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| Developing the warrior within. |
When you start to question; Are there are any good people in the World?
It is usually at a time when your trust has been betrayed, or you are tired of giving yet not getting what you thought was a fair in return.
Surviving the ups, downs of other people’s emotions can be a challenge.
It is important, though, to remember
that some moody, negative people may be going through a difficult stage
in their lives.
Even though that is no excuse for their behavior - or in fact no excuse for you allowing it in your life.
They may be ill, chronically worried, or not knowing how to get the love and emotional support they are thinking they need.
These people need to
be supported, and shown how to achieve what they want - usually by a good therapist - as their life to date has not yet fully equipped them for the world.
Don't tell them this, you'll usually not like the response you get, - it is better to let their role models encourage them. You primarily need to protect yourself
from their behavior.
If the actions are persistent and damaging - to you especially: this of a
toxic bully, who will use her or his mood swings to intimidate and
manipulate you or others in their world.
If you can observe these people closely, you will notice that
their attitude is overly self-referring - which means all activities in their life are designed to reinforce their value in
their world.
Read the
'Miss Battles' post again. Then the
Being Brave and How to End....post, and return to here.
Their relationships are organized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish
needs.
To be selfish is good, yet one would say - not at the expense of damaging others.
It is better for your health and success in life to avoid any future contact, with these people, no matter how wealthy, attractive, or what they may seem to offer you.
If you compare it to a false politician, verbalizing promises, yet giving nothing of their own to the cause, or a typical gangster approach, to give you a $5 item they got for free, in return for hours of your life; then their associates will take it off you again for later use.
There really are better people in the world, look for them, at the same time making time and space for them by ditching the toxic ones until they grow out of that phase.
They might never, that doesn't matter,
you must stay well, healthy, and successful to be of value to yourself, and the world.
9 Easy Ways to Deal with Toxic People
1) Move on without them.
When someone keeps on destructively dictating the
emotional atmosphere, then be very clear: they are toxic. If you are
suffering because of their attitude, and your compassion, or patience, doesn’t seem to help them, or you are not their paid therapist- and they
don’t seem to care one bit, then quickly and quietly create a distance.
When you delete toxic people from your environment it becomes a lot
easier to breathe. In fact if you find yourself holding your breath around someone - you are aware of the threat this one may be to you.
A healthy relationship is reciprocal; it will be give and take, on agreed terms as in a partnership.
2) Stop pretending their toxic behavior is OK.
Toxic people use their behavior to
get preferential treatment, because this is their learnt pattern. They don’t change until an overwhelming catastrophe hits them, encouraging introspection.
Decide now - not to be influenced by their behavior.
Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with. Even from an off-duty or want to be film-star. If
someone over the age 18 can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a
semi-regular basis, it’s time to…
3) Speak up
Stand up for yourself in your own mind. Be quiet about it, as nearly all of these people both women and men, are dishonest when it comes to getting their ultimate way.
(For future reference this is their Achilles heel); These people will do anything for their own personal gain at the expense
of others – cut in line, take money and property, bully and belittle,
pass guilt, etc.
Much as you might like to confront them
, do not do it directly- do it in a humorous way- this will get through to them after 2-3 times. and not at their or your expense. You really are dealing with the worst example of humanity underneath that facade they have.
4) Bring their actions into the open
We are dealing with a naughty toddler here, and they will try to get what they want with secrecy.
They usually, have duped the authorities, if not actually being one.
To protect you, you must bring their behaviour on show - they won't mind so much - as this will make them feel important.
Have all your conversations with another person, or persons present. Or of course on tape, or CCTV if you hold the key.
Ask
the authorities in their life " Is Jonah or Roz
(put your attackers name here) OK? they seem like there is something going on at home/work - with their parents/children." This brings the toxic person to the notice of someone who may have influence to re-direct their behavior.
That does not mean the police or Guardia, it means those who they respect - even if you do not.
5) Put your foot down.
Your dignity will be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but
it can never be taken away forever, unless you willingly surrender it.
This is their aim by the way.
It’s all
about finding the strength to defend your boundaries.
Start with a
self-defense course, or
training books - and after a few weeks verbalize to - not them- but to others in their social/work group how good the course is. Do not invite them to it.
Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled, leave their presence continuously. Ending any conversations with
sickening sweetness, or just plain abruptness saying you are called away to do something important. The message is clear:
There is no reward for subtle control, and no games will be played at your
end.
6) Don’t take their toxic behavior personally.
It’s them, not you. KNOW this. They have selected you, because you looked like an easy target, you most probably listened to them at some stage,
and, you have something they want.
Toxic people will try to imply that somehow you’ve done
something wrong, or create situations that set you up to fail.
If you notice this once - leave - these people are criminals in whatever clothing they wear.
If they are your employer or boss, learn what they allow you to learn, wisely and
quietly accumulate a resource fund, and get a new income source, quickly. These people are always subject to high level fraud, work, and environmental safety inquiries - and they will use you as the sacrifice, with a smile on their face.
Remember, take nothing personally. What they say and do, and the
opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection. Just leave, and find the better people in the world.
7) Practice practical compassion.
Some toxic seeming people are
genuinely distressed, or even mentally and physically ill,
but you still need to separate their issues from how they
behave toward you.
If you let people get away with
anything because
they are distressed, facing a medical condition, etc this will reinforce the bad behavior. Do have a human concern, do listen to them, yet do value your own life. A nurse must eat, in order to care for her or his patients.
8) Take time for yourself.
If you think you are forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure
you get enough alone time to relax, rest, and recuperate. Online courses are good - as it gives the implied promise, you are becoming a better person for them. Choose one from
Udemy they have a great selection. And Meditation, in some form, allows an 'escape'- see the links below.
Having to
play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of toxic
moodiness (control) is damaging, and the toxicity can
infect you. Read the
wrong relationship post, then come back here.
It is OK for you to think peacefully,
free from external pressure and toxic behavior.
9) Bring on the catastrophe.
No that doesn't mean inviting your favourite terrorist to shoot them, or blow up their house or work. Or setting fire to their place, or putting them in line of disaster. Or cutting their car or truck brake lines, or getting the local gang to intimidate them. Or even for you to say or write that.
They of course will do all of these things.
You must not. as you will get in trouble - no matter how valid this reaction might be. They are not worth it. Think you are worth more, which you are.
They are aware of all these, and are the consummate liars of the world, and have the worst of the worst friends in their support system.
The best results, are by you leaving their clutches, they no longer have that toy, or that resource they can use or to play with. Read the woodcutter post- and come back here.
If not, and you do have the time, and energy..........
- Again; Ask the authorities in their life " Is Jonah or Roz (put your attackers name here) OK? they seem like there is something going on at home/work - with their parents/children." .
- Or if they have horses or animals ask the animal welfare/control authorities - "are you sure X's animals are OK? they seem distressed for the last..."
- If they have children - do the same for the child health/protection agencies.
- If they have a car/boat/truck -there are regulatory authorities that love their ego boosted - so ask them "are you sure these are legitimate?"
- Contact the tax revenue office - and ask "how can they have all this?.... it looks like it has been going on for years"
- If you are at a school, or workplace (needing what they have to offer) - use the same ideas - also possibly ask questions of the external administration authority " I'm not sure..but it looked like X is doing this" - whatever will threaten the organizations positive public impression.
- If they are your landlady or landlord, take care (the walls have ears), any emails/phone calls/communications must be done away from the building - the same goes for work by the way- Do not complain about your own space until you leave, anonymously complain about the adjacent unit they own, and then invite the inspector in, if it is safe - for a coffee or water, questioning the faults only in conversation.
- Present yourself well, conform on the outside, at minimal cost to you - use the dollar store to decorate the apartment or residence with a few noticeable things they like, pictures/ornaments.
- Plan to leave - ensuring you are paid up, and you have uploaded videos or photos to protect you to a private safe source say DriveHQ-
- If you live with them, forget it - re-read the previous 8 points, and build yourself up, and leave.
****
Enlist a trusted friend to post your letters, or phone asking the questions - so if asked you can say it wasn't you.
You must be anonymous, no matter what privacy rules are in place, the toxic person all so often is a charmer on the outside, and very, very vindictive.
Make very sure what you say is truthful - at sometime you will be held to account.
Present yourself well, conform on the outside, at minimal cost to you -
use the dollar store to decorate your life with a few noticeable things they like, pictures/ornaments etc.
Do be aware nearly all of these people both women and men, are dishonest when it
comes to getting their ultimate way.
These people will do anything for their own
personal gain, at your expense and sacrifice.
Recommended Links to help you...Choose a couple...
Discover the ideas to achieve the life of your dreams, with help from the master of success.
Become Self Assertive, and more a Confident you, from today with -
Become the best you can be with Mindmint
Assertiveness training, stress handling techniques by the world famous David Bonham-Carter.
Turn your computer into the ultimate meditation assistant.
Creative Visualization, Manifesting, Guided Meditation, Self Hypnosis, Improving your Intuition
pic courtesy pixabay
Buy Roy Sheppards book - "..Be The One", and read it, and start to work at it
