I'm so Stressed out, What am I doing wrong? 10 real life tips to make it easier.

A warrior in the world

Stress as we often know it. is the internal 'war' of opposing desires and expectations.

Usually; - the expectations or ambitions we have for ourselves, as opposed to those same demands 'society' has for us.

Society as such, considers itself more important than me and you, and attempts to influence you through manipulation in the form of advertising, whether it be with TV shows behaviorally, or directly with advertisements saying 'borrow this money from us now to feel better, or buy this now to feel better.'

Sadly, if they cannot influence you, they do influence your surrounding human co-inhabitants of life - (who will not be on the same path towards success as you.)

By you recognizing stress within yourself - you must for a start congratulate yourself for being so aware, then begin to ease the biochemical toxins it is creating within you, as you work on plans for the life you desire for your self.

To help you manage stress; begin to think of your body as a machine with a good supply of energy which needs regular care, and maintenance to function well.

With that in mind here are 10 simple tips:

1. Be conscious of your food intake. Limit the chocolate, the flour/sugar/fat combinations (biscuits, cakes, crackers, breads etc). Reduce your white rice, noodle, or packeted foods. Start to learn what a balanced nutritious diet is, and support your physique with regularly spaced eating times.

2. Sleep when stressed is either an escape or seems like a waste of time. Change your thinking a little.
Treat, and think of sleep as a chance to refresh your physical body - to repair the cells if you like.
Establish somewhere safe to sleep, keep it and your bedding clean - without residual chemical odours, and try for fresh air, if you are able and it is safe leave a skylight or window open - locked, and consider sleeping in a space with growing non-allergenic plants.
Turn the TV, radio off - no subliminal all night tapes, if you need a light on, put it several meters or yards away - low down.
Be a little comfortable, warm, and clean if you can as well.
Do sleep away from power lines, and cables, and radio antennas.

3. Engage in regular light to moderate exercise, even walking round in a specified number of circles in your flat or house is a start. A daily 1 mile or 1km walk if safe is even better - can you walk partway to work?

4. Set a priority or two in your daily tasks and concentrate on essentials for you, as well as obviously working for your boss or controller authority -  rather than feeling that you have to do every single thing.

5. There are 24 hours in our day, and you are allowed to work as long as you like, or engage an assistant. Think outside the 'normal' pattern.

6. If a task seems too hard, or too big, break it down into small steps or small goals and focus on achieving the first step or goal before moving on to the next one. (Do the thinking and acting privately, and announce your results and the important part they play in the organizations goals publicly.)

7. Take some time each day, and a special time once a week to relax. The daily time will be better for you if it is some meditation - not TV, magazines, or pub or bar time.
The Christian's have it partly right with the sabbath - it is meant as your duty day to the church establishment, and a specific indoctrination (schooling) time. But - you now think of it as your day to engage in your rest, planning, hobbies, self care etc.

8. Remember the biochemical idea, medically it is very accurate; - so lay off the coffee, alcohol, nicotine, THC, or other drugs, whether they are to relax or stimulate you. Develop a new pattern of only three drinks a night for example, then two drinks next week, then one drink, then one a week.
You will find some new and supportive friends with this thinking, and free up money and time to make the situation easier.

9. Be careful who you listen to, they all have their own desires. agendas, and issues, - often it is better to select parts of each person's ideas, than their whole philosophy. Government agencies, or employees, are not there to help you, government funded ones may give you a better (50/50) chance of success.

10. Hide some resources away privately and safely - if it is money, make sure it is tax paid, and you hide two or three copies of the receipts in two or three different places and/or upload them somewhere private and safe - say DriveHQ - (the employees of the revenue office will falsify the truth at any chance they have). Grow even a little of of your own food, even one herb plant is a good start.
Make sure only you know, this will give you a sense of power and control over your life, and relieve the stress.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

You need help with your relationship – but what if ?...The advice lottery

A successful relationship?

Signs of Good Relationship Advice

You need help with your relationship – but what if you get bad relationship advice?


These 10 signs of good
relationship advice will help you know if you’re getting help that will actually improve or save your relationship.

 

How to Recognize Good Relationship Advice

1. Your family is giving you relationship advice for their own reasons
You must be very specific, in asking why;- several times in fact.
Adult children, have there own exploration in life to undertake, and are mostly not to be listened to, after the first meeting of your partner.


2. Your friends are jealous of your relationship
Friends, are usually a great help with first assessments, past that time or those few minutes, they are either afraid of losing you, jealous of what you have and they can not, or deceptive in their intent.
Especially if they are damaged children, or the like.

Numbers 1 and 2 and closely enmeshed, do pay attention to your own life path as well.

3. The advice giver is objective – a sign of good relationship advice
 Listen for subjective statements - name calling - the adviser has their own unresolved immaturity to get through - their advice will NOT help you. 

4. Your inner feelings are telling you this is good or bad relationship advice
  Whether it is right or wrong, it is right or wrong for you just now.

5. You know yourself – a super way to recognize good versus bad relationship advice
As in number 4, take some time out in solitude, meditate if necessary.

6. The advice giver has the full picture of your relationship – the good, the bad, and the ugly
No matter if you are some at fault, an answer given with half the information gives poor results.

7. The advice giver has given you good relationship advice in the past
Did you listen the first time? Possibly this adviser has skills you can learn from.

8. The advice giver has healthy, good relationships
They are able to prove what they say works - if they cannot - keep your distance.

9. The relationship advice is from a good resource
Hard to say what is good, yet if it fits all the other characteristics here it probably is.

10. The relationship advice is honest and unbiased
They take into account both sides, without pity, or judgement.
Who is paying them?, and what rewards do they hope to get from this interaction?
Questions you must ask to avoid bad advice, predators, lawyers, corrupt and greedy people, and cults.

If it is government or lottery funded, their task is to add you to their numbers, and the quality of the help may be either good or bad - do treat it as an emergency 'band-aid' to use and move on without, as quickly as you can.



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

As a woman can I have it all? Determining my own path..

As a women having it all

I had thought before, that a great measure of civilization might be the influence of good women. - Adapted from - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

We’ve all seen great examples of women who appear to juggle a successful career along with entertainment, life, and motherhood.
Women are asked to stay emotionally attached to their career path and to not leave as soon as they plan for a family.

The discussion at times has been pitting working mothers against stay-at-home mothers. An engineered war of division?
The stay-at-home mothers at times are either envied or looked down on for having left the corporate world. Especially, since marketing and society is heavily pushing for more women to enter the corporate world and the realm of politics. One would guess so as to be seen as role models, so that the subservient ones will buy the merchandise they wear and promote, of course as well as another taxation unit - almost like another duped farm animal sadly.

Yes, we can have it all, but can we do it all, and more importantly — is having and doing it all truly, truly what we want? Ask some questions to consider your true path.....


1. Get honest with yourself. What do you truly want? Write out your own definition of success. What does it allow you? This is not about what your family,friends, minister, or work 'friends' think you should do with your life. It’s about what you want deep down in your heart.
Then start quietly creating that ideal for you, day by day, and keep going- based upon how you’ve crafted your purpose.

2. Allow other women to create their own success definitions. We need to give other women the right to choose what they want. Just because you might not want to be a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t entitled to make this choice.

3. Throw out the 50% rule. While we might represent any % of the population, yet do we truly need to fight for anyone else's cause? Our choice shouldn’t be based upon this percentage, or the desire to be seen as accepted by the group, but because this is something we truly desire. Go and read the bold sheep post, then come back here.

4. In saying that - join together with other women to create your own cause, not 'society's'. Don’t be the lone ranger out there; look for other women who can help you influence the redefining of success for women and men.

5. Communicate clearly and persuasively. Use your voice to impact change. Challenge people to rethink their expectations of women and men in the workplace and what careers have to look like. Let women know that they have choices and don’t have to follow a subscribed path. Paint a new picture for what success can look like for women.
And especially yourself.



Recommended Links to help you...

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home





Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.
 

This was a Good Relationship, Is it Finished? I am Feeling like it is Over.

Thinking is it over?

A relationship, or even a marriage may indeed at times feel like it is better being ended. 

 

Now you chose to be in it or take it on originally - do re-think why you allowed, encouraged, or planned it to start.

 

Or are you going through some of the typical phases of a long-term, committed partnership?


Sometimes counseling with a realistic professional is all that is needed to re-establish the path of mutual success.

Just because you’re struggling with problems in your relationship, doesn’t always mean your partnership is un-saveable, or headed for a divorce court.
(Which will only drain you, and enrich some would say corrupt lawyers and crooked judges - or is it the other way around?)

The following signs may indicate the end of all, or only one stage of your partnership.

 9 Signs Your Relationship is Over ??

1) Your partner can’t see the reality of you being together 

 

If your partner doesn’t understand how his or her actions are affecting you – and even worse, refuses to chat about it, and attempt a few changes (with your positive encouragement) – then your relationship or marriage will be a challenge to rebuild. It may be worth re-evaluating your life habits, and choices at a distance, while you learn new skills for you.

2) Your partner sees how things are, but doesn’t show they care

 

You can communicate with all of your current skills, but if your partner doesn’t care how you feel or whether the relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign it is best to start over. The habits you have created, and the responses they bring on, will take effort to change. When a non-caring is exhibited, there is usually an underlying issue, that is being protected or defended. Are you prepared to address what is most likely a major problem you are part of?

3) You don’t connect with your partner

 

When you first got together, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your partner. As time goes on, and the influences of 'friends,' family, the issues of daily life, money and possibly a house, children, or careers all take a toll…and you find that you each have a preferred way of dealing with society's stressors. The mutual decision making is not so together anymore.

4) You have different visions of the future of your life together.

 

She wants a four million dollar home at the seaside, with all her girlfriend's visiting for drinks: and he wants to live in a rustic cabin on a ranch in the country. She wants six children, many grandchildren, and their hanger ons- of course all funded by?? and he’d rather travel and be child-free for a reasonable while.
She wants her mom, aunt, and cousins to live with you in the family home; you can barely tolerate the gossip at thanksgiving or Christmas.
To succeed you do need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and consider your plan or life together first (and other influences/influencers second).

5) You’re not physically intimate (if this is important it is over)

 

If you have no love life anymore, to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level.
There may be power and control issues going on - sadly if someone is in an immature state of mind to do this - just leave- quickly, and quietly. It is a form of abuse, and control, made famous by the KGB- so you are being played, and it is likely your partner is ending the relationship, by a manipulation.

6) You fight the “wrong” way in your partnership

 

If you can’t focus on the topic of your argument, choosing instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds, then you need to learn different skills away from this relationship. The more past conflicts come into current arguments, the less healthy your approach is.
This may not be a certain sign your partnership is over, but if you keep acting like this, the other person will revert their behaviour to what you keep talking about.

Propose good, you'll get good; threaten, or remind of unwanted past events - you won't get good at all.

7) Your partner cheats and wants to end the relationship/marriage

 

Many couples survive unarranged infidelity, and may end up with a stronger bond because of it. Other couples split up right away, as it was a sign of the other failings in the relationship or people. It’s how the partners approach the solution, that determines if they’ll stay together.

8) Your partner allows their past to intrude.

 

Ex-husbands, ex-wives, or ex's at all. Adult brat children. The list goes on; what partnership is this really, when they have not indeed separated themselves, and offered some commitment to the present.
Unless you want a triage or similar for yourself, leave and find a more mature partner.

9) You or your partner is abusive

 

If your actions are causing a response you don't like, change them. If it goes on for a week or two after this, there is something your partner is trying to control in you.

Look at yourself realistically on a day away from them or the situation.

Many women for example, are abrasive or verbally threatening in their responses to a perceived wrongdoing - and then question the reactions.
Many men for example, promise too much, and life gets in the way.
Time out, on site, or away from each other  - can give you each a chance to determine the next move.




Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


  pic courtesy pixabay

Being Brave and How to End a Relationship - Not the right time for you or even a bad one

Developing your strength of mind as well.

Have you given the relationship a fair chance? If you change your mind you won't be able to go back - and you'll often find that your partner refuses to resume the relationship, or will have too many conditions on you, or plain doesn't trust you.

And there where be some later 'cosmic' reaction - guaranteed.
People's - yours and theirs, non verbalized or subconscious minds do store events for a later resolution, some sooner than later - some violent or not.

Hard to think of while you are in the heat of the moment -  but this is an absolute reality - so think and then choose wisely.

In the future do you really want this person to drive past you while you are in a bad accident? You don't need them to feel sorry for you or to be guilty for their previous actions - your aim is to encourage them that their decision, or decision making is OK for them, so you and they feel comfortable in at least the same town, even if you don't like each other.


Be Brave

Once you've decided that you definitely want to break up with your partner, the next step is to do that. Again that means to do try in an honest and straight forward way.

This is the opposite technique to a lot of people use, which is to try and get their partner to dump them – by acting cold, distant and not like themselves, until their partner decides they've had enough and ends the relationship.
If you are trying to get your partner to dump you, and you tell yourself you're doing it for their benefit, the reality it is that you are doing it out of your own fear – an indicator that you still have both some people skills, and relationship skills to learn.

 

Timing

 

Sooner, rather than letting it drag out of course. Giving a reasonable consideration to each party's easy movement away. There is no need, and it is a bad move to babysit your soon to be ex, yet you will find they will leave faster, and without repercussions (bad stuff aimed at you) - if you encourage their plans away from you. Giving psychic permission almost.

Be Kind

Most inadequate partners give the other an excuse that "you need to find yourself" or that you're "going through stuff." Others use the techniques of deception above, and others almost seem to invite violence in their verbal statements.
Being honest and straight forward doesn't mean letting it all hang out,it means being accurate in your statements.
Mostly it is best to consider that it is not what they did that is the problem, or not what they are, but rather your reaction to that, and lastly always give someone praise in their abilities - in the direction you would like them to go.
 This way you don't leave them feeling undesirable or unlovable,(which by now they may be to you). You simply leave them realising that the relationship is not this one, this will generally ensure your safety, even if they are disappointed, and help you feel in control.


Leave It

The next stage is to 'walk away' and to allow each other physical space. If they do continuously message you and you feel you need to respond then simply address the issues raised in short polite sentences, and then end the message. Learn to limit your words - this saves you trouble.
This way you will be able to draw a line under your relationship and both begin a process of healing.

Living in the world later 

 

Start some new activity or hobbies to bring new experiences to your life. In an ideal world you would enjoy your singleness, while you grow yourself within. Hobby ideas from amazon.

 

Moving forward

 

Think about what you can change in you to get more of a relationship you want. An easy book to start with is Roy Sheppards - "..Be The One"

Safety, threats, violence. blackmail, etc

 

 No one wants, or hopefully expects these - they are generally methods used by a weaker person to get control.

If you have gone through the above carefully, it will be unlikely - go through the above again -then if it does start - it needs to be stopped.

Anonymous and truthful complaints from third parties - e.g. a religious minister, or an individual with some social or business standing to - an authority in that offending person's life - are the most effective in giving them a chance to evaluate their life direction.
 (Do remember the natural law of reaction: - we have known people to wait more than 20 years to effect devastating lifestyle blows to a false complainant).


Recommended Links To Help You....Choose a couple...


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

***

Weights and fitness for Men and Women - taught by Mark McManus

***

or The 12 week muscle building program By Brad Pilon M.Sc.

***

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


pic courtesy public domain

Poverty, the influence of others, or a self fulfilling thinking of scarcity?

Decisions of necessity

When you are poor you can be surrounded the by the bad decisions of people around you. Which in turn influences your evaluation of 'normalness'.

The financial decisions are for the moment,  patch ups, and covering yesterdays, last weeks or last months bills. Your attention is focused on solving the poverty issue, which means that you do function quite successfully - and this you must congratulate yourself for - because you consider the best use of your dollar.

One problem is that when you're so focused on this, you don't notice all the rest. So you're the best shopper possible but forget to pay the electric bill on time- and this in turn brings extra tariffs and unearned fines.

If you're shipwrecked on an island, most people do not think ahead for two months, just to what you'll eat, or where you will shelter today. It's not 100% a question of character - it's what you are aware that you have;- in skills, or resources. Poverty is to a large extent the reality, yet also your emotional state.

Most judge poor people, viewing them at worst as lazy, at best as suffering from deficient financial behavior.
We've gotten used to thinking that being poor is their fault: If they were smarter or more industrious they surely would have overcome their poverty. Which in many situations is true, as the habits of yesterday have accumulated to today,

However, the problems while in the bad situation, for many people are distracting and cause mistakes, especially without support in relearning, or advocating on their behalf - out of the containment of the bank sponsored government system. Men or woman, it makes no difference.

Given enough time, an appreciation of the realities of the system, a person will consider the future cautiously. He won't engage in the nonsense, and won't choose to borrow at high interest he can't afford.
But if you coerce him with strict deadlines and pressure him, he may do so.

• A poor person often has very little. In fact, not only isn't he helped, he gets harassed, taken advantage of, and routinely cheated. 

• I have a good lawyer, he has a lousy lawyer. 

• I have a good dentist or doctor, he has an alcoholic or a cocaine user for a professional.

• My bank gives me all the possibilities to choose from that he doesn't, and will be purposefully excluded from.  

It's not that the world just doesn't help the poor, it trips him up even further, assisted by the bullies attracted to their sheltered positions.

Again, one of the biggest problems the message the poor receive from the system, is that - you're poor because you're no good.

Not the truth, this is another instruction of control (invocation) of those who want to keep you subservient to them.

Besides the enormous pressures, the poor often find themselves criticized, especially if they dare buy anything that seems extravagant.

These mistakes aren't any different from anyone else's, but they occur more frequently due to the element of stress, or the desire to relieve that stress, and the implications are much greater.


The ability to take control, anticipate the future and plan for it seems beyond them.

In reality most of us are very talented creatures but we have a tendency to make mistakes, we must learn to change the way we lead ourselves to these mistakes.


  A secret:-people tend to behave passively rather than rationally.

People's default pattern is to adopt a position and maintain it, wanting to change something, or plan to change it, intend to change it - but they won't.  The status quo seems easier to live with.

It happens to people at all levels, the successful and clever ones too.

 People need a framework that helps them. You must build it yourself, your government or bank will only take from you for their benefit, not yours.

So to answer the leading question - poverty is both an influence - of association, and control.
And also the situations lead us or can lead us into short term not helpful decision making.

Apart from making and staying with a plan to get out of it's control and not re-involving ourselves in it's or the system's nonsense.

We must change our perception of ourselves - to that of a survivor, appreciating our new found skills, and awareness.

Recommended links to help you now

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -







Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.

Am I in the wrong relationship? You might be....

The intensity of meeting the challenge.

At times the outlook looks hopeless. And truly, some relationships are bad for both parties. Goodness knows how they even decided to start off together.

Usually a list,- written or not, either conscious, or seemingly unknown; of expectations brought forward from childhood, parental indoctrination, or mass-media.

Or in a similar mental haze, caused by a shared chemical - be it alcohol, or any of the current choices of fashion - or a physical lust followed pregnancy, and then abandonment fears.

Looking at it, what normally initially attracts people to one another, can be the very defenses that hold them back in life, rather than a mutual and proactive partnership that would be helpful.

Often in this dynamic, a couple becomes characterized in their behaviours and responses. For example, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant partner. Then the shy person retreats further, becoming more invisible in his or her life, while the more assertive partner takes control and directs their lives.
(The start of some domestic abuse here, unless there are rational discussions.)

Facing and challenging the defenses that leads you to choose the partners you do is the single most important task to breaking this pattern.

Changing how you interact with your partner, for instance, learning to negotiate more, if you are the “quiet one,” will begin to shift the dynamics in your relationship. The best setting for developing relationship skills and breaking defenses against love is in a relationship.
If you abandon ship, (which is the best option at times) -  but, jump in to a new relationship without wanting to learn, your results may not be those you want.

Be careful, there are some relationships that just don’t work. Some couples actually have a toxic effect on each other, where the mental, and tellingly the physical health of the individuals involved deteriorates.

So, how can you tell when it’s time to move on?  Up to you really.

However, there are some red flags to look out for;-
most importantly those that indicate that you or your partner are experiencing - an ongoing and seemingly inescapable - increase in psychological symptoms or a degradation in your ability to function.

These would be signs that it may be time to call it quits or, at the very least, to seek counseling or outside impartial guidance - if you can find it.


Here are some questions to ask yourself on your own to evaluate your situation-

•  Is my relationship negatively affecting other areas of my life?

• Do I feel upset, on edge, and fragmented a lot of the time?

• Am I too distracted by my relationship to function in healthy ways?

• Do I rarely feel like myself anymore? Do I remember my own dreams for the future?

• Am I anxious or desperate toward my relationship partner? Either afraid or fearful of them, or losing them.

• Do I feel like there is something wrong with me that I am frantic to fix?

•  Has my relationship impacted or hurt my friendships? Have I stopped seeing all my friends? Some friendships do change, some are not good for us; - yet not every single last one.

• Has it affected the way I parent (I’m distracted from caring for my children or I’m too reliant on them to meet my needs?), or even look after my pets.

•  Do I feel chronically ashamed of myself? Or am I made to feel ashamed of my choices or beliefs.

•  Do I feel down or hopeless about my life most of the time?

• Am I being abused without cause.- (hard one this- a joke every so often OK- anything else not)

• Has my physical health changed for the worse. Many times stressful relationships change your breathing and sleeping patterns -let alone your exercise and nutritional choices = cancers, strokes, dental, eyesight, the list goes on.

No human interaction is 100% perfect all the time, though you should be able to see more good than bad.


If you or your partner is experiencing this higher negative level of psychological distress, it is important to seek help if you wish, at least for yourselves.

The relationship needs to change, through distance, termination or renegotiation,  unless some radical learning and change happens from both parties.

Another important thing is to ask yourself is, “How am I interacting with my partner most of the time?”

If your interactions with your partner are predominantly negative, it’s time to look at your behavior more closely.

The four most toxic behaviors between couples:

1. Criticism – are you blaming or attacking your partner? In front of them, internally, or especially to others.

2. Defensiveness – are you closed off to feedback from your partner?

3. Contempt – are you rolling your eyes, mocking or pushing your partner away?

4. Stonewalling – are you shutting down your partners conversations? or is your underlying tone and body language stand-offish or withdrawn?

Time for some immediate changes, if you have or are a partner like this.

 Communication problems, gender role differences and infidelity are only symptoms, rather than the biggest predictors, of relationship breakups or divorce.

The truth is, you are sadly part of the equation, you must stop and redirect these negative behaviours at the first instance, for a reasonable chance at a serious relationship.

The solution isn’t necessarily to move on and find someone else, because, since we take our defenses with us, they will lead to the same troubles in a new relationship.

To challenge and change our defenses is work we alone have to do, and a mutually defined relationship is a great place to do it, and be within when it works.




Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

photo courtesy public domain

Becoming a better leader as a secret to getting what you want in life

Leadership in the sandpit of life.

A Leader is generally someone who encourages others to follow, or even better; - to move towards (one would hope) a worthy goal.  

 

By bringing out the best in people, and allowing them to develop/learn/ and actualize actions and thought, they and their 'team' will achieve and surpass the goals - being of course well rewarded.  

Whether you want to be a leader of a group, or just to have and achieve good things for you. 

The qualities and traits (similar) of a good leader are really worth learning.  

With this knowledge, you can start a daily plan to improve things for you, and know who to avoid before you get trapped somewhere.   

Be it in any relationship; work, business, club, or personal. 

They have been said many times through out history- though now you must re-examine them to fit your success. This will save you time and life energy,(make your life easier) -  Here are a few ideas you can use to establish the personal character of a leader – before you sign on to them or their organization, or in fact where you yourself can change.

Remember = good leaders get rewarded well long term. 

Let us measure some of these traits of good leadership.

 

1- What is their track record like? It’s not just about wins and losses or whether they have been successful; it’s about how they have adequately achieved what they have said or seemed to achieve.
Do they have a history of winning at all costs or would their followers take a bullet for them?

2- How do they treat people who can’t help them? An easy way to determine the character of a leader is to take note of their behavior toward individuals who have no power or no ability to help them succeed in their current endeavors.
In observing them are they talking down to lesser souls? Your turn is later. Also be aware of the profusely charming one, they use this as a cover - easy to see through them after they've had a bit to drink.

3- Do they have any interest in what you want out of the relationship?
Good leaders view working relationships as mutually beneficial and with a view to the long term.

4- They take the time to discover whether what you want in the long term will be possible or aligned with the values of their own business.

5- Poor leaders tend to want what they perceive you have or can do for their business, whether or not it is aligned with your personal goals and values -- and sometimes even without your permission.

6- How do they treat people who leave their organization? Do they discard people who no longer matter to them? Great leaders take a long term view of relationships, don’t burn bridges and leave doors open.
 Poor leaders don’t waste time on relationships which they see of no benefit to themselves.

7- Do they show good judgment when it comes to the fit of the personalities, abilities, and beliefs?
Good leaders understand the importance of interpersonal ‘fit’ amongst the people who work for them. Whereas poor leaders tend to adopt an “if it doesn’t fit, force it” approach, so long as they get what they want.

8- Are they generous and honest when it comes to giving credit to others? Good leaders pay authentic compliments and praise the work of their staff in specific terms.
Good leaders don't need to take credit for the work of others, because they are not insecure, envious or threatened.

9- Great leaders understand that what makes them great is the way that they facilitate the success and recognition of others.  Poor leaders find subtle (or even not so subtle) ways to take credit for the work of others. They imply that they had something to do with the successes of others. 

10-Do they micromanage? The best leaders surround themselves with good people and then allow them to do the things they do best and most enjoy, within the guidelines.

11-Great leaders know they don't have all the answers and inspire trust by trusting those around them to do what is expected.

12- Poor leaders demonstrate controlling and maybe even bullying behaviors.
Poor leaders feel that they need to control the flow of information and try to place themselves as the funnel of information to and from their team.

13- Is there any sign of  a classic offering of bait and switch?  Good leaders don't paint a picture that doesn't measure up to scrutiny, or offer false promises.
 
14- Poor leaders will do so, or will say what they think you want to hear to get you on board; however, once they have you committed, or are writing the paycheck, quickly reveal that you've signed on for something else and demonstrate that they feel they hold the whip hand in the relationship. 

Very much like an abusive domestic relationship.

15- Do they invest in employee development, whether or not it’s related to current projects or job responsibilities? Do they encourage learning, or decry it? Or reduce the time you have for it by subterfuge or focused overload?

16- Great leaders – leaders worth following – invest in developing others around them, even if it might mean that the individual will leave for another opportunity.
Great leaders know that investments made in their team will pay off in real results as well as greater employee job satisfaction and loyalty.

17- By contrast, poor leaders tend to invest only in things which will (only) bring benefits in the here and now, and which primarily benefit themselves as a leader of the business.

If you are considering a new position, relationship; or just evaluating your life plan - take the time to get to the heart of what it is that the other person values about others.This is the easiest way to determine someones approach to life.

Everyone wins in any relationship or organization characterized by good leadership.


From this you can see - very very few people make the grade - is this country it is about 1 in 300-500 people have the ability to become a leader, and about 1 in 2,000 to 3,000 that practice their abilities.
Which is evidenced by their lack of long-term security, and wealth.

You must improve yourself, and create a financial, emotional, and physical distance from the poor leaders as quickly as you practically can. You would not fly in a plane with a poor captain, or travel in a ship with a habitually 'out of it' captain -this is your life and the consequences are similar - good or not comfortable journey - be aware of where you want to end up.

It is up to you be the leader in your life, if not in your organization or life relationships. This will remarkably improve your life circumstances.



 Recommended links to help you.....
 

The Motivational and inspirational master of the century. Les Brown.  
 

Prosperity and a better life - easy techniques from Mindmint







Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.


Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -


photo courtesy of public domain - burning well photos