Controlling Parents - are they all the same? Why can't I have my own life as an adult?

Our Lives are both unique and tied.

Controlling Parents – How Ever Do You Cope?!!  You only want to stop being manipulated by your mom and/or dad. Just an ordinary problem free relationship or visits must be possible. Many adult children who have controlling parents, think that.

To recognize the unease you have is a very positive step forward in your life.


There are lots of stories, where the 'controlled' children remained out their influencer's reach, and then succeeded remarkably well in their lives. As many millions of dollars, pounds, or francs have been made by the distancing practice as have the family support model. Interestingly enough, predominantly - the dollars/pounds - rather than other cultural upbringings.


To get started, let us assume, you are an adult trying to make your own way in the world- 


1- Let go of your need to please your parents. We do grow up seeking approval, affirmation, and love from our parents, and that really is OK. Even as grown children, we may want them to keep loving us, approving of us etc.,  and that is why it’s difficult to confront them, when we don’t want to disappoint or anger them.
A secret for coping with controlling parents – or any toxic person in your life – is to recognize your need to please them, and let go of it. Or, at the least, learn how to observe it all in the third person.


2-Learn to recognize emotional blackmail. This is one of the best ways to take your life back, - (from any abuser in fact) - and you have started by your questions.
If you have controlling parents, you may recognize that they disguise their criticism with jokes at your expense, or by pointedly saying how well another is doing - seeming to try to make you feel guilty for past behavior, or constantly make you feel bad about your life.
They don’t seem to want to let you live your life! Before confronting difficult parents, it’s important to recognize and learn to deal with emotional blackmail.


3-Separate emotion from an action plan. An action plan says, "I want a better life, better relationships. and I will have it for me." You might have to do something you don’t want to do;-  change a job you enjoy parts of, move to a different place, set and stay with your boundaries, develop some assertiveness, and stand up to other  members of the family. All good challenges for you to meet.
It is easy to take your life back, and it’s effective.
Put aside the emotions of "I’m scared/tired/frustrated/miserable," - you were taught these responses for your parents benefit.


4-Stop wishing your parents less controlling, or different. These controlling parents are yours, and if you’re still wishing they were different, that is a good start, yet won't help your reality to change. Don’t  give up hope for a better relationship with your parents, as an adult you now have a different one.  They may continue to be overbearing, difficult, and so on....but really you are now an adult, and you are free to distance yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. Start a little today.


 5-Cut your financial ties to parents who want to control. Some parents use a supply or not of money to control you- which might be OK as a child, but instead of staying financially beholden, you might find ways to free herself and take your life back. A bank loan is definitely not ideal, yet if you are 200% sure it is worth it and you can pay the interest - fees - and - principal off - it could be worth the release - even if the money was originally a gift.
It’s not a 'gift' if it’s taking an emotional toll, and used as such. Or, if everyone agrees that the money isn’t owed (the mortgage help or baby food was a gift, for example), then sign something together, that states there is no money owing - and put it somewhere independently safe.This paper contractual evidence does help.



6- Services- If a big deal or drama is made over babysitting - usually- start a babysitting club with some trustworthy friends. If they are helping maintain your home, or lifestyle - get some friends around to do yours and the friends. Your parents must redefine their own lives. If a regular visit, or meal is a trial - leave the county, or country - and send lovely postcards or photos on that family day. Your mental health, and your overall well-being will remarkably improve.


7- Same house-/accommodation- Develop different hobbies, or at least something educational or creative, Udemy has plenty of good courses for in home study - that separates your life from theirs.
They will disapprove, that is their power and control technique - listen -empathize - and move on with your life.
Moving out may be a better option - they will complain - abuse - cry - gossip etc. etc.- you can allow them this; - again - observe in the third person -move on with your life. Then they can begin to move on with theirs.

Read - Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.

Then read or watch some harmless humour - and now begin to move forward in your life.


Are your parents toxic, and perhaps even destructive? A small percentage are, and they have a massive societal effect. Give up your expectations - it is your life, and you are allowed it. Assist them if you wish - that is fair enough - it helps them to feel as they have been acknowledged for the work in bringing you up. This is what most 'normal' parents are seeking.

 You must begin to 'rule' or take charge of your own life, it may be the healthiest thing you ever do for yourself.



Recommended links to help you...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

pic courtesy public domain

Eight qualites or 8 traits of a healthy relationship, that we all look for

To enjoy love and life

Yes, relationships do make our world. For better or for worse.

If we lived or were able to live in a world without people, it may not be so.

Sometimes, without just some particular types of people it would be good.

Yet the reality of the world, is that our ability to build, maintain, and enhance our relationships defines our 'success.'

There is a joy to life in a positive fulfilling relationship. And, of course, as many people find out, it brings so much pain when a relationship breaks down, with someone dear to you.

There are a few simple basics that determine most human relationships, and here's a list of the main eight, that make up healthy relationships.

1. Love. Now, this all depends on your definition of  love . We can do much to increase our chances of having terrific relationships—relationships that are fulfilling and exciting, rich with meaning, joy and love.
When you say you like someone, you are talking about how you feel. But when you say that you love someone, you are not necessarily talking about how you feel about them. Love is much deeper than a feeling. It is an action word. Love is a commitment we make to people to always treat that person with empathy, acceptance (you can accept the person - and not accept their actions or behaviour), and reasonable equality (fairness). This is the basis of all healthy relationships.


2. Serving Heart. One of the world's best communicators: - Zig Ziglar says frequently that - "you can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life." The primary concept he is talking about is having a heart and life that is focused on serving other people. Even though he uses it - as you should do too - as a recipe for success.The Christian Bible puts it this way: consider others’ interests as more important than your own. This is a good fundamental to a successful relationship, so long as you consider your own health first. A similar, but better thinking, is to mutually consider others long term interests, guiding them depending on there current abilities.


3. Honest Communication. In any good relationship you will find non-deceptive communication. Communication is important, because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. And this is a vital goal in good relationships—to communicate, to tell each other what we are thinking and what we are feeling. It enables us to make a connection, building the relationship and making it stronger.If we just communicate, we can get by. But if we communicate skillfully, we can go far in life!


4. Friendliness. Put simply, relationships work better when we are friendly with others. The fact is that the friendlier you are the more you are going to have people who want to pursue longer-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with you. So put on a smile, have a few kind words to say to others, treat people with friendliness, and you will see your all of your relationships improve.


5. Patience. Or tolerance of imperfectness. People are not perfect and most have been brought up differently in some way to us. A lot of relationships break down because people give up and lose patience; - all kinds - of friendships, marriages, business relationships, etc.Those who give up on relationships too early, or because the other person isn’t perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse or business partner will not be perfect either! As in fact they may not be. So we would do well to cultivate this skill and learn to have more patience.


6. Loyalty. Loyalty is a commitment to another person. Sadly, loyalty is often a missing element in many relationships today. Every modern generation after the 1950's has said that. Our consumer mentality has affected this to some degree. It is one thing to switch brands of dish-washing detergent. It is another thing altogether to switch friends. Sometimes we just need to commit to being loyal and let the relationship move forward. This kind of loyalty will take our relationships to a much deeper level. What a powerful and secure feeling of knowing that you have a relationship with someone who is loyal to you and you to them—that neither of you is going anywhere even when things get tough.


7. A Common Purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships is to have a common purpose, and oftentimes this is a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long-term, long-lasting relationship it is critical. Think about how many friends you have met through the years while working on a common purpose. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together—all while pursuing a common purpose—is what relationships are made of. Find people with whom you have common purposes and sow the seeds of great relationships, and then the long-lasting benefits will be amazing. 


8. Fun. All good relationships have some element of fun. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean loud, drunken, or noisy fun. Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship and that is important. This key element can be easily forgotten or neglected in our family and spousal relationships.The fun things we did initially in a new relationship after a while can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside, with the demands of life, and we stop creating the fun and smiles. So remember to consciously craft fun situations and moments, for these are the glue that hold our memories together and make our lives sweet. It can be fun in business too, and you will prefer to do business with the successful who are more pleasant to be with.


There are a lot of ingredients in successful, long-lasting relationships. Each of these eight parts brings easy rewards to your relationships. Let’s begin to focus on improving our relationships in these areas and see what miracles occur!


Recommended links to help you.....

Discover the ideas to achieve your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Unlock the power of you, and better personal relationships with help from Zig Ziglar.



Spiritual click- meet your soulmate



Connect with Christian singles now.







pic courtesy of  pdpnet Vojko Kalan

Becoming a better leader as a secret to getting what you want in life

Leadership in the sandpit of life.

A Leader is generally someone who encourages others to follow, or even better; - to move towards (one would hope) a worthy goal.  

 

By bringing out the best in people, and allowing them to develop/learn/ and actualize actions and thought, they and their 'team' will achieve and surpass the goals - being of course well rewarded.  

Whether you want to be a leader of a group, or just to have and achieve good things for you. 

The qualities and traits (similar) of a good leader are really worth learning.  

With this knowledge, you can start a daily plan to improve things for you, and know who to avoid before you get trapped somewhere.   

Be it in any relationship; work, business, club, or personal. 

They have been said many times through out history- though now you must re-examine them to fit your success. This will save you time and life energy,(make your life easier) -  Here are a few ideas you can use to establish the personal character of a leader – before you sign on to them or their organization, or in fact where you yourself can change.

Remember = good leaders get rewarded well long term. 

Let us measure some of these traits of good leadership.

 

1- What is their track record like? It’s not just about wins and losses or whether they have been successful; it’s about how they have adequately achieved what they have said or seemed to achieve.
Do they have a history of winning at all costs or would their followers take a bullet for them?

2- How do they treat people who can’t help them? An easy way to determine the character of a leader is to take note of their behavior toward individuals who have no power or no ability to help them succeed in their current endeavors.
In observing them are they talking down to lesser souls? Your turn is later. Also be aware of the profusely charming one, they use this as a cover - easy to see through them after they've had a bit to drink.

3- Do they have any interest in what you want out of the relationship?
Good leaders view working relationships as mutually beneficial and with a view to the long term.

4- They take the time to discover whether what you want in the long term will be possible or aligned with the values of their own business.

5- Poor leaders tend to want what they perceive you have or can do for their business, whether or not it is aligned with your personal goals and values -- and sometimes even without your permission.

6- How do they treat people who leave their organization? Do they discard people who no longer matter to them? Great leaders take a long term view of relationships, don’t burn bridges and leave doors open.
 Poor leaders don’t waste time on relationships which they see of no benefit to themselves.

7- Do they show good judgment when it comes to the fit of the personalities, abilities, and beliefs?
Good leaders understand the importance of interpersonal ‘fit’ amongst the people who work for them. Whereas poor leaders tend to adopt an “if it doesn’t fit, force it” approach, so long as they get what they want.

8- Are they generous and honest when it comes to giving credit to others? Good leaders pay authentic compliments and praise the work of their staff in specific terms.
Good leaders don't need to take credit for the work of others, because they are not insecure, envious or threatened.

9- Great leaders understand that what makes them great is the way that they facilitate the success and recognition of others.  Poor leaders find subtle (or even not so subtle) ways to take credit for the work of others. They imply that they had something to do with the successes of others. 

10-Do they micromanage? The best leaders surround themselves with good people and then allow them to do the things they do best and most enjoy, within the guidelines.

11-Great leaders know they don't have all the answers and inspire trust by trusting those around them to do what is expected.

12- Poor leaders demonstrate controlling and maybe even bullying behaviors.
Poor leaders feel that they need to control the flow of information and try to place themselves as the funnel of information to and from their team.

13- Is there any sign of  a classic offering of bait and switch?  Good leaders don't paint a picture that doesn't measure up to scrutiny, or offer false promises.
 
14- Poor leaders will do so, or will say what they think you want to hear to get you on board; however, once they have you committed, or are writing the paycheck, quickly reveal that you've signed on for something else and demonstrate that they feel they hold the whip hand in the relationship. 

Very much like an abusive domestic relationship.

15- Do they invest in employee development, whether or not it’s related to current projects or job responsibilities? Do they encourage learning, or decry it? Or reduce the time you have for it by subterfuge or focused overload?

16- Great leaders – leaders worth following – invest in developing others around them, even if it might mean that the individual will leave for another opportunity.
Great leaders know that investments made in their team will pay off in real results as well as greater employee job satisfaction and loyalty.

17- By contrast, poor leaders tend to invest only in things which will (only) bring benefits in the here and now, and which primarily benefit themselves as a leader of the business.

If you are considering a new position, relationship; or just evaluating your life plan - take the time to get to the heart of what it is that the other person values about others.This is the easiest way to determine someones approach to life.

Everyone wins in any relationship or organization characterized by good leadership.


From this you can see - very very few people make the grade - is this country it is about 1 in 300-500 people have the ability to become a leader, and about 1 in 2,000 to 3,000 that practice their abilities.
Which is evidenced by their lack of long-term security, and wealth.

You must improve yourself, and create a financial, emotional, and physical distance from the poor leaders as quickly as you practically can. You would not fly in a plane with a poor captain, or travel in a ship with a habitually 'out of it' captain -this is your life and the consequences are similar - good or not comfortable journey - be aware of where you want to end up.

It is up to you be the leader in your life, if not in your organization or life relationships. This will remarkably improve your life circumstances.



 Recommended links to help you.....
 

The Motivational and inspirational master of the century. Les Brown.  
 

Prosperity and a better life - easy techniques from Mindmint







Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.


Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -


photo courtesy of public domain - burning well photos

Building a better life for me - using a simple group of self action ideas.

Taken from an Icelandic idea of years ago. In Iceland, the poet and farmer Sveinbjorn Beinteinsson and a group of friends… formed the association known as Asatruarfelagid,

“the fellowship of those who trust in the ancient gods”…

Even ignoring the esoteric framing, - The virtues proposed are perfect for today- and excellent ways of viewing life, and enjoying its fruits and rewards.

The Nine Charges, or 9 Noble Virtues:

1: Courage
 The word "courage" arises from the Latin word for "heart," and it suggests that you are brave.

You can be brave physically, yet here it means standing up for what you believe, even when it would be easier to keep quiet.
Courage also means doing what you believe is right, or refusing to do what you believe is wrong, even when other people minimize you, or your 'friends' choose other ways.


 2:Truth
    The virtue of Truth is pretty simple. It basically means that you don’t tell lies. and to never do anything that you aren't comfortable telling people about. Part of practicing truth is being accountable.
Pretend you are being watched all the time'- a God, or gods, or mastermind philosophy of thinking, will do wonders for you.


3:Honour and respect.
     Allow others to feel an earned respect for a particular action or for the way they lead their lives. Your personal sense of honour (self respect), is to live by the standards you believe should earn you respect from others. You will never need to be ashamed of what you have done.

Respect others' rights and beliefs, and keep your word. Sometimes that means that you'll have to think before you make a promise. If you're not sure you can do something that you are asked to do, it's okay to say no. If at work - you'll have to put your best effort in, and organize help where needed.


4:Fidelity and Loyalty.

To be faithful or loyal to a person, to a group of people, or to an idea. However, fidelity does not include doing something you believe is wrong. The important part of practicing fidelity is to be careful about who you give your loyalty to. If a group you belong to does not support your doing what's right, you need to get out of the group, and be faithful to your own ethics.

   
5:Discipline, teaching and learning

 There are patterns that are worth learning to fit. and also that the way you learn is to change your actions to fit these successful patterns.
The reward is that you make your life better so that the end result is worth the process. The most important discipline you practice is self-discipline.


6:Hospitality, or being part of a community.

In the ancient Norse world, and many original societies, hospitality meant opening your house to travelers and treating people who came to visit you with the same kindness and respect as you give your own family.
**Do be careful, this a philosophy of attitude - there are many in the world that will harm you, as well as good people.

The idea was that we do better by helping each other and when you treat others like they are your family, with kindness and respect, life becomes easier. The other side of hospitality is behaving well when you are a guest in someone's space. It might mean avoiding a fight with your cousin or helping the younger children get something to eat at a family gathering. In general, if you treat other people the way you would like to be treated, you will be practicing hospitality.


7:Industry, or working to accomplish.

Doing more than the least you can get by with, in work, play, and life. Do the best you know how, and take pride in doing it right, whether or not other people notice that you did more than you had to.

8:Self-reliance.

 Another word for self-reliance is responsibility, especially for yourself. Being self-reliant does not mean that you don’t get help from others. as much as you can, you need to be independent of the help of others.And when other people really need help, you do what you can, and teach them to be able to do it for themselves next time.

 
9:Perseverance
 Is the virtue of keeping on until you finish the task. Perseverance means getting up and trying again or trying another way to do what needs to be done, and learning new skills and abilities.
No one can beat a combination of ability and perseverance. And if you fail sometimes, that's OK, It's the people who fail and learn, and move forward that do succeed in life.

   
The habit of practicing these virtues will help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 

Besides, who wouldn't want to be noble? You can be.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -



 

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.








 Plan your next escape to Iceland; - or you choose where to - with Webjet.

    (Acknowledgement: https://twayneheeter.wordpress.com/ and Lew Stead’s The Value of Ásatrú ; as the original inspiration for this article.)

photo courtesy public domain

The goat and the rose bush -- a story of human nature

Goats love just being themselves.

This is both a story of goats' behavior, and of human nature- read on to learn.

Goats are the most wonderful of creatures, intelligent, agile, investigative, and responsive.

 They love company, and with that security show an admirable attitude of independence.

Goats being goats, prefer foraging in places that are interesting, being attracted
 to the sights, scents, and activities of places people may be too.

Meaning your planted trees or gardens; they having watched you carefully tend these, they begin to think -'this might be good', and of course, you have tended these beauties just for them.

If they are in a fenced area, their primary mission in life is to seek the areas outside that fencing; if they notice a fenced area that they may not be allowed in, it is theirs to make their way into.
If they are tied up, there aim is to become released.


They will, watch for you, if you are in their sight and leave, they will seemingly casually make their way to your garden, and begin - and notably probably finish off the the parts they have pre-selected.
And a few more for measure, then they'll move away - as if to say -'It wasn't me.'
If you chose to sleep in a little longer, as the sun warms the ground, they will naturally use this time effectively.

Effective boundaries are really the only way to stop it; no matter how much they are educated of right and wrong, they still will pursue the rose -  and change the landscape as they desire.

How many lessons for you life can you see in this story?

There are positive attributes of always seeking, independence, persistence, awareness, looking out of standard boundaries, finishing what you started, - while you have the chance, giving the appearance of being cool/calm/collected, taking chances, appreciation of a value, and using your time wisely etc etc.

Of course there are negative aspects too. Choose the attitude/lense that you think will help you.


 Focus on building your self esteem by realistically identifying your good qualities - The goat does. 

Recommended links to help you.

Farm, Home, Yard & Garden Tools and Supplies from Farm and Home supply.

Pedigree Goat breeders software from zooeasy - the ultimate program for breeding and raising goats!

pic courtesy of publicdomainimages

Repairing self-belief - Breaking patterns or restoring self trust .....

The start of a new year to many is the start of a new page, a new blank slate that can be filled up in any way they want.

A new year will bring new choices, new opportunities and new adventures.

Thoughts are- “this year I am going to…..” with huge plans of immediate results.

Changes are planned in journals diaries and notepads throughout the world.

As life didn't really know about the new year, things still continue to arise, to stall, or reroute your planned story.

Your promises to yourself fall one by one to the wayside. And this year seems to become a new version of the one before.

And when you don’t do what you promise yourself, you begin to damage the relationship with yourself- as you would do if you promised someone else You damage your self-trust.

Of course if you voiced your goals to 'friends' and family, they'll take a great delight in holding you at a lower position -as it allows them to feel comfortable too.

Questioning yourself about the wrong will only keep yourself f in the place of weakness, of feeling at fault.

Instead of accepting it, – start asking different questions of yourself.

I grew up receiving the message that I was not that important. My feelings were invalidated and were discounted in action; this did cause some belief systems to develop that affected my self-care and self-love. Learning then, that I was not important led me to discounting myself.

This is a technique many an adult abuser uses as well, to maintain their control.

A while ago this led to putting myself and my needs last and to breaking agreements that I made with myself to appease others.

When I first noticed that I was doing this and that I didn’t actually trust myself because of it, my solution was to stop making agreements with myself.

That didn’t work out to be the best answer, because the message that I was giving myself was this: If I can’t keep agreements with myself I won’t agree to anything at all.

To change, you must start with small achievements, that fit your circumstances - come up with one per week, and apply it for 4 days, then a week, and then choose a new one to add to your repertoire - supply of your own life skills,

 a few examples to try:-

• I awoke 30 minutes/ 1 hour (whatever suits you) early today
• I got out of bed and ..... 30mins/1hour early etc
• I got to work 5/30 minutes early -that was easy
• I made $10/$100 more today/this week (profit)
• I walked/ran/cycled x miles/km today- rain or shine.
• I encouraged one unknown before person today 
• and so on.

The secret is to avoid communicating your plans/achievements until they are physically obvious as a routine, and to start small- no matter of your capabilities.

The starting with tangible choices allow you to measure your successes easily - this will naturally bring about feelings of 'I feel good- I feel amazing- I can do this' etc.

I seriously suggest to go back and read and do the Ben Franklins 13 Virtues on this site.
It will bring you nearly all the changes you desire in self growth.

The idea - is to change your preconditioned protective neural patterns. (in big words)

Develop in yourself a new patterned track or path way that you will easily and naturally revert to, similar to the philosophy of successful training programs.

If the army or other group can do it, with the variable quality upbringings of their conscripts - you will very easily succeed, given your desire for you. 




photo courtesy of public domain.net

Money can and does buy happiness and contentment - no matter what your leader tells you

A meeting of successful minds

It, as well as an artificial - or real depending on your circumstances - pressure, is a resource used as a token of exchange in a hierarchical society.

In Roman times we had Caesar and his associates, then the progression of kings, queens, lords with their hangers on, and today much the same.

With an elevation of status (above you - it seems) of royalty and their ministers, priestesses, priests and gurus of types - the magic system continues.

So the reality of the system is that money is important; - and as a means of exchange. By not having access to an amount (note the ability to extract a tithe or tax by the above mentioned), you are placed as a heretic, an outcast in society.

The power for you is in the marshaling of the resources - whether others use it for good or bad, it is up to you to use it as you see good.

There will always be froth at the top of the good, there will always be the the worst of society employed by large organizations - the inadequate persons of life both gravitate to - and are taught to belong there.

It is important for you, to put aside both that thought, and somehow that the use of, or your control of this resource stream is not for you - it must be, for you to survive, and do well. You alone know what is best for you.

Expectations are why one person can be poor but still proud, independent, and reasonably content while the guy or gal next door is merely content to slide into a swamp of misery, blame, and dependence.

The power for you is in the marshaling of the resources - whether others use it for good or bad, it is up to you to use it as you see good.

If we feel we can make important decisions about our lives and carry them out, we're more likely to be happy in ourselves.

Even people who've been rendered poor by disasters, theft, financial mistakes, or abuse are better off when they can think, "Well, maybe I put myself here and maybe I didn't. But in any case, I can now choose how to respond to the situation I'm in." We always have that choice given time. We can use our appreciation of the situation to act in our best benefit.
To dramatize the negative is a deceit used in the bag of power tricks – by making someone powerless, the rescuer/persecutor in fact now is rewarded - money or ego.

If a "poor" person who has chosen material poverty for religious reasons, to pursue adventure, to live a simple life, or to avoid paying high taxes may actually feel they have more and better choices because of their lack of .
Conversely, a well-off person who yielded to a pressure to become a lawyer, or marry the "right" spouse, or pay a big mortgage in a country-club neighborhood may feel eventually trapped.

Expectations – generally our own -for ourselves, either to fit in or be accepted - ultimately dictate our happiness or contentment in our life.


The genetic theory of happiness, is a very minor factor; as an example – if you were to walk a path through a small unformed grass track daily – it will change to be formed. And the natural way.
So you can teach yourself to react/respond in the way best for you by beginning and continuing until it becomes natural for you.
It is like saying women are better than men, or blacks better than whites.
The physical attributes are in fact different - the power is in the using. The thinking (success) patterns can be formed.


Think of a happiness set point as being like a thermostat. If your happiness is "set" to the equivalent of 16 (60 F) degrees, then you may sometimes be "warmer" and sometimes "cooler," but you'll always return to that setting.
If your set point is 22 (72 F), then you'll still have ups and downs, but you'll always return to a "warmer" state of happiness.

But we also have the ability to change the settings on our personal "thermostats." If you were born with a low set point, you can choose to be able to raise it.


So -your thinking what does happiness and contentment have to do with money? Well as before - put aside that the sky is falling in - the country/people/world you live in is not at your expectation level.


It is a good and noble pursuit for you to be passionate about - only those you wish to control you for their own reasons of fear, or power secondly;- will try to teach you to believe otherwise.


Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.


  
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.








Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -







Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-  

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

The Tarot helps - use it; - used as it is meant to be, it is another tool in your magic chest for getting what you want in life. It does make it easier for you.



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Having the home team advantage and using it for your benefit

Creating your own advantage

How is it that you hear about people that make a complete reversal in their lives, and overnight become very successful, happy, and fulfilled beings.

Perhaps the reason this is so fascinating is that it happens so rarely.When it does happen, on the outside, the major life change is related to a career, location, mate, or some other important aspect of the person’s life. Inside them the progress has been going on unseen.

Making good decisions regarding these different areas of your life is an important factor in your success. In most sports, there is something called the home team advantage, which means that when a team is playing at home, it tends to perform much better than when they play away. 

When a team is at home, it is where it practiced, and is encouraged. cheered. and is supported by the spectators, whereas visiting teams are often booed. 

Consider this explanation from Wikipedia:

'In most team sports where the concept of home and away stadiums is found, the home team is considered to have a significant advantage over the visitors. Due to this, many important games (such as playoff or elimination matches) in many sports have special rules for determining what match is played where.......'

The home team advantage is an important concept in sport, and it is a proven factor in how well teams do. If this concept applies to teams, how do you think you can apply it to everyday life?


 When a team away from home scores a goal, people boo or do not make the team feel validated for its efforts. When the team away from home does something wrong, people may cheer.

 The psychological message transmitted is that people only approve of the team away from home when they are doing poorly.

Your success in your career and in your life can be affected by whether you are living, working, and associating with which crowd.

What generally separates people who do not have all the gifted attributes of success is the sheer determination and self-belief inside of them. 
Having heart and drive can make all the difference. If you are going to reach your full potential, you must possess heart and drive. This is something that wins, despite any uncontrollable obstacles that may arise.

Heart and drive can be killed, though, if they are not supported. The best thing you can do for yourself is to put yourself in a position where you are supported, where you have the home team advantage.


When you trace the cause of someone with a lot of potential falling behind in life, when you see sickness and ill health, when you find people not trying hard enough, when you see failure and despair, generally somewhere along the line you will find someone who has been negatively affected and otherwise discouraged by people somewhere along the way. 

I am sure there are some people you know who seem to have problems all of the time: Things go wrong for the person wherever they go. They get in auto accidents; they accidentally break things; they have all sorts of health problems; they make stupid mistakes and get fired from jobs; people around them have all sorts of issues as well. I have known many people like this.

• Have you ever known someone whose friends and associates are always getting sick? and/or
• always having accidents?
• getting into trouble?
• in crisis?
• having financial problems?
• always losing their jobs?
• always unhappy?

I have, and I urge you strongly to move away, from these people - you can support them - but at a physical or emotional distance. 

The continuous stream of negative results and their reactions to it have become their identity.

You have the ability to set the stage, and determine the supporting cast in your own life.

If you are spending time with a person who is invalidating your efforts and your life, the odds are you will be negatively affected. Similarly, if you are around someone who is constantly validating you and giving you approval, you may benefit tremendously through your association with this person.

I have known of many people throughout the years who were closely connected with someone, whether it be a parent, friend, partner, or someone else. 
The person they were connected with had a huge fear of the person leaving them, and therefore their personal interest was in keeping the person down, making sure that the person did not improve, or change, to such an extent that they could ever leave them. 

A parent who does not want his or her child to go away from home show all sorts of illnesses to keep the child around and may also discourage any of their efforts at self-improvement. A parent who has the need to feel superior to his or her child may also keep the child down in subtle ways.

In personal relationships, a man or woman may discourage a mate from trying to get a better job, looking better, and so forth, for fear that this might lead to separation and abandonment. 

This person might relay negative feedback about his or her partner’s accomplishments but hold back positive feedback or information that is likely to be helpful.

The objective of such people is to keep other people down. People can hold you back by direct means, and they can also do so through indirect means. For example, a friend or significant other who does not compliment or notice the positive things that you do, or who always finds fault in the positive things that you do, can have a very traumatic effect on you in the long run. 

Making you self-conscious of your faults and always pointing these out can also be a seriously negative influence. Relating about nothing other than negativity, impossibility, and so forth can also have a very negative effect on you. If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is probably time to evaluate your relationships.

Remember of the home team advantage - you have the right and power to choose supporting players, an even playing field, and a space that is bright - that allows you to be in your best light. 




 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.






Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.


Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -



 

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

photo courtesy of public domain

It is my life now,not yours ! - thoughts on starting over

The most important thing we need to have is clarity about what we want to do with our life.

If we are not an emotional place that we are thriving in - have we really been honest in our initial self assessments. (I'll talk about abuse later.)

To have some power to create events that help us, we had better be open to some learning, from the right places.

Choose your teachers wisely, for the results you want, not what someone wants for you.

At this point, you are ready to move forward in your life - take note of the following ideas.

 Ask some simple questions of yourself - How do you want to live your life? Ten and twenty years from now, when you look back, what kind of life will you want to see? Even further, when you look back in your 80s or 90s, what kind of life would you like to see?

Forget the things for the moment, use the vision of how your life will be: - A very strong technique is to envision a group in your imagination, with you, say at the same table- talking about how it is, and how well it's been for you, all.

 Sadly, many people live according to what other people say to them or expect of them. Another month or year passes and a new item in their life, which is upgraded the next year  - and the cycle goes on.

When we have that clarity about our life, it is a lot easier. We don’t live according to what the trends are or what everyone is doing. We are aware of them, though let the trends work for us, not us to buy into them.

Develop a sense of what you accept in life, and allow only that in. In simple terms a diet has often been broken by one hamburger, or one bar of chocolate. A learning process, that I'm afraid -works for most people and animals.
Allow an accepted experience in, and it becomes acceptable if the walls/boundaries are not there.

Anger is one sign our boundaries have been invaded.Anger in itself is a healthy response to threats to ourselves, our identity, or abuse. Yet, many of us know the dire consequences we will face if we dare express that anger. To survive, some of us have become masters at repressing anger.

The anger itself is good- it is a signal- it is now up to you to use that signal to change things for the better.
Much as we might think opposing force is natural - it may not get you what you want long term.

Everybody tells us to leave, but neither is that the optimum answer. No one action will fit all situations.
Pick your heroes/mentors well, and even if they are not with you at the time, you would have asked yourself - how they would have dealt with the situation.

And go briefly back to the event in your mind later, and ask how can I do it better if it happens again - or what led to it, do I want to change that.

You can see again the advantage of knowing yourself. You do have to work within your regimes laws.

Evaluate yourself under the following, now - and then regularly - initially nightly, then weekly.

(It is from Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues - a long time ago - use it -it will guarantee your success- it has mine--you do need other stuff as well)

1.    Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2.    Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3.    Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4.    Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5.    Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6.    Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7.    Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8.    Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9.    Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10.    Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
11.     Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12.    Waste no time on sex as an  escape
13.    Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

The idea is to help us make an accurate assessment of our progress - to know when we do and when we don’t - need redirecting.


The idea isn’t to bludgeon ourselves with the abusive person’s favorite weapon:....  “you aren’t good enough.”


The consistent message  is that you are good enough, some modifications will make your live go in the direction you want.

We must consider our-self strong, courageous, and resilient, able to create our own reality in the savannah of life.

photo courtesy public domain

Why do people change Beliefs? Or do they......

Symbols of no change

"Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is." ~ Bhagavad Gita
  
Beliefs are about how we think things really are, what we think is true, and therefore what we expect.

According to many, you can pre-suppose that  a result will occur, and work towards modifying your behaviour to get it to happen. 

Beliefs are valuable resources, generalizations that people use to give themselves a sense of certainty and a basis for decision-making in an apparent uncertain and ambiguous world.

 Even ancient man and women liked the predictability of the seasons.

Some basic ideas: 

 

•     You beliefs operate on a subconscious level
•     You may mistake your beliefs for the truth
•     You see what you believe to be,

 Five Unconscious Mind Controlling Values - Different people prioritize them differently.

1.     The quest for more knowledge
2.     The desire for empowerment
3.     The desire to  express your unique abilities, or talents; and be recognized for that.
4.     The need for love
5.     The desire for power to feel secure and safe

    An organized setting often meets the security needs – most people  have been trained to like to have rules, policies, regulations, systems and detailed plans to help them organize their lives


What Do You Believe About Yourself?

Many of the limitations you face in life are self-imposed. What you believe about yourself can keep you locked behind your fears or help you forward into living your dreams.


"We are what we think," taught Buddha.

"Change your thinking, change your life," said Ernest Holmes.

"If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right," advised Mark Twain.

Think of yourself as a work in progress.

Define and Prioritize Your Values

The first step is to clarify your values. You ask yourself, “What values and virtues do I most admire and wish to incorporate in to my life?” If you want to discover your strengths in the work world, first you would define your values as they apply to employment. Often, both companies and individuals will choose values such as integrity, quality, respect for others, service, profitability, innovation, entrepreneurship, and market leadership.

The second step is to use those values to define your position with regard to your life and work. The values you choose, and the order of priority you place on your choices, will determine your approach to your life and work.

The Power of Positive Beliefs

You see what you believe. You attract to yourself those experiences that match your existing belief system. Change your thoughts to improve your life and expand your mind. Replace beliefs that are hindering your development with positive ones that will help you.

What you create through your thoughts is a belief system, and that belief system is ultimately what determines whether you live a successful life. The key to changing your belief system is changing your thoughts.

 Orison Marden wrote in How to Get What You Want,-
 "Stop thinking trouble if you want to attract its opposite; stop thinking poverty if you wish to attract plenty.  Refuse to have anything to do with the things you fear, the things you do not want." Instead you must think rightly about those things you want to attract. 
Mark Shearon once posed a very enlightening question to a telephone audience, "Are you thinking about what you're thinking about?" Read that sentence again and read it carefully. It's not a play on words.

  He goes on to write this passage about how much our thoughts influence the outcome of our life: "How often do we hear it said of some man, "Everything he undertakes succeeds," or "Everything he touches turns to gold?" Why? Because the man is constantly picturing to himself the success of his undertakings and he is backing up his vision by his efforts. By clinging to his vision, by vigorous resolution and persistent, determined endeavor he is continually making himself a powerful magnet to draw his own to him. Consciously or unconsciously, he is using the divine intelligence or force by the use of which every human being may mold himself and his environment according to the pattern in his mind."


Corey Rudl (1970-2005), the author of "The Insider Secrets to Marketing Your Business of the Internet", was an Internet marketing genius and and inspirational leader:.

Define your own success and live with passion. Corey's biggest frustration was that so many of his clients and subscribers just let life "happen" to them. I can't tell you how many times I heard him rant over the years, "They have dreams... but they don't set GOALS! Why don't they set goals and take action???"


You can learn anything... be anything... do anything- choose to begin to do that.

 
If you decide that your age, background, and education limit your potential, they will. But if you decide that you can do anything, you will...
What you regularly think has a direct impact on your health and your body. Because what you regularly think encourages your actions and non-actions which of course reinforces what you end up believing. In fact even your breath can be regulated by your reactions to events.

Change the way you think, you change your beliefs and you change your life.

Improve your life and your body by having a positive attitude and a positive belief system. With that in place you will live a healthier, longer life. Remember a growing tree.

Act to change your expectations of how things are, how things should be, and how things will be.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -



 

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.






photo courtesy of www.pdpics.com