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Fun or control?

To Resist or Leave? A good question. When you feel like you are caught in a web of manipulation, your immediate goal is to stop being a compliant player in your controller's life game.
Whether this is a relationship, a nuisance neighbour, your supervisor, a government agency, Christian guru, work mates, or landlady, or a relative.

In the interests of your personal safety - you must be prepared. Do not be so vocal in your approach, as the other or others will quickly turn to violence, either physical or legal. Re-read The Miss Battles article, then come back here.

It is easy to win, as these people are always focused primarily on the short term - do think of them as a corrupt politician - and you will succeed.

Mostly their behaviour patterns come from a false sense of entitlement, combined with fears of maintaining or not their security - usually social image.
Once you are rested and in a better position, you can assist their change - whether it is as a payback or revenge, or a supportive repatterning.

The initial focus needs to be on you establishing some modicum of control over your life.

There are two approaches to this goal: Resistance and/or Distance (either psychologically, or physical space, by leaving the relationship altogether).

A very easy, non threatening way is to insert a period of time between the manipulator’s request or demand and your response. Even a few minutes for a start - gives you a little power.
The 'graspers' of the world are not used to this, so have a valid excuse for a few minutes only first off. Then lengthen the gap as the days go on, and more requests come through.

Resist the urge to tell them off, or tell them to f*** off, as valid as that is - I've found it best to keep that until after you are safe, and away from them. As their social value as they perceive it - is their main Achilles heel - we can deal with them later, with that in mind.

Resistance

When you resist manipulative pressure successfully, you shift the power balance in the relationship. Most manipulators, are indeed passive/aggressive behaviour types. If not plain aggressive.
You are better than that, and you will pretend you are a resistance fighter in the war.
Do not shoot them, or kill them - you will get in trouble - we have better ideas to resolve it - read on.
Be aware that this shift in the power equation will alter the relationship and the behavior of both parties involved. Do not be afraid of this change, you'll get plenty of facial grimaces, poor verbalizations, cold shoulders etc...

You must keep your eye on the prize - you, and the value you have for society, and you. You can, and must re-claim your freedom, autonomy, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These inconsequentials have tried to use you as a stepping stone to look good.

Since you are going to, and will, initiate the changes and will hold your ground, the manipulator can choose either to adapt to your lead (behaviour modification) - or else remain stuck in a strategy that no longer works, at least as far as the relationship with you is concerned.

And many manipulative personalities simply do not and will not change, apart from finding another fresh target....

For such individuals, manipulation of others is their SOP - standard operating plan - their perfect way of functioning. ..

Remember, manipulators use manipulation because it works.

Stop helping them, you are allowed to look after yourself.

Distance yourself.

There are worse consequences than leaving or losing a relationship altogether. Certainly losing yourself for years, in the fog of manipulation - losing sight of who you are and what you really value, need and believe is the worst thing - and indeed the precursor of many a depression.

Remaining a partner in this manipulation, diminishing your self-respect or integrity, and losing your self-esteem is absolutely not on - and the inconsequentials will have started this process from the beginning.

Finally – and this is important – if your willingness to be manipulated costs you a relationship, That may be a good thing here.

Nine easy ways to Resist Manipulation

1- Take a little time.

Once you start to build in time to think about your options, your sense of control will increase day by day. You are not asking permission, you are just finishing something for you first. Again, the graspers, entitled, and pseudo-rich will not be used to this, so start small.

2- The Broken Record

A brief why is good, though as a statement;- do not have a conversation with the manipulator about why you need time, or what you are going to think over.
Acknowledge that you hear and understand the manipulator, but repeat your statement of "I'll be there in a minute/hour..." just like a broken record.

3- Desensitizing Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

These have been their weapons of control, and they will get worse as the intensity in their mind increases. Lay off the alcohol, THC, etc for yourself; - go for a walk, read a comic book, think of your new future.
To resist manipulation effectively, you must learn to tolerate these possibly foreign and uncomfortable feelings.

4- Security

Start to develop your independence - especially food choices, clothing, haircuts, and income or money.

5- Labeling the Manipulation

Educate yourself, read the Lazy lawyer article, and know what is really going on. Do shut your mouth though, confrontation when they feel entitled will not be in your best interests. They will lie, deceive, and poison etc etc.

6- Disabling the Manipulation

To disable a manipulation, you need to state that you understand the manipulator’s goal, but that the manipulative tactic she is choosing to use will not work to accomplish that goal, and we should to come up with a better plan.

7-Setting Your Terms

It is not all about pleasing them, as much as they are used to this. Respectfully, start to take a few minutes a day for your own sanity.

8- Compromising & Negotiating

A manipulator is only interested in serving her own interests and her own ends. Left to his or her own devices, she will never be looking out for what you need or desire. And they will say you have to compromise, while he or she has no intention of doing so. It is now time for you to stand up for yourself a little, and/or get in an authority in their world to tell them to give you some slack.

9- Plan your Future.

These people do change, it needs you and all others in their life to stop responding in the ways you have done before, and needs at least one or two major consecutive negative emotional catastrophes at the same time as you being strong.

Consequently, you are better off to limit your exposure to these people - and significantly distance yourself, while you develop your inner sense of self.

Important; - A partnership is a healthy co-operation on meeting each of your respective needs and preferences, having talked about it equitably beforehand.

Some recommended links to start you on your easier life.....