How Can I Be More Convincing and Get Anything I Want?

Thinking about getting what I want

One of the most common manipulative techniques is what psychologists call the "fear-then-relief technique."

The technique focuses on a person's emotions. Here, the manipulator causes someone a great deal of stress or anxiety and then abruptly relieves that stress.

After this sudden mood swing, the person is disarmed, and less likely to make mindful or rational decisions, and more likely to respond positively to various requests.

Some examples in popular culture are;-

• The promotion of war - look out for the enemy - they are bad (they probably are to some degree as well) - we are here to save you, come and work for us (volunteer) for a promised possible reward- which you will end up as a slave/lender yourself.

• Insurance companies sales, and advertising - give us your earned money and we'll pay out if a disaster hits you - (so long as you meet all the other 15 + conditions, you are a low risk, and we can spare the money at the time).

• Global warming - look it is 'real', all of these scientists say so, and it is on TV - all of the beautiful out of the way holiday or vacation destinations need the scientists, journalists,(and your most unfavorite politicians, and support crew), to stay there studying it - while you work in the office or factory being unable to go on vacation. All true.

• They are all out to get you - come and join us - our group will protect you - many a cult uses this while they strip you of your identity/life/money, then discard you or encourages you to convert the newcomers.

 This fear-then-relief manipulation technique is most popularly portrayed on TV, and by the lower quality cop or government employee in real life - in the classic bad cop/good cop routine: one person frightens and scares you, another saves you, and then you're more willing to hand over information, time, money.

You see this in your everyday life, too - with unskilled managers or people who suggest your job or security is on the line, backtrack, and then say we need to work overtime, as they leave for a long lunch, or maximize their time off at your expense.
Or domestic abusers, who threaten their close ones, hoping they can control their world.

  It is usually more 'effective' when there is more than one factor of threat that can effect the person, or they or their close friends have been in a similar event.

Being such a common technique, if used with a genuine promise in the here and now, or an actually helpful result to the end user - (not the manipulator) - it is accepted and successful.

The secret is that, for you to use it, giving the other party what they thought was a fair reward, being aware of it, and protecting yourself. As much as most of us wish for longer, and many esoterics try to sell us - life time in the now is valuable to you, and limited.


Making You Feel Guilty: Social Exchange 
Another common strategy used mostly by unethical marketers, government agencies, con artists, and gangsters is social exchange. Offering of a favor to happen in the future - it wont happen - or a $5- $500 gift in return for a lifetime of donations from you. The item was free to them, or they or their associates will get it back off you later.
The classic example is - take a loan - house mortgage out with us, and we'll give you cash, blankets or a big screen TV when you are approved and start paying us.
Sorry to say, this has been factored in the earnings of the lender - much like the indigenous tribes of many countries being deceived out of their lifetime use of their land with a few colored blankets, and trinkets.

An everyday example: A co-worker or 'friend' will dramatically remind you about that time they bailed you out big time in the past, then use that as leverage every time he/she needs something. Or someone who loaned you money or knows a secret of yours could continually blackmail you into doing what they want.

Short term trinkets that are fashionable are very appealing to most people, and they will quickly hand over their long term assets - be it land or time to the more aware person who has a long term plan.

Priming You With a Small Request: The Foot-in-the-Door Technique

This technique is subtle, and simple. With the foot-in-the-door method, someone asks you to do a very small and easy request, like a survey, or some small actions for a few dollars, and then follows up with the real request.

Everyday example: A panhandler or street person who asks you for the time, then asks you to spare some change. They will then hold out their hand for a moment longer as if to say is that all? More please, I need to buy ???
Or rewarding a dog with a small treat, so it will always bring in the newspaper for example - treats or no more treats - just a thankyou pat.

By getting you to say yes to one request, you're more likely to say yes to a second one, much like the pet dog.

Reciprocation, is how humanity functions as a whole - which is partly why stealing/fraud is punished for most of us. 

If both parties are getting what they consider is 'fair', it works wonderfully - most genuinely successful people make a 'sandwich' out of it; a small offering once, twice, three times - then the larger request being fulfilled - followed by some small things unexpected once, twice, three times.

Avoiding These Manipulations

• In all walks of life, there are overly self-focused people - it is not so much not falling victim to them. Yet more, keeping them out of your life, and valuing your life, sharing what you want to share with them only.

• Nearly every manipulator uses emotions and emotional transference, so whenever you feel a surge in  emotions. You're more vulnerable at that time to do things unconsciously and at the suggestion of others.  The cheapest for the advertiser/manipulator is this general formula: [Something terrible] could have happened to you, but it [didn't/won't]. [Now do this]. It only costs you -$x down.

• Life is full of it when you look, and some very pseudo-wealthy people seem greatly skilled at it.

The idea for you is to be aware of the long term for you, and avoid giving away the short term, for the future. The sandwich idea above will bring you the greatest rewards - more so than most.

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
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Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

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Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Being Brave and How to End a Relationship - Not the right time for you or even a bad one

Developing your strength of mind as well.

Have you given the relationship a fair chance? If you change your mind you won't be able to go back - and you'll often find that your partner refuses to resume the relationship, or will have too many conditions on you, or plain doesn't trust you.

And there where be some later 'cosmic' reaction - guaranteed.
People's - yours and theirs, non verbalized or subconscious minds do store events for a later resolution, some sooner than later - some violent or not.

Hard to think of while you are in the heat of the moment -  but this is an absolute reality - so think and then choose wisely.

In the future do you really want this person to drive past you while you are in a bad accident? You don't need them to feel sorry for you or to be guilty for their previous actions - your aim is to encourage them that their decision, or decision making is OK for them, so you and they feel comfortable in at least the same town, even if you don't like each other.


Be Brave

Once you've decided that you definitely want to break up with your partner, the next step is to do that. Again that means to do try in an honest and straight forward way.

This is the opposite technique to a lot of people use, which is to try and get their partner to dump them – by acting cold, distant and not like themselves, until their partner decides they've had enough and ends the relationship.
If you are trying to get your partner to dump you, and you tell yourself you're doing it for their benefit, the reality it is that you are doing it out of your own fear – an indicator that you still have both some people skills, and relationship skills to learn.

 

Timing

 

Sooner, rather than letting it drag out of course. Giving a reasonable consideration to each party's easy movement away. There is no need, and it is a bad move to babysit your soon to be ex, yet you will find they will leave faster, and without repercussions (bad stuff aimed at you) - if you encourage their plans away from you. Giving psychic permission almost.

Be Kind

Most inadequate partners give the other an excuse that "you need to find yourself" or that you're "going through stuff." Others use the techniques of deception above, and others almost seem to invite violence in their verbal statements.
Being honest and straight forward doesn't mean letting it all hang out,it means being accurate in your statements.
Mostly it is best to consider that it is not what they did that is the problem, or not what they are, but rather your reaction to that, and lastly always give someone praise in their abilities - in the direction you would like them to go.
 This way you don't leave them feeling undesirable or unlovable,(which by now they may be to you). You simply leave them realising that the relationship is not this one, this will generally ensure your safety, even if they are disappointed, and help you feel in control.


Leave It

The next stage is to 'walk away' and to allow each other physical space. If they do continuously message you and you feel you need to respond then simply address the issues raised in short polite sentences, and then end the message. Learn to limit your words - this saves you trouble.
This way you will be able to draw a line under your relationship and both begin a process of healing.

Living in the world later 

 

Start some new activity or hobbies to bring new experiences to your life. In an ideal world you would enjoy your singleness, while you grow yourself within. Hobby ideas from amazon.

 

Moving forward

 

Think about what you can change in you to get more of a relationship you want. An easy book to start with is Roy Sheppards - "..Be The One"

Safety, threats, violence. blackmail, etc

 

 No one wants, or hopefully expects these - they are generally methods used by a weaker person to get control.

If you have gone through the above carefully, it will be unlikely - go through the above again -then if it does start - it needs to be stopped.

Anonymous and truthful complaints from third parties - e.g. a religious minister, or an individual with some social or business standing to - an authority in that offending person's life - are the most effective in giving them a chance to evaluate their life direction.
 (Do remember the natural law of reaction: - we have known people to wait more than 20 years to effect devastating lifestyle blows to a false complainant).


Recommended Links To Help You....Choose a couple...


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

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Weights and fitness for Men and Women - taught by Mark McManus

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or The 12 week muscle building program By Brad Pilon M.Sc.

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*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


pic courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 8 - naturally successful in love and life.

Beautiful within.

Part 8, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

 Step 8: The being of a better you, bringing to you better friends.


By now, you will have experienced some positive results, as you have followed the instructions and worked each lesson in order.

Whether the results are a feeling in yourself or some reaction in others, you know this is working for you.



Your efforts are proving to be  worthwhile. You are becoming more lovable.

We have brought out the potential that is already within you. Though it was hidden for a time, your new efforts have brought it into the open. And allowed you to grow.


With this awakening, you have probably seen the error in some of the ways you related to others, and the effects that has had.
And, importantly you have also seen the things that you were doing right.

Today, you are far more into the good than you were when you began this course.

 Progress, and success - is a matter of building the good and eliminating the unhelpful.


By improving your inner self, your outside world changes, as does your assessment of it.

It would be nice if the outside world would change first, - yet even though it may - long-term results for you will come as well, from your changes.

There is a Universal principle known as the 'Law of Attraction'. Under various names, it's been known since the time of the ancients.
Even though a simplistic approach, (and only part of what is needed)- it states that your world in a reflection of yourself. "Like attracts like." "Water seeks its own level." "Birds of a feather flock together...." etc....

In terms of relationships, it includes all the people in your life. They are also a reflection of your behaviour and that you acknowledge is acceptable.

A better you means better friendships, and relationships, be it work,business, church, mosque, family or romance.

Think of how you gravitate to the same people, places and things. And how there is a sense of comfort or ease in some familiar way. As you change yourself, so you change the things to which you gravitate to, and are at ease with. Improve yourself and the good gets better, while the bad is replaced, or fades away.

We could have given you a course only limited to love spells and psychology tricks. Or encouraged you to move to another country, city ,or place, or religion or belief system.

These would have brought results for sure, yet the constant factor is YOU.

When you allow the power within you to flow, - you make the changes that lead to enduring results, and get the true results you want. 

In seven days, you have taken the steps to discover your lovability. It is growing, and though you have only been at it for a week, the process is going well. Keep going, it will become natural to you, and help you in any situation.


 1:

 Exercise: Look over the results your lists from each of your previous exercises. Do you see a relationship between them?
Do you see that the conclusions of one list might agree with some of the other lists? This is a clue for you to combine and coordinate your efforts. Put them all together to develop your future plan of action. Put all the papers together, and away privately.
And now start the plans this minute, and continue tomorrow, and the next day, and keep going - no matter of the temptations/coercions to go back to the old ways.

This is the Secret of successful people. You must apply it - the results will please you beyond your expectations.


2:

Meditation: Imagine yourself at the center of your world. See the connections between yourself and the people, places and things you experience. Ponder what they say of you. Know that the message is getting more and more positive because you have started the process of growth. Think of how you are lovable and so will attract love.

Go back through the previous meditations and write down a week as a daily plan of which one to do that day:- then follow that plan. Soon they will become automatic responses to events - and this will change everything for the better for you.


3:

Go to one of the dating links below - allowing up to 30 minutes;- notice how you can quickly see the profiles/people that you would not want to allow in your life now. Don't worry about the seemingly good ones today - time for that soon enough.
This exercise is for you to recognize the change in yourself. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am lovable and deserve to be treated with love, kindness and caring. 
I know that every day, I become more lovable.



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 9 tomorrow...



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photo courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 7 - musings of luck, fate, karma, and wyrd.

Gifts of the universe

Part 7, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.

Step 7: The philosophy of Wyrd, in arranging the paths of your  destiny and relationships

Wyrd - an old word with a meaning of :- to come to pass, to become, or to be due - as in the actions undertaken give the valued results.


It is often compared to fortune, or luck; and explained away as fate, karma, or destiny.


Much as you work to attract relationships, there are times when it may seem that an outside power is intervening, and seems to block you.
On the other hand, if you allow it, and release your previous resistance -it may send you to a specific place or people.

While you might just be attributing your lack of success to an outside force, it could also be the work of that force known as Wyrd, - you have brought it to yourself.
It is now time to bring the good you want to you.


Wyrd is a great ally. If we can perceive its intent, we can allow it to work for us, or keep it from working against us. To look inside yourself is to see the way of Wyrd, and direct its' path.

Runes,  Tarot,  self hypnosis, and other techniques also work well in revealing Wyrd’s work.

Along with holding your place, Wyrd may also work to prepare you for a future event. It may bring to you specific persons, places and things whose role is to prepare you for the future. They are temporary situations serving as teachers and testing grounds, if you will. They may last a few hours or a few years.

Wyrd will bring you to your highest good if you work with it, bringing you that which is yours to experience and enjoy.
This is especially true in relationships. It can bring you many satisfying temporary friendships along the way, and lead you to enduring relationships with friends and companions.


 1:

 Exercise: Take out the yesterday’s list you made. Go over it carefully, and compare the standards for your own behavior with those you apply to others.
Do you expect more from others than yourself, or do you set a high standard for yourself while setting a too relaxed one for others?
Do you need to raise some standards, or change some others?

Use this exercise to see the contrast between expectations of yourself and of others. It will help you review your standards and, if necessary, make changes.

This exercise should make very clear the difference between how you treat yourself and how you treat others.

2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself in a small boat in a river, heading downstream. The current is strong in the middle and weaker near the shores. You can let it propel you swiftly, or you can steer slowly nearer the shore. The closer to the middle you ride, the more the river is in control of your trip.
When you drift to the sides, you have control, but you move too slowly. Knowing this, you use the river to move you where you want to go. You use the swifter middle current when you need it, moving to the sides when you need to control the steering.. Because the current changes gradually, you can move closer or further. Your ability improves, and you begin to enjoy the trip.

            Now imagine that this is the River of Wyrd/fate or destiny - It will take you to your destination safely as you skillfully negotiate the currents and the river. See yourself using the river’s power when you can, and at other times using your own steering skills. Safely navigate the River, you are the one in control.
Come back to the present reality, and remember the trip throughout the day.


3:

Begin to believe your changes and actions are bringing you results.

The Secret: This inner thought will allow you to notice more readily the good opportunities, and you are developing the easy confidence to move towards them for you.


Thought for the Day: Let the Wyrd work for me. It brings me better relationships and more happy experiences. I work with Wyrd, and I learn to make it work for me. 
(You can substitute Karma, Fate, destiny, etc. for Wyrd.)



PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 8 tomorrow...


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photo courtesy Eric Rolph at English Wikipedia commons

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 6 - your own standards.

You determine who you want.

Part 6, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 6: Don't Settle,


People do not usually review their personal standards. Standards are usually learned in childhood, become ingrained, and then are put aside.
It benefits us to review our standards from time to time. We need to know our own limits for determining the good and bad, or what we think good, and bad , are  for us.

Everyone needs a good set of standards. The problem is that while everybody has their own standards, some peoples’ standards appear somewhat low.

The secret of healthiness is setting the standards high without being inaccessible for you.
You need to determine what is acceptable and what is not.
You do need to set a standard that includes both high ideals and a lower limit. “This low and no lower!”

This is especially important for relationships. You need to consciously review your standards when it comes to acquaintances, friends and lovers.

You need to think over what you will and will not do, in your dealings with others.

Likewise, you need to establish what you will and will not tolerate from others.

Becoming lovable does not make you an open door to all who come.
You ultimately have the responsibility of choosing those who you will let into your personal life.

There is a desperate tendency among those who have been alone a long time.
They so want companionship that they jump on the first thing to come along. And with a rational companion of the same understanding - go for it; - this how friendships start.

Others keep every opportunity at arms length or further, in a state of fear.

Whether you are very lonely or not, you must put discretion first. You want what is good for you, and you should not settle for less. Compromise means you are losing out as well as the other party, and again if it is a happy mutual understanding to solve a situation, it may be good. It usually means the proposer of the compromise wants it more their way.

Stick to your standards. At the same time, do not become severe. Give people a chance to show you who they are.
Go back and read Becoming a better leader as a secret to getting what you want in life.

Everyone has shortcomings, and a severe set of standards will refuse most of mankind! Your standards can be firm, but not super rigid. Interestingly, good people are able to be guided.


The Secret: You will find that most of the people attracted to you have similar standards. People radiate toward those most like themselves.

There may be  many people whose behavior is not up to your standards. Let them live their own way, at a distance from you. Say NO to those who are wrong for you - especially say this to yourself. And develop the friendly warmth to say YES to those who are good for you.


1:

Exercise: On one half of a piece of paper, write a list five things you are willing to do. They should be examples of the lowest you will go. These are the low end of your standards.

Below them, list five things that are the higher standard. These are the kind of higher things that are always acceptable. and which cause no discomfort.

Now, on the other half of the paper, write five things you would never tolerate in another person. These are things which you find repugnant, and would never accept.
Below them, list five things that you welcome in others. These are good things that are always acceptable.

Take no more than ten minutes to make these lists. When finished, put the list away in a private place, and forget about it until tomorrow.


2:

Meditation:  Imagine yourself surrounded by a circle of light. This barrier burns bright, protecting you. Only those who are good for you may pass. Those who are wrong are kept away.
Realize that this barrier represents your standards. See it if you wish, as your personal magnetic field, or aura. The light works for you, drawing the good and repelling the bad. Imagine that it really does just that.
Bring yourself back to the world around you.

Repeat this meditation once in the morning, then once again at night. Giving the previous meditations a rest.

3:

Added Exercises: If you think you have trouble standing up to people, develop assertiveness. You can find books to help, Amazon, Fishpond, Beanbone, or Biblio- are good online bookshops to get these books from.

Or take an assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
 

If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 7 tomorrow...



Recommend links to help you above, and...
Prosperity and a better life - easy techniques from Mindmint

photo courtesy public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 5 - you being noticed

Being noticed for being you - like Mairani

Part 5, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 5: People are noticing the changes in you.

You are probably feeling some results. It will be becoming more apparent to you that YOU are lovable. And you will be able to have the relationships you choose.
You are already making progress, and only four lessons have elapsed, - but you have done the hardest thing.
You have faced the problem taken some direct action, and made the conscious choice for progress, and that is what leads to success.

Though some notable results take time and effort, there are; lots of smaller things that come soon.You will begin to pick up on how other people show that they sense a change.

They may say something like -

• "Is that a new haircut?"
• "Did you buy a new tie?"
• "I’ve never seen you in that blouse before..."
• "Are you wearing a new perfume?"
• They may comment on your clothing, hairstyle, cologne, or other item of your appearance.

It may sound strange to you, since your hairstyle, clothing and perfume might not have radically changed.

What is happening is that people are noticing the positive change, as in how you are viewing yourself; thence the way you are now presenting yourself to the world, in you.

It is not the response itself, although that is rewarding in itself - but the fact that it is positive, that counts.

By the way, the best reply is one that acknowledges their compliment. Just smile and gently reply, "Thank you."

Once you get results, it is important to remember force pushes people away, ease draws them close, we are after long term results here.


The Secret:-Do not take these small results as a green light to push things. Remain at ease. Be content to focus the work on yourself. Let the people continue to come to you, for the moment.


1:


Meditation:  Keeping with the first three days meditation (keep doing them). Number 4 will be sorted now.
See yourself radiating positive energy. Imagine that the energy brightens you. It reaches out and touches others. You see that those who have a similar, bright energy are drawn to you.They come to you at a safe casual even pace. Because you have a similar energy, they are drawn to you, and you to them. They are attractive to you, as you are attractive to them. See yourself attracting the people who are good for you, as you are good for them. Enjoy this feeling, and that as it flows both out and in, you feel better and you are more and more lovable.

Relax, and slowly come back to the real world - rest a short while, and carry on your day with the new found brightness, and the easy freedom you have.

 2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) Keep it private.
When you begin the day, write down from two to five types of relationships
that concern you. No more.First, list the ones you have that you want to improve. Next, list the ones that you do not have, but that you want.
This part of the exercise should taken no more than five minutes.
 Put it in a safe place and forget about it.

At the end of the day, allow 30 minutes and take out the list. Look it over.
Which one of the categories can be started soonest, or which are you most likely to succeed quickly. Which are the hardest? Arrange the list, rewriting it, starting with the easiest and closest and ending with the most difficult and last. This provides you with a strategy. You begin with the easiest objectives and work your way to the more difficult ones. You do not need to finish one 100% before starting another.

The whole list, and the philosophy of change is the important thing. However, the greatest effort ought to be on those which are most important to you, and which are within your reach now.Put the papers away privately for the day.

 3:


Go to a park, or environment where there are people and it is safe for you, preferably where you will see different people-(even a shopping mall), and say hello or greet a few new people, maybe a positive compliment, and move on -this is still not the time for involvement.We are again just observing peoples reactions to a growing you.


 4:

Go to a different dating website link- Allow yourself 30 minutes on a timer: -- choose one website from the links below,-- and using what you read there; hand write - not type- not enter in the computer; hand write with a pen - on a piece of paper - (there are psychological reasons, that will help you for doing it this way); your own dating profile, using the lessons learned from the previous 4 lessons. Sign out.


Thought for the Day: I am radiant with a burst of new, bright energy that shines its light on all. I am starting to attract those who are good for me.


PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.



Part 6 tomorrow...


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pic courtesy of pdp.net

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 4 -growing the beauty within.

Positively in love and growing within.

Part 4, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 4: Unlovable to Lovable

As you have been following directions, you will feel more confident today.

You have taken some positive steps to unlock the lovability within you. You are working with the exercises,doing the meditations and using the daily thoughts.

At the very least, you're beginning to feel that you have the potential to be lovable, that you maybe thought was hidden from you.

As we saw yesterday, gross or crude behavior can repel people, as unkempt hygiene or dress will sadly often do.

What we need to recognize today is that anyone can become lovable. No matter how badly a person felt, behaved or carried themselves yesterday, you or they can always start the process of change right now.

The ability to become more lovable is a thing of today, not yesterday, or even last week.

Again, keep in mind that appearances are a small part of it. The real work is inside you. It is the work that only you can do.

            Your progress will undoubtedly reveal things that need change. Success often shows you the thoughts and habits which no longer need to have a place in your life. Most can be handled pretty easily.

            The way to overcome old problems is this:

            1) Recognize the problem, or the negative results of your action.

            2) Replace the response, or behaviour with something more positive.

            3) Stop doing the dumb things! (With very ingrained habits, stopping may be  gradual.)

            4) Notice the rewards or relieving feelings from the change.(measure them).

             And mix up actions 2 and 3, to ensure the success stays with you


           It may seem impossible or too hard at first.Some things will require more effort.


 The Secret:-Different actions and responses from what you have done before, will give you the different results.



 Your growing lovability will begin to show. Results may be so gradual that you do not recognize them right away. However, you'll begin to notice that people are friendlier, and that you are meeting new people. You will find improvements in your relationships with others, be they co-workers, neighbors, relatives, or friends.

**There will be a handful of unpleasant toads who remain as they were. They may be grudging acquaintances, unfriendly types or rivals.
 Do not let their attitude upset you. They have decided to be that way. Nothing that you or anybody else does would ever change them.

Let them live their life, and create a distance, either mentally as an observer in their life, or leave.

Focus on the people who are friendly, helpful and kind. It is easier and more productive to focus on people who like you than waste effort trying to change people who are hostile.

Put the most emphasis on the people who are themselves likeable and who treat you kindly.




1:

Meditation: Keeping with the previous three days meditation (keep doing them). Begin this daily meditation - choose say a different time;- Imagine yourself weighed down by heavy burdens. These may be a lot of full sacks, luggage, or backpacks and gear. Feel yourself slowly unloading these burdens, one by one. Feel them fall away from you, and Imagine the sound as they hit the ground behind you. Leave them there for a minute, and Now imagine that they all disappear, or vanish - leaving you standing there free and unburdened.
Take a few minutes, breathe evenly and calmly, and savor that feeling of lightness.

            Next, image yourself filling with good energy. Imagine that this energy can flow freely because it is no longer blocked by the weighted baggage. You are now in the free flow of the brilliant, friendly, happy energy -you own. Enjoy this feeling, and that as it flows, you feel better and you are more and more lovable. Relax, and slowly come back to the real world -rest a short while, and carry on your day with the new found brightness, and the easy freedom you have.

You'll only need to this particular meditation here, 2 or 3 times - to get it working for you.



2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.) Take out the list you made yesterday, and look it over. Look at your assets.
Ask yourself these questions:

• Can you enhance them? 

• Can you use them to develop other strengths?

•  Now look at the other side of the list.  

• Can any of your strengths be applied to offset these shortcomings?

• Are there other ways to shrink the things you feel might be unpleasant about yourself?

• Look to see how you can capitalize on your strengths, build new ones, and minimize or eliminate your shortcomings. 

• From this, make a few brief (one to four words only) notes , about how you could possibly increase your strengths and diminish any weaknesses.

Do nothing just now, read over it once more only, and put the papers away privately for the day.


3:

Go to a park, or environment where there are people and it is safe for you, say hello or greet a few new people, maybe a positive compliment, and move on -this is not the time for involvement.
We are just observing peoples reactions to a growing you.



4:

Go to a different dating website link- Allow yourself 30 minutes on a timer: -- a website is below,-- and see how many of the profiles mention their life crisis's or problems. And how many of those ones say how they handled it, and how they approach life now.
Hint; there won't be too many, just take note of how the ones who have dealt with it now state their general approach to life.
**Stay very far away from the ones still in crisis, or with no new approaches; it will only cost you.
Sign out.

Thought for the Day:
Any un-loveliness fades away! And I am more lovable every day!

 PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.


Part 5 tomorrow..

Recommend links to help you.
Spiritual click- meet your soulmate 

Again - check these girls techniques to learn.


pic courtesy of public domain

I'm lonely, - how do I get the Love others have? part 3 - on being attractive to others

Some ideals are constant- the art of manners.

Part 3, of the simple 10 steps to go from lonely to being in love.


Step 3: Lovable Habits

Your inner development works best when supported by outer actions.
Actions are seen as a reflection of yourself, which of course they are.
What you do sadly tells people much about who you are. “Actions speak louder than words.”
As always actions have a more positive effect than talk.

 As you develop into a more lovable person on an inner level, so your habits should reflect this. There is much to be said in how an individual treats others. We are drawn to people who are thoughtful and considerate. On the other hand, we are repelled by those who are rude and selfish. This isn't to say that all mannerly people are attractive. Those who are not genuine are as noxious as rude persons, but in other ways.

• Your mission is to be genuine. Like attracts like, as a comfort factor mostly. 

• If you fall into the trap of being pretentious, you will pretty well attract people of a similar nature.

• If you are genuine, you will attract people who are honest and forthright.

• It is not enough to adopt a set of habits just to look good. You do need to back them up with the right attitudes.

Many of us have known someone whose behavior was exceptionally crude. It may have been their language, demeanor or lack of awareness, and response. You avoid including them. He or she may be a good person, but their behavior offends people.

The antidote is to develop the kind of behavior that people find acceptable. It is easier than you may think. The best remedy is basic manners.

• Make sure “Please” and “Thank You” are part of your everyday vocabulary.
   
• Minimize the use of swearing and vulgar references.
   
• Show consideration for those around you.
   
• Avoid doing things that might make them uncomfortable.
   
• Learn to be tolerant of the shortcomings of others without being a doormat.
   
• Use good, basic table manners when eating. Few people want to eat in the company of a slob.   (You don't need to know how to use all the extra forks at a fancy dinner, just be pleasant.)

 The Secret:- People who behave better will find themselves welcome in more places.

As you begin to develop your lovability, work to develop lovable habits. They can be the difference between companionship and loneliness.


1:

Meditation: Keeping with the previous two days meditation (keep doing them). Begin this daily thought - choose say a different time initially - lunchtime maybe -Imagine yourself going forth in the world and being welcomed everywhere. See yourself being met favorably. Imagine being invited to places that you have always admired, be they real or fictional. See your own courtesy being well-met. Know that within you, you are lovable and welcome. Know that this energy works through you See it really showing in the way you treat others.



2:

Journal or diary exercise: (You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want.)Take a piece of paper. Two columns. On one side, write down five things about yourself that you think people would find endearing. On the other, write five things which people might find uncomfortable about you. Take only five minutes to do this. When finished, put it away. Forget about it until tomorrow.




3: 

Special Exercise: If you have a tendency toward profanity, make a “cuss jar.” Try very hard not to use foul language Every time you and use a vulgar word, put money in the cuss jar. A dollar should be okay. By making yourself pay, you get added incentive to avoid using profanity. this will help minimize your use of it. When finished, donate the money to a good cause.-Say; The Earth Forest Program.

4: 

Go back to yesterday’s exercise: Allow yourself half an hour for this revision.Take out this list.
Look over it today, and see which of the things that you decided needing improvement, and the whys.

What little things have you done since you last saw this list, that have started you on the way to your desire? Did your activities work? Why or how can you do them differently to work for you? Write it all down, and what you can do in the next day or so to move on - on this piece of paper or an attached sheet.Put it away in a private space.
We will come back to this one tomorrow, as you see the progress as you improve and develop your strengths.

4:

Go to Amazon or Fishpond books and find a book on social graces and manners:- early 1900-1950's may be your best help - a link is below - and read and observe without desire or criticism -how people in previous ages have dealt with it. The library may be a good place too.

Thought for the Day: Everything I think, do and say is a reflection of myself.
 With the help of my God/s, I am really getting better and better.

 PS:-Note again how this also works for success in anything.


Part 4 tomorrow..


Recommend links to help you.

◊ Books and goodies - from Amazon
 

◊ Rare books and more from Fishpond  bookshop
 

Again - check these girls techniques to learn.


pic courtesy of  https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HawardenCameron.jpg-Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons

Having the home team advantage and using it for your benefit

Creating your own advantage

How is it that you hear about people that make a complete reversal in their lives, and overnight become very successful, happy, and fulfilled beings.

Perhaps the reason this is so fascinating is that it happens so rarely.When it does happen, on the outside, the major life change is related to a career, location, mate, or some other important aspect of the person’s life. Inside them the progress has been going on unseen.

Making good decisions regarding these different areas of your life is an important factor in your success. In most sports, there is something called the home team advantage, which means that when a team is playing at home, it tends to perform much better than when they play away. 

When a team is at home, it is where it practiced, and is encouraged. cheered. and is supported by the spectators, whereas visiting teams are often booed. 

Consider this explanation from Wikipedia:

'In most team sports where the concept of home and away stadiums is found, the home team is considered to have a significant advantage over the visitors. Due to this, many important games (such as playoff or elimination matches) in many sports have special rules for determining what match is played where.......'

The home team advantage is an important concept in sport, and it is a proven factor in how well teams do. If this concept applies to teams, how do you think you can apply it to everyday life?


 When a team away from home scores a goal, people boo or do not make the team feel validated for its efforts. When the team away from home does something wrong, people may cheer.

 The psychological message transmitted is that people only approve of the team away from home when they are doing poorly.

Your success in your career and in your life can be affected by whether you are living, working, and associating with which crowd.

What generally separates people who do not have all the gifted attributes of success is the sheer determination and self-belief inside of them. 
Having heart and drive can make all the difference. If you are going to reach your full potential, you must possess heart and drive. This is something that wins, despite any uncontrollable obstacles that may arise.

Heart and drive can be killed, though, if they are not supported. The best thing you can do for yourself is to put yourself in a position where you are supported, where you have the home team advantage.


When you trace the cause of someone with a lot of potential falling behind in life, when you see sickness and ill health, when you find people not trying hard enough, when you see failure and despair, generally somewhere along the line you will find someone who has been negatively affected and otherwise discouraged by people somewhere along the way. 

I am sure there are some people you know who seem to have problems all of the time: Things go wrong for the person wherever they go. They get in auto accidents; they accidentally break things; they have all sorts of health problems; they make stupid mistakes and get fired from jobs; people around them have all sorts of issues as well. I have known many people like this.

• Have you ever known someone whose friends and associates are always getting sick? and/or
• always having accidents?
• getting into trouble?
• in crisis?
• having financial problems?
• always losing their jobs?
• always unhappy?

I have, and I urge you strongly to move away, from these people - you can support them - but at a physical or emotional distance. 

The continuous stream of negative results and their reactions to it have become their identity.

You have the ability to set the stage, and determine the supporting cast in your own life.

If you are spending time with a person who is invalidating your efforts and your life, the odds are you will be negatively affected. Similarly, if you are around someone who is constantly validating you and giving you approval, you may benefit tremendously through your association with this person.

I have known of many people throughout the years who were closely connected with someone, whether it be a parent, friend, partner, or someone else. 
The person they were connected with had a huge fear of the person leaving them, and therefore their personal interest was in keeping the person down, making sure that the person did not improve, or change, to such an extent that they could ever leave them. 

A parent who does not want his or her child to go away from home show all sorts of illnesses to keep the child around and may also discourage any of their efforts at self-improvement. A parent who has the need to feel superior to his or her child may also keep the child down in subtle ways.

In personal relationships, a man or woman may discourage a mate from trying to get a better job, looking better, and so forth, for fear that this might lead to separation and abandonment. 

This person might relay negative feedback about his or her partner’s accomplishments but hold back positive feedback or information that is likely to be helpful.

The objective of such people is to keep other people down. People can hold you back by direct means, and they can also do so through indirect means. For example, a friend or significant other who does not compliment or notice the positive things that you do, or who always finds fault in the positive things that you do, can have a very traumatic effect on you in the long run. 

Making you self-conscious of your faults and always pointing these out can also be a seriously negative influence. Relating about nothing other than negativity, impossibility, and so forth can also have a very negative effect on you. If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is probably time to evaluate your relationships.

Remember of the home team advantage - you have the right and power to choose supporting players, an even playing field, and a space that is bright - that allows you to be in your best light. 




 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.






Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.


Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -



 

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

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