Defining Your Self Esteem or How to Change our Self-Image

Our life choices

Many of us were brought up with a form of brainwashing, by literally changing the structure of one’s brain, and creating strong neural pathways so that one thinks in a patterned way.

Picture a little child’s brain as a virgin jungle of trees and flowers.

When the child has a thought, it is like moving way through new territory, leaving behind a few footprints and a few broken twigs.

As he or she slowly matures, every time the same path  is taken, that faint path becomes a little more pronounced and easier to take, until it becomes a well-worn track, and eventually a road, and finally a regular highway, along which thoughts effortlessly zoom.

This is an analogy of what actually happens to the structure of one’s brain, while learning, and developing. The great tragedy, however, is that most of us have suffered unhealthy childhood brainwashing, brought on by immature parents and teachers, who were influenced themselves by the organizations determined to maintain their power.
Think of your un-favorite politician, or criminal banker, and how they influenced you - by whatever means possible - to maintain their lifestyle, until they were too gross in their behaviour.

It need not be as awful as direct abuse, more so a deceptive or one sided minimizing of your life value. While theirs is un-fairly maximized, as the notion of fairness is often applied in their favour - think of your telcos or internet providers 'fair use criteria.'

What feels true to us largely depends on what we have told ourselves over and over. If we have allowed years of programing our minds to accept something as truth, reaching the point where we accept the exact opposite as true takes a little maturity.

Each time we tell ourselves something, or accept as truth something someone else says about us, it is like putting a weight on one side of a balance.
  If at any time you  berate oneself with such putdowns as “I’m an idiot!” “I’m a useless waste of space!” “I can never do anything right!” “Everyone hates me!” or similar, be aware these are someone else's statements for you.
These are control and abusive mechanisms designed to limit you, and a possible true assessment of escape or the situation.
A standard KGB, prison, or female (especially) abusers - technique, to get you to meekly comply.

This degenerates into a deeply engrained habit, as strong and cruel as heroin addiction, and is designed as such.

Letting other people’s opinion – or whether they ever get around to expressing any good opinion they have of you – determine your self-esteem or your emotional well-being or your motivation, is on par with relinquishing control over your own life and destiny and signing it over to a snake or scorpion.

The difference is you can make new neural paths, and repair the damage easily. 

 

•  If you use an alias or nickname in emails, you might change it to something that builds your self-esteem. If you use nicknames or pet names with some of your friends, you might also seek a name that uplifts you.

• If you use computer passwords, you might say to yourself,  'I can do all things through Christ', while typing the first letter of each word. ICDATTC then becomes the new password.   If you are not a Christian, choose a Mnemonic (letters as a reminder of a phrase), that help you create the identity to help you.      Think of one now, and apply it - if you are really stuck - study some of Jim Rohn's works, and pick a quote to reuse for you.      No one negative could guess such an apparently random string of letters, and to remember it by rehearsing in your mind that positive declaration every time you use it is very very powerful.  

• Change your screensaver picture to some scenery in nature you would like to identify with - no words - this saves the attempted minimizing by 'the great unwashed'. Do the same for your phone, or pen, or bookmark.

• Perhaps you could put a little heart somewhere, or on your key ring, to remind you how much you are loved by God or the gods. Read the silver spoon post.

• If you are able to, dress a little better, better than normal, choose a new style or an accessory or two.  

• If possible clean your shoes or footwear daily, the psychology of this is very important  Kits from amazon.

• If is safe take a different physical path or roadway on your daily travels - it is often that the new environment, brings freshness to our perception.

• Choose a mentor, someone to copy their working habits -  whether it be your favourite entrepreneur a world away, or a successful aunt or distant cousin.

• Remember no one is perfect in every single aspect of life, and you can learn from the good and bad aspects of people to support your change for the better.

• Therefore, start to be pleasant to your daily contacts - be polite, and courteous- watch others and learn their techniques - be aware of the predators though.

• If you can manage caring for it - get a pet - one at a time, and involve yourself in its development as well. Pet ideas from amazon.

• Bring new people into your life, visit new online groups, begin and follow though on a new hobby. Hobby ideas from amazon. The previous associates you have, will either evolve with you, or leave; - freeing you up for a successful life. 

•  Hold your posture well. Learn Reiki, or the Alexander technique. Yoga is good - an older male teacher is best to get you started.

A few Christian verses for you

•     Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death . . .

•     Proverbs 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

•     Matthew 12:36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every  careless word they have spoken.

•     Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Watch Out for the Past! It seems to be a never ending struggle of What next? or What now?

A spiral path to where?

Many people have an anticipation of -"What next! or What now!" or in colloquial terms  'Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop'.

This negative expectancy and fear of the future is built on their observations, accurate as they are,

 

And coming from a fear and belief that our lives seem to go from one struggle to another.

• This is a learnt reaction to parental, religious - particularly Christian - or an abuser's, manipulations.

Somehow we naturally seem to believe that the past is somehow true in the here and now. For example, it seems logical that if money was lost in an investment in the past, or a stupid mistake caused us to loose money in then, that is evidence that we are stupid and unlucky now.
Rather than evidence of a need to change out our internal dialogue, and our actions that led us to that place.

Most have been taught that we are vulnerable to doing something in the present or future that will replicate the losses of the past. And any manipulator will try and use this invocation to control us.

To be successful in adapting to the world, we must find a way to stop living through the past as a determinant of our present or future.

You have probably heard of the book 'The Power of Now' which says that living in the present moment is the best way to live.
This doesn’t mean you forget your past. Of course, you want the wisdom of your past without the pain and suffering of the past.
And this doesn’t just mean your past when you were a child, with  either its security or insecurities.

The idea here is to let go of the struggle and painful aspects of the memories of the past.

One of the best books to help is 'The Path of Least Resistance' by Robert Fritz - buy it and read it each year.

You can start this process as well, by tuning in to the uncomfortable feelings and saying to yourself, 'that was me then, I've learnt now that ......'

When you are in touch with and remain connected with your inner soul presence of love, light and goodness that lives in your core, you will find that natural laws will bring more goodness, love and peace to your life.

That may seem like a bold statement, but not when you realize that the only reason you wouldn’t have all goodness, love and peace is because you are in resistance to it at some level.

 

The Secret - Think about how your day and life, is one story connected to another story. 

Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple... 

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.





Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

How do you become gullible and why? And how can you tell if you are? Can it be fixed?

Accepting the status quo?

Being gullible generally requires some sort of action/response, such as handing money to a scammer, or being conned to donate time to another's cause or mission.

So, really it is being manipulated - generally by emotion - to give up something of value for something of little (particularly future) value.

These organizations, or people - exploit the gullible, by taking advantage of victims, and their lack of awareness in that situation. Whether it is your most un-favorite politician, a panhandler, or 'narcissist,' or the lawyer exploiting you.
It can best be described as giving trust when one should not have, or misplaced trust, not just once, but repeatedly. Always giving some unearned advancement of assets to the manipulator.

 
Gullibility in itself is somewhat amusing game for the observers. And the manipulator's ego thrives on this -them often being a 'damaged child' or 'lost soul' -- of course this is a prime indicator of someone to avoid in life.

What Damage Can Gullibility Cause? 

While many argue that it is harmless for people to believe whatever they want, as it is indeed their freedom to do so, the problem is gullibility or on the other hand, manipulative or exploitative behaviour, is never limited just a few beliefs, but rather is a pervasive pattern in that person's life, including politics and social interactions, and that affects other people, and the world as a whole.

Gullibility and health
People make decisions about health based on their beliefs, not always their own health, but those of their relatives and children. Belief in mainstream medicine often prevents that person from taking actions to prevent disease. As a belief in a fashionable diet trend, or anti-authority position leads them down a path to the nearest guru - whose self importance is his or her total aim. While beliefs are good, to be swayed by a singular and exclusive trend, is not of help to you.

Gullibility and Finance
While most financial opportunities simply have the gullible victim willingly handing over money, one particular type of scam apart from the standard banking system, does stand out;- the pyramid scheme.
A pyramid scheme takes advantage of gullible people by turning them into associates to recruit even more victims. Instead of the scammer defrauding dozens of people personally, they find two gullible people to pay and join up, convince them each to find two more gullible people to pay and join up, and repeat for as long as it lasts.
This is no different than your bank or share-market, apart from the fact is is unregulated, and more likely for the originators or their affiliates to take your assets or cash and leave you without.

Gullibility and Religion
Are religious people more gullible? The evidence is very clear, there are signs that religious people have a 'positive' bias, in that they believe fellow members will not be out to hurt them, regardless of the facts. Scammers often take advantage of this by pulling an 'affinity scam', where they join the church or the administration, to get close to the pastor and/or members in order to abuse them later.
NOTE: Affinity scam can be used on any sort of group, from religion to community to race to professional organization, even love relationships.

What Causes Gullibility? A few components:

1. Situation -- victim was influenced by social situation, such as 'friends.'
2. Cognition -- victim does not recognize the danger signs of a con man/woman or a standard manipulative plan.
3. Personality -- victim is susceptible to belief invocations.
4. State --incapacitated in some way, to make rational decisions
5. Seeking or desiring of something for nothing, or 'lazy.'
6. Expects or hopes the worlds comes to them.

Cognitive Tricks Scammers Use

Scammers use a variety of tricks to influence your thinking / cognition. Many of them involve logical fallacies, and others involve misdirection, half-truths or outright lies. Something like a deceptive lawyer or realtor.  Here are a few you need to be aware of (this list is NOT meant to be a comprehensive list).

Priming the Pump
Fundraisers, auctioneers, realtors, internet gurus, and scammers, all use this trick: when you put an offer in front of people, few if any will volunteer to be first. Those who are between yes and no often will want to see someone else go first, put their money in, THEN they will join the crowd and jump in.
These manipulators know this too, and they often have friends as 'shills', who pretend to be one of the normal, and start to buy up whatever it is the influencers are selling. And are reimbursed or favoured in some way. This is often enough to allow the seduced people to be deceived with the courage that 'it must be OK, look these normal people are doing it.'

Dominant Personality
People are swayed by dominant personality, and that is a fact. Just because a group agreed with a decision doesn't mean the decision was actually MADE by the whole group. Many use this by presenting in a seminar where they are actively pushing this idea upon you, the passive audience. When they are sufficiently fast-talking nobody will be asking questions, as they push the right emotional triggers and dominate your decision making abilities.


Claim Authority
By presenting oneself as the authority on the issue (no matter the validity of this claim) one automatically gains some sort of recognition, as if others are recognizing that if one is willing to put oneself in front of the group, one must have conviction about whatever it is he or she is pushing.
Lawyers, immature marketers, corrupt politicians, and scammers often take advantage of this by hiring fake experts or have the experts present a one sided perception of the events, as this is what they are paid to do.

How to Fight Gullibility

Following are things you can do to reduce your own gullibility, by exerting control over the factors named earlier.

• Always consider the Long-Term -- The manipulator has, and is. You must think this too. 

• You do not have to nice to everyone--Even at best, only 50% of people have the skills to obtain what they want without theft or manipulation - It is perfectly OK to avoid or not converse with these people.

• Record-- Take notes in front of your abuser, or manipulator - or use your phone or a recording device to record the interaction. 'To go over, or review later to make sure I understand'... or....'for training purposes.'    Mostly they have the right to a copy, yet you have the right to make them pay full legal pay rates before you release the copy. Don't tell them this, just 'I can get a copy to you later if you want - just send me a note if you need it.' Then reply with an account stating 'thank you for your request of xx - $xxxx-- copy sent upon receipt of cleared nonrefundable funds in full. Do please allow x days from receipt of payment'
• Have your interactions in front of a CCTV camera you hold the key for - if it is on your private property - (and you have generic signage obvious) your footage is yours. Do remind them as they leave, to only ever come back if you ask them to.

• Avoid Temptation -- if you know you're vulnerable to certain situations, don't go there. Much like breaking an addiction habit, you must avoid situations where you're forced into making decisions that you will regret later.

• Time Out -- refuse to commit to one side or another, play a little confused if you have to - go home and think about it. Do NOT make impulsive decisions. This also works when you are exhausted, either emotionally or physically and thus not capable of making proper decisions.

• Counter-attack -- instead of being pushed (such as high-pressure sales pitch), you push back, by countering with a question (what exactly did you call me for?), ask for a quick summary (You have 60 seconds) - then do not listen to it- put the phone down, meditate, or look past them focusing on a far away point; or interruption ( 'gee - just get to the point'), and so on. Instead of them pushing you, you push them. This disrupts their 'script' and puts them on the defensive.

• Escape clause -- find a way to get away, get out, avoid having to make a decision before you have gathered all the information to satisfy you.

• Sanity Check -- bring a friend, a relative, a trusted minister or rabbi; - Do make sure you bring someone who is 'wiser' and calmer than you are. Go back to the record or take notes for later plan.

• Critical Thinking -- learn what is critical thinking, preferably as early as possible, This would also cover logical fallacies (i.e. how to make something that seem logical but isn't) so you can spot those being used on you.

• Healthy Skepticism -- not cynicism, but understanding the source of the information, what bias it may contain, and how much of it is real raw information, and how much of it is "spin" and "opinion". Just because a scientist, religious person, or salesperson says so doesn't make it so, unless there is evidence.

• General Education --Learn for yourself the techniques the manipulators use- so you can avoid them.  
• Learn the legislation or rules, the other party operates with - Udemy online is a good place to learn from- and the loopholes they prefer. 
• Ask for the rules/acts, an authentic offerer will allow you full access, 'What are the 10 most common?' is a great question, followed by, 'hang on - I'll just write them down'; - or if you are buying something, ask 'what is the most common reason for return for this year? last year? why? how exactly is this one different? What exactly does the warranty/guarantee cover? Let's have a look at it -the written version - shall we?'

The Ultimate questions-- 

• Will this help me or my life long term? 

• What am I going to get out of all this as we go along? 

• Can I afford the cost of the time and or money out of my life? -- I do only live once.

"I know one thing: that I know nothing." - Socrates

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  



Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Make money by putting LOVE first and do Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...
Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Why wont you Accept Me? Don't be so hard on Yourself.......

Accepted in the world?

Many have asked that question in usually difficult times. Do not allow another to attempt control of you like this.

Most likely we are challenging the rules the other person or group, has in their own mind for their world.

As an emerging adult, we easily see through the unreality of the world, yet no one seems to appreciate our views on it all.


To conform, without disrupting the status quo - (does leave some people at the top, doesn't it?) - seems be that which is forced upon us.
It does make your life easier to seem as if you are a patterned being - not so far as a clone though.

Even more important than presenting yourself in a manner others find attractive, is to accept yourself. From this almost invincible foundation, you can conquer the world.

If you find yourself adopting a non-accepting attitude towards things you do or don't do, or thinking self-critical thoughts;

1- write down privately exactly what that or those thoughts are
2- then re-write them as - I remember that 'X' said I was - note that this is probably the reality.
3- now go through the easy exercises below,
and create and write down a balancing thought to change the world as you see it.

Accept yourself:

Don't be too hard on yourself. What would you say to yourself if you were being a little more forgiving towards yourself? Write this down as your balancing thought and say it to yourself.

Counsel yourself as if you were a good friend:

What would you say to a friend in your situation or what would a good friend say to you? And about you. Write this down as your balancing thought.

Constructive approach:

If you were asked to say what positives might come out of the situation or what you can learn from it, what would you say? We can even learn from undesired situations - as we must really do so to make things better for us. Write these comments down as your balancing thought.

Explore alternatives:

What alternative ways are there, of looking at the things that are leading you to jump to negative conclusions about yourself? Your negative judgement about yourself  could be more balanced or moderate. Write this down as your balancing thought.

Prepare for the worst:

Imagine that the worst were to happen - it won't - Though to be ready with a couple of plans to deal with those contingencies is the mark of success.Write down your asssessment of seriousness and of how you could react or deal with that eventuality as your balancing thought.

Try to focus on something else:

Is it really worth expending all your emotional and mental energy over this issue? Now you have plans in place, you are relieved from the circular or unproductive thoughts that may be affecting your self-belief and feelings of self-worth.And you can focus on creating a better world for yourself.

Recommended links to help you now......

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.

Napoleon Hill's books - the bibles of success.

Become the best you can be with Mindmint

Develop a millionaire mindset easily and quickly with -

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition  


   

Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc.

Make money by putting LOVE first and Unlock the flow of wealth into your life...



pic courtesy of pixbay

How do you get over a Man? A breakup I never thought would happen to me.

The man of my dreams.

If you want to cure a problem, the first thing you must ask is what causes it.

In the same way, the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” can be resolved by identifying the main reasons why you broke up.

Reconciliation can occur on positive terms, if in the first place you’re truly sure why the split happened.

By asking yourself (not your 'friends') some difficult questions, you can get to the bottom of the problem, and move ahead in the best direction for you.

Did your personal differences clash?
Many couples split up because they get to a point where they can’t tolerate or complement each other’s personality. If your relationship ended for this reason, you can fix this by sincere communication. Give him a call and invite him for a daytime chat in a cafe.-That means no alcohol, drugs, sports distractions, or sex. Do not flirt, or wear revealing clothes, - this is a calm yet serious conversation, or two.
Discuss together what traits you appreciate and what adjustments you can do for the relationship, and what he thinks would help (what he will consider doing.). When you talk to him, keep yourself calm and undemanding. Call your empathy every time you find him difficult to understand. If he doesn’t feel like having a word with you, there is a chance he feels unable to trust you; don’t pressure him.


Did the hectic schedules get in your way?
Couples last longer when they choose to spend moments with each other, to strengthen the bond and to create positive memories together. If both of your hands were quite full, and you lacked the discipline to put time into your relationship, it was bound to fail. Now that you ask yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend back”, make sure you put his name in your organizer, not just your friends. Be careful you are considerate of his time as well as your own, and don’t overdo it, as persistent emails, text messages and calls are seen as harassment.


Did you get bored with each other?
If your relationship happened to be monotonous, you might have run out of creative ideas to have kept it going. Explore your own hobbies, talents and interests, no real man wants a doormat around him. Now that you want him back, you can’t return to the same total focus of you and him, or expect him to be interested in what brand of makeup/clothing you do or don't like.


Was there any kind of abuse in the relationship?
If you underwent physical and emotional abuses in a past relationship, how have you changed?
Are you recreating the same responses here with this one?
How can you change your words, or inner self talk?

If there is abuse, usually it is better to change yourself first - being in someones face, or minimizing them or their accomplishments will aggravate the calmest person in the world. They may or may not hit you, but they will avoid you or leave, and your name will be mud in the community.


Was he dissatisfied with your physical intimacy?
Men are turned off with all women who react like robots to his hugs and kisses. As well as demands, 'twenty seven' conditions to be right before intimacy, and flirting with other men or woman, will bring you failure. It greatly affects his, and your satisfaction in the relationship.
Enhance your looks, and hygiene, and be confident within yourself, do not verbalize your faults, only your improvements. When ever you get a chance to talk to him, show your honest smile and interested gaze.


Did you try and contain or entrap him?
A real man will avoid in his mind, imprisonment - he may love the security of your devotion, but he is almost like a cat, - they always come home to where they are cared for, and welcome. They are never happy trapped in containment.


Was he feeling the relationship was one way?
It doesn't take long for most men to get tired of financially (or otherwise) supporting someone, who does not offer any real value, What real value can you offer this partnership? A decorative accessory, lazy cook, or baby factory - just does not cut it. How can you improve yourself? Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it a little at a time.


 Were there infidelity issues?
If he’s currently happy with another woman, move on with your life. If you made a mistake and caused it - that was a life learning experience. If he came back to you - talk about how to make things more satisfactory for both of you. Maybe study the Kama Sutras together.


 Once you’re over the question, “How do I get my boyfriend back?” value the second chance that has been given to you. Apply yourself and work at it.

The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make
Trying To Get Their Men Back

Unfortunately, most women go about fighting for their man the wrong way and pay the price dearly. In most cases, these mistakes actually push him further away! Mistakes like…

• Promising to change who you are
• Sending flowers or a touching letter
• Trying to make him feel guilty
• Stalking and/or spying on him
• Calling his friends and relatives
• Giving up

Let's face it, you're scared, depressed, or both, and just want to get back together with your man once and for all. 


 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.

A few steps to getting over a breakup

1) Understand that you're thoughts and memories create the 'feelings' that you are are still in love with him. As attractive, as he was, that was a great life experience then.


2) There are millions of date-able men in the world. There are literally millions of men as good in different ways. And of course millions who are similar or worse - let's think 50/50 for the moment - reality says otherwise - but think like this for now.


3) He is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else. You partnered with him for this while.
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the mass media, movies and sold to the gullible masses.
If he was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with him and everything would be roses.


4) Realize that when another one comes along you will begin to forget all about the old one. The new one will of course force this requirement as well. The way you get over your cat’s death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the cat pound and pick up a new one. Similarly, the way you truly get over a man is to get a life outside of them.


5) Do not watch emotional movies or listen to popular music. The media is planned to hold in this place, so you will waste money trying to find contentment in valueless purchases. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you must consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future - whether you are with him or not.


6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up. As it could not last, it will not last, it is best that it’s over with now, instead of in the future when much more will be at stake. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being unsupported later.


7) Realize that you may be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it. You wouldn’t be too human if you had no emotions at all. Maybe you’ll spend a week or two listening to sad music and drinking too much. Just don’t let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on to your new and better life. You have learned something here.

8) You can now learn from your mistakes and get a better companion for your future. That doesn’t mean you should pay them more attention or buy more gifts, or trap someone, you absolutely must not.
If you want a man to be head over heels in love with you, you must be a worthwhile person in yourself. 


Ninety percent of men want a good sex partner - you are seeking a 30% that will continuously participate and contribute actively to a shared life as well - it is called a partnership for a reason. 


9) Never, ever take advice from your friends, on how to get men. They will lie, and tell you to be nice and be yourself and/or buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. And be aware, another STD, or unplanned child, is not a good idea.
The best person to take advice from is the older genuine woman who has succeeded in what you have worked out you want.


10) Realize that a lot of modern men will never be the perfect man, your 100% soulmate, or a white knight in shining armor. This is the stuff of a fantasy novel, and for your sanity, best left inside the books.

These are some men whom you cannot please no matter what. If you’re dating such a man you should let him go immediately and find a better companion. Don’t fall for the romance idea. He is an abuser in waiting.


11) If you need physical closeness or sex- find a companion with that mutually in mind, or ideally - as Napolean Hill says - transmute it - redirect the hormonal and societal thinking into an achievement power for yourself, and your new future.

Getting over a breakup is actually quite easy when you think about it in a logical way, and don’t listen to others.

 Dust yourself off and find yourself a better life, - there are sports, hobbies, building an empire, cats, gardening, dogs, sports, books - many many things to refocus your life on. 

 Be a better person yourself - for yourself.

Recommended links to Help you....


Hobby ideas from amazon.
 

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

 Want to still get your ex back - Oprah's relationship specialist has the answers for you.



Or do take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground, and get what you want easily.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

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Is my relationship OK? The ten indicators that maybe it is not, and time to move on.

My life desires - a contemplation.

Really the questions are; can I accept this partner's actions, male or female - while I change them? Or what are we each getting out of this partnership - emotionally and psychologically, as well as physically.

Some people are slow, or resistive to change - so "do I want to change me?" is the other question you must ask yourself.
 

One of the best signs of a healthy relationship, on a basic level is from Winnie the Pooh, by A.A. Milne.

 Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 

This goes both ways - you must establish what will bring that thinking out in your partner, and consistently do that, to keep a good relationship. As it would be valid for you to teach them, how you might best like it.

In a perfectly healthy relationship, as it progresses, you do feel sure of your partner- without having to ask for their reassurance..(Trust).

There are some signs of unhealthy relationships, and we often ignore the 'red flags' in the rush of enthusiasm. Not everyone is perfect, of course, the level of imperfection you decide to accept - is your choice, and decision alone.

10 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships 

 

The worst sign of all types of unhealthy relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk about what your partner says and does to you, then it’s an unhealthy relationship.
Another big sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved, a major amount of the time, when you’re with your partner.

If either of these is the case, you need to evaluate properly

• a- the rewards of persisting;

• b- the how to- of changing you or them;

• c- your sanity and or safety;

Some relationships are better at a distance, or with different people - the key word to consider is partnership - with all of its qualities. 


Read on......for the 10 most unhealthy signs......


1. You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret. If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your partner says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect her or him, then it’s time to get out of that unhealthy relationship. You’re not just with the wrong girl or guy…you’re helping them being the wrong type of person.

2. Your partner wants you to change. If your partner doesn’t love you as you are, and says or verbalizes a requirement that you change - you must consider truthfully 1;- whether it would be better to change; or 2;- is this a one-sided method of control.
This is one of the most important signs of unhealthy relationships: a woman who doesn’t love or accept you as you are.Or a man. Your partner has fantasy's of some type, - do you want to be part of that fantasy? And is it worth it to keep up with it long-term?

3. Your partner doesn’t trust you. Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your partner doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your actions. You may be doing something or acting in a way that makes them insecure - equally - it is very very common for many not nice people to accuse you of what they are in fact doing or planning.
If it is the first, find out how to make it easier for both of you, if it is the second -talk about it quietly.
If it does not change - leave- quietly, and with both of your safety in mind. If they open your mail (as an new or unusual practice) or show up at work unexpectedly, he or she doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which needs to addressed;- being best together with a rabbi, priest, or similar 'impartial' believable authority as soon as possible.

4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others. If they call you names, ridicule your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, even in jest (joking) more than once or twice - then they're no good for you! You can address the first one or two times, by saying about how you feel when they.. and you would prefer this .... behaviour.  
Should they minimize your request, or continue to do it, or even discuss it in the third person with you or others  - leave - their internal psychology is too immature for the life you want.

5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship. Does your 'partner' make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and a definitely either time to find out how to bring the relationship closer to a 50/50 contribution of thought or reality - or a sign it’s time to get out. Most importantly if you aren’t being treated equally,

6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals. If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples will have the same focus.
 
7. Your partner says they love you, but doesn’t act like they love you. Believe their nonverbal behavior (actions) over verbal behavior (talk,money, and things are cheap!). If she or he talks down to you, this needs to stop - it is verbal abuse, and leads to power and control issues a lot of people cannot manage.

8. You feel unhealthy, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship. This tip is based on the quote of Piglet and Winnie the Pooh above. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong person. If you truthfully putting in the effort to be the best you can, and honestly applying yourself to the partnership and you still have a perception of insecurity- it’s a sign you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you should think about leaving.

If your 'friend' or partner makes you feel unhealthy about yourself, they may have more unspoken challenges than you.You must create some distance -- be it emotionally or physically while you make yourself stronger.
 If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, learn how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.read The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans.


9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationship. We shouldn't choose our partners based on our family and friends’ opinions, in fact, some families are the cause of all the problems - but  we should evaluate their opinions. If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, ask for specific reasons. Find out the true basis of their feelings, and try to be objective, - do be aware they might be feeling insecure themselves.

10. You’re wondering about the warning signs of unhealthy relationships. The most important warning sign of love 'gone unhealthy' is your intuitive feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? The primary question to ask is would you want your sister, best friend, son or daughter to be in this relationship?
To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave an unhealthy relationship, you may need to talk to someone.

If these signs of unhealthy relationships are pointing you out the door, read Be Brave and How to End a Relationship - It was written it for all us who know their relationship is not helping us, but want to leave either safely, with some of our dignity intact, or with a future harmony in life.

The best way to predict if your relationship will last is to ask yourself if you’re willing to keep living with these signs of unhealthy relationships. What do you want from your life, relationship, what level can your partner meet? You are allowed to claim your own life. Don’t end up being be a passive observer in it! 

 Thought for the Day: Because I set a standard, I attract those who are good for me. I am strong. I have the courage to say NO to those who are wrong, and the goodwill to say YES to those who are right for me.

Recommended resources to help you...choose a couple....


Winnie the Pooh - a fable well worth having and reading


Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft


'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.


 Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

Relationship and marriage enhancement and improvement techniques and help.

*If your situation is unsafe/or may be unsafe - get local trusted registered professional advice from more than two unrelated identities.see important note. 

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