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| Developing your strength of mind as well. |
And there where be some later 'cosmic' reaction - guaranteed.
People's - yours and theirs, non verbalized or subconscious minds do store events for a later resolution, some sooner than later - some violent or not.
Hard to think of while you are in the heat of the moment - but this is an absolute reality - so think and then choose wisely.
In the future do you really want this person to drive past you while you are in a bad accident? You don't need them to feel sorry for you or to be guilty for their previous actions - your aim is to encourage them that their decision, or decision making is OK for them, so you and they feel comfortable in at least the same town, even if you don't like each other.
Be Brave
Once you've decided that you definitely want to break up with your partner, the next step is to do that. Again that means to do try in an honest and straight forward way.
This is the opposite technique to a lot of people use, which is to try and get their partner to dump them – by acting cold, distant and not like themselves, until their partner decides they've had enough and ends the relationship.
If you are trying to get your partner to dump you, and you tell yourself you're doing it for their benefit, the reality it is that you are doing it out of your own fear – an indicator that you still have both some people skills, and relationship skills to learn.
Timing
Sooner, rather than letting it drag out of course. Giving a reasonable consideration to each party's easy movement away. There is no need, and it is a bad move to babysit your soon to be ex, yet you will find they will leave faster, and without repercussions (bad stuff aimed at you) - if you encourage their plans away from you. Giving psychic permission almost.
Be Kind
Most inadequate partners give the other an excuse that "you need to find yourself" or that you're "going through stuff." Others use the techniques of deception above, and others almost seem to invite violence in their verbal statements.
Being honest and straight forward doesn't mean letting it all hang out,it means being accurate in your statements.
Mostly it is best to consider that it is not what they did that is the problem, or not what they are, but rather your reaction to that, and lastly always give someone praise in their abilities - in the direction you would like them to go.
This way you don't leave them feeling undesirable or unlovable,(which by now they may be to you). You simply leave them realising that the relationship is not this one, this will generally ensure your safety, even if they are disappointed, and help you feel in control.
Leave It
The next stage is to 'walk away' and to allow each other physical space. If they do continuously message you and you feel you need to respond then simply address the issues raised in short polite sentences, and then end the message. Learn to limit your words - this saves you trouble.
This way you will be able to draw a line under your relationship and both begin a process of healing.
Living in the world later
Start some new activity or hobbies to bring new experiences to your life. In an ideal world you would enjoy your singleness, while you grow yourself within. Hobby ideas from amazon.
Moving forward
Think about what you can change in you to get more of a relationship you want. An easy book to start with is Roy Sheppards - "..Be The One"
Safety, threats, violence. blackmail, etc
No one wants, or hopefully expects these - they are generally methods used by a weaker person to get control.
If you have gone through the above carefully, it will be unlikely - go through the above again -then if it does start - it needs to be stopped.
Anonymous and truthful complaints from third parties - e.g. a religious minister, or an individual with some social or business standing to - an authority in that offending person's life - are the most effective in giving them a chance to evaluate their life direction.
(Do remember the natural law of reaction: - we have known people to wait more than 20 years to effect devastating lifestyle blows to a false complainant).
Recommended Links To Help You....Choose a couple...
'The Dangerous Woman' or 'Venus the dark side' -- Both Highly recommended reads
Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.
Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.
Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.
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*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note.
pic courtesy public domain
