http://thorinus.blogspot.com

thorinus.blogspot.com translate world flags

Suicide- why shouldn't I - what's the point of it all?

The appreciation of life as it is
The life I want
What is even the use of living? 

It is a good and valid question.

Even as a 'normal' person I ask this question too.
Is it all about fitting in with your friends? or....
 Belonging to that special group. 
Or just not being assaulted by the awful things in life.
Mostly I forget to add the words - it is this way of life I don't want to be in; rather than this life itself.
This film-set I seem to be in at this moment.
I think I am tired of not being able to get myself heard, or even my hurt listened to.
 I find myself sometimes on a dark and treacherous road with no light and no road map, and seem to have no way of dealing with it, either feeling a repetitive intensity, or an anesthetizing fog. 
I experience overwhelming waves of anger – anger at them, anger at myself  for the mistakes I had made, anger at God for allowing this to happen in my life, What ever do I do?
Guilt becomes tangled in the anger. I feel at times like a total failure .
I spend hours trying to rework my reality in my mind – trying to find answers to questions that I think have no answers  Recurrent tears, heaviness in my chest, frequent sighing, and the inability to sleep became commonplace.
It is difficult to concentrate or focus on tasks – at work or at home. It is as if my brain is rebelling against this experience.
 
It is this way of life I don't want to be in; rather than this life itself. This film-set I seem to be in at this moment.
Let us change the movie of our life-this is one of the things we can control.
Things can be really, really bad at times- yet time is a moment in the decades we live, the bad stuff, can be made to seem far away and of diminishing effect. 
It can be replaced daily with the love of a comforting God and faithful friends and family. If they are not there- the sense of gentle touch can be used to bring you some ease.  I am truly grateful, for every day I am given.
I Remember -the thought I came to was- this life is not going my way-so now I will begin to make sure it happens my way.
 

One voice – one voice –can make a difference. You are valued.

 

Stop and read the other posts on this site. Then come back each day and read more.

 

The Secret - Think about how your day and life, is one story connected to another story. 



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A thanks to Ruth. 


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