How do you become gullible and why? And how can you tell if you are? Can it be fixed?

Accepting the status quo?

Being gullible generally requires some sort of action/response, such as handing money to a scammer, or being conned to donate time to another's cause or mission.

So, really it is being manipulated - generally by emotion - to give up something of value for something of little (particularly future) value.

These organizations, or people - exploit the gullible, by taking advantage of victims, and their lack of awareness in that situation. Whether it is your most un-favorite politician, a panhandler, or 'narcissist,' or the lawyer exploiting you.
It can best be described as giving trust when one should not have, or misplaced trust, not just once, but repeatedly. Always giving some unearned advancement of assets to the manipulator.

 
Gullibility in itself is somewhat amusing game for the observers. And the manipulator's ego thrives on this -them often being a 'damaged child' or 'lost soul' -- of course this is a prime indicator of someone to avoid in life.

What Damage Can Gullibility Cause? 

While many argue that it is harmless for people to believe whatever they want, as it is indeed their freedom to do so, the problem is gullibility or on the other hand, manipulative or exploitative behaviour, is never limited just a few beliefs, but rather is a pervasive pattern in that person's life, including politics and social interactions, and that affects other people, and the world as a whole.

Gullibility and health
People make decisions about health based on their beliefs, not always their own health, but those of their relatives and children. Belief in mainstream medicine often prevents that person from taking actions to prevent disease. As a belief in a fashionable diet trend, or anti-authority position leads them down a path to the nearest guru - whose self importance is his or her total aim. While beliefs are good, to be swayed by a singular and exclusive trend, is not of help to you.

Gullibility and Finance
While most financial opportunities simply have the gullible victim willingly handing over money, one particular type of scam apart from the standard banking system, does stand out;- the pyramid scheme.
A pyramid scheme takes advantage of gullible people by turning them into associates to recruit even more victims. Instead of the scammer defrauding dozens of people personally, they find two gullible people to pay and join up, convince them each to find two more gullible people to pay and join up, and repeat for as long as it lasts.
This is no different than your bank or share-market, apart from the fact is is unregulated, and more likely for the originators or their affiliates to take your assets or cash and leave you without.

Gullibility and Religion
Are religious people more gullible? The evidence is very clear, there are signs that religious people have a 'positive' bias, in that they believe fellow members will not be out to hurt them, regardless of the facts. Scammers often take advantage of this by pulling an 'affinity scam', where they join the church or the administration, to get close to the pastor and/or members in order to abuse them later.
NOTE: Affinity scam can be used on any sort of group, from religion to community to race to professional organization, even love relationships.

What Causes Gullibility? A few components:

1. Situation -- victim was influenced by social situation, such as 'friends.'
2. Cognition -- victim does not recognize the danger signs of a con man/woman or a standard manipulative plan.
3. Personality -- victim is susceptible to belief invocations.
4. State --incapacitated in some way, to make rational decisions
5. Seeking or desiring of something for nothing, or 'lazy.'
6. Expects or hopes the worlds comes to them.

Cognitive Tricks Scammers Use

Scammers use a variety of tricks to influence your thinking / cognition. Many of them involve logical fallacies, and others involve misdirection, half-truths or outright lies. Something like a deceptive lawyer or realtor.  Here are a few you need to be aware of (this list is NOT meant to be a comprehensive list).

Priming the Pump
Fundraisers, auctioneers, realtors, internet gurus, and scammers, all use this trick: when you put an offer in front of people, few if any will volunteer to be first. Those who are between yes and no often will want to see someone else go first, put their money in, THEN they will join the crowd and jump in.
These manipulators know this too, and they often have friends as 'shills', who pretend to be one of the normal, and start to buy up whatever it is the influencers are selling. And are reimbursed or favoured in some way. This is often enough to allow the seduced people to be deceived with the courage that 'it must be OK, look these normal people are doing it.'

Dominant Personality
People are swayed by dominant personality, and that is a fact. Just because a group agreed with a decision doesn't mean the decision was actually MADE by the whole group. Many use this by presenting in a seminar where they are actively pushing this idea upon you, the passive audience. When they are sufficiently fast-talking nobody will be asking questions, as they push the right emotional triggers and dominate your decision making abilities.


Claim Authority
By presenting oneself as the authority on the issue (no matter the validity of this claim) one automatically gains some sort of recognition, as if others are recognizing that if one is willing to put oneself in front of the group, one must have conviction about whatever it is he or she is pushing.
Lawyers, immature marketers, corrupt politicians, and scammers often take advantage of this by hiring fake experts or have the experts present a one sided perception of the events, as this is what they are paid to do.

How to Fight Gullibility

Following are things you can do to reduce your own gullibility, by exerting control over the factors named earlier.

• Always consider the Long-Term -- The manipulator has, and is. You must think this too. 

• You do not have to nice to everyone--Even at best, only 50% of people have the skills to obtain what they want without theft or manipulation - It is perfectly OK to avoid or not converse with these people.

• Record-- Take notes in front of your abuser, or manipulator - or use your phone or a recording device to record the interaction. 'To go over, or review later to make sure I understand'... or....'for training purposes.'    Mostly they have the right to a copy, yet you have the right to make them pay full legal pay rates before you release the copy. Don't tell them this, just 'I can get a copy to you later if you want - just send me a note if you need it.' Then reply with an account stating 'thank you for your request of xx - $xxxx-- copy sent upon receipt of cleared nonrefundable funds in full. Do please allow x days from receipt of payment'
• Have your interactions in front of a CCTV camera you hold the key for - if it is on your private property - (and you have generic signage obvious) your footage is yours. Do remind them as they leave, to only ever come back if you ask them to.

• Avoid Temptation -- if you know you're vulnerable to certain situations, don't go there. Much like breaking an addiction habit, you must avoid situations where you're forced into making decisions that you will regret later.

• Time Out -- refuse to commit to one side or another, play a little confused if you have to - go home and think about it. Do NOT make impulsive decisions. This also works when you are exhausted, either emotionally or physically and thus not capable of making proper decisions.

• Counter-attack -- instead of being pushed (such as high-pressure sales pitch), you push back, by countering with a question (what exactly did you call me for?), ask for a quick summary (You have 60 seconds) - then do not listen to it- put the phone down, meditate, or look past them focusing on a far away point; or interruption ( 'gee - just get to the point'), and so on. Instead of them pushing you, you push them. This disrupts their 'script' and puts them on the defensive.

• Escape clause -- find a way to get away, get out, avoid having to make a decision before you have gathered all the information to satisfy you.

• Sanity Check -- bring a friend, a relative, a trusted minister or rabbi; - Do make sure you bring someone who is 'wiser' and calmer than you are. Go back to the record or take notes for later plan.

• Critical Thinking -- learn what is critical thinking, preferably as early as possible, This would also cover logical fallacies (i.e. how to make something that seem logical but isn't) so you can spot those being used on you.

• Healthy Skepticism -- not cynicism, but understanding the source of the information, what bias it may contain, and how much of it is real raw information, and how much of it is "spin" and "opinion". Just because a scientist, religious person, or salesperson says so doesn't make it so, unless there is evidence.

• General Education --Learn for yourself the techniques the manipulators use- so you can avoid them.  
• Learn the legislation or rules, the other party operates with - Udemy online is a good place to learn from- and the loopholes they prefer. 
• Ask for the rules/acts, an authentic offerer will allow you full access, 'What are the 10 most common?' is a great question, followed by, 'hang on - I'll just write them down'; - or if you are buying something, ask 'what is the most common reason for return for this year? last year? why? how exactly is this one different? What exactly does the warranty/guarantee cover? Let's have a look at it -the written version - shall we?'

The Ultimate questions-- 

• Will this help me or my life long term? 

• What am I going to get out of all this as we go along? 

• Can I afford the cost of the time and or money out of my life? -- I do only live once.

"I know one thing: that I know nothing." - Socrates

 Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...

• Patricia Evan's books:- Recognizing and dealing with verbal abuse. (read them all!)

• George Simon's books:- Dealing with manipulative people. (buy and read them all!)

• 'The Dangerous Woman'  or  'Venus the dark side'  -- Both Highly recommended reads

Les brown - the master of motivation - helping you. and-
 

Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.







Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

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Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

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Controlling Parents - are they all the same? Why can't I have my own life as an adult?

Our Lives are both unique and tied.

Controlling Parents – How Ever Do You Cope?!!  You only want to stop being manipulated by your mom and/or dad. Just an ordinary problem free relationship or visits must be possible. Many adult children who have controlling parents, think that.

To recognize the unease you have is a very positive step forward in your life.


There are lots of stories, where the 'controlled' children remained out their influencer's reach, and then succeeded remarkably well in their lives. As many millions of dollars, pounds, or francs have been made by the distancing practice as have the family support model. Interestingly enough, predominantly - the dollars/pounds - rather than other cultural upbringings.


To get started, let us assume, you are an adult trying to make your own way in the world- 


1- Let go of your need to please your parents. We do grow up seeking approval, affirmation, and love from our parents, and that really is OK. Even as grown children, we may want them to keep loving us, approving of us etc.,  and that is why it’s difficult to confront them, when we don’t want to disappoint or anger them.
A secret for coping with controlling parents – or any toxic person in your life – is to recognize your need to please them, and let go of it. Or, at the least, learn how to observe it all in the third person.


2-Learn to recognize emotional blackmail. This is one of the best ways to take your life back, - (from any abuser in fact) - and you have started by your questions.
If you have controlling parents, you may recognize that they disguise their criticism with jokes at your expense, or by pointedly saying how well another is doing - seeming to try to make you feel guilty for past behavior, or constantly make you feel bad about your life.
They don’t seem to want to let you live your life! Before confronting difficult parents, it’s important to recognize and learn to deal with emotional blackmail.


3-Separate emotion from an action plan. An action plan says, "I want a better life, better relationships. and I will have it for me." You might have to do something you don’t want to do;-  change a job you enjoy parts of, move to a different place, set and stay with your boundaries, develop some assertiveness, and stand up to other  members of the family. All good challenges for you to meet.
It is easy to take your life back, and it’s effective.
Put aside the emotions of "I’m scared/tired/frustrated/miserable," - you were taught these responses for your parents benefit.


4-Stop wishing your parents less controlling, or different. These controlling parents are yours, and if you’re still wishing they were different, that is a good start, yet won't help your reality to change. Don’t  give up hope for a better relationship with your parents, as an adult you now have a different one.  They may continue to be overbearing, difficult, and so on....but really you are now an adult, and you are free to distance yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. Start a little today.


 5-Cut your financial ties to parents who want to control. Some parents use a supply or not of money to control you- which might be OK as a child, but instead of staying financially beholden, you might find ways to free herself and take your life back. A bank loan is definitely not ideal, yet if you are 200% sure it is worth it and you can pay the interest - fees - and - principal off - it could be worth the release - even if the money was originally a gift.
It’s not a 'gift' if it’s taking an emotional toll, and used as such. Or, if everyone agrees that the money isn’t owed (the mortgage help or baby food was a gift, for example), then sign something together, that states there is no money owing - and put it somewhere independently safe.This paper contractual evidence does help.



6- Services- If a big deal or drama is made over babysitting - usually- start a babysitting club with some trustworthy friends. If they are helping maintain your home, or lifestyle - get some friends around to do yours and the friends. Your parents must redefine their own lives. If a regular visit, or meal is a trial - leave the county, or country - and send lovely postcards or photos on that family day. Your mental health, and your overall well-being will remarkably improve.


7- Same house-/accommodation- Develop different hobbies, or at least something educational or creative, Udemy has plenty of good courses for in home study - that separates your life from theirs.
They will disapprove, that is their power and control technique - listen -empathize - and move on with your life.
Moving out may be a better option - they will complain - abuse - cry - gossip etc. etc.- you can allow them this; - again - observe in the third person -move on with your life. Then they can begin to move on with theirs.

Read - Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.

Then read or watch some harmless humour - and now begin to move forward in your life.


Are your parents toxic, and perhaps even destructive? A small percentage are, and they have a massive societal effect. Give up your expectations - it is your life, and you are allowed it. Assist them if you wish - that is fair enough - it helps them to feel as they have been acknowledged for the work in bringing you up. This is what most 'normal' parents are seeking.

 You must begin to 'rule' or take charge of your own life, it may be the healthiest thing you ever do for yourself.



Recommended links to help you...

Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -

Or take an Assertiveness course. These will help you stand your ground without becoming aggressive or hostile.
If you feel physically intimidated by people, you might want to consider a self-defense course, or training books as well.



Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

Plan your next escape ; - you choose where to - with Webjet.

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Why does everyone else seem to be happy? What is their secret?

A youthful happiness for us.

Finding your Happiness, is it even possible?

Picture the child at the playground, or the party, - with bags of lollies or nice clothes. She or he is surrounded by toys, doting parents, and other happy kids.

Yet, although their world appears to be exactly as they’d want it, they are sobbing in apparent distress.

A dramatic representation for sure, yet many of us are not all that different from the little boy or girl on the playground. Many of us are going about, or seeing happiness distinctly wrong.

Despite what we may believe,or are told, we are not really seeking our own happiness at all. We at times don’t know ourselves well enough to figure out what we actually want. We conform to the ideas and ideals of our society, our family, and other influences, that sway our own point of view.

Unless we are careful, we spend our lives repeating patterns and filling other's prescriptions from our past, that don’t serve us in the present, and we wind up seeking someone else’s idea of happiness for us.

There are many influences from our early environment that we internalize, repeat or adapt to.
For example, a narcissistic parent who acted superior and domineering. Perhaps, she boasted about herself, while putting you down or disregarding you completely. Growing up, you may take on her point of view toward yourself.
You will have mean thoughts or “critical inner voices” that tell you you’re inferior or that you are insignificant and only take up space.

You'll also run the risk of repeating the negative traits of your parent, in which case, you’ll notice having your own thoughts or feelings of superiority or entitlement.

Maybe you’ll act out the same condescending, critical attitudes toward your children, or your partner/s, or sidestep confrontation, to retreat into your self and avoid standing out.

These adaptations will have made you feel safe in your childhood, but these same traits will be hurting you and holding you back as an adult.

To achieve true happiness, we have to drop the baggage from our past, and resist any urge to play the victim role that others prefer us in.
When we acknowledge our own ability to choose, and thence our own power, we have a much stronger sense of resilience and can better handle life.

 Happiness involves maturity, knowing we that can’t control others, only ourselves.
Being parental toward those around us keeps us from focusing on changes we can make for ourselves. On the other side, being childish and allowing others to control us, again, undermines our power and potential.

Overall, contentment or happiness doesn’t come from filling our days with fun things. Thrill-seeking and instant gratifications don’t work for too long, as we become numb to them, or tired of the efforts as they fail to fulfill us on a deeper level.
To find and lead a life that has particular meaning to us, we can feel more satisfied and joyful.


   Happiness means being willing to evolve. We are most alive when we plan and expand and try new things. Happiness means maintaining your interest in new and lively choices that will keep the spark inside you alive.

When we look at these principles, we quickly realize that seeking happiness isn’t selfish. When we are authentic, happy and fulfilled individuals, we are far better for the people around us and for society at large.
We are better parents, better partners, better bosses, co-workers, friends and citizens. As we follow the path we have carved for ourselves, we can still expect old influences to seep in and critical inner voices to flood our heads.

It is up to us to satisfy, and answer those thoughts to some degree, thus freeing us, and allowing our release from their hold.

We then become the designers of our happiness, and begin to lead a fulfilling life.




Recommend links to help you.


Astrology Karmic Love readings for you today.

Grow yourself online in the privacy of your own home


Live Tarot readers for you today.


Desktop Tarot, books, cards and more - for you and your friends.




photo courtesy Yann - Wikipedia commons - Enfants dansant, Journée internationale de la Paix 2009, Genève.

How to get back to normal after a threatening and horrible event, finding a path way through.

Cage of life and humanity

Getting back to normal after a threatening and horrible event, or even finding a path way through the mixed emotions we feel, and the events we relive in our minds; seems like an insurmountable struggle against the world.

Fear becomes a way of life. You don't trust yourself, and don't trust anyone else, either. Some people respond to their outer critics by acting out against others, or to batten down the hatches and disappear.

Most peoples responses are to never fully trust again, period.

In moderation, that is a valid approach in part, as the trusting-ness often led us into the situation. 
Put back in your mind though; that not 100% of the world are awful 100% of the time. Some good in humanity, and nature at different times, does exist.

Being labelled with PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress, it does seem accurate - all we really want to do is:-

1- not have had it happened,

2- never have it happen again to us,

3- destroy the person or cause responsible, for some small level of satisfaction.
 (number 3 is a good plan - but stay within your regime's or jurisdiction's law - 
- it does save time and hassles) 

4-focus on rebuilding what we had, or desired.

********

 Despite it all being “invisible” externally, is as real as a devastating physical wound, for those that suffer its disabling effects.

On a positive note - in time - we do become healed, and better equipped for the future with our new knowledge.

It can keep getting triggered by small reminders, only serving to hold us, or put us back in a place of not coping, or unsure even if our feelings our valid, or is it OK to even think that way.

No one else, really understands what we have been through, and they offer only bandages or platitudes which serve to cover the inner damage we feel.

To us it is as real as this moment now sometimes, - our inner critic's voices questioning us, and the seeming intensity of all we only wish to be dulled, so that we can cope, and get on with our life.

We do need to silence the lies that those inner voices (responses) tell us about ourselves, that we have used for so long as part of a coping method. -  (NB. they are usually invocations from someone wanting power over you).
The inner critic tells you that you're defective and responsible for every bad thing that happens to you. The outer critic tells you that most human beings shouldn’t be trusted because they are all potentially, dangerous.
Both your inner critic and outer critic lie to you.

Most of the stress comes from the list of thoughts above, and our lack of resources, or even being allowed to deal with it.

Your plan for you, is to develop thoughts of altering your responses, not abolishing the feelings.

To re-frame the events and responses as a movie (in which you are a less passionate observer is perfect, or to re-frame or physically distance yourself is as good).

Being respectful of a your internal resistance, is critical in your long term improvement...gentle, respectful work is amazingly powerful.

*not pushing for results- as your abuser/authority has done, and who are never satisfied until they fully disable you, driving you into a deep depression and isolation from others - This is the politician's,- banker's,- abuser's,- authority's, and warmonger's game plan, to have ultimate control over you.

Whether it is war, losing friends, family, or your things; being hurt physically or psychologically - we can improve our lives to a happy place - or one of contentment with ourselves at least.

You are allowed, and it is OK to become the leader in your own life.



Recommended links to help you.

Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.

photo courtesy wikipedia commons peter cruise

Will I find the right person for me? Discovering if or if - not, and why.

Finding the right one for me

How will I know when I meet the right person? - or  - Is this really the right person for me?''


I often hear these questions, and have asked them at times too.



There are different reasons why people get together.....

• To seek/receive or give love, validation, security and safety
• To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually
• To satisfy physical (includes safety as well as sexual) needs
• To leave a current situation for a better, or hopeful situation.

In a perfect world for the normal among us - the sharing, or mutual growth is the ideal.


If you feel insecure and alone, you are likely to look for someone who will fill that little bit of inner emptiness, and give you the love you are seeking; so you feel adequate and worthy.

The problem is that no one can do this for you forever; - it is something you really only can do for yourself.

  Instead of asking the question, "Is this the right person for me?" why not ask, "Am I being the right person?" Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation? Or is the other person too needy for me right now?

Relationships don't work sometimes because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from the other person. (The long-term dream).



Here are few essential ingredients to look for, to see if the person is to be the right person for you:

• There needs to be a basic spark of attraction. Mentally and physically; you can learn this easily if you choose to.

• Each of you needs to be capable of caring, compassion, empathy and acceptance for who each of you are. An ease of acceptance, with a tolerance of the individuality present.

• Both of you need to be open to learning in conflict, rather than just wanting to win and be right.

• Both are best to want to learn or to have similar views on your future lives.

Other ingredients, such as common interests and values, acceptance of beliefs, etc, are also important, but the above three ingredients, will help to sustain the relationship.
 

To know if this is the right person for you, be aware if your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share. A person who comes from a growing or full place within, notices others, and may be attracted to a similar level person.


N.B. Conflict of some sort can occur in all relationships, and if both people are not open to learning about themselves and each other within it, the unresolved conflicts will eventually cause the end of a relationship. Since not many of us enter relationships fully healed, it is important to know that your partner is willing to work through things, rather than just protect against it with controlling behavior.
Mutuality is a good plan, as the unilateral desire to control things and manipulate them to satisfy our ideal outcome doesn't come from love. It comes from the fear of letting go, the fear that things aren’t going to turn out the way you want them to. Fear and control do not seem to make happy partners.


Develop a contentment within yourself - the positive results will surprise you. 



Some recommended links to start you on your better life..... 

  Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it

Live Tarot readers - to find a new direction - for you today.


Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition 






Every Relationship starts with a date - search for free now.


Recommended link

Find people you know, a search by Spokeo

pic courtesy of pdp.net Sabine Sauermaul

Valentines day? - Do they want me? - or all I want is good hot sex! - or how many gifts can I say I got? -

All of the above? Or a notion of love.

Valentines day is an emotional time for many, whether they are acknowledged or not.

Either knowing that you are recognized as desirable - or being able to show others in your world that.

**Therein lies the secret for your success.

It for some - might be the biggest gift they receive that reinforces their worth. Or how many different gifts/cards/notes they get.

Primarily for women, it is a recognition as a status symbol, as the main response driver. For men, historically, it is that their actions were accepted:- by the one's that their minds, or body's - desire.

A number of adequate sized gifts, and/or a memorable event, has the most rewarding effect

Take care, as the precedent you set may need be a repeatable action, to continue getting the reactions you want.

Especially above the age of about 22 yrs, or after 10 or so years of dating, a pattern of behavior/response becomes apparent.

They expect, -> you act in the hope of a future, ->  and the reward goes to the one who supplied the emotive key preconceived; or even set up before, as a desire.

Just the same, as effective advertising, by choosing and fulfilling your clients desires, they give you the custom.

As a plant grows from a seed, you can expect the success you want:- by supplying or setting the right environment, and the planning, and enacting the right care.

Choose your seeds wisely though- a quality seed produces a better plant.


Recommended link to help you now
Search & Find your new Love Online.com

                   
    or

Recommended link to help you now

Find people you know, a search by Spokeo

pic courtesy of publicdomainpics.net Sabine Sauermaul

The ability to arouse our emotions either for good or bad is what really drives us

We can either do this for ourselves, or allow others to do it for - or
to us.


Your ability to use emotion to connect with others is something that will have a profound impact on your success in the world.

People are seeking connection, and  this is one of the most important things others generally desire. Their decision-making ability is based on emotions, and/or the seeking of that connection.

One of the biggest mistakes most of us make in our work or business, is thinking that being professional is enough. As well as the practical skills, an emotional connection and to allow another to  feel connected or heard

The more of a bond you create with others, the more you are likely to be employed, and the more you are likely to do well.

If people feel an emotional connection to you, they are likely to want to be around you.


A note in point - if someone is unable to connect with others emotionally, they will typically feel alone and isolated.

Connectivity is what every relationship is built upon. It’s getting in touch, feeling what the people you are with feel, seeing life the way they see it, and looking at the situation from their point of view.

 It’s about conveying to others that you appreciate what they’re doing and that they are of some value.


You can do this even if you do not like them,and what they are doing at that moment may not be of use;-

 Yet to them it is - so encourage them for what good they do.

As you must encourage and value you for the good you do.

pic courtesy of  www.public-domain-image.com