My Self Esteem,- Daily Habits and thought patterns of failure or success.

Casting of the spells maiden

Rituals or habits do define you. Many times we have seemingly woken up from a slumber, and found ourselves in a place we never thought we would be, whether it is a dead end job, bad relationship or bad place, the resulting thought is the same. How did this happen to me? Or how can I get out of this?
There must be more!    Apart from the ever increasing noise from the mass media, which encourages cognitive dissonance - a not happy with this - so buy this mentality.

The changing of our thought patterns to that of possibility thinking, is hopefully the initiative and an answer.

It is one of the answers - read below to find the rest of the habits that are guaranteed to change your life as you know it today-

• Change something and get different results. – It is better to change your reaction, or really response to events to get a different result. If you are making a cake, the end enjoyment comes from the ingredients you put in, and how you deal with them. Take one thing in your day, and come up with a different approach, and apply it for a week every day, and see what begins to happen.

• Waiting for the right time is good if you are prepared. –Don't wait to win the lottery, you might, yet you might starve in the meantime. Start learning the paths of success, and prepare yourself - someone said - for life's great adventure. Most of the time you must dare to jump when you have the opening or chance. If really feel that you want to start with some paid education - Udemy online  is a good place.

• Your planning and focus are on the way. – Planning is easy; just as you plan your clothes dressing before going out, formulate a pattern that works for you - it can just be a 60-second process.  Here is an idea:- Every night, think about three  things that you want to accomplish tomorrow, write down how long they will take, what prep will help, and write them down.  When you wake up in the morning look over the list, and then take the first step.  If you find yourself being lured to do something that’s not on that short list of three things, bring yourself back and focus. It is your list, and your life.

• Accept necessary risks. – Avoid unnecessary risks, they a huge waste of time. Yet living is about learning as you go, you can make adjustments and carry on with your life, looking back and congratulating yourself on handling that.

• The rejections of yesterday were learning experiences of the world yesterday. –Believing that you CAN is important, and this is what any domestic abuser will try to change. You learnt to walk or move, so you can learn to be in a better place for yourself. Yesterdays rejections means the other person or circumstance didn't suit us at the time.  It means we have more time to improve ourselves – to perfect our approach, and to build upon our ideas or skills.

• Take responsibility. – Not any or every event in your life is your fault, but they are all your responsibility.  Positively taking some responsibility for your situation, and mostly for your path forward can change everything.  Leave the unchangeable past/people behind you as you allow yourself to focus on the present moment.  Negatively blaming someone else, or some other past circumstance, will keep the blamer in that place. 

• Perfect is good. – Every one of us can be a perfectionist about something.  Learn to work out when your desire to make something perfect is advancing you, or preventing you from achieving what you ultimately want. It is better to say, this needs to last for 2/5/20 or 50 years, so you can move on to something else.

• Look for the truth. – Personal transformation and growth can be remarkably rewarding, but only when the process of change is based on your honesty and truth, as you see it.  When you’re not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life, it leads to anger and frustration with one party or the other.

• Be alert to new ideas and perspectives. – To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers.  You can listen to others, learn from them, and successfully work with them even though you may not agree with every opinion they have.

• Avoid negative people who try to cover you with garbage. – It’s a lot easier for many to be negative than positive –and a lot easier to be critical than consider a possibility.  When you’re embarking on a new venture,your old associates may be happy enough in their pond, so instead of listening to the critics that will try to contain you, spend time talking to some of people in this world who are willing to support your efforts and acknowledge your potential, respectfully.

• Come up with a different story. – Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you that often anyhow, if they are it will be helpful to avoid their control.  You do hopefully evaluate yourself by telling yourself a story inside of your head.  Create a positive or different narrative about your life that includes only the circumstances that matter. Look for a good mentor to copy their techniques. Jim Rohn, Les Brown, and Morgana Rae are good ones to start with. (Some links below)

• Evaluate reality –  Remind yourself that not everything is meant to be, and you can accept this. Only 1 in 300 people are worth your long term association, and the other 299 are in the world too, do not expect them to act or think like you - they wont.

• Expect things to be fun, not easy. – Easy things are good, a flow of, or pattern of results that go your way is the better aim. Many an old alcoholic woman, or grumpy old man are still waiting and expecting the easy life.

• Help others, a little too. –At some stage you may like the help they return you, it is a lot better than them not helping or cutting you down. Watch out for the 'sociopaths' or sharks and con-men and women. So give a little and get a fair exchange, or move on.

• Take small steps each day. – It is far more productive to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a giant leap only to stumble and fall and never get up again.  The path to every goal requires a number of small steps.  Figure out where you want to go, take a step, and keep on going, then keep on going again.  Reasonable honest effort and persistence with adapting approaches is the answer.

Easy Exercises to get the results.

• 1--Choose one area in your life that you want to improve, and then in private, and then put the writings only where you know: get a nice leather journal from Amazon;

• 2--Write down the specific details about your current circumstances.  (What’s bothering you?  What’s wrong?  What do you want to change? Focus on the what - not the Who.)

• 3--Write down your answer to this question: What maybe are the daily actions that have contributed to your current circumstances?  (What might you be doing that contributes to the situation you’re in?)

• 4--Write down the specific details about your ideal circumstances.  (What would make you happy?  

• 5--What does your ideal situation look like?

• 6--Write down your answer to this question:  What is the next one thing that will get you from where you are to where you want to be?  (Think about it.  What small, daily steps will help you move forward?)

• 7--Start now, it can be a phone call or two, a notebook, or one exercise.

• 8--Put the list/s away for the week, and tomorrow do the next step

• 9--Each lunchtime meditate or visualize your ideal for a few minutes, keep doing one or maybe two new things to get you closer to your goal. Keep it quiet- 'zip the lips' as a friend says.

• 10--Each and every night, think about three things that you want to accomplish tomorrow, write down how long they will take, what prep will help, and write them down.  When you wake up in the morning look over the list, and then take the first step.  If you find yourself being lured to do something that’s not on that short list of three things, bring yourself back and focus. It is your list, and your life.

• 11--Appreciate the change in you, and your life as it develops.

• 12--At the end of the 7 days, take out your list, and rewrite a new one, based on that one, get ready for a fun week next week.

• 13--Do it again this week, and so on - the results for you will be very good, very quickly - so long as you keep going with possibility thinking and adaption - guaranteed.

• 14-- Look back each 4 weeks to see where you have come, and what you can do to get closer to that pot of gold at the end of your rainbow.

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

The Tarot helps - use it; - used as it is meant to be, it is another tool in your magic chest for getting what you want in life. It does make it easier for you.



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 pic courtesy of bare maidens

How Can I Be More Convincing and Get Anything I Want?

Thinking about getting what I want

One of the most common manipulative techniques is what psychologists call the "fear-then-relief technique."

The technique focuses on a person's emotions. Here, the manipulator causes someone a great deal of stress or anxiety and then abruptly relieves that stress.

After this sudden mood swing, the person is disarmed, and less likely to make mindful or rational decisions, and more likely to respond positively to various requests.

Some examples in popular culture are;-

• The promotion of war - look out for the enemy - they are bad (they probably are to some degree as well) - we are here to save you, come and work for us (volunteer) for a promised possible reward- which you will end up as a slave/lender yourself.

• Insurance companies sales, and advertising - give us your earned money and we'll pay out if a disaster hits you - (so long as you meet all the other 15 + conditions, you are a low risk, and we can spare the money at the time).

• Global warming - look it is 'real', all of these scientists say so, and it is on TV - all of the beautiful out of the way holiday or vacation destinations need the scientists, journalists,(and your most unfavorite politicians, and support crew), to stay there studying it - while you work in the office or factory being unable to go on vacation. All true.

• They are all out to get you - come and join us - our group will protect you - many a cult uses this while they strip you of your identity/life/money, then discard you or encourages you to convert the newcomers.

 This fear-then-relief manipulation technique is most popularly portrayed on TV, and by the lower quality cop or government employee in real life - in the classic bad cop/good cop routine: one person frightens and scares you, another saves you, and then you're more willing to hand over information, time, money.

You see this in your everyday life, too - with unskilled managers or people who suggest your job or security is on the line, backtrack, and then say we need to work overtime, as they leave for a long lunch, or maximize their time off at your expense.
Or domestic abusers, who threaten their close ones, hoping they can control their world.

  It is usually more 'effective' when there is more than one factor of threat that can effect the person, or they or their close friends have been in a similar event.

Being such a common technique, if used with a genuine promise in the here and now, or an actually helpful result to the end user - (not the manipulator) - it is accepted and successful.

The secret is that, for you to use it, giving the other party what they thought was a fair reward, being aware of it, and protecting yourself. As much as most of us wish for longer, and many esoterics try to sell us - life time in the now is valuable to you, and limited.


Making You Feel Guilty: Social Exchange 
Another common strategy used mostly by unethical marketers, government agencies, con artists, and gangsters is social exchange. Offering of a favor to happen in the future - it wont happen - or a $5- $500 gift in return for a lifetime of donations from you. The item was free to them, or they or their associates will get it back off you later.
The classic example is - take a loan - house mortgage out with us, and we'll give you cash, blankets or a big screen TV when you are approved and start paying us.
Sorry to say, this has been factored in the earnings of the lender - much like the indigenous tribes of many countries being deceived out of their lifetime use of their land with a few colored blankets, and trinkets.

An everyday example: A co-worker or 'friend' will dramatically remind you about that time they bailed you out big time in the past, then use that as leverage every time he/she needs something. Or someone who loaned you money or knows a secret of yours could continually blackmail you into doing what they want.

Short term trinkets that are fashionable are very appealing to most people, and they will quickly hand over their long term assets - be it land or time to the more aware person who has a long term plan.

Priming You With a Small Request: The Foot-in-the-Door Technique

This technique is subtle, and simple. With the foot-in-the-door method, someone asks you to do a very small and easy request, like a survey, or some small actions for a few dollars, and then follows up with the real request.

Everyday example: A panhandler or street person who asks you for the time, then asks you to spare some change. They will then hold out their hand for a moment longer as if to say is that all? More please, I need to buy ???
Or rewarding a dog with a small treat, so it will always bring in the newspaper for example - treats or no more treats - just a thankyou pat.

By getting you to say yes to one request, you're more likely to say yes to a second one, much like the pet dog.

Reciprocation, is how humanity functions as a whole - which is partly why stealing/fraud is punished for most of us. 

If both parties are getting what they consider is 'fair', it works wonderfully - most genuinely successful people make a 'sandwich' out of it; a small offering once, twice, three times - then the larger request being fulfilled - followed by some small things unexpected once, twice, three times.

Avoiding These Manipulations

• In all walks of life, there are overly self-focused people - it is not so much not falling victim to them. Yet more, keeping them out of your life, and valuing your life, sharing what you want to share with them only.

• Nearly every manipulator uses emotions and emotional transference, so whenever you feel a surge in  emotions. You're more vulnerable at that time to do things unconsciously and at the suggestion of others.  The cheapest for the advertiser/manipulator is this general formula: [Something terrible] could have happened to you, but it [didn't/won't]. [Now do this]. It only costs you -$x down.

• Life is full of it when you look, and some very pseudo-wealthy people seem greatly skilled at it.

The idea for you is to be aware of the long term for you, and avoid giving away the short term, for the future. The sandwich idea above will bring you the greatest rewards - more so than most.

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

The Seriously Wealthy - How come they have got more than me? Is it the way they choose?

Choosing your self belief or image of yourself

What is the difference between success and failure? - Especially when you see so many seemingly horrible or selfish people with wealth.

Mostly, it is a focus on the importance of that idea,or desire, and an unconscious self belief that they are 'entitled' to have.

Now this is a good attribute you must have,- one would draw the line at the 'narcissists' of the world, and of course those that damage others to get results for their ego.

To find a level of contentment or appreciation in things as they are in the moment, is indeed the true mark of success.

Now generally any approach or response will bring you results.  Something like 'The Law of Attraction' in the real world, with real people.

The important thing to consider is noticing the activity (or inactivity), and the result or results this does bring us.

A list follows of some of the actions - habits, and one offs, that are choices of the let's call them the 'winners' in the game of reality.


Read through them, noticing the ones you are going to work on in your life to markedly improve it.

• To eventually succeed, a continually adaptable plan is acted on.

• Look for success along the way. Increments are as important as at the finish line.

• To make a difference somehow in some form attracts more benefits to you and everyone else. 

• Winners create belief systems that others follow, rather than being subservient to another's plan for their life.

• Winners earn respect, which is a value orientated determination, from themselves and secondly others.

• Instead of seeing all the puddles in the way, and then falling into one. Winners look around for the solution, that gives value to others as well.

•  To review options, is good, yet action is rewarded. Winners act on decisions.

•  Winners add up all their small victories, to a continuum of a total picture.

•  To expect certain outcomes, and be prepared to deal with the unexpected.

•  Winners are paid for their results, as well as being paid for their time.

• Winners build things. Losers buy fashionable items. (The popular Robert Kiyosaki books are a good help here).

•  Winners see things they don’t understand and get curious.

•  Winners communicate, and share what is important.

• Winners make things happen, they actually make some moves to the goal posts.

• Winners help others get ahead too. Losers want to get ahead of others, being insecure or weak within.

• Winners limit their time with the worst of the losers, knowing they would prefer not to catch their flu.

• Losers label themselves as experts. Be careful of the noise, sometimes the loudest most flashy car for example, does not win the race. Winners know there is still much to learn in the real world.

• Winners over-deliver and negotiate agreeably. Losers over-sell not by enthusiasm, but by deceptive intent, they do manipulate.

• Winners smile from within. Losers frown, roll their eyes, smirk and other controlling facial tics.

• Winners realize the way they work brings opportunity to them. The way of the Wyrd. Losers think winners are lotto lucky.

•  Winners define their own success, creating fashions and others definitions of success.

• Winners face fears in realistic ways. Losers escape fears in the range of chemicals on offer.

• Winners use their free time (learning or experiencing something new). Losers waste their free time (watching TV). You can learn from TV, do be definite about what you want to learn, then if is safe go and try it out in the real world.

• Winners see constant familiarity as a risk. Think a pleasant bubbling stream or brook has better fish, water, and plants in it - than a many year stagnant pond Losers see the unknown as a risk. .

• Winners live life now based on lessons learned in the past, selling to the aforementioned losers.

Your mission is to go back and be aware of these points, being careful of the parasites and sharks;- and one by one, a week at a time change them to be the positive assets that will bring you long term success.






 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

more pics at Bare maidens

The habits of Being poor - definitions of failure prone people - My poverty or wealth?

The train of life

We all ask it at different times What is the difference between failing and success - be it wealth, relationships, or even health?

 Any approach or response will bring you results. The important thing to consider is noticing the activity (or inactivity), and the result or results this does bring us.

Something like 'The Law of Attraction' in the real world, with real people.

Many people find comfort in their place in life in no matter how damaging it is, and just to be clear, to find a level of contentment or appreciation in things as they are in the moment, is the true mark of success.

The dividing lines are where damage is pending, or happening in real terms. Something like sitting on the railroad tracks having a picnic - will a train come or not?
Do not do this - it is a metaphor or mind picture story to help you recognize that actions/in-actions may not have the ideal effect or result you wanted in your life.

A list follows of some of the actions - repeating, and one offs, that are choices of the let's call them 'failures' of the world, or losers in the game of reality.


Read through them, noticing the ones you are going to work on in your life to markedly improve it.

• Losers fail once and quit, use it as a war story and remain stuck, unable to eventually succeed.

• Losers look for success at the finish line, rather than along the way.

• Losers work to make money, which is good - yet to make a difference somehow as well is the ideal.

• Losers seek, and demand respect. Think of the errant judge, or the loudmouth you know.
• Winners earn respect, which is a value orientated determination.

•  Losers stare at the problem, like seeing all the puddles in the way, and then falling in one. Winners look around for the solution, that gives value to others as well.

•  Losers review options, sometimes for years. Winners act on decisions.

•  Losers attempt to conquer the world in one shot. Winners add up all their small victories.

•  Losers expect certain outcomes. Winners prepare themselves as well for the unexpected.

•  Losers are paid for their time, which is good, yet Winners are paid for their results.

•  Losers buy things. (The popular Robert Kiyosaki books are a good help here). Winners build things.

•  Losers see things they don’t understand and rubbish them. Winners see things they don’t understand and get curious.

•  Losers talk, gossip, abuse, and question to reduce another's value. Winners communicate, and share what is important.

•  Losers let things happen. Winners make things happen, they actually make some moves to the goal posts.

• Losers want to get ahead of others, being insecure or weak within. Winners help others get ahead too.

• Losers hangout with losers. Winners limit their time with the worst of the losers, knowing they would prefer not to catch their flu.

• Losers label themselves as experts. Be careful of the noise, sometimes the loudest most flashy car for example, does not win the race. Winners know there is still much to learn.

• Losers over-sell not by enthusiasm, but by deceptive intent, they do manipulate. Winners over-deliver and negotiate agreeably.

• Losers frown, roll their eyes, smirk and other controlling facial tics. Winners smile from within.

• Losers think winners are lotto lucky. Winners realize the way they work brings opportunity to them.

• Losers follow other people’s fashions and definitions of success. Winners define their own success.

• Losers escape fears in the range of chemicals on offer. Winners face fears in realistic ways.

• Losers waste their free time (watching TV). Winners use their free time (learning or experiencing something new). You can learn from TV, do be definite about what you want to learn, then if is safe go and try it out in the real world.

• Losers see the unknown as a risk. Winners see constant familiarity as a risk. Think a pleasant bubbling stream or brook has better fish, water, and plants in it - than a many year stagnant pond.

• Losers live in the past.

• Winners live life now based on lessons learned in the past, selling to the aforementioned losers.

Don't get too despondent - Some of the losers of the world have ingratiated themselves to seem successful.
No one really teaches these ideas to their children, and most administration or government employees or agents are in fact failure orientated.

Your mission is to go back and be aware of these points, being careful of the parasites and sharks;- and one by one, a week at a time change them to be the positive assets that will bring you long term success.


 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

How Women can Enhance their Credibility as Leaders. 23 Tips and resources.

To be valued and successful

Whether at work, church, home or out socially.

To be respected, listened to, and being able to lead the situation in a successful direction, brings superb rewards.

23 Tips and links for Women to Enhance their Credibility as Leaders. 

 

1-Think like a coach, not a controller; - buy, study and read- all the books by John Wooden

2-Give realistic positive, feedback. Aim for the possibility thinking style, and leave the red pen alone. Many a dictator has used the negative - and they have all been replaced, violently in most cases.

3-When coaching women, give the critical feedback first, followed by a positive directive statement.

4-Communicate ideas in a concise, focused manner. Considering each parties benefits, and beliefs.

5-Dress to suit the situation only - you have more value to offer than your body. In fact if this is what you display or flaunt, it indicates your lack of self value, and maybe your value to the world.

6-Do reduce visual distraction and err on the side of conservative, - rethink the bling.

7-Choose your makeup and fragrances very carefully, and be clean in hygiene and dress.

8-Use and choose effective and supportive footwear, your feet do dictate your body energy.

9-Make authentic non seductive eye contact. Focus on the people at hand.

10-Ensure your body language is self assured, not sexy, nor of subservience, acquiescence, or even overt superiority.

11-Watch the tone of voice, the barbie, or baby doll will bring you NO long term favours.

12-Think and talk about the future, as it applies to the situation, and stick to the issues at hand.

13-Leave the curses, and dramatic statements in the gutter, so you manage to stay out of it.

14-Associate mostly with other women, who are either on the same level or better. Your 'friends' will either follow, or you will make more supportive ones.

15-Clean your surroundings, your room, car, house or desk. No need to be over the top, just be noticeably tidy and clean. This habit gets assessed often.

16-Stay open to learning - even the whale will learn from its trusted peers and environment.

17-Take a course say - Udemy online, or Online Courses AU.- cheaper than a university, and you can do it in your own home. Pick one you really would like, pay for it and start.
Make it known - tactfully, that you are doing the course, and finish it.

18-Treat your mind as a royal garden, restrict the bad stuff (sadly most of hollywood and the mass media)
Use them for your benefit, not you be subject to theirs.

19-Study nutrition;- white rice, chocolate, biscuits, or McDonalds, are not the best choices for long term success or performance, as many a pancreatic cancer victim will attest.

20-The old studies of Weston Price, Jack Bragg, and the WW1, and WW2 dietary manuals are a good start. Buy the books, and take up, and stay with the practices.

21-Buy a juicer, some clean foods to go in it, and use it each day.

22-Buy a water filter and use it, chlorine, fluoride and the other water treatments are used to kill living organisms in your water. Long term on you - they cause cellular adaption = cancer, and nutritive diseases. The best; - a Water for Life USA water Ionizer - it works like your smart-phone.

23-Exercise a little each day, it is cheaper than anti-anxiety drugs, improves your sex life, makes you more attractive, and brings you a feeling of control over your life.

The aim for you is to live a long healthy, happy life. 

 

 

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -








Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home




Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.
 


 

Am I in the wrong relationship? You might be....

The intensity of meeting the challenge.

At times the outlook looks hopeless. And truly, some relationships are bad for both parties. Goodness knows how they even decided to start off together.

Usually a list,- written or not, either conscious, or seemingly unknown; of expectations brought forward from childhood, parental indoctrination, or mass-media.

Or in a similar mental haze, caused by a shared chemical - be it alcohol, or any of the current choices of fashion - or a physical lust followed pregnancy, and then abandonment fears.

Looking at it, what normally initially attracts people to one another, can be the very defenses that hold them back in life, rather than a mutual and proactive partnership that would be helpful.

Often in this dynamic, a couple becomes characterized in their behaviours and responses. For example, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant partner. Then the shy person retreats further, becoming more invisible in his or her life, while the more assertive partner takes control and directs their lives.
(The start of some domestic abuse here, unless there are rational discussions.)

Facing and challenging the defenses that leads you to choose the partners you do is the single most important task to breaking this pattern.

Changing how you interact with your partner, for instance, learning to negotiate more, if you are the “quiet one,” will begin to shift the dynamics in your relationship. The best setting for developing relationship skills and breaking defenses against love is in a relationship.
If you abandon ship, (which is the best option at times) -  but, jump in to a new relationship without wanting to learn, your results may not be those you want.

Be careful, there are some relationships that just don’t work. Some couples actually have a toxic effect on each other, where the mental, and tellingly the physical health of the individuals involved deteriorates.

So, how can you tell when it’s time to move on?  Up to you really.

However, there are some red flags to look out for;-
most importantly those that indicate that you or your partner are experiencing - an ongoing and seemingly inescapable - increase in psychological symptoms or a degradation in your ability to function.

These would be signs that it may be time to call it quits or, at the very least, to seek counseling or outside impartial guidance - if you can find it.


Here are some questions to ask yourself on your own to evaluate your situation-

•  Is my relationship negatively affecting other areas of my life?

• Do I feel upset, on edge, and fragmented a lot of the time?

• Am I too distracted by my relationship to function in healthy ways?

• Do I rarely feel like myself anymore? Do I remember my own dreams for the future?

• Am I anxious or desperate toward my relationship partner? Either afraid or fearful of them, or losing them.

• Do I feel like there is something wrong with me that I am frantic to fix?

•  Has my relationship impacted or hurt my friendships? Have I stopped seeing all my friends? Some friendships do change, some are not good for us; - yet not every single last one.

• Has it affected the way I parent (I’m distracted from caring for my children or I’m too reliant on them to meet my needs?), or even look after my pets.

•  Do I feel chronically ashamed of myself? Or am I made to feel ashamed of my choices or beliefs.

•  Do I feel down or hopeless about my life most of the time?

• Am I being abused without cause.- (hard one this- a joke every so often OK- anything else not)

• Has my physical health changed for the worse. Many times stressful relationships change your breathing and sleeping patterns -let alone your exercise and nutritional choices = cancers, strokes, dental, eyesight, the list goes on.

No human interaction is 100% perfect all the time, though you should be able to see more good than bad.


If you or your partner is experiencing this higher negative level of psychological distress, it is important to seek help if you wish, at least for yourselves.

The relationship needs to change, through distance, termination or renegotiation,  unless some radical learning and change happens from both parties.

Another important thing is to ask yourself is, “How am I interacting with my partner most of the time?”

If your interactions with your partner are predominantly negative, it’s time to look at your behavior more closely.

The four most toxic behaviors between couples:

1. Criticism – are you blaming or attacking your partner? In front of them, internally, or especially to others.

2. Defensiveness – are you closed off to feedback from your partner?

3. Contempt – are you rolling your eyes, mocking or pushing your partner away?

4. Stonewalling – are you shutting down your partners conversations? or is your underlying tone and body language stand-offish or withdrawn?

Time for some immediate changes, if you have or are a partner like this.

 Communication problems, gender role differences and infidelity are only symptoms, rather than the biggest predictors, of relationship breakups or divorce.

The truth is, you are sadly part of the equation, you must stop and redirect these negative behaviours at the first instance, for a reasonable chance at a serious relationship.

The solution isn’t necessarily to move on and find someone else, because, since we take our defenses with us, they will lead to the same troubles in a new relationship.

To challenge and change our defenses is work we alone have to do, and a mutually defined relationship is a great place to do it, and be within when it works.




Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

photo courtesy public domain

Why does everyone else seem to be happy? What is their secret?

A youthful happiness for us.

Finding your Happiness, is it even possible?

Picture the child at the playground, or the party, - with bags of lollies or nice clothes. She or he is surrounded by toys, doting parents, and other happy kids.

Yet, although their world appears to be exactly as they’d want it, they are sobbing in apparent distress.

A dramatic representation for sure, yet many of us are not all that different from the little boy or girl on the playground. Many of us are going about, or seeing happiness distinctly wrong.

Despite what we may believe,or are told, we are not really seeking our own happiness at all. We at times don’t know ourselves well enough to figure out what we actually want. We conform to the ideas and ideals of our society, our family, and other influences, that sway our own point of view.

Unless we are careful, we spend our lives repeating patterns and filling other's prescriptions from our past, that don’t serve us in the present, and we wind up seeking someone else’s idea of happiness for us.

There are many influences from our early environment that we internalize, repeat or adapt to.
For example, a narcissistic parent who acted superior and domineering. Perhaps, she boasted about herself, while putting you down or disregarding you completely. Growing up, you may take on her point of view toward yourself.
You will have mean thoughts or “critical inner voices” that tell you you’re inferior or that you are insignificant and only take up space.

You'll also run the risk of repeating the negative traits of your parent, in which case, you’ll notice having your own thoughts or feelings of superiority or entitlement.

Maybe you’ll act out the same condescending, critical attitudes toward your children, or your partner/s, or sidestep confrontation, to retreat into your self and avoid standing out.

These adaptations will have made you feel safe in your childhood, but these same traits will be hurting you and holding you back as an adult.

To achieve true happiness, we have to drop the baggage from our past, and resist any urge to play the victim role that others prefer us in.
When we acknowledge our own ability to choose, and thence our own power, we have a much stronger sense of resilience and can better handle life.

 Happiness involves maturity, knowing we that can’t control others, only ourselves.
Being parental toward those around us keeps us from focusing on changes we can make for ourselves. On the other side, being childish and allowing others to control us, again, undermines our power and potential.

Overall, contentment or happiness doesn’t come from filling our days with fun things. Thrill-seeking and instant gratifications don’t work for too long, as we become numb to them, or tired of the efforts as they fail to fulfill us on a deeper level.
To find and lead a life that has particular meaning to us, we can feel more satisfied and joyful.


   Happiness means being willing to evolve. We are most alive when we plan and expand and try new things. Happiness means maintaining your interest in new and lively choices that will keep the spark inside you alive.

When we look at these principles, we quickly realize that seeking happiness isn’t selfish. When we are authentic, happy and fulfilled individuals, we are far better for the people around us and for society at large.
We are better parents, better partners, better bosses, co-workers, friends and citizens. As we follow the path we have carved for ourselves, we can still expect old influences to seep in and critical inner voices to flood our heads.

It is up to us to satisfy, and answer those thoughts to some degree, thus freeing us, and allowing our release from their hold.

We then become the designers of our happiness, and begin to lead a fulfilling life.




Recommend links to help you.


Astrology Karmic Love readings for you today.

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home


Live Tarot readers for you today.


Desktop Tarot, books, cards and more - for you and your friends.




photo courtesy Yann - Wikipedia commons - Enfants dansant, Journée internationale de la Paix 2009, Genève.

How do you or I find a support group you can trust?

Not all support groups are alike

Certain beliefs and customs unite, as do the rewards of ego importance and money.

Most are hierarchical, some democratic, and some in between.

 Some groups have "ordained clergy"- or the authority, and others do not.

Some large national groups offer memberships to individuals, or franchises to those running their divisions.

 If you get the impression that it is a business model - you are right. Whatever name is given, support comes from someone somewhere.

How to Avoid the Wrong sort of Groups

There are many wonderful groups out there which encourage fellowship and growth in their members.

There are also some that are little more than a power-trip for some self-appointed "leader," or their minions with a personal agenda. The later kind survive largely by attracting naive and impressionable new members. The following tips may help you.

Don't confuse an organization within a religion with the religion itself. 

The Catholic or any other Church is not "Christianity". You can quit the Catholic Church and become a Baptist or another denomination, and still be Christian, and be OK.

You really don't need to join anything or profess in any sort of formal ceremony to be of a belief.

Before joining a group, ask questions about why a group holds a particular belief, or how it continues to fund itself.

Don't assume that just because someone has a fancy title, or presents well they know what they're talking about, and certainly don't assume that they are trustworthy. The most foolish of humans will use titles to lend themselves legitimacy, and importance.
Think of your most un-favourite banker or politician.


Avoid any group that pressures you to formally join before you're ready to make that decision on your own. They are showing you, that they need you more than you need them. You must maintain, or quickly develop the impression you are not their prey. it doesn't stop you needing them, or using or supporting their values if you agree with them.

Take it slow, don't take a life-long oath to a large organization! Think about it for a minute. If you take an oath to an individual, that person is directly accountable to you, whereas an organization is not accountable for its actions.

Sadly that is a major organizational methodology - work, courts, churches,  gangs, etc, etc, etc.

High ranking members can and will pass the buck down to the weakest, and avoid responsibility for decisions made by "the group"

How to Make Initial Contact

Firstly, compartment your life, not every person can be trusted with all facets of your life. Your body, your money, your physical health, your emotional life, your car, your pets. your partner, assets, and so on. You get the picture, every other person has one or more weaknesses.

If you can watch for a while. Notice who is saying what and whether you agree with their general philosophy. Some will reveal themselves as on an ego-trip, or in more need  than you.

Talk or write privately to the people you respect, and ask for their recommendations for local or national groups. Get several opinions, with specific questions.
If most of the people you respect point you in the same direction, you've probably found a group worth trying.
Chat to a representative of that group. and explain who recommended them and why you are interested in joining. If they sound OK, after a couple of times, the group might be worth attending until your needs are met,






pic courtesy of pdpnet-Piotr Siedlecki

What can I do to restore my love with my partner? Or is it even worth it all....

Deciding the value of being together

Definitely can- it doesn't usually take Viagra, hormones, alcohol, gifts, flowers, money, or even duct tape.
 Or even therapeutic help.

They all have their place of course.

*Don't use the duct tape to tie them up- most people don't like it, and you'll get in trouble. It is only meant to represent an idea of last minute patch-up/hold-together, etc.

As usual, if you have issues- it always advisable to seek the intervening help of your local trusted licensed professional. And get two or more opinions, asking the questions in different ways/taking notes, and a support person if you have one- etc. Stay safe.
Different churches have 'free' help- even if your not a current member - (they'll try and get you to join though - power does corrupt).

******

 Firstly- is it worth it? If you are reading this, you are seeing some value in the relationship, or your recalled feeling state.

• Some people are resistant to change, so if by changing you, is that acceptable? 

• Will that moderate the situation you're in? - or is this the best long term for you? 

• Is your partner leading you into damaging behaviors or lifestyles? 

• Where do think you might be in 15 years - and are you OK with that?

Take a while to work through these ideas in your mind first. 

It all could be worth it, or possibly you will be better elsewhere.

A good measure is fear - fear of alone-ness, or fear while your in the situation - this may mean you could be stronger in another place.

 It is your decision., think how you like things to go, giving consideration to your partner.

Here are 10 easy steps to get you started:- 

Do Be aware of each other’s triggers.

1.Partners will focus on the details of their problems with one another. As a result, they get lost arguing repeatedly over the particulars of who did or didn’t do what, to whom, when and where, how often, and so on. That does not help in the beginning - blaming is not an effective solution except to control.
Start with little things, if they don't like  you wearing your shoes inside or something they don't do themselves - just say - 'you could be right- I'll do ... that's OK with you isn't it?' - Little things like that matching of ideals are good. (If it is harmful- don't do it).

2. Accept that healing yourself is important.ways, learn to love and fully accept yourself, honour your needs and aspirations and life – and by doing so, you will increase the chances of healing your relationship – and the possibility of inspiring the other to improve for themselves. You have the ability to bring a calming presence to a situation which can create the necessary conditions for personal healing to take place.

3.When you take over another person’s behaviors, or emotional life, as if they were some kind of a fix-it project, it gets to be or is a power struggle. It does send a probably unwanted message, that you don't value the other as a person, or even their ability to do their own thinking, their capacity to master and handle upsetting emotions, etc.
No one likes being someone’s fix-it project (although it may be flattering;at first, it gets old soon enough).  As human beings, we seek to be accepted for the unique value we bring to life.

4.To break free of toxic relating patterns and restore some balance,start with these ideas that govern healthy relationships:
You cannot fix your partner’s behaviors or emotional states, you can only influence them- Your focus on fixing or healing one another (instead of yourselves) is, and has been the main problem - Your attempts to fix the other with angry outbursts, pleading, intimidation, guilt or shame, etc.,are,  and have been, the cause of much suffering. 

5.Healing your relationship with you is prerequisite to healing your couple relationship.
Give yourself  permission to improve yourself, and your responses to stimuli.
Be honest and seek support of safe persons you can trust.  Honesty is a key step in breaking the power of secrecy that toxic problems often feed on. You need to be willing to see and admit the truth that something hurtful is happening or happened to you (or that you’ve been doing something hurtful to your partner). It may cause angry feelings toward the person who acted wrongly and took hurtful actions. It may bring up anger toward yourself for allowing the other to take these wrongful actions (or for engaging in ways that hurt your partner).

If you are in a relationship with someone who is  physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive, is forceful or treats you more like an object than a person with feelings and thoughts of your own, or if this person uses threats of the same--create a distance (leave).

A safe person has the following characteristics, in that they:

• Do not judge, demean, belittle you, etc.

• Allows your highest good, growth, interest; and this is evident in their actions, in  how they treat you. 

• They maintain confidentiality, and never use what you disclose against you.

• Listens without giving advice – unless you ask for it, and even then respect your choice to apply or not, some or all of their advice.

• Believes in you, your ability to think and make effective choices.

6.Building honesty is about learning to deal with any anger in healthy ways, firstly, to separate healthy anger from toxic anger. Easy to do, by separating ‘the person’ who acted wrongly from ‘the actions’ of the person.
Healthy anger sees hurtful actions as wrong, and takes action to change, stop or move away from them. Stop listening or making excuses for hurtful actions. Safe = stay;- if not safe = leave, even to take a dog for a walk

7.Get comfortable with uncomfortable’ feelings. Many partners have bought into their life romantic pictures of ideal love, and enter their relationship with lots of unrealistic expectations. TV, films, and entertainment only (purposefully), add to the myths and misconceptions, making it all worse. 
Many partners expect to arrive at a place where, once and for all, there are no painful emotions of fear or anger, they stop upsetting each other, they perfectly trust one another, and they meet one another’s needs in perfect timing. It won't happen continuously. In truth, it doesn’t happen on earth, Venus or Mars, or any known place. Accept it. 

8.Vulnerability just happens in creating intimacy, and it's important to grow in the times when partners face their greatest fears, i.e., inadequacy, rejection, abandonment, etc.
When partners remain open to respond out of compassion, rather than fear, this creates a balance - called love.  Feelings of safety and love, are not made with triggers by any of insecurity and fear. Experiencing strong emotions from time to time is just part of life. Avoid keeping your feelings bottled up inside – and also avoid doing the extreme opposite. Blasting another with your feelings, for example, may be ‘expressing’ them, but it will not get the positive rewards you want. 
It’s in your hands to no longer use deceit, angry outbursts, anxiety or depression to control the direction of your life. 

9.Describe wrongful actions with action- or solution-words. Acting in ways that strip away hope or demean, humiliate, intimidate, or tear down another person, etc.,will erode and destroy your relationships. These abusive behavior patterns keep partners in a place of low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, etc; until one day they will leave or blow up like a volcano. People who use them often live in fear of getting the short end of the stick, and are ever on guard to make sure no one gets the best of them, etc. Perhaps these ones are past saving for you-(and me - except in a paid capacity).

You must use words in conscious ways, being aware of the power they have to activate emotional states – whether helpful or harmful ones.

• Use words to enrich or to make requests, and not for finding-fault.
   
• Stop all words that demean, tear down, find-fault, judge self or other as persons, and so on.
   
• Words are for building mutual understanding, communicating clearly, energizing a bright future, etc.
   
• Chose to use words that consciously increase mutual understanding, cooperation, kindness, clarity,  caring, compassion, hope and inspiration, and the like. 

10. Is it an ongoing choice to enrich life for self and other? That may be the determination of 'love'. You up to this date have each played a contributing role in the relationship, and now, as consciously aware partners, you must play an active role to stop, to change – and to move away from any defeating or toxic inter-action patterns, without being subservient Ultimately, in a healthy relationship, partners increasingly become ‘safe’ persons to turn to for support. It’s a healthy expectation and standard to set in your relationship. Each half  must, however, work to develop the ‘characteristics’ of good -above, and no free rides on this journey,- long term.


As in any success patterning -- think positive possibilities, take appropriate action, and more action, to break free of old habits (addictive relating patterns), and retrain the neural pathways of your brain to achieve your desired result.



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

Single Parents Dating Matchup sign up and Search for free.


Know thyself - life manuals




 *If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


pic courtesy of public domain