A new year will bring new choices, new opportunities and new adventures.
Thoughts are- “this year I am going to…..” with huge plans of immediate results.
Changes are planned in journals diaries and notepads throughout the world.
As life didn't really know about the new year, things still continue to arise, to stall, or reroute your planned story.
Your promises to yourself fall one by one to the wayside. And this year seems to become a new version of the one before.
And when you don’t do what you promise yourself, you begin to damage the relationship with yourself- as you would do if you promised someone else You damage your self-trust.
Of course if you voiced your goals to 'friends' and family, they'll take a great delight in holding you at a lower position -as it allows them to feel comfortable too.
Questioning yourself about the wrong will only keep yourself f in the place of weakness, of feeling at fault.
Instead of accepting it, – start asking different questions of yourself.
I grew up receiving the message that I was not that important. My feelings were invalidated and were discounted in action; this did cause some belief systems to develop that affected my self-care and self-love. Learning then, that I was not important led me to discounting myself.
This is a technique many an adult abuser uses as well, to maintain their control.
A while ago this led to putting myself and my needs last and to breaking agreements that I made with myself to appease others.
When I first noticed that I was doing this and that I didn’t actually trust myself because of it, my solution was to stop making agreements with myself.
That didn’t work out to be the best answer, because the message that I was giving myself was this: If I can’t keep agreements with myself I won’t agree to anything at all.
To change, you must start with small achievements, that fit your circumstances - come up with one per week, and apply it for 4 days, then a week, and then choose a new one to add to your repertoire - supply of your own life skills,
a few examples to try:-
- I awoke 30 minutes/ 1 hour (whatever suits you) early today
- I got out of bed and ..... 30mins/1hour early etc
- I got to work 5/30 minutes early -that was easy
- I made $10/$100 more today/this week (profit)
- I walked/ran/cycled x miles/km today- rain or shine.
- I encouraged one unknown before person today
- and so on.
The secret is to avoid communicating your plans/achievements until they are physically obvious as a routine, and to start small- no matter of your capabilities.
The starting with tangible choices allow you to measure your successes easily - this will naturally bring about feelings of 'I feel good- I feel amazing- I can do this' etc.
I seriously suggest to go back and read and do the Ben Franklins 13 Virtues on this site.
It will bring you nearly all the changes you desire in self growth.
The idea - is to change your preconditioned protective neural patterns. (in big words)
Develop in yourself a new patterned track or path way that you will easily and naturally revert to, similar to the philosophy of successful training programs.
If the army or other group can do it, with the variable quality upbringings of their conscripts - you will very easily succeed, given your desire for you.
photo courtesy of public domain.net
