they want, for themselves or their kings or queens.
We too are often used for another's purpose.
The control and influence would be better to come from within us, for ourselves.
Recognizing that is the start of a new way of life.
Sometimes we think we are alone in our problem/s, but to look beyond our present circle, and gently act to change that, we can experience the change we desire,
Many a slave,has contentedly remained a slave- be it to a fashion, owner, or thought.
Yet many slaves will create their own world, and leave the imaginary chains of slavery.

A true story.

As she was taken to jail, she walked numbly questioning what would happen now?
Showered, cleaned, inspected and re-clothed in the uniform clothing of the prison, she sat dejectedly on the edge of her bed. Alone in her small cell, she began to shiver with the fear of it all.
As night fell, she slept-then didn't, with snippets of dream scenes layering themselves in a confusing garden of thought.

Hesitantly awakening with the noise and light of the morning, she slipped as she got out of bed, landing heavily on the heated floor.
Picking herself up- she asked what now? 

The door was opened by some unseen and remote authority- and the call for breakfast food was sounded.
Making her way down the stairs to the group dining room, she was assaulted by the stale smells that seemed to come from every corner.After what was only a minute or two- or was it hours- she arrived at the counter got her food then made her way to her numbered seat, and carefully sat down.

The food reminded her of films of concentration camps- tiny amounts of distasteful almost cardboard-like lumps.
Why am I here? she asked herself silently; what did I do to deserve this? As the others scoffed their platefuls quickly.
Eating slowly- knowing that this was all there was-(or was it?)- she finished and prepared for the day.

The controller's bell sounded to leave the table-and to take their trays and dishes to be washed. As she stood by the trough with tears in her eyes, washing hers and others dishes, an older woman eased beside her, and said-"nice day love, isn't it"
The younger woman- mumbled " not really. How ever could it be?"

The older lady replied-" you know, I woke up this morning and praise me - I was still alive, and then this wonderful buffet of food they put on here, and all I had to do was a few dishes with my friends. What more could I ask for? And later on, I'm going to sit outside in the fresh air with my thoughts, and my friends if I ask them to come. Then you know- the best thing of all. I get to sleep again tonight in my own private room"

The younger women said "sounds like we are in different places. I'd like to be were you are"
The old lady took her gently to one side with her arm around her, and said-" you are dear. We are both in the same place- looking at it in a different way".............



In fact life may not be what you , or where you want  - You must view it be of your benefit to be that.




photo courtesy of wikipedia commons by Charles-Évariste-Vital Luminais