The end of a relationship, from a woman's point of view

Warrior as a woman in the world defining her own path

Who wants who in this relationship?

Do not be afraid to stand up for your rights to get this woman or man out of your life.

It really is OK to move on from people in the world.

Think that they were your associate or hoped for partner for that time in your life - now it is time for a new chapter.

Being diplomatic is the most positive solution, as it will allow the other party to think that it was under their control.

Psychically or psychologically the initiation of the problems was under their control - they may or may not be aware of that.

Diplomacy may not be 100% possible if you have not learnt some of those skills yet - Briefly it is directing someone on a path in a direction you have chosen - in this case away from you - allowing them to remain feeling good about themselves and their choices.

Directness can work sometimes if both can see a value in the alternatives.

Threats real or implied, sadly never seem to bring good, no matter how popular they are.

While standing up for your rights, the weaker thinking people (no matter what their costume or title - perhaps more especially so) will support your ex or soon to be ex-friend's take on the situation. Perhaps, or in fact more likely - wanting to be distributed some of the spoils - a sad reality in any western society.

Do be aware no one cares about your safety or life as much as you do, and you will be surprised how unimportant your life is, to some of the people whose advertised job it is to protect you. Their system is the their ultimate interest, not one individual in it.

The easiest, and most peaceful solution is for most people no contact, go and read the woodcutter post then come back here.

When you do remain in contact you continue to engage in a relationship on some level and are still affected by its triggers. Of course there are cases where 'no contact' is not possible due to the involvement of children, employment, or family.
This you can easily handle by separating the areas of contact, e.g. only talk about work, while you are at work, only talk about your shared children's activities while with your partner etc.

Limit the ammunition you give anyone really, no other person in the world has the right to all of your psyche - if they complain about it - they are a manipulator - exclude them from your life-space quickly - unless they are your therapist with a signed confidentiality warrant (that you get the original of, and they keep a copy) they are up to NO good. Read are there any good people in the world.

No contact gives you the space and time to get some forward energy back into your life. It can be a challenge at first as you resist the urge to answer the phone, return an email or make that regular call. It is a decision for your health and sanity, even when they have seemed like the only one in the world you trusted before.

Here are your rules of No Contact:

1) Once you have made the decision to end the relationship, just begin to do so.

2) It often involves shared possessions, think about what important item your other half would like to take from you - either remove it to safety now, or accept its loss. Get separate living quarters, separating bills and anything that would give you a reason for her to contact you. If necessary use a third party that they respect.

3) Clean out your thinking and get rid of any thought triggers of especially pity - empathy or even sympathy from a distance is OK.

4) Make no arrangements for personal meetings. If she stops by, don’t answer the door. If you see her in public, wave, say hello, and avoid eye contact, then move away as quickly as possible.

5) Make or accept no phone calls. If she calls, don’t answer the phone. If she calls from an unidentified number and you hear her voice on the other end, hang up without saying a word. If she is persistent, consider having your phone number changed. It may be worth a written documented complaint to the telco authorities.

6) Make or accept no text messages, emails, or instant chat. It is best to block her emails and even consider having your own email address changed so she won’t have your information. Introduce a new policy at work of no personal emails - and ensure everyone follows it.

7) If you are on any mutual community websites, you will want to stop visiting those sites. Do not access her web pages, profiles, or anything that will give you current info on her. What she is doing is none of your business. What you are doing is none of hers.

8) If you have friends in common, you will want to let them know that you are avoiding any and all contact with her at this time so you can focus on your healing and you request that they NOT share any information about him with you nor any information about you with him.
If you find mutual friends do not support your request you must never trust them again.
Do not allow anyone to tell you that what you are doing is crazy, silly, stupid, childish or invalidate your decision in any way.

9) If you work with her, in the same office building, same company, etc.. Same rules apply. If you are forced financially to do business with her, keep all communication 100% business and don’t allow her to engage you in any other way.

10) If you have children with her you are best to engage a mediator for all contact. If you assume she or her friends are narcissistic, that will be the safest for you- they as people will often use the children as a way to get to you.
Your job, as should be hers, is to support the children especially emotionally as they grow- treat it as a job that you want to do -the adult relationship may have ended, yet the life purpose here is still important.

Once you have moved forward, you will want to be careful not to make the mistake of believing maybe she has changed.

People do change, and it is easy to do so, and against populist propaganda - it is easy to change others.
This is not a usual trend though, and in the case where you have needed to use the above techniques, the likelihood of any real change in the direction you want - is very small.

Allow her the life path she is on, and move forward with yours.

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