I'm so Stressed out, What am I doing wrong? 10 real life tips to make it easier.

A warrior in the world

Stress as we often know it. is the internal 'war' of opposing desires and expectations.

Usually; - the expectations or ambitions we have for ourselves, as opposed to those same demands 'society' has for us.

Society as such, considers itself more important than me and you, and attempts to influence you through manipulation in the form of advertising, whether it be with TV shows behaviorally, or directly with advertisements saying 'borrow this money from us now to feel better, or buy this now to feel better.'

Sadly, if they cannot influence you, they do influence your surrounding human co-inhabitants of life - (who will not be on the same path towards success as you.)

By you recognizing stress within yourself - you must for a start congratulate yourself for being so aware, then begin to ease the biochemical toxins it is creating within you, as you work on plans for the life you desire for your self.

To help you manage stress; begin to think of your body as a machine with a good supply of energy which needs regular care, and maintenance to function well.

With that in mind here are 10 simple tips:

1. Be conscious of your food intake. Limit the chocolate, the flour/sugar/fat combinations (biscuits, cakes, crackers, breads etc). Reduce your white rice, noodle, or packeted foods. Start to learn what a balanced nutritious diet is, and support your physique with regularly spaced eating times.

2. Sleep when stressed is either an escape or seems like a waste of time. Change your thinking a little.
Treat, and think of sleep as a chance to refresh your physical body - to repair the cells if you like.
Establish somewhere safe to sleep, keep it and your bedding clean - without residual chemical odours, and try for fresh air, if you are able and it is safe leave a skylight or window open - locked, and consider sleeping in a space with growing non-allergenic plants.
Turn the TV, radio off - no subliminal all night tapes, if you need a light on, put it several meters or yards away - low down.
Be a little comfortable, warm, and clean if you can as well.
Do sleep away from power lines, and cables, and radio antennas.

3. Engage in regular light to moderate exercise, even walking round in a specified number of circles in your flat or house is a start. A daily 1 mile or 1km walk if safe is even better - can you walk partway to work?

4. Set a priority or two in your daily tasks and concentrate on essentials for you, as well as obviously working for your boss or controller authority -  rather than feeling that you have to do every single thing.

5. There are 24 hours in our day, and you are allowed to work as long as you like, or engage an assistant. Think outside the 'normal' pattern.

6. If a task seems too hard, or too big, break it down into small steps or small goals and focus on achieving the first step or goal before moving on to the next one. (Do the thinking and acting privately, and announce your results and the important part they play in the organizations goals publicly.)

7. Take some time each day, and a special time once a week to relax. The daily time will be better for you if it is some meditation - not TV, magazines, or pub or bar time.
The Christian's have it partly right with the sabbath - it is meant as your duty day to the church establishment, and a specific indoctrination (schooling) time. But - you now think of it as your day to engage in your rest, planning, hobbies, self care etc.

8. Remember the biochemical idea, medically it is very accurate; - so lay off the coffee, alcohol, nicotine, THC, or other drugs, whether they are to relax or stimulate you. Develop a new pattern of only three drinks a night for example, then two drinks next week, then one drink, then one a week.
You will find some new and supportive friends with this thinking, and free up money and time to make the situation easier.

9. Be careful who you listen to, they all have their own desires. agendas, and issues, - often it is better to select parts of each person's ideas, than their whole philosophy. Government agencies, or employees, are not there to help you, government funded ones may give you a better (50/50) chance of success.

10. Hide some resources away privately and safely - if it is money, make sure it is tax paid, and you hide two or three copies of the receipts in two or three different places and/or upload them somewhere private and safe - say DriveHQ - (the employees of the revenue office will falsify the truth at any chance they have). Grow even a little of of your own food, even one herb plant is a good start.
Make sure only you know, this will give you a sense of power and control over your life, and relieve the stress.



Some recommended links to start you on your easier life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

You need help with your relationship – but what if ?...The advice lottery

A successful relationship?

Signs of Good Relationship Advice

You need help with your relationship – but what if you get bad relationship advice?


These 10 signs of good
relationship advice will help you know if you’re getting help that will actually improve or save your relationship.

 

How to Recognize Good Relationship Advice

1. Your family is giving you relationship advice for their own reasons
You must be very specific, in asking why;- several times in fact.
Adult children, have there own exploration in life to undertake, and are mostly not to be listened to, after the first meeting of your partner.


2. Your friends are jealous of your relationship
Friends, are usually a great help with first assessments, past that time or those few minutes, they are either afraid of losing you, jealous of what you have and they can not, or deceptive in their intent.
Especially if they are damaged children, or the like.

Numbers 1 and 2 and closely enmeshed, do pay attention to your own life path as well.

3. The advice giver is objective – a sign of good relationship advice
 Listen for subjective statements - name calling - the adviser has their own unresolved immaturity to get through - their advice will NOT help you. 

4. Your inner feelings are telling you this is good or bad relationship advice
  Whether it is right or wrong, it is right or wrong for you just now.

5. You know yourself – a super way to recognize good versus bad relationship advice
As in number 4, take some time out in solitude, meditate if necessary.

6. The advice giver has the full picture of your relationship – the good, the bad, and the ugly
No matter if you are some at fault, an answer given with half the information gives poor results.

7. The advice giver has given you good relationship advice in the past
Did you listen the first time? Possibly this adviser has skills you can learn from.

8. The advice giver has healthy, good relationships
They are able to prove what they say works - if they cannot - keep your distance.

9. The relationship advice is from a good resource
Hard to say what is good, yet if it fits all the other characteristics here it probably is.

10. The relationship advice is honest and unbiased
They take into account both sides, without pity, or judgement.
Who is paying them?, and what rewards do they hope to get from this interaction?
Questions you must ask to avoid bad advice, predators, lawyers, corrupt and greedy people, and cults.

If it is government or lottery funded, their task is to add you to their numbers, and the quality of the help may be either good or bad - do treat it as an emergency 'band-aid' to use and move on without, as quickly as you can.



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  






Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Become the best you can be with Mindmint







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

This was a Good Relationship, Is it Finished? I am Feeling like it is Over.

Thinking is it over?

A relationship, or even a marriage may indeed at times feel like it is better being ended. 

 

Now you chose to be in it or take it on originally - do re-think why you allowed, encouraged, or planned it to start.

 

Or are you going through some of the typical phases of a long-term, committed partnership?


Sometimes counseling with a realistic professional is all that is needed to re-establish the path of mutual success.

Just because you’re struggling with problems in your relationship, doesn’t always mean your partnership is un-saveable, or headed for a divorce court.
(Which will only drain you, and enrich some would say corrupt lawyers and crooked judges - or is it the other way around?)

The following signs may indicate the end of all, or only one stage of your partnership.

 9 Signs Your Relationship is Over ??

1) Your partner can’t see the reality of you being together 

 

If your partner doesn’t understand how his or her actions are affecting you – and even worse, refuses to chat about it, and attempt a few changes (with your positive encouragement) – then your relationship or marriage will be a challenge to rebuild. It may be worth re-evaluating your life habits, and choices at a distance, while you learn new skills for you.

2) Your partner sees how things are, but doesn’t show they care

 

You can communicate with all of your current skills, but if your partner doesn’t care how you feel or whether the relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign it is best to start over. The habits you have created, and the responses they bring on, will take effort to change. When a non-caring is exhibited, there is usually an underlying issue, that is being protected or defended. Are you prepared to address what is most likely a major problem you are part of?

3) You don’t connect with your partner

 

When you first got together, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your partner. As time goes on, and the influences of 'friends,' family, the issues of daily life, money and possibly a house, children, or careers all take a toll…and you find that you each have a preferred way of dealing with society's stressors. The mutual decision making is not so together anymore.

4) You have different visions of the future of your life together.

 

She wants a four million dollar home at the seaside, with all her girlfriend's visiting for drinks: and he wants to live in a rustic cabin on a ranch in the country. She wants six children, many grandchildren, and their hanger ons- of course all funded by?? and he’d rather travel and be child-free for a reasonable while.
She wants her mom, aunt, and cousins to live with you in the family home; you can barely tolerate the gossip at thanksgiving or Christmas.
To succeed you do need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and consider your plan or life together first (and other influences/influencers second).

5) You’re not physically intimate (if this is important it is over)

 

If you have no love life anymore, to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level.
There may be power and control issues going on - sadly if someone is in an immature state of mind to do this - just leave- quickly, and quietly. It is a form of abuse, and control, made famous by the KGB- so you are being played, and it is likely your partner is ending the relationship, by a manipulation.

6) You fight the “wrong” way in your partnership

 

If you can’t focus on the topic of your argument, choosing instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds, then you need to learn different skills away from this relationship. The more past conflicts come into current arguments, the less healthy your approach is.
This may not be a certain sign your partnership is over, but if you keep acting like this, the other person will revert their behaviour to what you keep talking about.

Propose good, you'll get good; threaten, or remind of unwanted past events - you won't get good at all.

7) Your partner cheats and wants to end the relationship/marriage

 

Many couples survive unarranged infidelity, and may end up with a stronger bond because of it. Other couples split up right away, as it was a sign of the other failings in the relationship or people. It’s how the partners approach the solution, that determines if they’ll stay together.

8) Your partner allows their past to intrude.

 

Ex-husbands, ex-wives, or ex's at all. Adult brat children. The list goes on; what partnership is this really, when they have not indeed separated themselves, and offered some commitment to the present.
Unless you want a triage or similar for yourself, leave and find a more mature partner.

9) You or your partner is abusive

 

If your actions are causing a response you don't like, change them. If it goes on for a week or two after this, there is something your partner is trying to control in you.

Look at yourself realistically on a day away from them or the situation.

Many women for example, are abrasive or verbally threatening in their responses to a perceived wrongdoing - and then question the reactions.
Many men for example, promise too much, and life gets in the way.
Time out, on site, or away from each other  - can give you each a chance to determine the next move.




Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you



Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

 

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 


  pic courtesy pixabay

How do you get over a Man? A breakup I never thought would happen to me.

The man of my dreams.

If you want to cure a problem, the first thing you must ask is what causes it.

In the same way, the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” can be resolved by identifying the main reasons why you broke up.

Reconciliation can occur on positive terms, if in the first place you’re truly sure why the split happened.

By asking yourself (not your 'friends') some difficult questions, you can get to the bottom of the problem, and move ahead in the best direction for you.

Did your personal differences clash?
Many couples split up because they get to a point where they can’t tolerate or complement each other’s personality. If your relationship ended for this reason, you can fix this by sincere communication. Give him a call and invite him for a daytime chat in a cafe.-That means no alcohol, drugs, sports distractions, or sex. Do not flirt, or wear revealing clothes, - this is a calm yet serious conversation, or two.
Discuss together what traits you appreciate and what adjustments you can do for the relationship, and what he thinks would help (what he will consider doing.). When you talk to him, keep yourself calm and undemanding. Call your empathy every time you find him difficult to understand. If he doesn’t feel like having a word with you, there is a chance he feels unable to trust you; don’t pressure him.


Did the hectic schedules get in your way?
Couples last longer when they choose to spend moments with each other, to strengthen the bond and to create positive memories together. If both of your hands were quite full, and you lacked the discipline to put time into your relationship, it was bound to fail. Now that you ask yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend back”, make sure you put his name in your organizer, not just your friends. Be careful you are considerate of his time as well as your own, and don’t overdo it, as persistent emails, text messages and calls are seen as harassment.


Did you get bored with each other?
If your relationship happened to be monotonous, you might have run out of creative ideas to have kept it going. Explore your own hobbies, talents and interests, no real man wants a doormat around him. Now that you want him back, you can’t return to the same total focus of you and him, or expect him to be interested in what brand of makeup/clothing you do or don't like.


Was there any kind of abuse in the relationship?
If you underwent physical and emotional abuses in a past relationship, how have you changed?
Are you recreating the same responses here with this one?
How can you change your words, or inner self talk?

If there is abuse, usually it is better to change yourself first - being in someones face, or minimizing them or their accomplishments will aggravate the calmest person in the world. They may or may not hit you, but they will avoid you or leave, and your name will be mud in the community.


Was he dissatisfied with your physical intimacy?
Men are turned off with all women who react like robots to his hugs and kisses. As well as demands, 'twenty seven' conditions to be right before intimacy, and flirting with other men or woman, will bring you failure. It greatly affects his, and your satisfaction in the relationship.
Enhance your looks, and hygiene, and be confident within yourself, do not verbalize your faults, only your improvements. When ever you get a chance to talk to him, show your honest smile and interested gaze.


Did you try and contain or entrap him?
A real man will avoid in his mind, imprisonment - he may love the security of your devotion, but he is almost like a cat, - they always come home to where they are cared for, and welcome. They are never happy trapped in containment.


Was he feeling the relationship was one way?
It doesn't take long for most men to get tired of financially (or otherwise) supporting someone, who does not offer any real value, What real value can you offer this partnership? A decorative accessory, lazy cook, or baby factory - just does not cut it. How can you improve yourself? Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it a little at a time.


 Were there infidelity issues?
If he’s currently happy with another woman, move on with your life. If you made a mistake and caused it - that was a life learning experience. If he came back to you - talk about how to make things more satisfactory for both of you. Maybe study the Kama Sutras together.


 Once you’re over the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” value the second chance that has been given to you. Apply yourself and work at it.

The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make
Trying To Get Their Men Back

Unfortunately, most women go about fighting for their man the wrong way and pay the price dearly. In most cases, these mistakes actually push him further away! Mistakes like…

• Promising to change who you are
• Sending flowers or a touching letter
• Trying to make him feel guilty
• Stalking and/or spying on him
• Calling his friends and relatives
• Giving up

Let's face it, you're scared, depressed, or both, and just want to get back together with your man once and for all. 


 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.

A few steps to getting over a breakup

1) Understand that you're thoughts and memories create the 'feelings' that you are are still in love with him. As attractive, as he was, that was a great life experience then.


2) There are millions of date-able men in the world. There are literally millions of men as good in different ways. And of course millions who are similar or worse - let's think 50/50 for the moment - reality says otherwise - but think like this for now.


3) He is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else. You partnered with him for this while.
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the mass media, movies and sold to the gullible masses.
If he was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with him and everything would be roses.


4) Realize that when another one comes along you will begin to forget all about the old one. The new one will of course force this requirement as well. The way you get over your cat’s death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the cat pound and pick up a new one. Similarly, the way you truly get over a man is to get a life outside of them.


5) Do not watch emotional movies or listen to popular music. The media is planned to hold in this place, so you will waste money trying to find contentment in valueless purchases. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you must consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future - whether you are with him or not.


6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up. As it could not last, it will not last, it is best that it’s over with now, instead of in the future when much more will be at stake. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being unsupported later.


7) Realize that you may be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it. You wouldn’t be too human if you had no emotions at all. Maybe you’ll spend a week or two listening to sad music and drinking too much. Just don’t let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on to your new and better life. You have learned something here.

8) You can now learn from your mistakes and get a better companion for your future. That doesn’t mean you should pay them more attention or buy more gifts, or trap someone, you absolutely must not.
If you want a man to be head over heels in love with you, you must be a worthwhile person in yourself. 


Ninety percent of men want a good sex partner - you are seeking a 30% that will continuously participate and contribute actively to a shared life as well - it is called a partnership for a reason. 


9) Never, ever take advice from your friends, on how to get men. They will lie, and tell you to be nice and be yourself and/or buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. And be aware, another STD, or unplanned child, is not a good idea.
The best person to take advice from is the older genuine woman who has succeeded in what you have worked out you want.


10) Realize that a lot of modern men will never be the perfect man, your 100% soulmate, or a white knight in shining armor. This is the stuff of a fantasy novel, and for your sanity, best left inside the books.

These are some men whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re dating such a man you should let him go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the romance idea. He is an abuser in waiting.


11) If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.

Getting over a breakup is actually quite easy when you think about it in a logical way, and don’t listen to others.

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, cats, gardening, dogs, sports, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be a better person yourself - for yourself.

Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.
 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.



Or do take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground, and get what you want easily.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

 pic courtesy of pixbay

Is my relationship OK? The ten indicators that maybe it is not, and time to move on.

My life desires - a contemplation.

Really the questions are; can I accept this partner's actions, male or female - while I change them? Or what are we each getting out of this partnership - emotionally and psychologically, as well as physically.

Some people are slow, or resistive to change - so "do I want to change me?" is the other question you must ask yourself.
 

One of the best signs of a healthy relationship, on a basic level is from Winnie the Pooh, by A.A. Milne.

 Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 

This goes both ways - you must establish what will bring that thinking out in your partner, and consistently do that, to keep a good relationship. As it would be valid for you to teach them, how you might best like it.

In a perfectly healthy relationship, as it progresses, you do feel sure of your partner- without having to ask for their reassurance..(Trust).

There are some signs of unhealthy relationships, and we often ignore the 'red flags' in the rush of enthusiasm. Not everyone is perfect, of course, the level of imperfection you decide to accept - is your choice, and decision alone.

10 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships 

 

The worst sign of all types of unhealthy relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk about what your partner says and does to you, then it’s an unhealthy relationship.
Another big sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved, a major amount of the time, when you’re with your partner.

If either of these is the case, you need to evaluate properly

• a- the rewards of persisting;

• b- the how to- of changing you or them;

• c- your sanity and or safety;

Some relationships are better at a distance, or with different people - the key word to consider is partnership - with all of its qualities. 


Read on......for the 10 most unhealthy signs......


1. You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret. If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your partner says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect her or him, then it’s time to get out of that unhealthy relationship. You’re not just with the wrong girl or guy…you’re helping them being the wrong type of person.

2. Your partner wants you to change. If your partner doesn’t love you as you are, and says or verbalizes a requirement that you change - you must consider truthfully 1;- whether it would be better to change; or 2;- is this a one-sided method of control.
This is one of the most important signs of unhealthy relationships: a woman who doesn’t love or accept you as you are.Or a man. Your partner has fantasy's of some type, - do you want to be part of that fantasy? And is it worth it to keep up with it long-term?

3. Your partner doesn’t trust you. Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your partner doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your actions. You may be doing something or acting in a way that makes them insecure - equally - it is very very common for many not nice people to accuse you of what they are in fact doing or planning.
If it is the first, find out how to make it easier for both of you, if it is the second -talk about it quietly.
If it does not change - leave- quietly, and with both of your safety in mind. If they open your mail (as an new or unusual practice) or show up at work unexpectedly, he or she doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which needs to addressed;- being best together with a rabbi, priest, or similar 'impartial' believable authority as soon as possible.

4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others. If they call you names, ridicule your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, even in jest (joking) more than once or twice - then they're no good for you! You can address the first one or two times, by saying about how you feel when they.. and you would prefer this .... behaviour.  
Should they minimize your request, or continue to do it, or even discuss it in the third person with you or others  - leave - their internal psychology is too immature for the life you want.

5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship. Does your 'partner' make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and a definitely either time to find out how to bring the relationship closer to a 50/50 contribution of thought or reality - or a sign it’s time to get out. Most importantly if you aren’t being treated equally,

6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals. If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples will have the same focus.
 
7. Your partner says they love you, but doesn’t act like they love you. Believe their nonverbal behavior (actions) over verbal behavior (talk,money, and things are cheap!). If she or he talks down to you, this needs to stop - it is verbal abuse, and leads to power and control issues a lot of people cannot manage.

8. You feel unhealthy, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship. This tip is based on the quote of Piglet and Winnie the Pooh above. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong person. If you truthfully putting in the effort to be the best you can, and honestly applying yourself to the partnership and you still have a perception of insecurity- it’s a sign you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you should think about leaving.

If your 'friend' or partner makes you feel unhealthy about yourself, they may have more unspoken challenges than you.You must create some distance -- be it emotionally or physically while you make yourself stronger.
 If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, learn how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.read The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans.


9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationship. We shouldn't choose our partners based on our family and friends’ opinions, in fact, some families are the cause of all the problems - but  we should evaluate their opinions. If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, ask for specific reasons. Find out the true basis of their feelings, and try to be objective, - do be aware they might be feeling insecure themselves.

10. You’re wondering about the warning signs of unhealthy relationships. The most important warning sign of love 'gone unhealthy' is your intuitive feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? The primary question to ask is would you want your sister, best friend, son or daughter to be in this relationship?
To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave an unhealthy relationship, you may need to talk to someone.

If these signs of unhealthy relationships are pointing you out the door, read Be Brave and How to End a Relationship - It was written it for all us who know their relationship is not helping us, but want to leave either safely, with some of our dignity intact, or with a future harmony in life.

The best way to predict if your relationship will last is to ask yourself if you’re willing to keep living with these signs of unhealthy relationships. What do you want from your life, relationship, what level can your partner meet? You are allowed to claim your own life. Don’t end up being be a passive observer in it! 

 Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.

Recommended resources to help you...choose a couple....


Winnie the Pooh - a fable well worth having and reading


Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.


 Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

pic courtesy public domain

Am I in the wrong relationship? You might be....

The intensity of meeting the challenge.

At times the outlook looks hopeless. And truly, some relationships are bad for both parties. Goodness knows how they even decided to start off together.

Usually a list,- written or not, either conscious, or seemingly unknown; of expectations brought forward from childhood, parental indoctrination, or mass-media.

Or in a similar mental haze, caused by a shared chemical - be it alcohol, or any of the current choices of fashion - or a physical lust followed pregnancy, and then abandonment fears.

Looking at it, what normally initially attracts people to one another, can be the very defenses that hold them back in life, rather than a mutual and proactive partnership that would be helpful.

Often in this dynamic, a couple becomes characterized in their behaviours and responses. For example, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant partner. Then the shy person retreats further, becoming more invisible in his or her life, while the more assertive partner takes control and directs their lives.
(The start of some domestic abuse here, unless there are rational discussions.)

Facing and challenging the defenses that leads you to choose the partners you do is the single most important task to breaking this pattern.

Changing how you interact with your partner, for instance, learning to negotiate more, if you are the “quiet one,” will begin to shift the dynamics in your relationship. The best setting for developing relationship skills and breaking defenses against love is in a relationship.
If you abandon ship, (which is the best option at times) -  but, jump in to a new relationship without wanting to learn, your results may not be those you want.

Be careful, there are some relationships that just don’t work. Some couples actually have a toxic effect on each other, where the mental, and tellingly the physical health of the individuals involved deteriorates.

So, how can you tell when it’s time to move on?  Up to you really.

However, there are some red flags to look out for;-
most importantly those that indicate that you or your partner are experiencing - an ongoing and seemingly inescapable - increase in psychological symptoms or a degradation in your ability to function.

These would be signs that it may be time to call it quits or, at the very least, to seek counseling or outside impartial guidance - if you can find it.


Here are some questions to ask yourself on your own to evaluate your situation-

•  Is my relationship negatively affecting other areas of my life?

• Do I feel upset, on edge, and fragmented a lot of the time?

• Am I too distracted by my relationship to function in healthy ways?

• Do I rarely feel like myself anymore? Do I remember my own dreams for the future?

• Am I anxious or desperate toward my relationship partner? Either afraid or fearful of them, or losing them.

• Do I feel like there is something wrong with me that I am frantic to fix?

•  Has my relationship impacted or hurt my friendships? Have I stopped seeing all my friends? Some friendships do change, some are not good for us; - yet not every single last one.

• Has it affected the way I parent (I’m distracted from caring for my children or I’m too reliant on them to meet my needs?), or even look after my pets.

•  Do I feel chronically ashamed of myself? Or am I made to feel ashamed of my choices or beliefs.

•  Do I feel down or hopeless about my life most of the time?

• Am I being abused without cause.- (hard one this- a joke every so often OK- anything else not)

• Has my physical health changed for the worse. Many times stressful relationships change your breathing and sleeping patterns -let alone your exercise and nutritional choices = cancers, strokes, dental, eyesight, the list goes on.

No human interaction is 100% perfect all the time, though you should be able to see more good than bad.


If you or your partner is experiencing this higher negative level of psychological distress, it is important to seek help if you wish, at least for yourselves.

The relationship needs to change, through distance, termination or renegotiation,  unless some radical learning and change happens from both parties.

Another important thing is to ask yourself is, “How am I interacting with my partner most of the time?”

If your interactions with your partner are predominantly negative, it’s time to look at your behavior more closely.

The four most toxic behaviors between couples:

1. Criticism – are you blaming or attacking your partner? In front of them, internally, or especially to others.

2. Defensiveness – are you closed off to feedback from your partner?

3. Contempt – are you rolling your eyes, mocking or pushing your partner away?

4. Stonewalling – are you shutting down your partners conversations? or is your underlying tone and body language stand-offish or withdrawn?

Time for some immediate changes, if you have or are a partner like this.

 Communication problems, gender role differences and infidelity are only symptoms, rather than the biggest predictors, of relationship breakups or divorce.

The truth is, you are sadly part of the equation, you must stop and redirect these negative behaviours at the first instance, for a reasonable chance at a serious relationship.

The solution isn’t necessarily to move on and find someone else, because, since we take our defenses with us, they will lead to the same troubles in a new relationship.

To challenge and change our defenses is work we alone have to do, and a mutually defined relationship is a great place to do it, and be within when it works.




Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

photo courtesy public domain

Eight qualites or 8 traits of a healthy relationship, that we all look for

To enjoy love and life

Yes, relationships do make our world. For better or for worse.

If we lived or were able to live in a world without people, it may not be so.

Sometimes, without just some particular types of people it would be good.

Yet the reality of the world, is that our ability to build, maintain, and enhance our relationships defines our 'success.'

There is a joy to life in a positive fulfilling relationship. And, of course, as many people find out, it brings so much pain when a relationship breaks down, with someone dear to you.

There are a few simple basics that determine most human relationships, and here's a list of the main eight, that make up healthy relationships.

1. Love. Now, this all depends on your definition of  love . We can do much to increase our chances of having terrific relationships—relationships that are fulfilling and exciting, rich with meaning, joy and love.
When you say you like someone, you are talking about how you feel. But when you say that you love someone, you are not necessarily talking about how you feel about them. Love is much deeper than a feeling. It is an action word. Love is a commitment we make to people to always treat that person with empathy, acceptance (you can accept the person - and not accept their actions or behaviour), and reasonable equality (fairness). This is the basis of all healthy relationships.


2. Serving Heart. One of the world's best communicators: - Zig Ziglar says frequently that - "you can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life." The primary concept he is talking about is having a heart and life that is focused on serving other people. Even though he uses it - as you should do too - as a recipe for success.The Christian Bible puts it this way: consider others’ interests as more important than your own. This is a good fundamental to a successful relationship, so long as you consider your own health first. A similar, but better thinking, is to mutually consider others long term interests, guiding them depending on there current abilities.


3. Honest Communication. In any good relationship you will find non-deceptive communication. Communication is important, because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. And this is a vital goal in good relationships—to communicate, to tell each other what we are thinking and what we are feeling. It enables us to make a connection, building the relationship and making it stronger.If we just communicate, we can get by. But if we communicate skillfully, we can go far in life!


4. Friendliness. Put simply, relationships work better when we are friendly with others. The fact is that the friendlier you are the more you are going to have people who want to pursue longer-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with you. So put on a smile, have a few kind words to say to others, treat people with friendliness, and you will see your all of your relationships improve.


5. Patience. Or tolerance of imperfectness. People are not perfect and most have been brought up differently in some way to us. A lot of relationships break down because people give up and lose patience; - all kinds - of friendships, marriages, business relationships, etc.Those who give up on relationships too early, or because the other person isn’t perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse or business partner will not be perfect either! As in fact they may not be. So we would do well to cultivate this skill and learn to have more patience.


6. Loyalty. Loyalty is a commitment to another person. Sadly, loyalty is often a missing element in many relationships today. Every modern generation after the 1950's has said that. Our consumer mentality has affected this to some degree. It is one thing to switch brands of dish-washing detergent. It is another thing altogether to switch friends. Sometimes we just need to commit to being loyal and let the relationship move forward. This kind of loyalty will take our relationships to a much deeper level. What a powerful and secure feeling of knowing that you have a relationship with someone who is loyal to you and you to them—that neither of you is going anywhere even when things get tough.


7. A Common Purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships is to have a common purpose, and oftentimes this is a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long-term, long-lasting relationship it is critical. Think about how many friends you have met through the years while working on a common purpose. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together—all while pursuing a common purpose—is what relationships are made of. Find people with whom you have common purposes and sow the seeds of great relationships, and then the long-lasting benefits will be amazing. 


8. Fun. All good relationships have some element of fun. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean loud, drunken, or noisy fun. Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship and that is important. This key element can be easily forgotten or neglected in our family and spousal relationships.The fun things we did initially in a new relationship after a while can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside, with the demands of life, and we stop creating the fun and smiles. So remember to consciously craft fun situations and moments, for these are the glue that hold our memories together and make our lives sweet. It can be fun in business too, and you will prefer to do business with the successful who are more pleasant to be with.


There are a lot of ingredients in successful, long-lasting relationships. Each of these eight parts brings easy rewards to your relationships. Let’s begin to focus on improving our relationships in these areas and see what miracles occur!


Recommended links to help you.....

Discover the ideas to achieve your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Unlock the power of you, and better personal relationships with help from Zig Ziglar.



Spiritual click- meet your soulmate



Connect with Christian singles now.







pic courtesy of  pdpnet Vojko Kalan

Building a better life for me - using a simple group of self action ideas.

Taken from an Icelandic idea of years ago. In Iceland, the poet and farmer Sveinbjorn Beinteinsson and a group of friends… formed the association known as Asatruarfelagid,

“the fellowship of those who trust in the ancient gods”…

Even ignoring the esoteric framing, - The virtues proposed are perfect for today- and excellent ways of viewing life, and enjoying its fruits and rewards.

The Nine Charges, or 9 Noble Virtues:

1: Courage
 The word "courage" arises from the Latin word for "heart," and it suggests that you are brave.

You can be brave physically, yet here it means standing up for what you believe, even when it would be easier to keep quiet.
Courage also means doing what you believe is right, or refusing to do what you believe is wrong, even when other people minimize you, or your 'friends' choose other ways.


 2:Truth
    The virtue of Truth is pretty simple. It basically means that you don’t tell lies. and to never do anything that you aren't comfortable telling people about. Part of practicing truth is being accountable.
Pretend you are being watched all the time'- a God, or gods, or mastermind philosophy of thinking, will do wonders for you.


3:Honour and respect.
     Allow others to feel an earned respect for a particular action or for the way they lead their lives. Your personal sense of honour (self respect), is to live by the standards you believe should earn you respect from others. You will never need to be ashamed of what you have done.

Respect others' rights and beliefs, and keep your word. Sometimes that means that you'll have to think before you make a promise. If you're not sure you can do something that you are asked to do, it's okay to say no. If at work - you'll have to put your best effort in, and organize help where needed.


4:Fidelity and Loyalty.

To be faithful or loyal to a person, to a group of people, or to an idea. However, fidelity does not include doing something you believe is wrong. The important part of practicing fidelity is to be careful about who you give your loyalty to. If a group you belong to does not support your doing what's right, you need to get out of the group, and be faithful to your own ethics.

   
5:Discipline, teaching and learning

 There are patterns that are worth learning to fit. and also that the way you learn is to change your actions to fit these successful patterns.
The reward is that you make your life better so that the end result is worth the process. The most important discipline you practice is self-discipline.


6:Hospitality, or being part of a community.

In the ancient Norse world, and many original societies, hospitality meant opening your house to travelers and treating people who came to visit you with the same kindness and respect as you give your own family.
**Do be careful, this a philosophy of attitude - there are many in the world that will harm you, as well as good people.

The idea was that we do better by helping each other and when you treat others like they are your family, with kindness and respect, life becomes easier. The other side of hospitality is behaving well when you are a guest in someone's space. It might mean avoiding a fight with your cousin or helping the younger children get something to eat at a family gathering. In general, if you treat other people the way you would like to be treated, you will be practicing hospitality.


7:Industry, or working to accomplish.

Doing more than the least you can get by with, in work, play, and life. Do the best you know how, and take pride in doing it right, whether or not other people notice that you did more than you had to.

8:Self-reliance.

 Another word for self-reliance is responsibility, especially for yourself. Being self-reliant does not mean that you don’t get help from others. as much as you can, you need to be independent of the help of others.And when other people really need help, you do what you can, and teach them to be able to do it for themselves next time.

 
9:Perseverance
 Is the virtue of keeping on until you finish the task. Perseverance means getting up and trying again or trying another way to do what needs to be done, and learning new skills and abilities.
No one can beat a combination of ability and perseverance. And if you fail sometimes, that's OK, It's the people who fail and learn, and move forward that do succeed in life.

   
The habit of practicing these virtues will help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 

Besides, who wouldn't want to be noble? You can be.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.



Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-



Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -



 

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

A higher Awareness bringing you a better life.








 Plan your next escape to Iceland; - or you choose where to - with Webjet.

    (Acknowledgement: https://twayneheeter.wordpress.com/ and Lew Stead’s The Value of Ásatrú ; as the original inspiration for this article.)

photo courtesy public domain