A Cult of just one! The covert abuser. - Protecting yourself against manipulation - Part 1 of 5.

The Cult of one.

Many people get involved in groups or relationships because of unresolved issues of the past. 
Which is only natural, as that is our primary learning method. A carryover of security seeking from our youth.
-----Often at times recreating a familiar, unresolved scene with newer characters later in life.

In this context - people who do this without much work and knowledge of the dynamics of manipulation, will be helpless to their natural inclinations and will possibly respond just as they did within the original settings.  

Time for that to change for you.

To escape the Influence, coercion, and manipulation.

Ignoring the many opportunists - particularly those we call criminals, who find ways of making themselves 'indispensable' during someone’s hour of need. Most people who find themselves in abusive situations will only occasionally get there by accident. 

• They either accepted or tolerated the behaviours
• the initial payoff was an ideal or necessity at the time 
• the promises of the future matched their dream or perceived ideal
• they had yet to learn the deceit of others
• they had yet to acknowledge their own equal rights - to themselves
• they have yet to learn how to communicate their needs without threatening the (immature) abuser
• they pretended to ignore or accept the excuses for the 'red flags.'

Cults can be large or small, and most generally have a guru that controls individuals or small groups of individuals. Sometimes a one-on-one manipulative relationship between two individuals shows all the same dynamics of a large cult.  Sadly, this can also occur when one leaves an abusive setting, be it work, religion, or relationship. When attempting to find support after leaving an abusive setting or circumstance, a person is very likely to encounter others who have the negative effects of abuse themselves. You must be careful to avoid getting caught up long term in a new cult relationship with other survivors, counselors, or other well-meaning people who do not have expertise in recovery from manipulation and abuse. Look for possibility people who are able to move forward without the emotions of fear/hate/anxiety.

A one-on-one cult is really a deliberately manipulative and exploitative intimate relationship between two persons, often involving abuse of the subordinate partner; commonly psychological, and emotional, many times physical - if not direct blows, health and stress induced trauma.

In the one-on-one cult, which we call a relationship, there is a significant power imbalance between the two participants. The stronger uses his (or her) influence to control, manipulate, abuse, and exploit the other.

The relationship may even be more intense than participation in a group cult since all the attention and abuse is focused on one person, often with more damaging consequences. Many marriages or domestic relationships where there is spousal abuse may be this way. If not, the habitual controller, will strip or demean the initially better person, so that they can have some power, - these people do leave clues -

• if their last partner committed suicide or developed nutritional health problems
• started drinking or started taking drugs or started gambling
• they've had a succession of people just up and leave them
• they talk badly about others
• they talk badly about their partner or previous life associates
• they favour their - particularly - horse, over people contact
• their children or parent/s are criminals

Do NOT get into a long term association with these people - they are repeat offenders, and you will never be safe. Quietly, and quickly fade away from their lives. Find someone else.

Other one-on-one cults may be found in bad boss/employee situations, in Christian churches, in therapist/client relationships, in prison officer/prisoner or interrogator/suspect situations, and in teacher/student environments.
Watch for the guru effect, especially from either;- a well presented, or poorly presented extreme.

The most common techniques used include - 

• isolation and the provocation of fear; 
• alternating kindness and threat to produce disequilibrium; 
• the induction of guilt, 
• or self-blame, 
• the creation of a dependency, 
• and enforced learned helplessness - as a way of survival.

The degree to which these features are present in a relationship affects the intensity of control and allows the relationship to be labeled one-sided or abusive.
 The similarities between 1- devotion, and 2- the traumatic bonding that occurs between battered individuals and their abusers are striking. 

An abused partner is usually made to, or influenced to submit to the following types of behaviors:

• early verbal and/or physical dominance
• sexual restriction as a tool, or sexual over domination
• isolation/imprisonment
• fear arousal and maintenance
• guilt induction expressions of love (for example - dependent on the number or frequency of chocolate bars given.)
• enforced loyalty to the controller
• promotion of powerlessness and helplessness
• expressions of jealousy
• hope-instilling behaviors
• required secrecy

 
The graphic below, shows their overall plan for you.

Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book -"..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

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Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -








Assertiveness training,& stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

 

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Manipulators use manipulation because it works - Resisting it. 9 Easy techniques to get your life back.

Fun or control?

To Resist or Leave? A good question.     When you feel like you are caught in a web of manipulation, your immediate goal is to stop being a compliant player in your controller's life game.
Whether this is a relationship, a nuisance neighbour, your supervisor, a government agency, Christian guru, work mates, or landlady, or a relative.

In the interests of your personal safety - you must be prepared. Do not be so vocal in your approach, as the other or others will quickly turn to violence, either physical or legal. Re-read The Miss Battles article, then come back here.

It is easy to win, as these people are always focused primarily on the short term - do think of them as a corrupt politician - and you will succeed.

Mostly their behaviour patterns come from a false sense of entitlement, combined with fears of maintaining or not their security - usually social image.
Once you are rested and in a better position, you can assist their change - whether it is as a payback or revenge, or a supportive repatterning.

The initial focus needs to be on you establishing some modicum of control over your life.

 There are two approaches to this goal: Resistance and/or Distance (either psychologically, or physical space, by leaving the relationship altogether).

A very easy, non threatening way is to insert a period of time between the manipulator’s request or demand and your response. Even a few minutes for a start - gives you a little power.
The 'graspers' of the world are not used to this, so have a valid excuse for a few minutes only first off. Then lengthen the gap as the days go on, and more requests come through.

Resist the urge to tell them off, or tell them to f*** off, as valid as that is - I've found it best to keep that until after you are safe, and away from them. As their social value as they perceive it - is their main Achilles heel - we can deal with them later, with that in mind.

Resistance

 

When you resist manipulative pressure successfully, you shift the power balance in the relationship. Most manipulators, are indeed passive/aggressive behaviour types. If not plain aggressive.
You are better than that, and you will pretend you are a resistance fighter in the war.  
Do not shoot them, or kill them - you will get in trouble - we have better ideas to resolve it - read on.
 Be aware that this shift in the power equation will alter the relationship and the behavior of both parties involved. Do not be afraid of this change, you'll get plenty of facial grimaces, poor verbalizations, cold shoulders etc...

You must keep your eye on the prize - you, and the value you have for society, and you. You can, and must re-claim your freedom, autonomy, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These inconsequentials have tried to use you as a stepping stone to look good.

Since you are going to, and will, initiate the changes and will hold your ground, the manipulator can choose either to adapt to your lead (behaviour modification) - or else remain stuck in a strategy that no longer works, at least as far as the relationship with you is concerned.

And many manipulative personalities simply do not and will not change, apart from finding another fresh target....

For such individuals, manipulation of others is their SOP - standard operating plan - their perfect way of functioning. ..

Remember, manipulators use manipulation because it works.

 

Stop helping them, you are allowed to look after yourself.

 

Distance yourself.

There are worse consequences than leaving or losing a relationship altogether. Certainly losing yourself for years, in the fog of manipulation - losing sight of who you are and what you really value, need and believe is the worst thing - and indeed the precursor of many a depression.

Remaining a partner in this manipulation, diminishing your self-respect or integrity, and losing your self-esteem is absolutely not on - and the inconsequentials will have started this process from the beginning.

Finally – and this is important – if your willingness to be manipulated costs you a relationship, That may be a good thing here.

Nine easy ways to Resist Manipulation

1- Take a little time.

Once you start to build in time to think about your options, your sense of control will increase day by day. You are not asking permission, you are just finishing something for you first. Again, the graspers, entitled, and pseudo-rich will not be used to this, so start small.

2- The Broken Record

A brief why is good, though as a statement;- do not have a conversation with the manipulator about why you need time, or what you are going to think over.
Acknowledge that you hear and understand the manipulator, but repeat your statement of  "I'll be there in a minute/hour..." just like a broken record.

3- Desensitizing Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

These have been their weapons of control, and they will get worse as the intensity in their mind increases. Lay off the alcohol, THC, etc for yourself; - go for a walk, read a comic book, think of your new future.
To resist manipulation effectively, you must learn to tolerate these possibly foreign and uncomfortable feelings.

4- Security

Start to develop your independence - especially food choices, clothing, haircuts, and income or money.

5- Labeling the Manipulation

Educate yourself, read the Lazy lawyer article, and know what is really going on. Do shut your mouth though, confrontation when they feel entitled will not be in your best interests. They will lie, deceive, and poison etc etc.

6- Disabling the Manipulation

To disable a manipulation, you need to state that you understand the manipulator’s goal, but that the manipulative tactic she is choosing to use will not work to accomplish that goal, and we should to come up with a better plan.

7-Setting Your Terms

It is not all about pleasing them, as much as they are used to this. Respectfully, start to take a few minutes a day for your own sanity.

8- Compromising & Negotiating

A manipulator is only interested in serving her own interests and her own ends. Left to his or her own devices, she will never be looking out for what you need or desire. And they will say you have to compromise, while he or she has no intention of doing so. It is now time for you to stand up for yourself a little, and/or get in an authority in their world to tell them to give you some slack.

9- Plan your Future.

These people do change, it needs you and all others in their life to stop responding in the ways you have done before, and needs at least one or two major consecutive negative emotional catastrophes at the same time as you being strong.

Consequently, you are better off to limit your exposure to these people - and significantly distance yourself, while you develop your inner sense of self.


Important; - A partnership is a healthy co-operation on meeting each of your respective needs and preferences, having talked about it equitably beforehand.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

 

 

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...


Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Struggling to get out of bed - All want to be is normal, or at least a normal life.

As the sun rises over the hills so do we.

Struggling to get out of bed every day—but you can’t make yourself do it.

You hide underneath the covers, avoiding life. All you need to do is turn off your alarm, get up, and go on with the day. Instead, you either let the alarm go on until it sounds no more, or you turn it off in a burst of energy, glad of the temporary relief. Wondering why you even set it, some duty perhaps. 

All you want to be is normal. To live without the difficult and huge emotions, and definitely without the downward spirals. The thought of waking up, over and over again, to a never-ending cycle of anger, hurt, and pain. Eventually, life seems to overwhelm, and thoughts come of it being time to end it.
As tempting as it is, you must know you have been intimidated- nicely or not- into that thinking situation. Someone is taking or getting advantage of you or your lower feelings - it is up to you not to give them that satisfaction, of you being where you are.

Part of what makes depression so depressing, is the crushing weight of pessimism holding you under. Nothing will work out, and everything is pointless;- pessimism makes it easy to believe that, as it seems the truth that we do have some control or prediction of, and offers a semblance of power.
What a terrible way to live life. Or to hide behind alcohol, or some drugs to numb the anger of it all, and the pain of feeling.
Involving yourself with bad people (you know, the kind you hope your kids never meet) makes you feel strong. (Not a good plan.)

On the flip side, an optimistic life is about believing in the best, through the worst.

Neither idea or attitude being the sole answer. It is best to use that subconscious anger to move yourself in a positive direction.

Depression stems from life choices/responses, and environment, not chemical imbalances alone. Fix the choices, fix the environment, and you’ll start to fix the depression.

The neuro chemicals are very important - get some regular activity going, or watch or read some harmless comedy - even a child's, for a start.

Do consider your nutrition and do something to improve it - some foods do have a negative effect.
Clean water, without masses of chlorine in it, (let it sit in a lightly covered glass container in a clean place for 10 minutes) , is infinitely better than soda pop or the cola drinks.(they do have chemicals in them, which are not good long term).  Or get a Water for Life USA water Ionizer - it works like your smart-phone.
Seriously - buy fresh and clean food, if you can afford it - buy, or go halves in a juicer,from amazon online, and have 1 -3 glasses a day, with your new nutrition program.

You have a choice to make: Let life and others lead you; or you lead your own life.
Reread that last line.

It’s a struggle to stay positive, and pessimism desperately wants to be in control. Your negative alter-ego is always ready to get on your shoulder, to whisper in your ear, "Isn’t life unfair?" And some people do knowingly and unknowingly help.

The thing is, life can be unfair. There are some bad people in the world. Life does get much easier, and happier, when you learn how to overcome negative events, and develop your possibility responses.

Useful ways to live life positively:

 

1. Replace the following phrases:

"Why me?," "Isn’t that just my bad luck," "It would only happen to me," and, "I just can’t catch a break." Words that make you a victim also make you a pessimist. A victim is someone else's pawn.
Stop using that thinking, and explore a feeling and questioning of wonderment and possibility.

 

2. Flip the switch off negativity.

The news, television shows, and the funny but mean viral videos, or denigrating comedians. Most consumer television or films actually. Turn off the radio, and now choose carefully music without words. Watch olden day comedies, or a modern day inspiration; - Les Brown is a good one. Negativity is an insidious disease, and it spreads through seemingly harmless mediums. The popular media is designed to unsettle you, and push you in a predetermined direction: - not yours.
Turn it off, now!, and select something better, there always is.

 

3. Refuse to be the misery promoter's companion.

Gently, but firmly, tell your partner/father/mother/family/neighbour/best friend/colleague etc., that you can’t follow their way just now. You want to explore some alternative ideas, and study them - this keeps you busy away from them, and is a legitimate excuse for you and them. Udemy online is a good place to start something new. Create at least an emotional distance from difficult people, they do have their own path.
You must avoid them, until you are stronger,- do make new friends, even temporarily, or find or care for a pet. Which pet books from Amazon.

 

4. Turn a disappointment around.

When you’ve had a disappointment or failure, go ahead and finish something else (anything). Complete a task that’s been on your to-do list, then another.
This will point you in a more positive, mindful direction, as you have now succeeded at something you have chosen. Then another one, and so on- choose small if needed- you are not after medals just now.

 

5. Be thankful for even the small stuff.

Be thankful you woke up, appreciate nature - good or bad. Thank your house, for providing warmth and walls. Thank your car or truck, for continuing to start. Thank your job, even though you might hate it, because it keeps you clothed and fed.
Slowly keep achieving more, but get in the habit of acknowledging life’s little achievements.

 

6. Make someone smile.

Compliment a shop assistant on their outfit, hold the door open with a smile for someone, or volunteer to help someone out of your normal circle. (Do take care to avoid the vultures though).


7. Get some paper or a journal.

Write a focus page or two of how your perfect life would be - only consider what you have control over (to have the perfect person or asset in your life is good - start to think about what can you change to get this to happen and then keep it) -soon after, draft some new ideas, and plans - then little by little put them to work, adapting as you go along. You can get nice ones from Amazon if you want. Keep it private.

Rewrite your history- it plays a huge role in how you view your life. You need not just accept life; you do have permission to intentionally live it.


Every Day seek the Good Life:

When you have work, home, and life, just maintaining the status quo is hard work. You say to yourself that there’s no time left to work on you. But maybe that’s an excuse. Didn't that thinking lead you to here? 
There must be a better way, mustn't there? There is; - go back and reread the whole post, taking notes, applying it to your life.

• You have to make time to find some good.
• You have to fight for your light at the end of the tunnel.
• Enjoy even part of today. And then more.
• At the end of the day, it’s about you and who you are in the world.
• It’s about turning off the negativity, whether it flows from your mind, your partner, or your TV.
• It’s about saying no to pessimism, and over-optimism, and yes to possibility.

Our ancestors had it right when they proposed that we:-

Turn your face toward the sun and all the shadows will fall behind you.

Recommended links to help you now


Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you.



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 



pic courtesy of pdp net

How do you or I find a support group you can trust?

Not all support groups are alike

Certain beliefs and customs unite, as do the rewards of ego importance and money.

Most are hierarchical, some democratic, and some in between.

 Some groups have "ordained clergy"- or the authority, and others do not.

Some large national groups offer memberships to individuals, or franchises to those running their divisions.

 If you get the impression that it is a business model - you are right. Whatever name is given, support comes from someone somewhere.

How to Avoid the Wrong sort of Groups

There are many wonderful groups out there which encourage fellowship and growth in their members.

There are also some that are little more than a power-trip for some self-appointed "leader," or their minions with a personal agenda. The later kind survive largely by attracting naive and impressionable new members. The following tips may help you.

Don't confuse an organization within a religion with the religion itself. 

The Catholic or any other Church is not "Christianity". You can quit the Catholic Church and become a Baptist or another denomination, and still be Christian, and be OK.

You really don't need to join anything or profess in any sort of formal ceremony to be of a belief.

Before joining a group, ask questions about why a group holds a particular belief, or how it continues to fund itself.

Don't assume that just because someone has a fancy title, or presents well they know what they're talking about, and certainly don't assume that they are trustworthy. The most foolish of humans will use titles to lend themselves legitimacy, and importance.
Think of your most un-favourite banker or politician.


Avoid any group that pressures you to formally join before you're ready to make that decision on your own. They are showing you, that they need you more than you need them. You must maintain, or quickly develop the impression you are not their prey. it doesn't stop you needing them, or using or supporting their values if you agree with them.

Take it slow, don't take a life-long oath to a large organization! Think about it for a minute. If you take an oath to an individual, that person is directly accountable to you, whereas an organization is not accountable for its actions.

Sadly that is a major organizational methodology - work, courts, churches,  gangs, etc, etc, etc.

High ranking members can and will pass the buck down to the weakest, and avoid responsibility for decisions made by "the group"

How to Make Initial Contact

Firstly, compartment your life, not every person can be trusted with all facets of your life. Your body, your money, your physical health, your emotional life, your car, your pets. your partner, assets, and so on. You get the picture, every other person has one or more weaknesses.

If you can watch for a while. Notice who is saying what and whether you agree with their general philosophy. Some will reveal themselves as on an ego-trip, or in more need  than you.

Talk or write privately to the people you respect, and ask for their recommendations for local or national groups. Get several opinions, with specific questions.
If most of the people you respect point you in the same direction, you've probably found a group worth trying.
Chat to a representative of that group. and explain who recommended them and why you are interested in joining. If they sound OK, after a couple of times, the group might be worth attending until your needs are met,






pic courtesy of pdpnet-Piotr Siedlecki

Feeling invisible in a world that is so hostile

A clouded view of the world

Feeling so invisible in a hostile world

It all begins mostly, because, some parents do not take the time and effort to listen carefully to their children, and to discover a child’s thoughts and to explain to them the emotional reactions the child is having.

Of course from a normal parents point of view, they have their own challenges of the time, and often they never in fact learnt how to parent  - possibly even their parents were 'flying blind,' and theirs before, and so on.

 Instead, the parents manipulate (in negative terms) the children to get them to do whatever makes life easier for the parents.

Children learn to know what is happening, and they know something is not quite right.


Not understanding their parents trials, without guidance the children develop a black and white thinking of  “My parents do not love me” and turn it around into the belief that because something must be wrong with them, they really do not deserve the love they so desperately need. Thus they will begin to tell themselves negative thoughts such as

• I don’t deserve it.
• I don’t belong.
• I’m not good enough.
• I’m a loser. (of course helped by their friends in the same boat)

These thoughts, unless diverted,  get to be repeated over and over in the mind, to form a pathway of response to the- their world.

For example, if your parents became impatient and critical when you made a mistake in childhood you probably sank down into silent shame;  but now, as an adult, you can say to them or to anyone else who is critical rather than helpful, “What are you being so mean to me for? Cursing a stalled car won’t make it start running again.” 

  

The Abuses.

When an adult sexually abuses a child, the adult is really using the child as an object of pleasure in some way, a mere commodity to be used and then discarded afterwards, as they must in society.
Needless to say, being treated like a disposable item, to be eventually rejected,- can leave you believing that you are a piece of garbage. And in feeling that, especially if you lack social support from others, suicide can begin to appear like a fitting conclusion to—and self-inflicted punishment for—a worthless existence.

Emotional abuse can bring about feelings of cynicism, a contemptuous disbelief in human goodness and sincerity. And if you become cynical because you have been belittled so often, not only can you become a bully or a terrorist, but also you can eventually become so weary of the constant fighting against the world and its prejudices that suicide seems like a good idea.

Physical abuse increases feelings of hostility toward—and a disrespect for—authority. This can actually harden you to the point that you become cold and calculating in your interactions with others. But if anything ever happens to make you feel that your control of people or events is jeopardized, then, like a massive social disgrace, suicide may seem like your only escape.

(Don't take anything too much to heart -out of 17 billion people in the world not everyone is perfect).



A story-an excerpt-

The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien.. tells the story of a group of dwarfs, helped by a hobbit and, at times, by a wizard, who seek to recover the treasure stolen from them by a dragon generations ago. 


They go on a long journey from the Hobbit’s home, across mountains, though a dark forest, and on to the Lonely Mountain under which the dragon has made its home in the ancient halls of the dwarf king.

During their trek through the forest, the dwarfs and hobbit, tired and weary from having run out of food, encounter a stream that must be crossed.They had been warned  before not to drink or bathe in the the stream, because the stream carried spells of great drowsiness and forgetfulness.

Well, as they were crossing the stream in a small boat, a dwarf fell into the water. Almost immediately, he fell asleep. The others were forced to carry him in order to continue the journey.

Of the thirteen dwarfs, it was the fat one who fell into the water, and as the fat dwarf was often ridiculed for being fat and was the one who always came last. In fact, he was the last one to cross the stream, and, as he made his way up the bank, he was surprised by a deer, lost his balance, and fell into the water. 
By falling into the water and falling asleep, he forced the others to carry him.He was heavy, and it took four other dwarfs to carry him on a sling between two poles. Even though he did not intend any of this to happen, he still managed to fulfill his unconscious desire to get revenge for his mistreatment. The others, tired and hungry, had to carry him while he slept and dreamed of delightful feasts in the woods.


The Implications for Today

The desire to sleep and be carried, just like a lot of addictions (e.g., drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, eroticism, video games, TV, movies and on and on), reflects, in one way or another, a yearning to escape from the emotional pain of life and to experience a secure safe place of comfort.



However the ultimate results may be manifested, the desire to escape from reality—to sleep, to disappear—carries with it the desire to be carried. It’s fundamentally an attempt to escape from responsibility. It’s never just a benign wish for peace.

The one who carries resentment always manages to hurt others—to disturb their peace—by making them carry him. That is the  subtle deception.


The Cure

The real cure? Start by forgetting the illusion that you’re a “partner” in your own destruction. That placement of you in that role is a deceit, a thick smokescreen of victimization.
Yes, one “part” of your personality may be unconsciously seeking your destruction, but other parts of     you do have the authority to listen to and bring the change you want.

 Give yourself a respect and recognition that you may never get from the world, so that you take the first step toward your own healing. Take a few moments and listen to your pain and vulnerability with a curiosity and understanding—that is, with the love that you wanted from others.

Even children who are belittled—through no fault of their own—by their own parents, and who couldn’t defend themselves as children, can learn to reclaim their self-esteem as adults by “standing up” for themselves in asserting their human dignity with every person they encounter.

The world will always be not perfect—that is it's reality, it has been since before the ice age; The untrue illusion is that the world despises you. The world just is.

Gain some comfort by a purposeful activity, hobby, work, or writing. When this happens, you begin to feel an independent sense of self worth, and life's pleasures and happiness begin to arrive.


Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition 






Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

photo courtesy of public domain

When will I be perfect ? Am I the only one who seems to be suffering in the world?

 Nothing ever seems perfect in the world or in even our own lives, for more than a while.
Often we are thinking we are stuck in a middle ground where we accept our fate in life.
Our goal in life is to to live lives of fulfillment.



A story 

You hear or see of girls who have been cutting themselves with razor blades. You might think why? 
It’s so hard for them to feel the intense suffering that comes along with having endured abuse, they use cutting as a way to cope with or deal with those innermost feelings.

The emotional pain that they have is so strong that it scares them because they cannot control it. Cutting is not generally a suicide attempt. (Though never demean it, as it may be).

Cutting is something the girl can control, unlike the sexual abuse or the emotions that are raging inside of her. 
Cutting is always done for a reason. Not everyone that cuts has been abused, but most have been.
The addicting part comes from the control you experience when you cut. The girls can control the pain (how often, the depth, the location), so that is why they continue to cut, especially when in a situation that might become emotional.

   To overcome the desire to cut, pinching oneself a little is a form of self control. New ways learnt to control the emotions without hurting themselves so severely. So is wearing rubber bands and snapping them, or rotating a bracelet or beads a number of times (you choose -10?) to get through the triggered state, to a place in the here and now.
Therapy can help, in that someone will listen to you-and seem to understand and accept you. 

The secret here is control your response to a new or old happening in a way that settles you, and that helps you succeed as a whole valued person. 

 

   

Apart from inherited/genetic challenges, illness in our bodies is something that’s often a sign of illness in our minds and stress that we might have been  pushing down to our bodies from a psychological level.

Some people who have had the worst and most serious health problems such as cancer, heart disease, and more have generally been the same people who face the most psychological and spiritual stress in their lives.

Stress builds up and the body, mind, and spirit are all related. Stress does indeed chemically and physically change how your body reacts to stimuli, and importantly- it changes your day to day physical activities- on a simple level; the quality of the sleep you get, what you put on your plate to eat, and how much of what.
 

Why not strive to be physically, psychologically, and spiritually fit? 

 People who are spiritually fulfilled probably live longer than those who are not.
 Similarly, people who are psychologically settled probably also live longer than those who aren't  
 Finally, people who are physically fit probably live longer than those who are not.



Your perfection - and perfection is a word - may be a quest to be accepted, whether it is by an elder, or a group. Not too bad a goal, as it keeps you from being outcast,  yet you must begin to accept yourself, even there is change needed.  





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Suicide- why shouldn't I - what's the point of it all?

The life I want

What is even the use of living? 

It is a good and valid question.

Even as a 'normal' person I ask this question too.

Is it all about fitting in with your friends? or....

 Belonging to that special group. 

Or just not being assaulted by the awful things in life.

Mostly I forget to add the words - it is this way of life I don't want to be in; rather than this life itself.

This film-set I seem to be in at this moment.

I think I am tired of not being able to get myself heard, or even my hurt listened to.

 I find myself sometimes on a dark and treacherous road with no light and no road map, and seem to have no way of dealing with it, either feeling a repetitive intensity, or an anesthetizing fog. 

I experience overwhelming waves of anger – anger at them, anger at myself  for the mistakes I had made, anger at God for allowing this to happen in my life, What ever do I do?

Guilt becomes tangled in the anger. I feel at times like a total failure .

I spend hours trying to rework my reality in my mind – trying to find answers to questions that I think have no answers  Recurrent tears, heaviness in my chest, frequent sighing, and the inability to sleep became commonplace.

It is difficult to concentrate or focus on tasks – at work or at home. It is as if my brain is rebelling against this experience.

 

It is this way of life I don't want to be in; rather than this life itself. This film-set I seem to be in at this moment.

Let us change the movie of our life-this is one of the things we can control.

Things can be really, really bad at times- yet time is a moment in the decades we live, the bad stuff, can be made to seem far away and of diminishing effect. 

It can be replaced daily with the love of a comforting God and faithful friends and family. If they are not there- the sense of gentle touch can be used to bring you some ease.  I am truly grateful, for every day I am given.

I Remember -the thought I came to was- this life is not going my way-so now I will begin to make sure it happens my way.

 

One voice – one voice –can make a difference. You are valued.

 

Stop and read the other posts on this site. Then come back each day and read more.

 

The Secret - Think about how your day and life, is one story connected to another story. 

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

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Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


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A thanks to Ruth. 

pic courtesy of Public Domain Images