How to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship, or saying I'm not good enough.

As a Maiden making your own way in the world

The feeling of "not good enough" to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people, is common.
Feeling insecure, you might both enter and end many promising relationships because of your perceptions or yourself. Or how you have been trained as a child, by parents with their own issues.

Many a time walking away, rather than risking rejection is how we might deal with it. And 70 % of the time that is the right thing to do - as we are not ready for what is offered to us, or we indeed have picked up on an undercurrent of dis-ease.

A lot of time the one we had chosen, had in fact chosen us, as an easy target to get their own way.

And will use our hint of insecurity to maintain their dominance.

So do be very aware, there are some faulty people in the world, no matter male or female; - generally an either self-professed authority, or preening type person is a great indicator, these must be kept as a short term, or no contact.
Their hidden issues and inner voids, are too much for the normal person to fill, and sadly they will turn to abuse, if they can't get all they want - so you must avoid them.

As a metaphor, view and question your mind as they may be a beautiful house built over a toxic waste site, with loose soil; looks good and appealing to all, but has inherent, and damaging to you, problems.

On a positive note though - not everyone is like this, you are in fact seeking to align yourself with the 10% of more than OK people in the world.
And not sabotage your own happiness, and good future.
To set yourself up for success in a relationship is the secret, and if you’re actually in a generally good relationship with someone, then it’s time to…

1. Stop trying to read their minds.

The process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid way to feelings of insecurity and stress. Mind reading occurs when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t.

The challenge with this is;

1- you are devaluing the others individuality - most will 'intuitively' pick up on this, and leave -
and
2- you are trying to control the world through only your experiences

Note- Sometimes silence is good, don’t assume so quickly that their silence has some hidden, negative connotation. Likewise, don’t make the people in your life try to read your mind. Say what you actually mean and be tactfully truthful about what you say. Do give the people in your life the information they need, in the area you hope to trust them in.
Constantly asking, "What are you thinking?" can also provoke a person to withdraw in some form from a relationship. Read on.....

2. Stop looking for perfect relationships.

To be seeking the right lover and the right friends is a good and valid aim, though if you expect them to be perfect in every way, they may not live up to your fantasy of perfection in every way.
That is because we are all imperfect in some way. You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you attract relationships with people who may have complementary ways.
If you are looking for the ideal, it is better to be ideal for yourself and look for people who balance you out.

3. Stop judging current relationships based on past ones.

Simply because some were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships may be kind and supportive.
If you do carry old behaviours from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart for you before.

4. Stop inventing problems that don’t exist.

Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage. Too often we could be following a parental or religious invocation, and living out their life - (the previous control persons) - not ours.
The insecure passenger does not trust anyone else to drive. And many drivers do need re-training - it is much better to train someone with positive guidance, than with continuous nagging or power/control behaviours.

5. Stop focusing on the negatives.

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if it seems perfect now, it mightn't always be. The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations.
Be careful of your 'friends' and families influence here. Many a dis-affected child has gone on in adulthood to diminish and destroy other peoples good relationships, due to their own insecurities - if these are your associates, think of yourself first, and limit your contact with them - it is now the time to leave that swamp for free and clear ground.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to accept everyone into your life who is willing to accept you. Nor does it give you permission to compromise your values. It does mean that if there are occasional difficulties in your relationships, you can choose to work through them for your own growth at least.

No meaningful relationship seems to work perfectly all the time. Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship is not going to help you, as is solely focusing your life on the relationship. There will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good - particularly in you.

Insecure people constantly look for signs of what’s not working in their relationships.
What you are best to do, is look for signs of what is working, and encourage and enhance those.

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