A Cult of just one! The covert abuser. - Protecting yourself against manipulation - Part 1 of 5.

The Cult of one.

Many people get involved in groups or relationships because of unresolved issues of the past. 
Which is only natural, as that is our primary learning method. A carryover of security seeking from our youth.
-----Often at times recreating a familiar, unresolved scene with newer characters later in life.

In this context - people who do this without much work and knowledge of the dynamics of manipulation, will be helpless to their natural inclinations and will possibly respond just as they did within the original settings.  

Time for that to change for you.

To escape the Influence, coercion, and manipulation.

Ignoring the many opportunists - particularly those we call criminals, who find ways of making themselves 'indispensable' during someone’s hour of need. Most people who find themselves in abusive situations will only occasionally get there by accident. 

• They either accepted or tolerated the behaviours
• the initial payoff was an ideal or necessity at the time 
• the promises of the future matched their dream or perceived ideal
• they had yet to learn the deceit of others
• they had yet to acknowledge their own equal rights - to themselves
• they have yet to learn how to communicate their needs without threatening the (immature) abuser
• they pretended to ignore or accept the excuses for the 'red flags.'

Cults can be large or small, and most generally have a guru that controls individuals or small groups of individuals. Sometimes a one-on-one manipulative relationship between two individuals shows all the same dynamics of a large cult.  Sadly, this can also occur when one leaves an abusive setting, be it work, religion, or relationship. When attempting to find support after leaving an abusive setting or circumstance, a person is very likely to encounter others who have the negative effects of abuse themselves. You must be careful to avoid getting caught up long term in a new cult relationship with other survivors, counselors, or other well-meaning people who do not have expertise in recovery from manipulation and abuse. Look for possibility people who are able to move forward without the emotions of fear/hate/anxiety.

A one-on-one cult is really a deliberately manipulative and exploitative intimate relationship between two persons, often involving abuse of the subordinate partner; commonly psychological, and emotional, many times physical - if not direct blows, health and stress induced trauma.

In the one-on-one cult, which we call a relationship, there is a significant power imbalance between the two participants. The stronger uses his (or her) influence to control, manipulate, abuse, and exploit the other.

The relationship may even be more intense than participation in a group cult since all the attention and abuse is focused on one person, often with more damaging consequences. Many marriages or domestic relationships where there is spousal abuse may be this way. If not, the habitual controller, will strip or demean the initially better person, so that they can have some power, - these people do leave clues -

• if their last partner committed suicide or developed nutritional health problems
• started drinking or started taking drugs or started gambling
• they've had a succession of people just up and leave them
• they talk badly about others
• they talk badly about their partner or previous life associates
• they favour their - particularly - horse, over people contact
• their children or parent/s are criminals

Do NOT get into a long term association with these people - they are repeat offenders, and you will never be safe. Quietly, and quickly fade away from their lives. Find someone else.

Other one-on-one cults may be found in bad boss/employee situations, in Christian churches, in therapist/client relationships, in prison officer/prisoner or interrogator/suspect situations, and in teacher/student environments.
Watch for the guru effect, especially from either;- a well presented, or poorly presented extreme.

The most common techniques used include - 

• isolation and the provocation of fear; 
• alternating kindness and threat to produce disequilibrium; 
• the induction of guilt, 
• or self-blame, 
• the creation of a dependency, 
• and enforced learned helplessness - as a way of survival.

The degree to which these features are present in a relationship affects the intensity of control and allows the relationship to be labeled one-sided or abusive.
 The similarities between 1- devotion, and 2- the traumatic bonding that occurs between battered individuals and their abusers are striking. 

An abused partner is usually made to, or influenced to submit to the following types of behaviors:

• early verbal and/or physical dominance
• sexual restriction as a tool, or sexual over domination
• isolation/imprisonment
• fear arousal and maintenance
• guilt induction expressions of love (for example - dependent on the number or frequency of chocolate bars given.)
• enforced loyalty to the controller
• promotion of powerlessness and helplessness
• expressions of jealousy
• hope-instilling behaviors
• required secrecy

 
The graphic below, shows their overall plan for you.

Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book -"..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -








Assertiveness training,& stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

 

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Manipulators use manipulation because it works - Resisting it. 9 Easy techniques to get your life back.

Fun or control?

To Resist or Leave? A good question.     When you feel like you are caught in a web of manipulation, your immediate goal is to stop being a compliant player in your controller's life game.
Whether this is a relationship, a nuisance neighbour, your supervisor, a government agency, Christian guru, work mates, or landlady, or a relative.

In the interests of your personal safety - you must be prepared. Do not be so vocal in your approach, as the other or others will quickly turn to violence, either physical or legal. Re-read The Miss Battles article, then come back here.

It is easy to win, as these people are always focused primarily on the short term - do think of them as a corrupt politician - and you will succeed.

Mostly their behaviour patterns come from a false sense of entitlement, combined with fears of maintaining or not their security - usually social image.
Once you are rested and in a better position, you can assist their change - whether it is as a payback or revenge, or a supportive repatterning.

The initial focus needs to be on you establishing some modicum of control over your life.

 There are two approaches to this goal: Resistance and/or Distance (either psychologically, or physical space, by leaving the relationship altogether).

A very easy, non threatening way is to insert a period of time between the manipulator’s request or demand and your response. Even a few minutes for a start - gives you a little power.
The 'graspers' of the world are not used to this, so have a valid excuse for a few minutes only first off. Then lengthen the gap as the days go on, and more requests come through.

Resist the urge to tell them off, or tell them to f*** off, as valid as that is - I've found it best to keep that until after you are safe, and away from them. As their social value as they perceive it - is their main Achilles heel - we can deal with them later, with that in mind.

Resistance

 

When you resist manipulative pressure successfully, you shift the power balance in the relationship. Most manipulators, are indeed passive/aggressive behaviour types. If not plain aggressive.
You are better than that, and you will pretend you are a resistance fighter in the war.  
Do not shoot them, or kill them - you will get in trouble - we have better ideas to resolve it - read on.
 Be aware that this shift in the power equation will alter the relationship and the behavior of both parties involved. Do not be afraid of this change, you'll get plenty of facial grimaces, poor verbalizations, cold shoulders etc...

You must keep your eye on the prize - you, and the value you have for society, and you. You can, and must re-claim your freedom, autonomy, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These inconsequentials have tried to use you as a stepping stone to look good.

Since you are going to, and will, initiate the changes and will hold your ground, the manipulator can choose either to adapt to your lead (behaviour modification) - or else remain stuck in a strategy that no longer works, at least as far as the relationship with you is concerned.

And many manipulative personalities simply do not and will not change, apart from finding another fresh target....

For such individuals, manipulation of others is their SOP - standard operating plan - their perfect way of functioning. ..

Remember, manipulators use manipulation because it works.

 

Stop helping them, you are allowed to look after yourself.

 

Distance yourself.

There are worse consequences than leaving or losing a relationship altogether. Certainly losing yourself for years, in the fog of manipulation - losing sight of who you are and what you really value, need and believe is the worst thing - and indeed the precursor of many a depression.

Remaining a partner in this manipulation, diminishing your self-respect or integrity, and losing your self-esteem is absolutely not on - and the inconsequentials will have started this process from the beginning.

Finally – and this is important – if your willingness to be manipulated costs you a relationship, That may be a good thing here.

Nine easy ways to Resist Manipulation

1- Take a little time.

Once you start to build in time to think about your options, your sense of control will increase day by day. You are not asking permission, you are just finishing something for you first. Again, the graspers, entitled, and pseudo-rich will not be used to this, so start small.

2- The Broken Record

A brief why is good, though as a statement;- do not have a conversation with the manipulator about why you need time, or what you are going to think over.
Acknowledge that you hear and understand the manipulator, but repeat your statement of  "I'll be there in a minute/hour..." just like a broken record.

3- Desensitizing Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

These have been their weapons of control, and they will get worse as the intensity in their mind increases. Lay off the alcohol, THC, etc for yourself; - go for a walk, read a comic book, think of your new future.
To resist manipulation effectively, you must learn to tolerate these possibly foreign and uncomfortable feelings.

4- Security

Start to develop your independence - especially food choices, clothing, haircuts, and income or money.

5- Labeling the Manipulation

Educate yourself, read the Lazy lawyer article, and know what is really going on. Do shut your mouth though, confrontation when they feel entitled will not be in your best interests. They will lie, deceive, and poison etc etc.

6- Disabling the Manipulation

To disable a manipulation, you need to state that you understand the manipulator’s goal, but that the manipulative tactic she is choosing to use will not work to accomplish that goal, and we should to come up with a better plan.

7-Setting Your Terms

It is not all about pleasing them, as much as they are used to this. Respectfully, start to take a few minutes a day for your own sanity.

8- Compromising & Negotiating

A manipulator is only interested in serving her own interests and her own ends. Left to his or her own devices, she will never be looking out for what you need or desire. And they will say you have to compromise, while he or she has no intention of doing so. It is now time for you to stand up for yourself a little, and/or get in an authority in their world to tell them to give you some slack.

9- Plan your Future.

These people do change, it needs you and all others in their life to stop responding in the ways you have done before, and needs at least one or two major consecutive negative emotional catastrophes at the same time as you being strong.

Consequently, you are better off to limit your exposure to these people - and significantly distance yourself, while you develop your inner sense of self.


Important; - A partnership is a healthy co-operation on meeting each of your respective needs and preferences, having talked about it equitably beforehand.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...


Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Getting money to leave your situation. Be it a bad boss, place or relationship

Alone and looking out for the danger

Many times we are either stuck in place, or being held in a bad place or relationship by our own mistakes or a controlling person.

A few dollars or shekels reluctantly handed over at times, when we are at the end of our tether.

Many pseudo-wealthy use this technique to maximize their control (abuse), just within the margins of the law.

Like the pseudo-wealthy, there is not much use bringing someone to account while they are doing it, unless you can invoke an authority they will listen to - (it doesn't have to be yours, and is better if it isn't really.)

Seriously, we must extricate ourselves (get out of the bad place), and prevent it happening again to us.


Both domestic abusers, and bad bosses or employers do give away their tendencies early on.

Yet for now we must re-establish ourselves.....

6 Ways to Be Financially Independent From a Controlling person

Don’t lose hope.

Keep trying. If you’ve been with a controlling husband or wife or partner – or importantly - a critical person – for a long time, you may feel hopeless. This is their plan, to make you feel inadequate so they won't lose you. In psychology, your perception is called 'learned helplessness.' You may believe you’ll never learn how to become financially independent because your abuser keeps telling you that you need them to survive, and in some way/s you are not good enough. Don’t lose hope! Remember that others have got out of these sort of situations too. You Must Leave these people - they will replace you with a better deal on a whim.

Remember that; interdependence' is more a help here than 'independence'

Interdependence means you’re part of a community that supports each other. This community might be a neighbor, a workplace, a book club, a walking or gardening group, somewhere you can have a clear thinking space. Note - not a conversational pity party, or verbal bashing place - negative realism is good,- forward action is what will help you most. When you’re learning how to become financially independent in a controlling situation, focus on finding a network or community of people that you can rely on – and who can rely on you. Do connect with others, be interdependent, even for a short while.

Find people who found financial independence themselves

The best way to learn how to become financially independent with you’re in a controlling relationship, or situation is to connect with others who have 'Been There, Done That.'
They may be able to guide you in the right direction. DO NOT use a banker, lawyer, or their associates, as your mentor or guide. Those groups are there to do what you tell them to do, and they will only work for their advantage - not yours - ever.
Try for an honest business man or woman, with some years of experience, or a trusted Rabbi or priest.

Humble yourself

It’s very difficult for most productive people to ask for financial help. Applying for government assistance, researching housing allowances for single parents with children, or similar - finding ways to support yourself is a humbling (or worse) experience. It need only be temporary, and you can pay it back in the future, in real form or volunteering. If it is restart to a more productive life - you can justify it to yourself.

LISTEN to financial advice about how you handle money

If you aren’t a financially independent now, maybe you were never taught how to handle money or balance a budget. Maybe you enjoy spending money, as most of us do; – and think -- maybe you married a controlling partner so you had an external source of structure.

Again, the successful impartial honest - business person or religious minister, may be your best source of advice - do avoid government sponsored programs, unless you get to deal with a very old retired adviser with a positive empathetic attitude. Like the lawyers, bankers, etc the government programs are there for their benefit, not yours at all.

Be a burden

"I have no family support and I don’t want to burden anyone,"..... "I want out of this marriage/relationship/job so bad, but I don’t have the money to leave. She/He knows I can’t make it on my own financially, and they always want me to pay something so I have no money left from my paycheck."
This is unbelievably common - as if it is a standard operations procedure taught to abusers - and we are so often led into this place.

No normal person wants to be a burden on their kids, friends, family, or coworkers! But on occasion you can succeed a lot easier with getting help from others. You will return the favor in the future, right?
Again be very suspicious of the bankers, mortgage, or finance brokers - avoid them in fact, they are there to further their own aims, not yours. A temporary written agreement that you repay as soon as you can, between friends etc., is always better.

Financial independence will cost you time, energy, resolve, humility, and focus. But the rewards are really worth it!

Be Aware now, and once you 'escape,' always have a reserve of even survival money - unknown, and usually untouchable - you can have it all over the world nowadays - so long as it is tax paid money, and ownership proven - it is legal and moral to do so - do keep it out of the public view.
Feel free to contact us in confidence to know how.




Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

  Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (buy and read them all!)

 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.



Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

25 Easy Ways To unlock the door way to success, and close it on failure

The power within ourselves to select our...

There seems to be as many thoughts and ways to success as their are US dollars in the world.

Sometimes, as well as focusing on the possibilities, and positive ambitions in your life, it pays equally as well to limit, or expunge (get rid of) a few of the unhelpful ones that block or slow our path.

As you read on, think of the best ways to deal with them for you just now, and to be really sure of your success write them  into a private journal, so you can look back upon your progress.

There are some nice journals you can get from  Amazon online - get one and continue your journey with ease.

So we begin the journey to notice and remove the road-blocks in our life.....

1-Distractions that keep you from special moments with special people. – Particularly your children, your chosen life partners and friends, and surprisingly yourself.
Count your mutual blessings, and appreciate what you have, be it time, things, or surroundings.  Let go for a little while and just BE in the world. There are 2 easy-to-read book authors that will add a lot of this value to your life;- 1) Carlos Castaneda, and 2) Marianne Williamson, buy several of their books and read them once or twice each year.

2-Compulsive busyness. – Note the similarity to the word business, activity is good- yet with an end purpose gives you a bigger reward. Schedule time each day to not be busy, many people say early am, if you aren't ready for that don't force it. You are better to take 15 minutes of quiet time at lunchtime, or even just after your day has ended, than create a failure reminder. Many call it meditation, reflection, or visualization time; do use it to rest your mind .

3-Negative thinking about your current situation. – Life is a mirror; we get the best results when we smile.  So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems, both to yourself and to others. Success often requires some change to get there.

4-The needless drama around you. – Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you. There are people other than you paid to deal with most of that. Focus on the positives, and the negatives will begin to fade away.

5-The desire for everything you don’t have. – No, you won’t always get exactly what you want, but happiness comes to those who do appreciate what they already have, and build upon it.

6-Comparing yourself to everyone else. – Social comparison is the thief of happiness. and the manipulation of your loan or credit card provider. You can spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but the envy wont assist you in getting you everything.

7-Thinking about who you were or what you had in the past. – You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.

8-Worrying about the mistakes you’ve made. – Let your mistakes be your motivation to work out a different approach or response, not your excuses.

9-Worrying about what everyone thinks and says about you. –You honestly can’t spend your life changing how people treat you or what they say about you. What you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.

10-Self-deception. – The first and best change you can take is to be honest with yourself.

11-A life path that doesn’t feel right. – Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.  When you truly believe in what you’re doing, it shows, and it pays.

12-Everyone else’s definition of success and happiness. – You can’t base your idea of success and happiness on other people’s opinions and expectations. Some of them are either too low, or a way of controlling you for their benefit.

13-Those who insist on using and manipulating you. – What you allow is what will continue.  Give as much as you predetermine, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Do empathize with others, but don’t lose your own voice in the process.

14-Trying to impress everyone. – One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s perfect.

15-All the fears holding you back. – Fear is a perception, not a fact;- sometimes a valid warning, sometimes an indicator of a needed change. The best way to gain strength and self-confidence is to have a go at what you’re afraid to do.

16-Doubting and second-guessing yourself. – When in doubt just take the next small step.  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the most positive choice.

17-People who continuously dump on your dreams. – It’s better to forge ahead alone, than allow negative people and their opinions derail you from your path. Others will crush your dreams.  Do just once what they say you can’t do, and you will either escape their mediocrity or inspire them.

18-Thinking the perfect time will come. – There are perfect moments - it is better you make and appreciate them. Let others wait for the perfect moment.  Sometimes you must dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been.

19-'Band-Aids' and temporary fixes. – Sometimes necessary; --you must act, and accept these will fail, and ensure you have replacements set up to work for the long term. Deal with problems directly before they might deal with you.

20-Close-minded judgments. – Open your mind before you open your mouth.  Don’t hate what you don’t know.  Opportunities are there for you.

21-Other people’s mistakes and oversights. – Be tolerant of people’s mistakes and oversights, it simply means they are human. If it is important to your success, avoid them, guide them, or learn a new way from the experience.

22-Resentment. – Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor any forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing that resentment is valid, yet a huge time soak away from your goals. Move on, and learn for yourself.

23-Any prejudicial thoughts. –Treat everyone with empathy, even those who are rude to you – not because they are a pain, but because you are an example. 

24-Regrets of any kind. – You don’t have to be defined by the things you once did or didn’t do.  Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret.  Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not.

25-Make moves to improve yourself.- Learn from the bad - what to change for the good, and do learn from the good what does work.
Learn from observing success in others, they may not tell you their 'secrets' - yet you will notice their actions and responses.

“Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander time,
for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
―Benjamin Franklin. 

Recommended links to help you now......

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home
 


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.
 

Is it better to be alone for a while, than in bad company? Red flags to pay attention to.

Bare maiden making her own way in life

Ideally, you would surround yourself with people who make you a better person and let go of those who don’t. Sometimes we are in we think someplace or somewhere too deep, and at a point in life, determined for us by others.

Bad company can be inspiring in the real sense, that it lets us or brings us to a place in our life that 'forces' us to begin to change for the better.

We must be alert to the often well hidden indicators of bad influence. It is always better to prevent a disease, rather than deal with the aftermath if at all possible. Many of the qualities listed below must awaken you to your own value and inspire you to choose your own life path.

Some other people will only......

1.  Make time for you when it’s convenient for them.

Don’t use too much of your time with someone who only wants you around when only it’s convenient for them. You shouldn’t have to force someone to make a space in their life for you, or be in a relationship with someone who overlooks your worth. Know that you are self-worthy, and do move ahead. It’s obvious, but any relationship without regular interaction and communication is going to have problems, especially when there’s a lack of commitment.

2.  They hold your past against you.

Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved past them.  They may not be accept that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and they will try to control you. Keep moving forward.

3.  You feel trapped.

Healthy relationships leave the doors and windows wide open.  Plenty of acceptance is flowing and no one feels trapped.  Relationships do thrive in this kind of unrestricted environment.  You, or your partner can come and go as you please, but you choose to stay because where you are is where you want to be.
 

4.  They discredit your dreams and abilities.

If you allow others to define your dreams and abilities, then you let them to hold you back.  What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  It depends a lot on what you choose to do with your time and energy. They of course will try to get you to devote time and energy only towards them.
  Do look beyond the presumptions and limitations of others, and  en-vision of how YOUR life can be. And move towards it.

5.  They have lied to you more than once.

Love is an activity, no matter what the mass media tell you. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance between lovers; it is an approach and behavior among friends and family.  If someone lies to you, more than a couple of times - they do not value your relationship. You must address the events, and resolve them, or limit your contact in those areas they have trouble with. Be it all, or in part.

6.  Their negativity is rubbing off on you.

The negative people in your life don’t just behave negatively towards you, but towards life.  What they say and do is a projection of their own reality – their own inner challenges.
This is important to remember because what these negative people say and do shouldn’t be taken to heart.  Although you don’t have control over what they say and do; you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say and do these things to you. Remember they cannot tip dirty water into the bucket if the lid is closed.

7.   They are excessively envious of what you have.

Envy is not OK, when someone is envious of what you have, there’s a good chance what they really want is to steal it from you. Either show them how they can get a similar (or to them a better thing), or dispose of them as surely as you can.
(That doesn't mean to kill them, as much as that might be the right thing to do - the best way is to use an authority they respect in their life to control them in a direction away from you-)
Excessive envy doesn’t tell you how much someone admires you, it tells you how much they dislike themselves.

8.  They motivate you to be judgmental or hateful.

Some people are avoidable, and some types even more so. Yet to tell a personality quickly you find out how they talk about others - this is the real them.
If you judge others as a group by their culture, religion, skin color, or their outer beauty, you do miss something good about who they really are.
People who motivate you to judge or hate others are bad company. They will turn on you as soon as it's needed to for their own gratification.
Some groups, and their belief systems, are ones you do want to be around,  do move with your feet, rather than your mouth - you will more easily get to where you want.

9.  They want you to be someone else.

If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. Ask yourself, and then them, why?
Maybe you could be on the path to a better life - make sure it is yours - not theirs.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be like someone you’re not.

Thought for the day: Be aware of the ways the insecure use to hold you. 

Move forward, and keep moving forward. There are some good people in the world, it is up to you to invite and welcome, and be a little attractive to the good into your life

Recommended links to help you now

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

pic courtesy of Bare maidens

Re-write our life history - Living without regret is it possible?

Looking outside of the fog created

Honesty with ourselves,- can you answer the questions of regret? And is it really possible to get past it all?  

Do not be wanting to be impressive to others. – When you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really wanted to be.


You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire lesser quality people.  Let them live their own lives, their ambition level is theirs to own.

Letting someone else create your dreams for you. – Sometimes you’ll do things considered different by others, and a lot of times they will either overtly, or with subterfuge try and keep you in their safe space. To be standing your ground and walking your own path, is a better choice than living a life of subservience.

Keeping negative company. – Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. They can’t tip dirty water into the bucket if the lid is closed. Do remember that keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation. And do insulate yourself from them, they try and control their diminishing world, by removing other peoples lives.

Being selfish and egotistical. – A life focused on you is good - yet to be manipulative or gross in your demands will attract the multitudes of either parasites or 'defenders of the right' to you, and they will reciprocate the damage you cause.

Avoiding change and growth. – Growth, and adaption to positive circumstances are your ideal. To not do so, is to rot like an old fruit, or cabbage, with its attendant distaste.

Giving up when the going gets tough. – Even if things don’t turn out the way you had expected, don’t be too disheartened or give up.  Learn the ways and things that didn't work this time, and the parts that did.  Refresh your mind, and keep moving forward.

Trying to micromanage every little thing. – Life is better in results, and experience being guided, not strangled. To pay attention to the details is important, yet to form and operate a standard approach to include them is easier than trying to actively control them all, or other people.

Settling for less than you design. –Those that compromise make easy customers, it is better for you design your own life and pursue it with a little persistence - and adaption.

Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. – The trouble is, often there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do.  And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t.

Being lazy and vague. – The world doesn’t owe you anything, or anyone else either really. Allow yourself have some responsibility for your life – take control one thing at a time. And then another, and so on. After a short while you will be getting what you want, rather than what others may or may not dispense you.

Recommended links to help you now

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

To be Self reliant, Self determined, Self motivated and a little Selfish - isn't Success lonely?

Choosing a successful life

A successful life does mean that you are and can be self reliant, self determined, self disciplined, and in charge of your own destiny. 

Your fate is in the hands of you, and no-one else. You do get to to plan your life, and it's path.

Lonely- not really, you don't have the same amount, or thankfully the same type of friends as a less successful person.

You get to be selective, because you know the rules of -

1- contagion of failure, and negativity.
2- to others you appear as you seem to be, so you do avoid the lower echelons.
3- you know the value of time and life, and........
4- better thinking people do offer better opportunities to each other.


Consequently, there being more authentic people in this group, you have less, and more reliable friends, than perhaps the person happy with their regular employment.

Being a 'lone wolf,' as it has been called, and doing things your own way can give you more flexibility to  be with the ones you care about.

Being a 9-5er, or in fact whatever set hours you work - takes time away from you in a structured way, that could have been spent with your family and friends.

Being successful, allows you to incorporate different events into your schedule, small but valuable pockets of time.

To be alone at times, gives you essential time to reflect (meditate), and revise, and plan - without the influential chatter of society - which is not your most helpful guide.

It is not so much to be alone. You meet people, you are around people. Now you actually get the choose to have people in your association or not.

A secret- your friends encourage your success or not by emotional reinforcement. It could be time to be a reliable friend to some additional people, who allow you to be successful. The choice is yours.

If the right people don’t want to be around you then that is a problem you can start to correct.

Instead of alcohol, or some other diversion, that costs you, invest a little energy for self-improvement, and then a little action day by day.

Human beings are trained to be social creatures and most end up needing the company of humans.
In prison, and school, solitary confinement or an exclusion is used as a punishment. Yet that doesn't mean you need them all in your life. Choose those who are best for you.

It is better to not require constant attention, approval or validation from family, friends, peers and colleagues. They won't give it to you all, because of their fears, envy and personal insecurities.

It is better for you, to be driven from within. Their approval and validation may come with time and success but it won’t come from playing by their rules.


If you are worried about being alone, don’t let your loneliness become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Work out what you want, and what type of people you would like in your life -
 Even the puppy fat blonde seeking a wealthy husband to support her lifestyle thinks, plans ahead, and acts to get her reward. (Mostly she fails to maintain the effort to keep it going- but you can change this for you.)
Copy her programme, not her grasping philosophy, and you will succeed.

Be the person you wish to be and one that other people you value might feel OK about being with. It really is all up to you, and it is more rewarding for you that way.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   
photo courtesy pixabay