“I hate myself” is a critical inner voice that people of all ages struggle with.
You most likely don't hate yourself - maybe the activities that you do or not - that bring you to a certain situation, of seeming hopelessness.
Where then, do thoughts like these come from? Probably negative early life experiences.
Harmful views directed at us by parents,a group of friends, or other people we expect care from, are internalized to some degree.
Just as their positive attitudes toward us may help us to develop self-esteem and confidence, their more critical attitudes can crush us.
There is no useful value now, in blaming others.(It gives all the power to them- and so far they've helped you here).
They may be at fault, yet no one is perfect. Nearly everyone learns from their parents. and they can face challenges when they have children, as they have learnt mostly from their own past. For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just appearing tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother.
Whereas in fact it usually the adults life issue- then or carried through from before.
“How does hating myself affect my daily life?”
We're probably treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice. Don't- it is the wrong coach for you!When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless.
When we listen to our inner critic, we give it power over our lives.We become a "negative nanny", or naysayer - (not a markedly successful life attitude).
If you want a better life, change.
We may even start to project these critical thoughts onto others. We perceive the world through its negative filter, and question or criticize people who see us differently from how our voice sees us. Again it is what you have been told or taught by an authority.
It’s been engrained in us since early childhood, and we therefore often struggle; it is now time to change.
The critical inner voice is like an internal coach negatively commentating on our lives, influencing how we behave and how we feel about ourselves.
It has been put there to try and undermine our goals, and accomplishments:
-“Who do you think you are? You’ll never be successful!”
-“This won’t end well. Sooner or later you’re going to mess up.”
It’s there to sabotage our relationships:
-“She doesn’t really love you. You shouldn’t trust her.”
It’s even there to criticize those close to us:
-“Why does he even hang out with you?
There must be something wrong with him.”
Finally, this voice can seem self-soothing, encouraging us to act in ways that are self-destructive, then punishing us:
-“Go ahead, have that second piece of cake. You’ve had a rough week you deserve it.”
Later, there will be comments like:
-“You’re such a fat loser. How could you ruin your diet again?”
We listen to this critical inner voice, and if we mistake it for our real point of view, and we can believe what it tells us about ourselves.
*****It is a method of control - used by authorities - parents as well. By causing our self doubt, they create in us a desire to fill their wishes. We may tell ourselves off, to prevent the pain of rejection from another: - unless you are doing something really bad - in which case change- others views are not important.***
A clone is not as respected or valued as a unique being. Be someone unique.
“What can I do to stop hating myself?”
To stop our cycle of self-hatred and live free from our imagined limits, we must learn to challenge our inner critic, and over-ride it.Writing down your common response to situations- and a new positive (possibility focused) answer is a super way.
Or notice an undesired pattern- stop mentally, and think what is a better way.
Here is a simple one to start with:- If you are in a vehicle, next time you are the one left at the red stop light waiting- think "great, I'm in front...I'm the first one"; not your usual negative or blaming thoughts.
Starting with one or two thoughts that become habits, will create, that way of thinking for you, and bring both peace, and good things/circumstances to your notice.
It is actually OK for you to sort your own beliefs, values and ideals - no matter what your current associates, or your upbringing says.- you are in that situation because of you, or their support.
Think, and plan - How do you want to live your life? What do you want for your future?
As we pursue this goal of becoming our true selves, life only improves, as we do, the self denigration gets weaker and we become ourselves.
In some life situations we do need to take mental, or even physical time out.
Rather than alcohol,THC, or other substances - seek like minded forward/possibility thinkers -in a group, in a book, or look at the growing parts of nature.
*********
The following fable from AEsop- will help bring some thoughts of possibility when things are more than challenging.
The Crow and the Pitcher
A Crow, half-dead with thirst, came upon a Pitcher which had once been full of water; but when the Crow put its beak into the mouth of the Pitcher he found that only very little water was left in it, and that he could not reach far enough down to get at it. He tried, and he tried, but at last had to give up in despair. Then a thought came to him, and he took a pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. At last, at last, he saw the water mount up near him, and after casting in a few more pebbles he was able to quench his thirst and save his life.
Little by little does the trick.
photo courtesy of pdpics-KenKistler
