As a woman can I have it all? Determining my own path..

As a women having it all

I had thought before, that a great measure of civilization might be the influence of good women. - Adapted from - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

We’ve all seen great examples of women who appear to juggle a successful career along with entertainment, life, and motherhood.
Women are asked to stay emotionally attached to their career path and to not leave as soon as they plan for a family.

The discussion at times has been pitting working mothers against stay-at-home mothers. An engineered war of division?
The stay-at-home mothers at times are either envied or looked down on for having left the corporate world. Especially, since marketing and society is heavily pushing for more women to enter the corporate world and the realm of politics. One would guess so as to be seen as role models, so that the subservient ones will buy the merchandise they wear and promote, of course as well as another taxation unit - almost like another duped farm animal sadly.

Yes, we can have it all, but can we do it all, and more importantly — is having and doing it all truly, truly what we want? Ask some questions to consider your true path.....


1. Get honest with yourself. What do you truly want? Write out your own definition of success. What does it allow you? This is not about what your family,friends, minister, or work 'friends' think you should do with your life. It’s about what you want deep down in your heart.
Then start quietly creating that ideal for you, day by day, and keep going- based upon how you’ve crafted your purpose.

2. Allow other women to create their own success definitions. We need to give other women the right to choose what they want. Just because you might not want to be a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t entitled to make this choice.

3. Throw out the 50% rule. While we might represent any % of the population, yet do we truly need to fight for anyone else's cause? Our choice shouldn’t be based upon this percentage, or the desire to be seen as accepted by the group, but because this is something we truly desire. Go and read the bold sheep post, then come back here.

4. In saying that - join together with other women to create your own cause, not 'society's'. Don’t be the lone ranger out there; look for other women who can help you influence the redefining of success for women and men.

5. Communicate clearly and persuasively. Use your voice to impact change. Challenge people to rethink their expectations of women and men in the workplace and what careers have to look like. Let women know that they have choices and don’t have to follow a subscribed path. Paint a new picture for what success can look like for women.
And especially yourself.



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Being Brave and How to End a Relationship - Not the right time for you or even a bad one

Developing your strength of mind as well.

Have you given the relationship a fair chance? If you change your mind you won't be able to go back - and you'll often find that your partner refuses to resume the relationship, or will have too many conditions on you, or plain doesn't trust you.

And there where be some later 'cosmic' reaction - guaranteed.
People's - yours and theirs, non verbalized or subconscious minds do store events for a later resolution, some sooner than later - some violent or not.

Hard to think of while you are in the heat of the moment -  but this is an absolute reality - so think and then choose wisely.

In the future do you really want this person to drive past you while you are in a bad accident? You don't need them to feel sorry for you or to be guilty for their previous actions - your aim is to encourage them that their decision, or decision making is OK for them, so you and they feel comfortable in at least the same town, even if you don't like each other.


Be Brave

Once you've decided that you definitely want to break up with your partner, the next step is to do that. Again that means to do try in an honest and straight forward way.

This is the opposite technique to a lot of people use, which is to try and get their partner to dump them – by acting cold, distant and not like themselves, until their partner decides they've had enough and ends the relationship.
If you are trying to get your partner to dump you, and you tell yourself you're doing it for their benefit, the reality it is that you are doing it out of your own fear – an indicator that you still have both some people skills, and relationship skills to learn.

 

Timing

 

Sooner, rather than letting it drag out of course. Giving a reasonable consideration to each party's easy movement away. There is no need, and it is a bad move to babysit your soon to be ex, yet you will find they will leave faster, and without repercussions (bad stuff aimed at you) - if you encourage their plans away from you. Giving psychic permission almost.

Be Kind

Most inadequate partners give the other an excuse that "you need to find yourself" or that you're "going through stuff." Others use the techniques of deception above, and others almost seem to invite violence in their verbal statements.
Being honest and straight forward doesn't mean letting it all hang out,it means being accurate in your statements.
Mostly it is best to consider that it is not what they did that is the problem, or not what they are, but rather your reaction to that, and lastly always give someone praise in their abilities - in the direction you would like them to go.
 This way you don't leave them feeling undesirable or unlovable,(which by now they may be to you). You simply leave them realising that the relationship is not this one, this will generally ensure your safety, even if they are disappointed, and help you feel in control.


Leave It

The next stage is to 'walk away' and to allow each other physical space. If they do continuously message you and you feel you need to respond then simply address the issues raised in short polite sentences, and then end the message. Learn to limit your words - this saves you trouble.
This way you will be able to draw a line under your relationship and both begin a process of healing.

Living in the world later 

 

Start some new activity or hobbies to bring new experiences to your life. In an ideal world you would enjoy your singleness, while you grow yourself within. Hobby ideas from amazon.

 

Moving forward

 

Think about what you can change in you to get more of a relationship you want. An easy book to start with is Roy Sheppards - "..Be The One"

Safety, threats, violence. blackmail, etc

 

 No one wants, or hopefully expects these - they are generally methods used by a weaker person to get control.

If you have gone through the above carefully, it will be unlikely - go through the above again -then if it does start - it needs to be stopped.

Anonymous and truthful complaints from third parties - e.g. a religious minister, or an individual with some social or business standing to - an authority in that offending person's life - are the most effective in giving them a chance to evaluate their life direction.
 (Do remember the natural law of reaction: - we have known people to wait more than 20 years to effect devastating lifestyle blows to a false complainant).


Recommended Links To Help You....Choose a couple...


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

***

Weights and fitness for Men and Women - taught by Mark McManus

***

or The 12 week muscle building program By Brad Pilon M.Sc.

***

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


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Rules of the game that make us, - our Success, our Luck, and my and your lives.

Playing - will I win?

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. Albert Einstein  

The Rules that Govern Our Lives 

 

We learn, or try to learn, to live in a world that others have created over the course of known history. We are schooled either formally in an institution, or by our observations to the created world around us.
As children often reply, when asked why do they go to school by their parents - "because you, and the government make me go"

People do live life partly on their terms, - some more than others, - and partly following the plans set by other people and society.


Laws, plans, and rules are created by  -


1; - governments and institutions, and
2; - a set of rules we think we have made for ourselves; that are reflected in our values, beliefs, and in our personal standards.

Some good and helpful, some not so much.


These rules have been conditioned into our mind over the course of a lifetime by others, and by society in general.

However, we have also played our part in this conditioning process. We have been willing, or unwilling actors - and have accepted things to be that particular way.

Most of us have good intentions and honorable hopes, with dreams and goals for the future,  -  however the 'rules' which we live our lives unfortunately don’t allow us to realize our desired destination.

It is now time for a change.


Your Childhood Innocence

Think back for a moment to your childhood, with the youthful innocence and enthusiasm that you brought into every activity.
Back then you treated everything as a game. Everything you did was fun and exciting - until someone told you to "grow up".

You were told that life isn’t a game and that you need to take things more seriously. You get told that your actions could have negative consequences; that you need to protect yourself from pain; that you must hold on tight to the things you have, and that you must follow the universally accepted rules that everybody else has grown up with.


The Unfair parts of Life.

•      Life is not always filled with perfection.
•     There are people you must, and you should have avoided.
•     There are organizations you should not trust, or have trusted.
•     You will experience different setbacks and problems.
•     You may experience a mistake or two.
•     You will go through different emotions.
•     You will sometimes fail at your choices.
•     You will experience criticism and rejection.
•     You might occasionally embarrass yourself.
•     You will win, but you will find more ways of learning how to win.

Just assume that things could go wrong, and have a plan or two in place to deal with that. And of course continue on with the adaptable plans for your desired future.




One method that leads to acceptance of the 'unfair,' is the act of disassociating yourself emotionally from the experiences.
In fact the standard prose of a manipulative person, is to question if you felt a certain way. Therefore to improve your success you must be aware of this.

In reality there are no absolutely good or bad situations, - it only feels like that at the time - there are interpretations that we as people make.
What one person might interpret as an unfortunate event, another person will interpret that exact same event in a more favorable way.
And because they see it in a favorable way, they can now make more of the situation, instead of playing the victim card. Leave that victim card for others, it is a manipulation technique, that will not help you long term.

Taking the possibility approach will do wonders for your self-confidence. 

You take charge of you and now are on the way to living life at a higher level.

 

10 Good Rules for Playing the Game of Life

Rule 1: Clear Goals

Setting clear goals gives you a definite direction in life and helps you live with a sense of purpose. It redirects all your efforts towards clear aims.Something like the idea, that while you are on the sports field or the court is to get the ball where you want it to go.



Rule 2: Sense of Humor

Humor is a great tool against the adversity that life may drop in front of you. Humor will allow you to move through or around these difficulties without falling into the "victim mentality" trap. Again playing the victim card will not help you win at the game of life - it is in fact a way for you to controlled - be it by an abuser or a 'helping' organization. You must instead use some humor to keep your spirits high while you move forward.


Rule 3: New Skills

Start today, and keep at going daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.  It can be either tangible, or hands on skills, or equally as important - thinking and people skills. You can learn from both good and bad, even how not to do it - will save you some time and make it easier for you.
The perpetual life student attitude and practice will bring you fast results.


Rule 4: Calculated Risks

To venture outside your comfort zone. even a little for a start, will change your chances of winning in the game of life. Taking calculated risks and stepping beyond the confines of your normality helps expand opportunities, (luck)- provides a super platform for growth and new insights, helps you solve problems, and also goes a long way towards helping you make better decisions as you make progress through this game of life.

All your problems are solvable, however you will rarely solve them while within the confines of your normal or previous comfort zone. You must stretch beyond that, as this is where opportunity lies for new understandings and perceptions to help you find solutions.


Rule 5: Cherish Friendships

It is better to have a network of people behind you, rather than fighting or hindering you. Sooner or later you will need the support of others to help you win this game. Therefore start by cultivating your friendships today, and care for the good ones as if you wish them to last forever.


Rule 6: Accept the odd Mistake

Life involves the process of learning and growth.You might make the occasional mistake or two. Learn from your mistakes - once or twice is enough - if you are repeating the same mistakes time and again, change something - now!

Learning from a small mistake made today will indeed save you from making a bigger mistake tomorrow.
Or, perchance, learning from a big mistake today does help you gain the clarity you need to move forward in a better way.


Rule 7: Generate Plenty of Ideas and New Experiences

In order to succeed in the game of life you need to be constantly opening yourself up to a world of new experiences. They can come in the form of ideas, people, places and knowledge.

And as you begin to think differently about your life and circumstances you gather unique ideas that you can use to help move your life forward in a better way. New experiences also bring with them new opportunities to help you win in the game of life. That word luck again.

To focus on one overall idea is good, yet to get ahead, different approaches to that idea, or different ideas do open up new and maybe better paths.


Sometime ideas don't turn out 100% as expected. Great, now you can adapt. Experience and responses of others and yourself to these helps you define your direction.


Rule 8: Be a little Kind to Others

It’s said that "those who show kindness will eventually be taken advantage of." And you would be right. There will be people who will certainly take advantage of your kindness, however that’s part of the game of life. Ensure they pay you well in compensation, for that.

Kindness is not letting them take any advantage of you, or you having lesser standards for yourself; it is accepting people where they are at now.

When you are kind to others it often activates the power of reciprocity, and so it should.
Mostly you feel more confident, in control, and fulfilled that you have made a positive difference in someone else’s life.
This confidence empowers your daily decisions and actions to help move your life forward in a better way.


Rule 9: Aim for some Balance

An ideal successful life is a balanced life. A life that promotes good health and provides long-term  stability. And the way to achieve it all, is to strive for a balance.


Rule 10: Work Smarter AND Harder

The final rule for winning in the game of life is to work both smarter AND harder. This naturally improves your luck and allows you opportunities that you otherwise would not have had.

Either one on their own, will give rewards, yet to get stable long-term success, both are needed.

 

One good life philosophy to have is this - from -Will Smith the famous actor, has said-

    "The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things — you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things: You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple, right? You’re not going to out-work me. It’s such a simple, basic concept. The guy who is willing to hustle the most is going to be the guy that just gets that loose ball."

Changing your Luck and Succeeding in the Game of Life

Do acknowledge that the results you get from life are a direct reflection of your habitual thoughts, words and actions.

• Choose your own path and not the path laid out for you by others.
• Dedicate yourself to something worthwhile.
• Aim for daily growth and learn from experiences, from other people, and from mistakes.
• Taking advantage of opportunities to move your life forward in a better way.
• Take responsibility for your life, choices, decisions and actions without complaining, blaming or making excuses. (This empowers others- not you).
• Cultivate curiosity each and everyday.
• Ask yourself solution orientated questions about your life, problems and circumstances.
• Stay flexible in thought and open minded to other perspectives, ideas and opinions.
• Define your true core values, and boundaries.
• Keep true to your highest core values.
• Consider necessary short-term changes for long-term gains.
• Decisions, and responsibility is OK.
• Consistently raise your personal standards. 
• Evaluate and change unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, habits and fears that are holding you back.
• Leave procrastination and instant gratification for others.

****

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To get a romantic love, is it possible for me? - or an external force?

Fate in romances, and our choices

It seems as if love is like an external force. It’s something that happens to us, strikes us like the romantic cupid's arrow or overcomes us like a sunny day.

The problem with thinking of love this way, and that is that it focuses outward. It overlooks our own sense of power and leaves us to believe that we are victims of our romantic fate, without control.

Subconsciously this may be true, yet really we do have the abilities within to get what we want.

There are many popular reasons why people are either single or pulling out of their relationship.

• "I don't want to be hurt"
• "Women are so dramatic."
• "Men just want sex."
• "I’m just not good at intimacy."
• "I need to be by myself right now."
• "No one finds me attractive."
• "I'm too busy right now."

These statements are often based on critical inner voices, destructive thoughts directed toward oneself and others.
Most of this negative self-talk is wrong (and is often someone else's statements we have taken on):-  and can be covering up something else — something deeper.

If we want to give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining a rich and rewarding relationship, we have to look inside ourselves. The dating world can be full of obstacles, but our worst enemy is usually in our own heads.

Love for some of us, is the ultimate experience in that we feel so attuned and connected to someone else.
Yet, hopefully it is also a process of adventure and discovery that is internal.

Understanding that inner world is really the most important to letting ourselves get close to someone else. And keeping that romance happening for us.

Here are a few ways we may be getting in our own way when it comes to intimacy.

1. Avoiding pain:

Love hurts. The saying is both tired and true. Yet, as much as it gets lamented in pop songs or portrayed on movie screens, we don’t really let it sink in. Part of us feels, once we find the right person and make the smart choices, love will be easy — blissful, less complicated than all those other relationships around us.

Many people pull back the moment things get close. Caring about another person deeply is a truly painful thing. It makes us value them more, ourselves more and our lives more. Inevitably, it reminds us of time and loss. On another level, love challenges an old and familiar identity. It brings us into maturity and forces us to separate from our past. When we get close to someone, it shifts underlying emotions — things we’ve buried and sat on for years.  We have to recognize the ways we’ve been hurt and understand how those wounds inform our current behavior. This means being willing to feel pain without trying to numb ourselves or gloss over the feelings that come up.

2. Retreating into a fantasy:

Once people get scared in their relationship, many couples have a tendency to form a fantasy bond, a defense that allows us to feel as if we’ve joined with another person. (Soul-mates for the time).

 This illusion will make us feel safe and secure,and seems to offer a sense of control and security,
but it undermines most feelings of real love. When people retreat into fantasy they start to relate as a unit, presenting themselves as a couple instead of as two individuals who are genuinely drawn to each other.

They start to impose confines and restrictions on each other, so neither party feels threatened,(hopefully), yet both feel limited. They become critical and demanding toward each other rather than respecting each other’s individuality and independence.
And this, for most, creates a hotbed for resentment and drives them apart.


Couples are much better off maintaining a sense of themselves as two separate people with sovereign minds who genuinely care for and appreciate each other.

This independence encourages us to respect our partner and treat him or her kindly. Only when we see someone as separate from us, can we genuinely care about how they feel, and we are better able to keep our attraction to them, and our-self, alive.


3. Protecting ourselves:

Both men and women say how much they want to find love, then, once they find it, feel like not being  close for some reason or reasons.

Some complained of feeling tied down or pulled on, and others become incredibly insecure and jealous. Every single one of these people could trace these reactions back to their early lives: parents who intruded on them or rejected them, caretakers who shamed them or frightened them. (The invocation of others again).
In response to painful events in their life, these people adapted, taking care of themselves or vowing to never trust anyone.
These survival mechanisms do serve a purpose, yet can leave us isolated from some possibly good for ourselves.
These defenses push our partners away and end up causing a lot of pain.
Getting to know our defenses is a key step in learning how we limit ourselves in our relationships.


4. Believing our inner critic:

 The critical inner voice is an inner enemy - or must be treated as one- that drives us to avoid closeness, to shut off emotions and retreat into a fantasy.
It puts us down in countless ways, tearing into our appearance, performance, personality and aspirations. It is a pain, in the sense that it both soothes and punishes us.
Sometimes, it sounds like a mean coach, "No one will ever want you". Other times it sounds like a comforting parent, "Don’t bother with...you are just fine on your own."

The critical inner voice can and will seriously undermine our life and our romantic desires.
It turns us against us, and our partner or potential partner in ways that make it even harder to achieve real success or intimacy.
This voice is a phantom from our past. It is not represent the true reality.
It is indeed a destructive filter through which we see the world that tries to keep us in someone else's box or place in life.

At every stage of a relationship, when the critical inner voice tries to exert its influence, we must confront it as a third-party threat. Make sure to identify it and separate it from your real point of view. There are useful exercises and techniques to help you do this. See the links below- they do work.

Recognizing you have a power in your relationship by challenging your past defenses. doesn’t mean not liking, or even blaming yourself. Quite the opposite - you can feel good about becoming the best you can be.

It allows you to work on the only thing you have any real control over in your relationship, you.
When you’re able to maintain a sense of yourself as an independent, aware, and loving individual, then no matter what anyone else says or does, you will feel your own sense of control and empowerment, and stay open to success in the real love in your life.

 *****

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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 10 - love spells bringing you success.

Creating your own reality by design.

Part 10, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 10: Love Spells


We are still in the esoteric mode - just stay with it - the poems and the associations have a sound and effective basis.

Now you can cast your spell.

Do Yesterday’s Exercise first-

 Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? 

Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.

Now we go to work;- well fun really.

There are 'love spells' for you, no matter what your ideas: Christian, New Age, Heathen, Wiccan, metaphysician, etc. A few samples.are here to start you on the road.

Each tradition usually has its own set of love spells for you to use.

Now cast your spell!

Metaphysical Style Type Spoken Spell

There is One Mind, One principle, One Universal Soul, One Love, and I am one with that One.
I am now connected with the Universal Love of the One, and through my word I am sending it forth now.
The great Love, guided by the All-Knowing Mind, is now seeking and finding companions for me. The power knows the right ones for me. It knows where they are, and I let it work to bring them to me.
This One great power is now attracting to me my rightful friends/companion. It is drawing them to me, and they will be seen in good order.
I know that the power is working for me, and I give thanks that new friends (companion) are in my life. So it is!

Heathen Spoken Spell

Three ladies danced across the land

                                        Bringing love into my hand:
                                                      The first called him [or, her]
                                                      The second brought him,
                                         The third bound us together.
                                                    Whatever the weather.


Candle Spell

Use a green or pink candle with an easy appropriate incense (Jasmine, Apple or your favourite new one). Get a small, inexpensive figurine of a cat. It can be as tiny as you wish. Start the spell normally. If Pagan, invoke a deity related to Love. As a key point of your spell, place the figurine beside the candle. Speak the following charm:

Kitten, kitten, hark to me,
A lover (friends) I would have, you see.
Look and find that one for me
Bring him (her) to me, so will it be!

Christian prayer.

Oh Lord, I ask for your forgiveness for all my sins, and now pray to you to help me become one with you.
As I get better, I know you will guide the right people to me, so we can continue in our path together in Christ.
As I let you bring them to me, my faith will let me determine those who are a joy to our journey.
I thank you Oh Lord,
Amen.



You can make your own - in fact to have a 2-4 line saying you have created for you - is the ultimate 'spell' to quickly and easily get that you have planned for yourself.

It has to be positive - I used to say 'I'm not having that', which is a good standards determination.
But my success immediately improved, and remarkably once I sat down for a while and came up with a 2 line rote which I internalized - that was a possibility re-frame.



1:

Yesterday’s exercise: Look over your list again. Do you think it is right, or are there changes to make? Make whatever changes you think are necessary before you cast your spell. This will help you be definite when you make your spell, and it will assure that what you think you want is what you really want.



2:

Meditation: See yourself stepping out into the world, glowing with brilliance. Imagine yourself as confident, lovable, and happy. Know that as this energy radiates from you, it brings you more of the good companionship you seek. Know that your inner lovability is now working for you, and that you deserve all the good you desire.


3:

Exercise:You can buy or make a love charm, either to carry or to place. Get one posted from Amazon, or go to the local dollar store. It does-not have to be expensive -much like the cat figurine for the  new age candle prayer, it is a talisman or symbol. Re-read the silver spoon post here.
If you can, make something, or a 2 or 3 of them, the process, meditation, and thinking while making will work wonders.
Put the charm were you see it each morning and night -if not carried with you if small.

If a personal relationship turns to an unwanted one- revise, and bring out the talisman again.

Thought for the Day:  I am ready to go forward, confident that I am lovable. I will attract the people who make me happy, and who are happy with me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



The final steps in one easy place - tomorrow...



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I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 9 - the power of magick, within you.

The magick of a love earned.

Part 9, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 9: Love Magick

Having become more lovable, you are now ready to help the process.

This lesson may seem like esoteric fantasy, yet stay with it. The psychology is in fact sound, and the processes even in their different or odd framing will produce results. So here we go..

Magick can help, after you have worked through the preceding lessons. 

Love spells have a long and ancient history,and in the right manner do work for you.

Whether they are in the guise of either a Christian, Pagan, or other prayer, or tarot/rune reading or any similar methodology, The fact is that when you are ready inside yourself - they seem to bring circumstances to you.

However, there are a few “rules of the road” to discuss before we begin. Much like we said above, a love spell can only bring you what you 'deserve'. 

It cannot and will not bring you circumstances for which you are not ready. As in the rainbow and pot of gold analogy from before, you must undertake some activity to get it. Even those who are struck by lightning (an averagely rare occurrence) have actively or inactively been somewhere for that to come to them.

The spells work with the 'Law of Attraction', which means ‘like attracts like,’or a water fills or flows to a space available for it.

 If you want the perfect wealthy non-drinking Prince Charming, or the polite and lovely Centerfold Girl who is a wonderful homemaker and party girl combined, you can pretty much forget about it, unless you have, or are something or someone they want. 

Note - perfect combinations exist only in our mind - our ambition is to get close to that.

If you want someone with whom you will be comfortable, however, that is easily possible, and this is your aim, as it will bring you a long-term happiness.

Secondly, you have to be careful not to ask for a absolutely specific person or type, unless there is a lot of them, it takes too long to get one; then they have some bad bad parts which will do you no good.

Plus, the measure must mostly be yours, not your friends, or relatives. 

Good authentic relatives will guide you, and support your decision making; friends can see what you cannot see - yet it is your life you are designing.

At best, looking for a 10 out 10, be it the current George Clooney, or Raquel Welch -"jams up" the magickal works. 

At worst, it backfires in ways that can be so exasperating. 

 Besides, love does not always look or present itself in the media portrayed package way you expect. 

Third, you cannot be too indefinite. You really do have to have some idea of what you want. 

Do not just say “A man” or “a woman” or “new friends.” Think of attributes you would like them to have. Use your previous lists. You can ask for a kind, gentle and caring individual, and someone who matches your standards. 

Take the time to examine yourself, your motives, and your desires. A little self-checking before the spell can save you a lot of exasperation afterward.

 Ask for what you really want, and be sure that what you think you want is actually what you want. 

My experience as a normal 'average' person, leads me - to promise you - you will get what you design for -

 Life Secret:- do the meditations, thinking, and exercises, allow good to happen - and very very importantly - allow yourself permission to have what you get, and look after it.

Think about what matters to you before you cast a spell, and do include it in the spell.

1:

Exercise: On one side of a page, write ten to fifteen things you want in friends. On the other half, write ten to fifteen things you want in a lover. Spend no more than ten minutes on this entire exercise.
When you have finished, put the list away privately and forget about it until tomorrow.


 2:

 Meditation: Imagine the kind of people you want in your life. Think deeply on their temperament, interests, and attitudes. Ponder deeper reasons why people appeal to you. Muse over this for a while, and  next, think of what you do not want. Think on the unwanted only briefly, as like most of us- what we don't want can out-shadow the good we want in life.Aim for the good - your aim is true.
Finally, reflect again on what you want. Know that within you is the power to attract the right people to you.



  3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly now see the sort of profiles/people that you might want to allow in your life now. Stop there, still a bit more to do to get what you want.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.

When you are at work, shopping or in the company of other people, practice being your new self, and notice the ease it feels with you.
If you have done all the lessons to date well - you will feel that others are finding you an attractive person to be around. (Some won't -they have their own life path - stay away from them, emotionally, mentally, or physically.) Focus on the good, and move on through your day.



Thought for the Day: Because I am the right person for what I desire. The friends (lover) I seek are (is) right for me. 


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 10 tomorrow...



Recommend links to help you...


 Spiritual click- meet your soulmate 

Connect with Christian singles now.









And  If you need some help with the visualizing process.



Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   


Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.






photo courtesy public domain

"I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 1 - planning the dance

The simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 1: Make Yourself Lovable

            Think for a minute about why you are reading this. It is only natural to want more for yourself........

 

• Are you alone and looking for friends?

• Are you dissatisfied with the company you keep?

• Do you want better companions and acquaintances?

• Do you seek a romantic companion, a lover or mate?

• Or do you wish to brighten your prospects for new relationships?

Any of these alone is a valid reason to be doing this.

The point is that you want to have better relationships with people.

Look briefly at all of your relationships, from casual acquaintances to close friends to rivals. You are the connecting thread.

When you are seeking new friends, better friends, companions or lovers, the one constant factor is you. Nothing changes unless YOU take action.

This is the powerful key to having better relationships. It is better for you to take the first step.

Everything about you sends a message to others. Through your gestures, posture, body movements, tone of voice, manner of speaking and attire, you broadcast yourself. You show people who you are. Changing clothes and looks will help, though there is more of you that tells the story.
It helps to think that you also broadcast an unseen message, or aura. People who get close will sense it, even if they do not consciously know it is there.


Through meditation and other techniques, you can begin to radiate your interest in better relationships. You can also help by thinking of the kind of relationships you desire. Back your thoughts with feeling.

 This takes a little time, but if you work at it a little each day, you will get results.

1:

Once a day meditation: Take a few minutes from the day you are in, and imagine that within you is a powerful internal magnetic force. Picture, and feel this force as it radiates out from you. Imagine that it radiates in waves that grow ever stronger. Mentally see it attracting people who are good for you.. Each pulse draws them closer. At the same time, see it repelling those who are bad for you. See it sending them away.

Next, see yourself as bright and attractive. Imagine that you are encircled in a bright, positive glow.  The glow becomes brighter and more appealing. Enjoy the feeling of this healthy, happy burst of brilliance.

Now holding that feeling slowly re-enter the knowing of the environment around you.

Each day feel this magnetic force will grow within you, and you will notice good results.

2:
Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) On a piece of paper, make two columns - and write down the kind of people you hope to attract.
Put five to ten traits or qualities you want in these people - no more - and why you want them.
Next, on the opposite side of the page, write five to ten things about yourself that you can offer people. Spend no more than ten minutes on this project.
When you finish the list, put it away in a private place, and forget about it until tomorrow.
You are now on your way.

3:

Go to a dating or singles website- a link is below of one- and observe without desire or criticism -how people focus on one side of the page of qualities or the other. Sign out - your journey continues.



Thought for the Day: I open myself up to friendship, and to the possibility of better relationships in my world.



 PS:- this also works for success in anything- do one aspect at a time though - that really is the faster way


Part 2 tomorrow..


Recommend link to help you.


www.foreign date finder.com

pic courtesy of publicdomain

Everyone else has it ok , why not me ? I wish I knew how to change ......

..... what is going on.

Many times we look at others, and question why, or excuse ourselves from success, by satisfying ourselves in thought and emotion by thinking or saying - 'they had - we couldn't/won't/wouldn't. How come they have, or they are able to? I'm not good enough, or too good to do that.'

Apart from the family dynasty's some are in, or the places they live in-which are all changeable.

It comes to beliefs, as we've talked about before, and actions - some call traits - a quality that makes one person or thing different from another.

A few general success traits follow - 

Responsibility; Once you conceive you have choices, you then accept responsibility for making choices. It's a common thought that responsibility is always seen as a big thing - some dreary, painful duty. Because in a way it's a privilege. Accepting responsibility is accepting and acting on our personal power.
Even when we've been subjected to bad health, crime, betrayal, fire, earthquake, or accidents, it feels better to be able to say, "I'm responsible for what I do now" than it does to lay about and blame God, the government, your mother, the unmentionables, or an uncaring world.
Accepting it and acting positively does reinforce our self belief of success, and lay the foundation for greater, later satisfaction.


Planning ahead; Could well be one of the first traits listed for greater life satisfaction. No, the first draft of plans don't always work, but they're better than not having any. It is important to feel a connection to the future - we then understand that actions we take today have consequences tomorrow.  

Creativity or spirituality;  Creative or spiritual people "see beyond" - not only in the sense of things that others miss, but also in feeling connected to things that haven't happened yet — but can, depending on our choices.
Examples could be finding some way to use someone else's discards, or figuring how to make great meals from simple, inexpensive ingredients. It could mean making inexpensive entertainment for ourselves and our children when money is tight. It could mean seeing a way to make an independent living after losing what we thought was a secure job.
It is simply seeing and acting on possibilities that others may not perceive. Both creativity and spirituality involve looking within oneself and living with one's own mind, feelings, and beliefs. That can be painful at times, but doing so builds inner resources that in turn can help build a life satisfaction.

Support networks; If looking within is important, so is considering others. Even for hermits, others must be considered.
True friends will offer support, both emotional and physical.They may be a guide in a world of darkness.
Equally importantly, for us to have good friends, we usually need to be good friends. Being good friends,  means we're less self-absorbed in our own problems - more giving, more in tune to our surroundings, and more conscious that we live in a world where things outside us matter.

A belief in lemonade; You don't have to be an optimist all the time. In fact, optimism may be overrated when it comes to being successful. A possibility thinker is a better standard to have.
Terrible things can eventually have positive consequences. That doesn't mean we don't feel a loss or grief or fear or annoyance when bad things happen.
Yet we know that "this, too, shall pass," and that we may find growth and new opportunity on the other side of suffering. In the terrible moments, we may cry to our God, "Why me?"
But do not get stuck there for a lifetime like some people seem to.
By acknowledging the possibility of positive consequences, we are open to them and help create them.

Frugality; Certainly satisfied people are neither extravagant, wasteful, or stingy. Uncontrolled spending and obsessive cheapness both imply an unhealthy relationship with money. Frugality, on the other hand, speaks of personal wisdom. It also speaks of a number of the other traits we've talked about above. Choice. - Responsibility.- Creativity.- A connection with the future. Frugality means setting and following priorities.
 It means choosing not to buy this while saving for some more important that. It means seeing the good possibilities within limitations and difficulties. Frugality is only partly about money, it's much more about mindset.  

Not thinking poor;  Obviously, being genuinely poor can be desperately stressful. It's challenging to not know where your next rent payment or next week's groceries are coming from.
It can be painful seeing others casually acquiring things that are beyond your reach. But middle-class and upper types have their own version of "thinking poor." How many people with perfect lives - lie awake at night fretting about their debts or fearing that something — inflation, recession, divorce, illness, downsizing — will come along and sweep away all their hard-won possessions? Or having a consuming desire not to seem poor.
People on the road to satisfaction acknowledge the possibilities of loss, but they don't allow fears to dominate their lives.

Learning to relax; (embracing the madness) When a plan or a routine fails ... there may or may not be a time when you feel like you're falling. The first instinct is to thrash around grasping for what isn't there any more, but what you really need to be doing is deploying - or rapidly composing - Plan B.
Plan B often proves a little flawed, but that's OK, it is a starting point and at least gets you going again.  Get past the panic. - relax.- accept.- keep moving.
A small daily meditation helps, too.(meditation - not medication). It helps calm the seeming unreality of it all, and wake up the creative part of the brain. you'll find your new normal.

Gratitude; A short well said parable about gratitude (and perspective). "I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet." The lesson, of course, is be grateful for what you have. Satisfied people are grateful people. They dwell not on what they don't have, but on what they do have that's worth having.
Spend a few minutes each night, and think of three plus things you're grateful for, big or small. Write them down. Every so often, (weekly) go back and read them over, and share them with your children or trusted friends. You'll soon notice that, even if your life feels not the best, you have a lot to be grateful for - and a lot of "gratitude attitude" will carry you along.

Consider each a quality that one at a time, will give you what you want:- if needs make it so, address one a week, and so on --It gives you a heightened understanding of how today's choices can become tomorrow's realities.



The ultimate things that create happiness and life satisfaction? Small choices. Day to day. Made over and over with contentment during a lifetime. Now is a good time to start, and is a good time to begin, for you.






photo courtesy public domain

A bold sheep? Black. white, or colored - questions of personal identity.

As a bold sheep we stand out

   As the black sheep you may feel like you are forever trying to outrun a dark shadow. 

 If you are known as the 'black sheep' of your family, you mightn’t wear that title happily. It’s usually a shaming, blaming and otherwise labelled position to be in.

You are set up as an outsider - someone who doesn’t fit in, 'stupid, mentally fragile or incompetent,' -- when you may be one of the highest functioning members of your family.

If you are asking: “Do I fit in, - is my non-traditional approach, or my creative ability, going to be or is OK? You could well be destined - with action -to great things in life.
 The honing of  your identity is something to take great pride in; an original is worth a whole lot more than a replica.
“You” are enough. History has shown us Einstein, Tesla, DaVinci, Michelangelo and so on -a value of being unique.

Loners, misfits, and black sheep that you are - continue being yourselves. It at times is a war to fight 'normal-ness' every day. It’s a law of attraction, the more you love what makes you different, the more the right people will love that too.

Being different and being confident shows a great strength and bravery. 

 

When you conform, you wave the white flag, you destroy everything that makes you special Keep shinning even if most people can’t handle it. It is not your job to make them feel comfortable with other people shining bright, their life is their own. 

 

Don’t live up to anyone’s ideals or water yourself down for anyone! - and watch as you are rewarded by having the right people flow towards you.  

 

These are the people who will understand you, share the same interests as you, and will embrace and love you for who you are. 

 

Whatever moves you, inspires you, or makes you happy, keep doing that. You have one life to live, and it’s yours to cherish in the days following. 

 

Creativity has always been currency - now is a good time to start for you. 

 

 I’ve spent most of my life as the so called black sheep, to be successful you must be a little different - at least in attitude. It's easy to be that way, when you think of the rewards.


We all don’t have to be alike and the world would be such a better place if we embraced what made us all different instead of allowing our differences to set us apart.

                                                                        ****

The world is backwards it seems...it is no surprise really.

 You grow up having people tell you who you should be, how you should think, and what you should do with your life. Your teachers run through the same old curriculum, and the only way you get to learn philosophy is when you choose to.

 You would think being human is simply fundamental, something that happens naturally, but no…Some people have to be taught. Some never learn :).

We are all a product of our environment. My parents allowed my individuality, usually encouraging with a guiding hand, and its a huge reason why I am who I am today.

Some people have to be told  "don’t follow these age-old rules and go follow your ideal. Find what you are passionate about, and do it as much as possible - or be passionate about what you are doing."

Seeing the younger generations of children today makes me realize I was a strong youth. I knew conforming would not make me happy long term. The more I was challenged for being different, the more I wanted to be myself.

Most children fall under pressure. I knew early on in life that I would have to learn to value myself because often I felt unheard.
I knew it was the only way I would survive and do well.


Key point; - You have to be real special if someone is telling you that you aren’t.

 I know I have a light that threatens, sometimes makes others unsure of their chosen place, but that’s not my problem..and if you shine and someone is trying to dim your light, it is not your problem either.

Only insecure people have a problem with other people’s success and only they compare themselves to others.


You think that children don’t know what insecurity means until they get older, but you are wrong. Kids are bullied every single day for trying to be themselves. Some are forced into uncomfortable situations of conformity to feel safe.
Some are forced to fight other kids and to be a part of groups/gangs that bully others. It is the only way they feel protected. Now, let that resonate, are you blending in to be in a safe group? Is that indeed helping you?

Do whatever makes you comfortable, but do it for all of the right reasons.
Don’t be modest just so you don’t offend people. You are allowed to think you look beautiful today.

 You are allowed to wear that item collecting dust in your closet for any occasion - not just a special one. 

You are allowed to like music everyone else hates, you are allowed to love the 50s even if your friends all like today's music. You have got to own your own individuality.


You should never ever have to feel pressured to be a part of something. If the people you like can’t accept who you are than you need to find another group of people to be with. Maybe they are no longer the right group to associate with, for you.


And you know what’s the best about being the black sheep? You  begin to believe you are so different, you can’t even compare yourself to others. Can you imagine the stress you avoid by not comparing yourself to others? You have got to own your differences and embrace your blueprint because no one was designed like you.




Be brave in your choice of identity - Be different - be anything but a copy of someone else and love yourself  




Recommended Links to help you...

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

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Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

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OR on the farm

Pedigree Sheep  breeders software from zooeasy - the ultimate program for breeding and raising sheep!







photo courtesy ofwww.publicdomainpictures.net/Axel Kuhlmann