Feeling invisible in a world that is so hostile

man coming through invisible fog, from thorinus.blogspot.com

A clouded view of the world

Feeling so invisible in a hostile world

It all begins mostly, because, some parents do not take the time and effort to listen carefully to their children, and to discover a child’s thoughts and to explain to them the emotional reactions the child is having.

Of course from a normal parents point of view, they have their own challenges of the time, and often they never in fact learnt how to parent - possibly even their parents were 'flying blind,' and theirs before, and so on.

Instead, the parents manipulate (in negative terms) the children to get them to do whatever makes life easier for the parents.

Children learn to know what is happening, and they know something is not quite right.

Not understanding their parents trials, without guidance the children develop a black and white thinking of “My parents do not love me” and turn it around into the belief that because something must be wrong with them, they really do not deserve the love they so desperately need. Thus they will begin to tell themselves negative thoughts such as

I don’t deserve it.
I don’t belong.
I’m not good enough.
I’m a loser. (of course helped by their friends in the same boat)

These thoughts, unless diverted, get to be repeated over and over in the mind, to form a pathway of response to the- their world.

For example, if your parents became impatient and critical when you made a mistake in childhood you probably sank down into silent shame; but now, as an adult, you can say to them or to anyone else who is critical rather than helpful, “What are you being so mean to me for? Cursing a stalled car won’t make it start running again.”

The Abuses.

When an adult sexually abuses a child, the adult is really using the child as an object of pleasure in some way, a mere commodity to be used and then discarded afterwards, as they must in society.
Needless to say, being treated like a disposable item, to be eventually rejected,- can leave you believing that you are a piece of garbage. And in feeling that, especially if you lack social support from others, suicide can begin to appear like a fitting conclusion to—and self-inflicted punishment for—a worthless existence.

Emotional abuse can bring about feelings of cynicism, a contemptuous disbelief in human goodness and sincerity. And if you become cynical because you have been belittled so often, not only can you become a bully or a terrorist, but also you can eventually become so weary of the constant fighting against the world and its prejudices that suicide seems like a good idea.

Physical abuse increases feelings of hostility toward—and a disrespect for—authority. This can actually harden you to the point that you become cold and calculating in your interactions with others. But if anything ever happens to make you feel that your control of people or events is jeopardized, then, like a massive social disgrace, suicide may seem like your only escape.

(Don't take anything too much to heart -out of 17 billion people in the world not everyone is perfect).

A story-an excerpt-

The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien.. tells the story of a group of dwarfs, helped by a hobbit and, at times, by a wizard, who seek to recover the treasure stolen from them by a dragon generations ago.

They go on a long journey from the Hobbit’s home, across mountains, though a dark forest, and on to the Lonely Mountain under which the dragon has made its home in the ancient halls of the dwarf king.

During their trek through the forest, the dwarfs and hobbit, tired and weary from having run out of food, encounter a stream that must be crossed.They had been warned before not to drink or bathe in the the stream, because the stream carried spells of great drowsiness and forgetfulness.

Well, as they were crossing the stream in a small boat, a dwarf fell into the water. Almost immediately, he fell asleep. The others were forced to carry him in order to continue the journey.

Of the thirteen dwarfs, it was the fat one who fell into the water, and as the fat dwarf was often ridiculed for being fat and was the one who always came last. In fact, he was the last one to cross the stream, and, as he made his way up the bank, he was surprised by a deer, lost his balance, and fell into the water.
By falling into the water and falling asleep, he forced the others to carry him.He was heavy, and it took four other dwarfs to carry him on a sling between two poles. Even though he did not intend any of this to happen, he still managed to fulfill his unconscious desire to get revenge for his mistreatment. The others, tired and hungry, had to carry him while he slept and dreamed of delightful feasts in the woods.

The Implications for Today

The desire to sleep and be carried, just like a lot of addictions (e.g., drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, eroticism, video games, TV, movies and on and on), reflects, in one way or another, a yearning to escape from the emotional pain of life and to experience a secure safe place of comfort.

However the ultimate results may be manifested, the desire to escape from reality—to sleep, to disappear—carries with it the desire to be carried. It’s fundamentally an attempt to escape from responsibility. It’s never just a benign wish for peace.

The one who carries resentment always manages to hurt others—to disturb their peace—by making them carry him. That is the subtle deception.

The Cure

The real cure? Start by forgetting the illusion that you’re a “partner” in your own destruction. That placement of you in that role is a deceit, a thick smokescreen of victimization.
Yes, one “part” of your personality may be unconsciously seeking your destruction, but other parts of you do have the authority to listen to and bring the change you want.

Give yourself a respect and recognition that you may never get from the world, so that you take the first step toward your own healing. Take a few moments and listen to your pain and vulnerability with a curiosity and understanding—that is, with the love that you wanted from others.

Even children who are belittled—through no fault of their own—by their own parents, and who couldn’t defend themselves as children, can learn to reclaim their self-esteem as adults by “standing up” for themselves in asserting their human dignity with every person they encounter.

The world will always be not perfect—that is it's reality, it has been since before the ice age; The untrue illusion is that the world despises you. The world just is.

Gain some comfort by a purposeful activity, hobby, work, or writing. When this happens, you begin to feel an independent sense of self worth, and life's pleasures and happiness begin to arrive.

Some recommended links to start you on your better life.....